I Should Have Stopped At The Trailer..."Power Rangers"

Power Rangers (2017)

Rated PG-13

Starring Dacre Montgomery, Naomi Scott, RJ Cyler, Ludi Lin, Becky G., Elizabeth Banks, Bryan Cranston, Bill Hader,

Directed by Dean Israelite

The Story:

5 Teenagers stumble upon an ancient alien craft and receive powers from an ancient alien race. Under the tutelage of a robot (Hader), they must learn to morph into Power Rangers if they hope to stop an ancient evil (Banks) from finishing her plan to destroy the earth that she had attempted centuries earlier.

Well, let me first say that I never planned to see this movie.

However, seeing the trailer last year, it was very well done and seemed very interesting. I was actually hooked, and then they revealed it was for Power Rangers.

Well played studio marketing, I'm intrigued.

I never bothered with the show during the 90s for my kids, so I had no nostalgia or anything else driving me to see it or to compare it to.

That said, the execution left a lot to be desired.

I believe boredom sat in rather quickly, as all the charm and intrigue of the trailer quickly faded away as 2 minute fun from the trailer expanded to a bloated 2 hour run time that was far from fun.

Too long, too cliched, too bad.

Final Grade: C-

It @#$&*ing Sucked... "Sausage Party"

Sausage Party (2016)

Rated R

Starring Seth Rogen, Kristen Wiig, Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Bill Hader, Salma Hayek,

Directed by Greg Tiernan and Conrad Vernon

The Story:

Anthropomorphic food get a wake up call when they realize that being chosen by humans is not the blessing they all believe it to be.

I held out for 15 minutes.

15 excruciatingly long, painfully unfunny minutes.

Then eject, send back to Netflix and move on to something, anything better.

Now if your idea of a side-splitting comedy is watching food say #@$#@#$ and want to #$@@#$@# each other, then enjoy this film.

As for me, I didn't find it *#&^ing funny.

:)

This kind of humor is a waste of a great vocal cast.

High school teenagers can, and probably have, written better.

On a positive note, it looked pretty good. Too bad the company opted not to pay all of the artists or give over half of them credit for their finished work.

Yes, I get that it's Certified Fresh and was even on some critics Top 10 lists.

There is always some critical darling that comes along that I don't like.

To be fair, like many critics, this too has the possibility of winding up on one of my End of the Year countdowns.

There is no doubt in my mind that this will wind up on my Turkey of the Year awards.

So far it would be # 1.

With a bullet.

It will be hard-pressed to knock it from this dreaded position.

Final Grade: F 

You Wouldn't Like Them When They're Angry... "The Angry Birds Movie"

The Angry Birds Movie (2016)

Rated PG

Starring Jason Sudeikis, Josh Gad, Danny McBride, Maya Rudolph, Peter Dinklage, Sean Penn, Bill Hader,

Directed by Clay Katis & Fergal Reilly

The Story:

On an island of very happy flightless birds, Red (Sudeikis) just doesn't fit in. He doesn't much care for the other birds, and though they put on a happy face, they really could do without him as well. When his anger gets the best of him, he winds up in therapy where he meets Chuck (Gad) a bird who has a problem with authority, and expresses it at high speed; and Bomb (McBride) who has a tendency to blow up when stressed or surprised. However, when Leonard (Hader), a green pig arrives at the island with seemingly benign intentions, something seems off to Red, and he and his therapy pals are going to uncover the truth, no matter the cost.

Well, they probably began production on this while the Angry Birds iron was still hot, but this seems to be one of those "too little, too late" moments where, hasn't the Angry Birds phase come and gone by now?

But, let's tackle this movie and see what it got right, and what it got wrong.

First, the voice cast, only partially listed above, is top-notch and has some great comedians and actors assembled from top to bottom, even some parts that are only briefly in the movie.

That said, Jason Sudeikis almost sounds bored throughout the movie. Perhaps it's being unable to see Sudeikis delivering the lines himself, as he usually puts a lot of visual energy into his performance, but it seemed to almost be disconnected from where I was sitting.

Not his finest work of the year, but plenty of solid fare from other films this year that I've seen, so no worries.

Of course, you also have the curiosity factor of Sean Penn doing voice work in an animated movie.

Sure...

