Gentlemen...Start your Mollusks! "Turbo"

Turbo (2013)
Rated PG for potential snail peril.

Starring Ryan Reynolds, Paul Giamatti, Bill Hader, Samuel L. Jackson

Directed by David Soren


You will believe a snail can drive!

The Story:

Turbo (Reynolds) is a garden snail with dreams of something bigger...faster... of racing!  His brother Chet (Giamatti) is the voice of reason, ie: the dream-killer who must remind Turbo that he is a snail, and nothing more.  Ah, but when Turbo finds himself suddenly blessed with speed, it's only a matter of time until he will put up or shut up at the Indy 500 going against his own personal hero, Guy Gagne (Hader).

The critics were wrong.
The audiences were wrong.

What Were They Thinking?  Or Watching?

This movie was amazing!

From Dreamworks, they are bringing another underrated and unheralded masterpiece to theaters to be ignored by the masses.

In 2013 (okay, technically 2012) it was Rise of the Guardians.  In 2014 (okay, technically 2013) it is Turbo.

Going For the Top 10 List Again This Year!

This movie was hysterical.

First, in no small part to the writers who crafted a movie that works for kids and the parents lucky enough to hang out with said kids.

Second, a stellar voice cast filled with recognizable names, but also a lot of great actors who you would know if you saw them, but may not recognize their voices.

"And I Didn't Even Say #$@$@# Once In This Movie!"

Samuel L. Jackson ? Yeah, he's a given.

Michael Pena?  You know him, but unlike Luis Guzman, his voice isn't as obvious to the ear to create a mental picture.

The voices all blend with the story and you don't feel like it's stunt casting.  It's natural, and possibly aside from Mr. Jackson, you don't think, oh yeah, that's THIS GUY every time the snail opens their mouth.  Bill Hader all but disappears under his accent as the film's required bad guy.  Plus, he's not even that bad...at least until the end.

Naturally, Ryan Reynolds imbues Turbo with the very essence of Ryan Reynolds.  I'm not sure how he got a bum rap with RIPD and this movie both opening on the same weekend.  They were both good, but this film was significantly better.

The story itself is just the latest variation on The Little Engine That Could.

"I Think He Can!"

Let's put it another way...

Did you like Ratatouille?

Well then, here you go.  Substitute rats for snails...and cooking for racing.

Bam! Game over.

And while it's not technically everyone can race for everyone can cook...

The message is similar, and translates beautifully to the screen.

:)

Well done to Dreamworks as well for crafting a lush environment that easily makes you forget you're watching animation from time to time.

Welcome to 2014, and for now, Turbo is the film to beat.

"We Have A Winner!"

Animated OR live action.


Final Grade: A

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Bought it.  Probably watching it again soon.

Corruption In Detroit? Time For An "Assault On Precinct 13"

Assault on Precinct 13 (2005)
Rated R - Violence & Language

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Laurence Fishburne, Gabriel Byrne

Directed by: Jean-Francois Richet


The Story:

It's New Year's Eve and a Detroit police station is going to close its doors one final time.  Sgt Roenick (Hawke) and a skeleton crew of police are holding down the fort when a prison transport carrying notorious mob boss Marion Bishop (Fishburne) arrives seeking shelter from a snowstorm.  Things go from bad to worse when the station is besieged by vigilantes looking to take out Bishop.  Imagine Roenick's surprise when he learns that those killers outside are actually cops, looking to take out Bishop before he can testify that there are dirty cops in Detroit!

Where's RoboCop when we need him??!!

"At Least They Aren't Remaking This Classic!"

I apologize, I've never seen the original version written & directed by John Carpenter from the 70s, so I am unable to compare and contrast the two films.

How Dare You Not Watch Our Version!

That said, I've watched this film on two different occasions.

I've enjoyed the film both times.

It's tightly scripted, well-acted by an impressive cast that also includes Brian Dennehy, John Leguizamo and Maria Bello.

Someday I Will Voice An Animated Sloth And Become More Famous Than All Of You!!

It's a thriller that ratchets up the suspense with each passing moment.  The only hope the precinct has of survival is to arm the prisoners and work together to stay alive.

Of course, cops and robbers don't exactly trust each other, so it's an uneasy alliance at best.

Add to that the layer of intrigue by having the cops as the ones on the outside attempting to kill everyone inside, and you've got a pretty gripping tale.

