Down For The Count... "Countdown"

Countdown (2016)

Rated R

Starring Dolph Ziggler, Kane, Katherine Isabelle

Directed by John Stockwell

The Story:

Ray (Ziggler) is a detective who's living on the edge. Facing suspension by his captain (Kane), he goes rogue to save a boy who has been kidnapped and has a bomb strapped to him. His only ally as he tries to elude both the police and the Russian mafia is an Internal Affairs (Isabelle) officer who was leading the charge to have him suspended or fired.

The latest offering from WWE Studios allows Dolph Ziggler (Nick Nemeth) his first feature movie and Kane (Glenn Jacobs) a supporting role as the Captain.

The nice thing with WWE Studios is they pretty much have their own farm system to take the most entertaining superstars and help them transition to actors.

While none of them will likely ever rival the Rock in terms of success or charisma, so far they've all held their own and turned in enjoyable performances in ultimately throwaway "B-Movie" vehicles.

This one is no exception.

Sadly, it may also be one of my least favorites from WWE, through no fault of Ziggler, who I think is one of the best wrestlers in the business today.

No, this one is saddled with a script that is borderline tedious and sometimes laughable. They had about 60 minutes worth of script, and 90 minutes worth of movie to make.

It features one of the worst car chase scenes in cinematic history.

Wait, I think there was actually more than one.

Basically, every time they are in a car... just hit fast forward if you're watching.

They used the car chases to get to 90 minutes. None of them were exciting; no snappy banter, no excellent stunts.

They were actually laughable or painful to watch.

This would make sense if this was the first movie WWE Studios has released, but it's not.

Ziggler deserves better, both inside and outside of the ring.

Final Grade:  C-

The Entire Movie Takes Place In "The Kitchen"

The Kitchen (2012)

Rated R

Starring Laura Prepon, Bryan Greenberg, Dreama Walker, Matt Bush, Tate Ellington,

Directed by Ishai Setton

The Story:

Jennifer (Prepon) is preparing to celebrate her 30th birthday. However when she finds out her boyfriend (Greenberg) has been cheating on her, she really could care less about the entire day. The efforts of her sister (Walker) and friends to cheer her up will all take place in...

The Kitchen.

Okay, so a few times the action of the film takes place just outside of the kitchen, but if you can't view it from that location, then it totally happens offscreen.

There are amusing parts sprinkled throughout, but really, it's a talking heads type of comedy where people just talk and have conflict throughout the night.

Truly, nothing happens.

I kept debating on whether to pop this one out, or hold on to see if the pace ever really picked up.

Nope, never did.

Great cast, by the way, as they all handled the roles they were given and made the movie more watchable than it should be.

But otherwise, utterly forgettable.

Streaming available on Amazon Prime

Final Grade: C-

Feeling Sorry For Those "Left Behind"

Left Behind (2014)

PG-13

Starring Nicholas Cage, Chad Michael Murray, Lea Thompson, Cassi Thomson

Directed by Vic Armstrong

The Story:

Ray (Cage) is an airline pilot. Sometime during his flight across country, half of the passengers and crew on his plane simply disappear! Meanwhile, across the globe, the same phenomenon is happening, kids are vanishing and so are people. Cars are crashing, planes are crashing. I assume boats crash too.

What's happening?

Duh, it's The Rapture!

Perhaps if the rest of the people had listened to their Christian friends and family, they wouldn't be wandering around in a panic like they are now.

:D

Seriously though, as many atheists that claim they know the Bible backward and forward better than a Christian, it takes an alarming amount of time for the people left behind to actually put 2 and 2 together.

This was a movie back in 2000 starring Kirk Cameron as journalist Buck Williams. His character is now played by Chad Michael Murray, and he gets bumped back to the sidelines for Cage's character.  Based on the best selling book series of the same name, it will be interesting to see if this moves forward as a series.  They had tried before with direct to dvd efforts with less than impressive results.

I was expecting it to be horribly unwatchable, but it was engaging enough to keep my attention.

Cage gives a restrained performance as the pilot, so there's that.

Final Grade: C

Pure Monkey Business..."Dawn of the Planet of the Apes"

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014)

PG-13

Starring Andy Serkis, Jason Clarke, Gary Oldman, Keri Russell,

Directed by Matt Reeves

The Story:

Ten years after the last movie, which quite frankly, I barely remembered what happened, they recap that a simian virus swept through the globe and killed lots of people. As society attempts to rebuild, Caesar (Serkis) leads his band of merry apes in the forests outside of San Francisco as they live pretty peacefully. However, when the local population enters the area hoping to get power from the dam, a tenuous peace between the apes and people is about to devolve into all out war.