The animation itself, again, very pretty, no complaints. It's lush, and they adapted the characters and scenery from the movies to near perfection.

Overall, however, the jokes seemed to fall flat throughout the film. I smiled a few times, but I don't recall a whole lot of laughter from myself or any of the kids that watched with me.

That's not good for an animated kids movie.

Plus, this movie contains one of the grossest gags ever in the history of cinema, and I have to say I'm a little amazed that they got away with a PG vs. a PG-13 rating because of it.

In fact, it was moments like that, and few others peppered throughout the film that almost made it seem like they wrote it as an R rated movie, then went back and toned it down as they realized they should be trying to appeal to kids.

Didn't hate it, but came away disappointed.

Final Grade: C-

Truth In Advertising... "Trainwreck"

Trainwreck (2015)

Rated R

Starring Amy Schurmer, Brie Larson, Colin Quinn, Bill Hader, LeBron James, John Cena

Directed by Judd Apatow

The Story:

Amy (Schurmer) has grown up to be an addict to booze and sleeping around. As a sensationalist tabloid journalist, she has to do an interview with a famous sports doctor (Hader) who falls for her after they have sex. The two couldn't be more opposite and yet she finds she's falling for him anyway.

I'd swear I already wrote this review weeks ago and even published it, yet could find it nowhere on my site. It was probably better than the one I'm about to embark upon, but oh well.

:)

So forgive me if the synopsis is a little short, but let's get right to the meat of the movie.

Amy Schurmer, 2015's "It Girl".

I don't find her very funny in this film.

I may have to chalk this up to Melissa McCarthyism, where there's a wonderful actress that everyone thinks is the funniest thing in the world, but I just don't get it.

Because she isn't that funny in this movie.

Or perhaps I'm a sexist pig, yet I can rattle off a list of female actresses and comediennes that I find funnier than Schurmer.

That said, I realize as I watched the movie that Schurmer can be funny.

As the writer of the film, she gives THE BEST lines to just about any and all of her co-stars.

Holy cow, this movie belongs to LeBron James! He's the best thing going in the film!!

And while that's great for LeBron, it's not so great for the leading lady who is in 80% of the film.

The other 20%, screamingly funny, but when she's around, the laughs are divided between her and her co-stars.

They get the laughs, that's 40%.

40 + 20 = 60%.

That's a D.

That's not sexism.

That's math.

:)

Then you add in the fact that a 90 minute comedy is stretched to over 2 hour runtime...

You've got grounds to fail an R Rated Romantic Comedy right there.

But I'll be nicer than that, because again, much of what LeBron, John Cena, Marv Albert, Matthew Broderick and a ton of other cameos and co-stars bring to the table is great.

Schurmer has shown me she has potential.

I just don't believe her to be the "next big thing".

Final Grade: C+

I Hear Voices In My Head... "Inside Out"

Inside Out (2015)

Rated PG

Starring Amy Poehler, Phyllis Smith, Bill Hader, Lewis Black, Mindy Kaling, Kaitlyn Dias, Richard Kind, Diane Lane, Kyle MacLachlan

Written and Directed by Ronnie Del Carmen and Pete Doctor

The Story:

Riley (Dias) and her parents (Lane & MacLachlan) move from the Midwest to San Francisco. Starting over as an 11 year old is rough. But this tale is told from the perspective of the the little voices inside your head, the emotions that lead you through life: Sadness (Smith), Disgust (Kaling), Anger (Black), Fear (Hader), and their leader, Joy (Poehler). They've got Riley running like a well-oiled machine, but then Sadness keeps inexplicably ruining things. When she and Joy disappear from the command center, Riley is left to be controlled by Fear, Anger and Disgust while Sadness and Joy must try everything they can to get back to help Riley before it's too late.

Leave it to Pixar to take a simple concept and craft it into a funny, moving picture that will make you laugh and cry, often at the same time.

They make kids movies for the kid inside all of us, and never talk down to the little ones in the process.

They've had a few less than stellar offerings over the years, but what studio hasn't?

9 times out of 10, Pixar is going to deliver and give you one of the best movie-going experiences you have all year.

I say this as someone who was getting really, really, really annoyed with the character of Sadness at the beginning of the movie. I was liking everything about the film, except her, for the first 20 minutes or so and was actually about to say "if she doesn't get better really soon, I'm done!"