It's a B movie that doesn't attempt to do anything but entertain the audience and tell a decent story.

On that note, it succeeds brilliantly.


Final Grade:  B

Would I Watch It Again?  Yes, it's entertaining and clips by at a decent pace.

Would I Purchase It?  I've had it on my wish list for almost a decade now.  Perhaps someday I will pull the trigger?

Easily The Worst Movie of 2014...So Far... "Ruby Sparks"

Ruby Sparks (2012)
Rated R for Language, and possibly making me want to kill myself instead of watching the film...

Starring Paul Dano, Zoe Kazan,  Elliot Gould, Steve Coogan

Directed by Johnathan Dayton & Valerie Faris

Now I need therapy...

The Story:

According the to the internet, this movie was supposed to be about a novelist (Dano) who creates a girl named Ruby Sparks (Kazan) who mysteriously and magically comes to life with all of the attributes that he said she would have. 

Yes, it's Weird Science remade!

The Best Part of the Review: You Now Have the "Weird Science Song Stuck in Your Head! : )

Except...

It wasn't funny.

John Hughes was not involved in any way.

And after 15 minutes that felt like 45 minutes of torture, it was turned off, thrown back into the Netflix envelope and sent back to Netflix HQ.

Looking at overall reviews for this film, apparently I'm the one that doesn't get the awesomeness of this movie.

I'm okay with that.

Watching Dano go through therapy with Elliot Gould and whining about not knowing what to write next to his agent, Steve Coogan, I had enough.

This was a waste of talent on a hackneyed script that lost any goodwill with the premise by being...

Boring.

"Can We Look Now? Is He Done Bashing Our Movie?"

It's marketed as a comedy.  It wasn't funny.

It's marketed as a drama.  It wasn't dramtic.

It wasn't a dramedy.

It. Was. Boring.

ZzzzzZzzzzZzzzz.

"I Can't Believe He Doesn't Like Us!!"

Written by Kazan, the script is tedious at best from the time it starts until I clicked it off.  If it had a better ending, hooray, but nothing could beat my ending of removing the film.

Directed by the team that brought us Little Miss Sunshine, I now begin to understand all the accolades for the film.  I felt that Little Miss Sunshine was one of the most overrated films of the 2000s.  Again, a movie that was neither drama nor comedy.  It simply existed.  The best part of the film was Alan Arkin, and the rest was simply a tedious waste of a really good assembled cast.

"We're What Everyone Is Buzzing About!"

Sounds familiar.

Apparently Annette Bening and Antonio Banderas, both of whom I love to watch in the movies were in this film. 

I never made it that far.

"But This Is What You're Missing!!"

No thanks, I'll pass.

And welcome to the Top of the List for Turkey of the Year, 2014:  Ruby Sparks.

That makes 2 for the year so far.

Yikes.

I haven't even found a movie to go on the "Best of the Year" list yet!

If you want a good movie about a writer who controls the fate of their character,  watch Stranger Than Fiction instead.

"It is Your Destiny..."

Please.

I'm begging you.


Final Grade: F

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: No. Never.

It's A Super Weekend...Part Two..."The Wolverine"

The Wolverine (2013)
Rated PG-13 for Violence and Language

Starring Hugh Jackman, Famke Janssen

Directed by James Mangold


The best there is at what he does...mostly.

The Story:

Wolverine/Logan (Jackman) has been in seclusion since last we saw him.  He is haunted by dreams of Jean Grey (Janssen) and longs to join her in death.  Lucky for him, Yashida (Hal Yamanouchi) has the resources to give Wolverine that peace, and repay a debt of gratitude from long ago.  Accompanied by Yukio (Rila Fukushima), they return to Japan where he meets Yashida's granddaughter Mariko (Tao Okamoto).  However, when Yashida dies and the Yakuza come gunning for Mariko, it's up to Wolverine to keep her safe.  However, there's one problem... his healing factor appears to be gone, so he's going to get hurt...badly... and may not survive what's coming next.

Ah, much better.

To be honest, I have seen the first 3 X-Men movies, and they get a collective "meh" from me.  Amazingly, I think Last Stand, the most reviled of the three, is my favorite.  It's the one that most approached the appeal of the comics.

Then there was X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

So much potential...  so poorly executed.

"Seriously?"

My biggest beef, you don't cast Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, then sew his mouth shut. 

Stupid.
Stupid.
Stupid.