At least, by the next movie.

This movie was fine, and was watchable.

Just not a whole lot really happens until the final act, and it's like they were simply setting this movie up as the bridge to Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, or whatever it will be called.

The fragile peace between apes and mankind is of course shattered... but not by who you expect!

Gary Oldman shows up and collects a paycheck!

Seriously.

He's in the movie for about 5-7 minutes total.

Anyone could have played that part. I had 20 minutes free in 2013 or 2014, I could have done that.

:)

The visuals are amazing, as usual.

I'm sure I'll be around to watch the sequel.

And like this one, I'll probably have forgotten what happened previously.

:D

Final Grade: C / C+

Stick To The Cartoons..."Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

Rated PG-13

Starring Megan Fox, Will Arnett, William Fichtner, Tohoru Masamune

Directed by Johnathan Liebesman

The Story:

Shredder (Masamune) and his Foot Clan are terrorizing New York City. However, there are apparently some vigilantes that are standing up for what's right. Reporter April O'Neil (Fox) follows them and discovers that they are giant turtles.

But not just any turtles.

They are teenage mutant ninja turtles.

To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the Turtle franchise, this movie was unleashed on the world last year.

Looking at the trailer, I couldn't help but think to myself, "this looks terrible."

My instincts were not wrong.

I turned over guest-reviewer status to my girls who saw the film, and they enjoyed it.

I worry about the taste in movies of my girls.

:)

I think a lot of it is the joy of seeing your childhood heroes brought to the big screen.

I get that.

Tell me I don't gush each time Marvel Studios releases a new movie! :)

This isn't the turtles I grew up on.

Heck, this isn't the latest revival on Nickelodeon which is actually pretty good.

No, this is something entirely different.

Having endured the film, I'm still not exactly sure what it was.

However, good isn't one of the words I will use.

I want to say there were approximately 3 amusing lines in the entire movie, and I believe they all belonged to Mikey.

No, this train wreck just kept adding more and more to the screen, apparently hoping to simply overwhelm the viewer with CGI and Megan Fox.

Don't get me started on her, but as I've mentioned previously, once she left the Transformers franchise, the films started to get better.

I guess I'll wait for her to leave this franchise on the 3rd film?


Final Grade: D+

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: No, I won't be buying this film, not even if they beg.  I had several audible gasps when I warned them that this film is officially eligible for Turkey of the Year honors.

Sorry kids, this was awful.

Third Time's The...Yawn... "The Expendables 3"

The Expendables 3 (2014)

Rated PG-13

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Wesley Snipes, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mel Gibson, Jet Li, Terry Crews, Dolph Lundgren, Harrison Ford, Antonio Banderas

Directed by Patrick Hughes

The Story:

Barney (Stallone) is on a mission with the team when he runs across his old partner-in-crime, Stonebanks (Gibson). They founded the Expendables together, and Barney thought he was dead. Instead, it's Stonebanks who is going to try and kill Barney and his all new team that he has assembled. So naturally it's up to the old gang to help save the day and stop the bad guy.

Piece of cake!

I'm not sure how I feel about this entry in the franchise.

One, everything changes.

Gone is Bruce Willis, replaced by Harrison Ford. Meh... I guess that works.

Mel Gibson is given prime crazy time to chew scenery and play the bad guy, and he does that well. You know there will be a straight up fight at the end that will leave someone dead.

Only this time, Gibson plays the Gary Busey role!

:)

Then there is Wesley Snipes who gets out of prison, and winds up right back on the big screen. He seems to get quite a bit of screen time which throws off the chemistry of the main characters a bit, in my opinion.

In fact, that's the biggest problem with the film, look at that poster. There isn't enough time to have much character interaction because there are just too many characters.

Don't even get me started on how shortchanged Banderas' part is. : /

So naturally, of the 3, this is my least favorite of the franchise.

If it was the end, so be it. It was a fun ride. The first one was good, the second one was a hoot.

This one was a suitable bookmark.

Audiences seemed to have finally had enough, but really, it was more of the same.

I guess in reality though, we've gone through just about every action start out there.

Except Steven Seagal.

Or Michael Dudikoff.

There's hope for 4 yet!

Final Grade: C+

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Maybe...no hurry though.

