Well let's wait no longer as we celebrate the Top Turkeys of 2014!
It was a pretty good year movie-wise, at least as The Turkeys were concerned. Only a mere 18 films received a grade lower than a C-.
That's not bad.
I doubled that in the B+ or higher category, so that makes me happy.
Mostly the year was filled with a lot of "mostly average" films that were okay, but forgettable.
Ah, but the stench of these still lingers.
Thankfully, the aromatic smell of a yummy Thanksgiving dinner will soon rid me of these reminders, and I can begin looking forward to being disappointed next year with an all-new crop of films!
:D
Of the 18, I tried to stick to the "big names, big budget" films.
So there is no room to mention films like A Single Shot, The Family Tree or Ruby Sparks.
Oh wait... ;)
Now, if you liked of loved these films, I'm happy for you, they simply weren't my cup of tea.
As always, I'm happy films like this are made because I know audiences aren't cookie cutter.
Variety is a great thing and I'm happy for you.
I worry about your taste in film, but am happy for you nonetheless!
:)
So let's get the countdown started!
7 - Sex Tape
Of the movies on the countdown, this was the one that I watched for the least amount of time. I think it was 5 minutes, but it felt like an excruciatingly long 25 minutes of watching Segal and Diaz having sex. Repeatedly. Anywhere. Anytime.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Ho. Ho. Ho.
I get it, they were young, in love, and liked sex.
I talked to a few people and they said it got funnier after about 20 minutes.
For me, 20 minutes is the most I give a movie to hook me to make me want to watch.
6 - American Hustle
So many superheroes crammed into one film. Not one piece of spandex worn between them.
:)
Ah, the drama. The most difficult genre to please me with.
I understand dramas must be slower, more deliberate, but I still want to be entertained.
This film did not do that for me.
At all.
Boring.
Talk talk talk.
Boring.
I think I made it somewhere between 10-15 minutes before I had enough and pulled it.
That I made that decision on my own with no prompting from my co-critic speaks volumes to me on how bored I was, as I really try hard to give every film its due.
5 - Beautiful Creatures
How is this possible? I've endured all the Twilight films and survived!
How can I not fall for the latest vampirey love story, set in my own beloved South Carolina?
Well for starters, South Carolina isn't the greatest place on earth, with or without vampires.
:)
Otherwise, this was an overhyped, overproduced film that was a snoozer from the minute it started and by the 20 minute mark I asked the entire viewing audience if they wanted me to pull it or leave it in.
The voting was unanimous.
That doesn't happen often.
4 - The Wolf of Wall Street
Another based on a true story drama.
Another film I didn't bother making it past the 20 minute mark.
Leonardo DiCaprio winds up on the list in back to back years, but I'm not a Leo hater.
Want proof he can act? Catch Me If You Can
I should watch that to get the taste of this film out of my memory.
:)
3 - The Lone Ranger
Finally, a movie that I made it all the way through.
That's how things are going to work a bit differently this year.
I compound the disappointment of wanting to like these films by the fact that I watched the entire thing, hoping beyond hope that it would get better at some point.
In each case I was let down.
Of the final 3, I was most nervous about this one from the moment I heard it was being made.
The Lone Ranger is, was, and always will be Clayton Moore.
Nobody else will ever fill the mask.
That said, Armie Hammer did as good as you could expect, especially given the horrible script that was turned in.
The real disgrace was allowing Johnny Depp to bring Captain Jack Sparrow dressed as an Indian to tarnish Tonto.
Ugh.
Even the finale, which was easily the best part of the movie, was truly bittersweet because you finally had action, the William Tell Overture to make you want to like what you were seeing, but ultimately, all it did was remind you of what could have been, and never can be.
2 - Noah
How do you mess up a story from the Bible?
Include Transformers!
I'm not going to get into a religious debate on the merits of this film, that is utterly pointless.
That said, if you're going to diverge so far from the story, maybe, just maybe, you need to rethink making a Biblical epic drama.
This was a traffic accident of a film.
You slow down, and keep watching, wondering how bad it really is.
Unlike the Lone Ranger where you hoped it got better, this one you waited to see what crazy thing would happen next.
In that aspect, it never disappointed.
: /
1 - Frozen
Where to begin with this one?
The world is filled with Frozen Kool-Aid drinkers who think this film was the second coming of The Little Mermaid or some nonsense.
This was easily the worst Disney Princess movie in ages, and by far the worst animated film I've seen in ages.
It's pretty to look at, this is Disney after all.
The story is pedestrian, the voice acting is bland, and the songs are overblown, overproduced, and not that memorable.
That it made a star out of Idina Manzel is further proof that people will eat whatever is served to them.
That "Let it Go" song should never have been screeched across the radio airwaves, and I am thankful that it finally ran out of steam this summer and no longer gets any airplay.
That, and "Do You Want To Build A Snowman?" are now the butt of 2 jokes in our house for the last year.
Our household remains one of the last holdouts in America that is Frozen-free.
The fun part about this film was I sent my oldest animation majors to see the film. It had bad reviews for months before I ever even saw it.
I thought, surely they must be exaggerating. It couldn't possibly be that bad.
Ugh.
It was.
At least I know that we raised them right, and they know the difference between good and evil.
: )
So that's it.
Now the Worst Films of 2015...
You are officially on the clock!