Of course, Fox knows they have a cash cow, they just have to keep cranking out these films to avoid having the rights going back to Disney where a proper X-Men film can be made.

"Do I Want To Be In Your Movie?  Let Me Think About That..."

Thankfully, they hit the reset button with X-Men: First Class, easily the best of the entire X-Franchise, and it seems like Fox was at least willing to try and treat the franchise with the respect and care that it deserves to at least try and compete with Marvel Studios for quality superhero movies.

Then the focus turns back to the star of the franchise, Wolverine.

How do they fare this time?

Better.

"That Plane Can't Be A Good Thing..."

Much, much better.

I absolutely loved the flashback to Logan's tenure in a prison camp during WWII, and how he creates his bond with Yashida.  It's very well done, and makes the comic and movie fan wish that the entire Marvel Universe was under one umbrella, because how cool would a WWII movie with Cap and Wolverine be?

Yeah... Pretty cool!













Then we have Wolverine's Japanese adventures, and aside from a few scenes that just seem slightly jarring in the manner in which they were filmed, overall, everything works.

What I wasn't a fan of...

Silver Samurai as a giant robotic suit.  I understand the why, it doesn't mean I have to like it.

Wolverine's claws.  Never a fan of the bone claws, and hopefully he'll have those things fixed by the next movie.  However, I understand that due to his age, he's had the adamantium claws for much less time than he's had them as bones.  Fair enough.

Which leads me to the closing credits...

Come on people, why do you keep getting out of your seats when a Marvel film from any studio is over?

"Even the God of Thunder and a World War II Super-Soldier Have Figured This Out"

 Would it kill you to sit still for an extra 3-5 minutes?

At worst, you acknowledge the hundreds of people that devoted hours to bringing you entertainment for 2 hours.

At best, you might see something pretty cool.

Looking forward to the next film.


Final Grade: Complaints aside, I'll give Wolverine a solid B.

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I'd happily give this one another viewing, and I'm sure it will find a spot in my library sooner, rather than later.

It's A Super Weekend...Part One... "Man of Steel"

Man of  Steel  (2013)
PG-13 Violence

Starring Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shanon, Russell Crowe, Kevin Costner, Diane Lane

Directed by Zack Snyder


Man, I really miss John Williams' score.

The Story:

On the doomed planet Krypton, Jor-El (Crowe) sends his son on a rocket towards Earth hoping that his son will grow to become a great man.  On Earth, the infant is found and raised by Johnathan and Martha Kent (Costner & Lane) on a farm in Smallville, Kansas.  Johnathan warns their son Clark ( Cavill) that the world isn't ready for a man with his powers, yet Clark is compelled to do good things to help his fellow man.  When plucky reporter Lois Lane (Adams) stumbles upon the story of a lifetime, will she reveal to the world what she knows about this super man ?  When General Zod (Shannon) comes from the Phantom Zone to find young Kal-El, will the Earth survive a Kryptonian invasion?

So many questions...

Let's get to the answers!

When it comes to expectations for this movie, it helps to set the bar low.

No, lower than that.

:)

Forget what you've seen on the screen from Marvel, this is DC.

"There is No Fun Allowed In This, Or Any DC Universe Movie!!"

They are not going for the sheer fun and popcorn atmosphere.

No, DC wants to be grim and moody.

They want atmosphere for their universe.  If you loved the Dark Knight trilogy of films from Christopher Nolan, has DC got the film for you.

Because basically, Nolan and David S. Goyer have taken the big blue boyscout and sprinkled a great heaping of bat-grit to the world of Superman.

Hey, it worked for Gotham, why not Metropolis, right?

And it does work, don't get me wrong.

I'm just saying, if you're thinking that this movie is going to resemble any Marvel franchise, whether Disney, Sony or Fox, you couldn't be further from the truth.

The same was always said about the comics.  Marvel was fun, and it felt like it could happen in your own backyard.  DC always had that feeling of fake-ness to it.  Whether it was the writers or the settings, things are more real in New York or Chicago than they are in Metropolis or Gotham.

The movies are going to do much the same.

You're not getting the movie franchises you want from DC.

You're getting the franchises you deserve!

;)

"New York?  Compared to Metropolis, New  York Got Off Easy"

For the most part, this movie gets way more right than it gets wrong, whether that wrong is personal opinion/choice or straying drastically from the source... it's a bit of both.