Time For The First Review Of The Year. Sorry, That's "As Good As It Gets"

As Good As It Gets (1997)

PG-13

Starring Jack Nicholson, Helen Hunt, Greg Kinnear

Directed by James L. Brooks

The Story:

Melvin Udall (Nicholson) is a cranky, bigoted writer who suffers from OCD. He enjoys picking on his gay neighbor, Simon (Kinnear) and gives the local waitress, Carol (Hunt) constant grief at work. However, when tragedy strikes Simon, Melvin's world turns upside-down and he is thrust into a situation where he winds up going on on a road trip together.  Will he be civil to Simon? And will his true feelings for Carol bubble to the surface?

This is one of those deceptively enjoyable films.

There isn't a whole lot to it, just a lot of character interaction between the three main actors.

Kinnear holds his own against Nicholson, and the two sparkle in their debates and encounters with each other throughout the movie.

The love story between Melvin and Carol is a bit more troubling. Perhaps it is the age difference?

At nearly 30 years her senior, it seems odd that Carol would fall for Melvin, no matter how kind he is to her and her son.

Just a minor quibble, and not enough to derail the movie.

Just something that always seemed a bit off when I've watched it.

Final Grade: A-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I do own it, and this was the first time I've watched it in about a decade. Holds up pretty decently after all these years.

"The Christmas Candle" Will Light The Way To The Second Week Of December Christmas Reviews!

+

The Christmas Candle (2013)

Rated PG

Starring Hans Matheson, Samantha Barks, Susan Boyle, Lesley Manville, Sylvester McCoy

Directed by John Stephenson

The Story:

In the late 1800s, a new preacher (Matheson) comes to the English village of Gladbury. Legend has it that for years, an angel comes to the candlemaker's shop and bestows a Christmas Miracle on one candle. However, with the new preacher, the advent of electricity, and the confusion on which candle was blessed, will the time of miracles finally pass away?

This was a pretty good made for tv movie.
The problem, it wasn't made for tv, it was released in theaters, and it didn't do too well.

While it's not an instant classic, it's a decent enough tale to watch, but one that is rather slow and deliberate with the pacing as it sets up the finale.

So yes, great for the Hallmark Channel, Lifetime or ABC Family, not so great for $10 tickets at the multiplex.

When the candle is lost, the candlemakers let several people know, secretly, they had the miracle candle. Sometimes, faith is all you need and you make your own miracles.


Final Grade: C+

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Wouldn't add it to the library, but one I could revisit in a few years if it's streaming.

Throwback Thursday Streamer! "Trading Places"

Trading Places (1983)

Rated R

Starring Eddie Murphy, Dan Aykroyd, Jamie Lee Curtis, Ralph Bellamy, Don Ameche

Directed by John Landis

The Story:

The Duke Brothers (Ameche and Bellamy) make a wager that they can take a street bum (Murphy) and give him everything he could want while taking a life of luxury from someone (Aykroyd) which would cause him to resort to a life of crime. Their behavior experiment works at first, but when the two figure out what the Dukes are up to, the tables are about to be turned!

 And just like that, I snuck a Christmas movie in on you that you probably forgot takes place around Christmas time. :)

Eddie Murphy was on his meteoric rise to stardom, following up 48 Hours with this buddy comedy before moving on to star in Beverly Hills Cop.

The movie is still pretty fun, if a little dated, throughout.

However, for a movie over 30 years old, it's still got more than its fair share of comedy that still works after all these years.

 So, if you're still slowly easing into the holidays, here's another one that you can watch that's a Christmas movie, without being overly Christmas-y.

:)


Available to stream instantly on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: B+

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: This one gets revisited every decade or so.

You Look Very Familiar... "RoboCop"

RoboCop (2014)

Rated PG-13 for violence and language

Starring Joel Kinnaman, Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, Samuel L. Jackson,

Directed by Jose Padilha

The Story:

In the future, OmniCorp has been sending their cyborg troops overseas as peacekeeping soldiers ensuring real people aren't dying anymore.  Only America is refusing to allow these tin men to patrol the streets, and with pressure on politicians by OmniCorp president Sellars (Keaton) and crusading journalist Pat Novak (Jackson) are lobbying to get a RoboCop trial program off the ground.  The missing ingredient: the human factor.  When they receive the gift of a cop that was targeted for assassination (Kinnaman), they hardwire him into the RoboCop program.

This is not your father's RoboCop.

Or mine, for that matter.

The original, satirical take on America in the 80s is still a science fiction classic, however, my fears, as I voiced in my review last year of the original RoboCop (1987), were thankfully unfounded.

While many of names remain the same, there are subtle, and less subtle shifts in tone and behavior to the original.

Whereas Total Recall tried to change the story completely, the over-reliance of the original ended up casting a shadow that the remake could not crawl out from under.

RoboCop takes the least amount of the original and transplants it, without the satiric tone, into a possible future America that could likely exist.

Why wouldn't we want to send robotic soldiers to fight wars and save hundreds/thousands of human lives?

You would think it would be a no-brainer, but politicians want human capability for discernment to be included.

Kinnaman brings life to the suit, literally if not figuratively.  Not familiar with his work, the big names all float around as secondary figures.

At the end of the day though, if I am only going to watch another RoboCop with my kids (assuming they want to watch it again...), it would end up being this version.

Simply because the tone and violence is dialed waaaaay back this go round.

The revamped RoboCop is a perfectly serviceable science fiction/action flick for a new generation.

Final Grade: B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: It actually wasn't too bad.  I don't think I'll rush out to own it, but I could watch it on cable in the future.

Easily The Worst Movie of 2014...So Far... "Ruby Sparks"

Ruby Sparks (2012)
Rated R for Language, and possibly making me want to kill myself instead of watching the film...

Starring Paul Dano, Zoe Kazan,  Elliot Gould, Steve Coogan

Directed by Johnathan Dayton & Valerie Faris

Now I need therapy...

The Story:

According the to the internet, this movie was supposed to be about a novelist (Dano) who creates a girl named Ruby Sparks (Kazan) who mysteriously and magically comes to life with all of the attributes that he said she would have. 

Yes, it's Weird Science remade!

The Best Part of the Review: You Now Have the "Weird Science Song Stuck in Your Head! : )

Except...

It wasn't funny.

John Hughes was not involved in any way.

And after 15 minutes that felt like 45 minutes of torture, it was turned off, thrown back into the Netflix envelope and sent back to Netflix HQ.

Looking at overall reviews for this film, apparently I'm the one that doesn't get the awesomeness of this movie.

I'm okay with that.

Watching Dano go through therapy with Elliot Gould and whining about not knowing what to write next to his agent, Steve Coogan, I had enough.

This was a waste of talent on a hackneyed script that lost any goodwill with the premise by being...

Boring.

"Can We Look Now? Is He Done Bashing Our Movie?"

It's marketed as a comedy.  It wasn't funny.

It's marketed as a drama.  It wasn't dramtic.

It wasn't a dramedy.

It. Was. Boring.

ZzzzzZzzzzZzzzz.

"I Can't Believe He Doesn't Like Us!!"

Written by Kazan, the script is tedious at best from the time it starts until I clicked it off.  If it had a better ending, hooray, but nothing could beat my ending of removing the film.

Directed by the team that brought us Little Miss Sunshine, I now begin to understand all the accolades for the film.  I felt that Little Miss Sunshine was one of the most overrated films of the 2000s.  Again, a movie that was neither drama nor comedy.  It simply existed.  The best part of the film was Alan Arkin, and the rest was simply a tedious waste of a really good assembled cast.

"We're What Everyone Is Buzzing About!"

Sounds familiar.

Apparently Annette Bening and Antonio Banderas, both of whom I love to watch in the movies were in this film. 

I never made it that far.

"But This Is What You're Missing!!"

No thanks, I'll pass.

And welcome to the Top of the List for Turkey of the Year, 2014:  Ruby Sparks.

That makes 2 for the year so far.

Yikes.

I haven't even found a movie to go on the "Best of the Year" list yet!

If you want a good movie about a writer who controls the fate of their character,  watch Stranger Than Fiction instead.

"It is Your Destiny..."

Please.

I'm begging you.


Final Grade: F

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: No. Never.

This Will Get You In The Spirit..."A Charlie Brown Christmas"

Christmas Time is here...

The Story:

Straight from the comic pages of the newspaper, the Peanuts gang came to television in their first (and best) animated special in 1965.

Nearly 50 years later, is it a dated relic or a timeless piece of holiday awesomeness?

I think you already know the answer to this one.

:)

Aside from being a variety of Charles Schulz's strips strung together, there is an overarching storyline that has Charlie Brown looking for some acceptance during the holiday season.  Naturally, his arch-nemesis Lucy will use him by roping him into being the director of the Christmas play.