Perry White (Laurence Fishburne) is black, not a problem with that.  He does a great job with the limited screen time that he has.

Jimmy Olson is non-existent, apparently changed to Jenny (Rebecca Buller) for reasons I still don't fathom.  Apparently they needed a damsel in distress for that one pivotal scene.  However, in the comics, Jimmy Olson was that damsel. ;)


It's things like that that puzzle me the most with many comic adaptations.

I'm more critical of DC because I don't have the same passion for the characters and simply revel in the fact that they are onscreen anymore.  Remember, seeing Superman on the silver screen is old hat at this point.  Now I want to see it done correctly.

However it seems like everytime they do something right, or something not-so-stupid, then something odd pops up that just made me wonder..."why" ?

"I am so Tired of Diapers..."

For example, I think Jor-El was used effectively throughout the movie.  Wasn't a fan of the way Krypton was portrayed with flying dragons, but whatever.  His coming back to help Clark (and Lois) was interesting and amusing.  I say, yay, they did a great job with Father # 1.

But...

I think it was pointless what they did with Johnathan Kent.

"Stop, I Want To Die Needlessly..."

I'm not just talking about the scene pictured above.
Though in the grand scheme of things, that may just be the stupidest death in the history of cinema.
For those not familiar with the source of the stories behind the movie, when John Byrne took over Superman in the 80s and DC "started fresh", one of the many things he did right in this reader's eyes: He let Johnathan Kent LIVE!!

Why should Clark Kent come from two broken homes, wasn't one enough?

But no...

To layer extra angst on Superman, you kill his second father.  I didn't agree with that decision in the 70s when they did it, I still disagree with it now.

Perhaps it was for the best though, as the portrayal of Kent in this film is someone who keeps telling his son that the world isn't ready for the power you possess...they will hate and fear you...

Oh. My. Goodness.

This is not the X-Men!

All of these complaints aside for a moment, this was leaps and bounds ahead of Superman Returns... ugh... that movie makes me throw up a bit inside my mouth just thinking of it.

: )

Henry Cavill made a great Superman for me.  Having not seen a majority of his film/television work, he is a "new face" to these eyes, and find him to be a worthy successor to the long line of caped Supermen that have come before him.

He's a little angrier than he probably should be, but again, I'll lay that at the feet of Nolan and David Goyer who wrote the script.

It was becoming a bit of a running joke at the end though, that the angrier Superman got, the stronger he got.  What, he's the Hulk now?

"Superman...Smash!"

Considering that the "S" supposedly stands for "Hope" on Krypton, much of the hope that Superman should inspire to the general populace is muted in this new screen version.

A darker suit.  Less humor.

We'll see where it goes from here.

I've heard much criticism about the climactic fight scene and how destructive it is.

It is definitely all of that, and then some. 

Oooh, look at what we can do to Smallville and Metropolis!!

Yes, after about 10-15 minutes into the fight it starts to feel like severe overkill.  I don't even want to think about what the real death count would be if Superman and Zod really went toe to toe like that.

I get it, and really, I shrugged my shoulders and can live with it.

But there is a buzz among some criticisms that I've read/heard that the destruction is Superman's fault and he's not a hero...

What the heck?

Apparently at that point, I watched a different movie than others.

The fighting was due to Superman trying to save the Earth, and the blame falls squarely at the feet of the bad guy.

Or the military for opening fire over a civilian population.

: /

Heck, the big fight scenes were the best part of Superman II, so it was inevitable that the nearly 40 years later, the stakes are going to increase.

Granted, Superman should have whisked the fight out to the desert, but I get it. 

This is the Nolan Superman, we have to have grim and gritty.


Finally, I have zero problems with how the fight ended.

Faithful to the source material, as written by Byrne decades ago.

That's Superman's greatest strength, he has that power but chooses not to use it.

This was a lose/lose situation, and I thought it was handled correctly.  This sets up the fact that he knows what he is capable of, and must ensure he never does it again.

Final Grade: C+

Who Knew Smuggling Pot Could Be So Much Fun? "We're The Millers"

We're The Millers (2013)
Rated R for Language, language, more language...