Naturally, in true Charlie Brown fashion, he makes a mistake, is ridiculed for it, and feels mortified.

Thankfully, the gang all realizes that maybe Charlie Brown was on to something, especially after Linus' stirring rendition of what Christmas is really all about.

Maybe at the end of the day, they all learned a little something?

Hmm... watching the other specials...  apparently not. ;)

Plus, for those that feel that Christmas is too commercial, starts earlier every year, etc. etc... Schulz said it first back in the 60s, so it's nothing new.

Also central to the story, the remarkable Vince Guaraldi who composed some stellar Christmas tunes to score the special.  Many of those are ingrained in our consciousness, so you accept the jazzy score as part of Christmas.

It's also nice that several of the selections get airplay on the radio this time of year, that's how good the songs were.

It's not Christmas time without this one.

Final Grade: A+

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor:  It gets watched at least once a year, and yes, I do own it.

Not Everything Holds Up Well After 25 Years... "Action Jackson"

Not all 80s action movies are created equal...

The Story:

Detroit cop Jericho "Action" Jackson (Carl Weathers) is suspicious about some deaths of union execs in the auto industry, and all signs seem to point to sinister businessman Peter Dellaplane (Craig T. Nelson) who has an agenda that Jackson is interfering with.  When Dellaplane kills his own wife (Sharon Stone), it's pretty obvious that Jackson is in over his head.  So he abducts Dellaplane's mistress (Vanity) and attempts to bring the bad guy down... by any means necessary!

Hmmm...

This film has not aged well.

Or perhaps, rose-colored glasses simply aren't that rosey any longer?

Either way, this was a rough one to sit through again.

Carl Weathers isn't the problem.  He's got the 80s action hero down pat, the cross between Ah-Nuhld and Stallone.  He tosses off the one liners while he's busting heads.

Nelson does an admirable job as the villain.  He chews on the scenery, but that's his job.

No, I think the weak link is the casting of the females.  Sharon Stone's part is brief... but Vanity is used throughout the film, and while the girl could sing...

Her acting leaves a lot to be desired.  Her delivery sounds almost as if she was indeed high...or drunk... throughout the filming of the movie.

Have to say I was disappointed, my memory led me to believe the movie was better than that.


The strange thing about 1988... action movies were getting worn and tired.  The genre desperately needed a breath of fresh air...

But more on that...tomorrow!

Final Grade: C

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I do own it, but apparently it hasn't held up well over the years.  Can't see this coming out for a spin again anytime soon.

100 Greatest Movies of All Time...That I Own. # 40 ~ The Great Escape

And the Countdown rolls on!

Thanks to Casey Kasem as I bring this thing home with the Top 40!

My appreciation to those of you who have endured the last 60 days of doing this alongside me.  I do appreciate all of the comments here and on Facebook.

: )



My two favorite war movies, back to back.

The Great Escape is based on a true story by Paul Brickhill (read the book...recommended!) where he amalgamates his fellow P.O.W.s to relate what they went through to escape what the Nazis had determined to be the ultimate escape-proof prison.

So proud and confident of their design, they literally courted trouble by bringing in nothing but the worst of the worst...

All of the prisoners who had previously been a thorn in the Nazi's side were brought together under one roof, to break their will and prove that escape was impossible.

Beware of boasting, as it often leads to "the Titanic Syndrome".

Sure enough, putting all of these eggs in one basket presented the Allies with an irresistible option:

Prove that escape was not only possible, they were going to send more prisoners over the wall...theoretically...than ever before.

The Germans would spend so much manpower and time finding the prisoners, it would help hamper their ability to fight on the front lines.

And, for those who are not aware of the movie, or history...

They were right.

However, the price that they paid to undertake this mission was high indeed.

The undertaking these men shoulder is monumental in scope and impressive in audacity.  That it was actually pulled off is a triumph of willpower and sheer bravado.

If you've never watched it, by all means, see it!

If it's been awhile, watch it again.  The performances by this all-star cast are impeccable.

Steve McQueen gets most of the spotlight, and the cool action sequences, but I am partial to James Garner's portrayal of the scrounger in the film.

John Sturges makes his first of two directorial appearances on the countdown.  We'll visit his second all-star epic tomorrow.

I can't say enough good things about this film.

It could easily make my Top 25, but it's long and I rarely get the time to watch it, or an audience that enjoys it as much as I do.

But that's okay, it still makes the countdown, and I'm okay with that.

Here's to Tom, Dick, and Harry!