Starring Jason Sudeikis, Jennifer Aniston, Will Poulter, Emma Roberts, Ed Helms

Directed by Rawson Marshall Thurber

The Story:

David (Sudeikis) is a small time pot dealer.  When he gets robbed, he is sent by his supplier (Helms) to Mexico to bring back a smidge, maybe a smidge and a half of weed.  David figures his best cover would be to travel as a family man, so he recruits a stripper (Aniston), a teenage runaway (Roberts), and a nerdy virgin (Poulter) to pretend to be his family and smuggle a little contraband back across the border.  What could possibly go wrong?

You know when you see a trailer, and you assume all of the funny parts were in the trailer?

Worse still, when you finally do see that movie, and you were right: All of the funny stuff was in the trailer.

That wasn't the case here.

All of the funny spots from the trailer are here in all their splendor, but the movie brings a lot more.

It's mile a minute laughter at the absurd conversations between characters.

Be warned, the writers embrace their R rating wholeheartedly with F bombs falling from the sky like crazy.

"I Never Got To Do This On TV"

But the delivery.. the lines themselves...the situations that the characters find themselves in...

You're going to laugh.

Yes, I know I sound like a hypocrite when I review some of these movies.  R Rated comedies often throw in language to ensure their rating.  It adds nothing to the joke, and is usually not involved in the dialogue other than to be a colorful adjective.


That is not the case here, it's some inspired naughty language that keeps the rapid-fire dialogue buzzing along like a well-oiled machine.  It's the second big-screen collaboration between Steve Faber and Bob Fisher when they co-wrote Wedding Crashers back in 2005.  You'd think Hollywood would want these guys to work together more often?

Speaking of where have they been, Rawson Marshall Thurber, a name that sounds too fake to be real, last hit it big with Dodgeball back in 2004.  Very quiet since then, but this was a welcome return.

"Is This The Way to the Three Amigos Remake?"

Sudeikis is a very underrated actor, and I loved him on Saturday Night Live.  He is a solid character actor, and delivers his lines perfectly.  That he can manage to keep a straight face with the lines he has to deliver... yeah, he's very good.  Whether he'll finally get moved up to leading man status after this film, I hope so.  If not, playing his smooth talking best friend/adversary roles will still be welcome in films.

"Friends Reunion?  They Wish..."

Jennifer Aniston continues to break away from the good girl/romantic comedy mold which she has been stuck with since Friends.  Add this to Horrible Bosses as two of her funniest big-screen efforts and hopefully she will continue varying up her film choices.

Naturally, much of the conflict of the movie comes from The Millers as they race to get the pot back to Denver, being pursued by the drug dealer whose stash they have mistakenly absconded with! 

The rest, is the family conflict of a family that isn't a family...but they begin to feel and act like a family.

"It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time..."

The ending is very appropriate for the film, and gives you as happy of an ending for this film as you can hope for.

Will there be a sequel?

I'm sure there is some way the Millers could ride again.

I'd come back for another go-round!

Final Grade: B

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor:  Movies that make only me laugh and can't be viewed by the whole family aren't high on my purchase list.  If it's running on cable some night a few years from now though, I could watch it again for some great laughter.

The First Review of 2014..."Beautiful Creatures"

Beautiful Creatures  (2013)
Rated PG-13

Starring Alden Ehrenreich, Alice Englert, Jeremy Irons, Emma Thompson

Directed by Richard LaGravenese



The Story:

Ethan (Ehrenreich) wants to graduate and leave South Carolina as soon as possible. (Dude, I can totally relate...)  But then one day, Lena (Englert) arrives at school, and she is the woman that has been haunting his dreams.  It turns out that she is the granddaughter of Macon Ravenwood (Irons) and all the townsfolk are abuzz because legend has it that he Ravenwoods are devil worshippers.  In actuality, it turns out that Lena is a witch.  But is she going to be a good witch, or a bad witch?

I don't know.

I didn't make it past the 20 minute mark.

:)

I gave it a chance, but the movie was just dragging along like an anchor.

I had seen the trailer, and had a rough idea what I was getting into when I moved this one to the top of the queue.

But the fascinating struggle of darkness and light was never revealed before I got bored with the film.

Nope, not even the almost always watchable Jeremy Irons could save this one as Mr. Ravenwood.

"How Dare You Not Like My Movie!!"

Heck, I'm not even sure when Emma Thompson showed up, I was long gone by then.

So does Lena turn good or evil?

I don't know, and quite frankly, I don't care.

Based off of the book by the same name, if it is a series of books, I will not be returning for any subsequent sequels.

Final Grade: D-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: And we have our first contender for 2014 Turkey of the Year right here!