But patience, being the virtue that it is, won out. That's about when Sadness and Joy are sucked away and must scramble for their lives to get back to save Riley from making some really bad decisions that will affect her life in ways that are quite troubling for anyone.

Yet with the dark themes about how Riley's life is changing, Pixar manages to keep it as amusing as possible, thanks in no small part to all of the vocal cast. Black's distinct voice is so spot on for Anger, and he never fails to entertain.

Be warned, you're going to need a tissue or two before the film is over.

Unless you have no heart, then you're good.

:)

Final Grade: A-

Gentlemen...Start your Mollusks! "Turbo"

Turbo (2013)
Rated PG for potential snail peril.

Starring Ryan Reynolds, Paul Giamatti, Bill Hader, Samuel L. Jackson

Directed by David Soren


You will believe a snail can drive!

The Story:

Turbo (Reynolds) is a garden snail with dreams of something bigger...faster... of racing!  His brother Chet (Giamatti) is the voice of reason, ie: the dream-killer who must remind Turbo that he is a snail, and nothing more.  Ah, but when Turbo finds himself suddenly blessed with speed, it's only a matter of time until he will put up or shut up at the Indy 500 going against his own personal hero, Guy Gagne (Hader).

The critics were wrong.
The audiences were wrong.

What Were They Thinking?  Or Watching?

This movie was amazing!

From Dreamworks, they are bringing another underrated and unheralded masterpiece to theaters to be ignored by the masses.

In 2013 (okay, technically 2012) it was Rise of the Guardians.  In 2014 (okay, technically 2013) it is Turbo.

Going For the Top 10 List Again This Year!

This movie was hysterical.

First, in no small part to the writers who crafted a movie that works for kids and the parents lucky enough to hang out with said kids.

Second, a stellar voice cast filled with recognizable names, but also a lot of great actors who you would know if you saw them, but may not recognize their voices.

"And I Didn't Even Say #$@$@# Once In This Movie!"

Samuel L. Jackson ? Yeah, he's a given.

Michael Pena?  You know him, but unlike Luis Guzman, his voice isn't as obvious to the ear to create a mental picture.

The voices all blend with the story and you don't feel like it's stunt casting.  It's natural, and possibly aside from Mr. Jackson, you don't think, oh yeah, that's THIS GUY every time the snail opens their mouth.  Bill Hader all but disappears under his accent as the film's required bad guy.  Plus, he's not even that bad...at least until the end.

Naturally, Ryan Reynolds imbues Turbo with the very essence of Ryan Reynolds.  I'm not sure how he got a bum rap with RIPD and this movie both opening on the same weekend.  They were both good, but this film was significantly better.

The story itself is just the latest variation on The Little Engine That Could.

"I Think He Can!"

Let's put it another way...

Did you like Ratatouille?

Well then, here you go.  Substitute rats for snails...and cooking for racing.

Bam! Game over.

And while it's not technically everyone can race for everyone can cook...

The message is similar, and translates beautifully to the screen.

:)

Well done to Dreamworks as well for crafting a lush environment that easily makes you forget you're watching animation from time to time.

Welcome to 2014, and for now, Turbo is the film to beat.

"We Have A Winner!"

Animated OR live action.


Final Grade: A

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Bought it.  Probably watching it again soon.

Someone's Been Very, Very Naughty..."The To Do List"

What's a girl to do?

Oh my!

The Story:

Brandy Klark (Aubrey Plaza) is the uptight valedictorian of her class (of '93).  However, as she prepares for a summer of work and college in the fall, she feels pressured by her friends and older sister to...
Well, stop being a virgin.

Soooo....

Brandy makes a list of things she thinks she needs to accomplish before the fall, and then sets out to accomplish her naughty "to do" list, with anyone she can "to do it" with!

Well, that was unexpected!

I'm still not sure how to approach this rated R (with good reason) coming of age comedy.

It's like a female version of American Pie, but less virgins trying to end their suffering.

Instead, it's all Brandy trying to learn all the ways of being a woman, even many ways that her sluttier friends and sister haven't tried yet.

With her job at the local pool working for Willy (Bill Hader), Brandy is the subject of hazing as the noob, but she's got her eye on the last item on her list: Rusty Waters (Scott Porter).  She'll use her friend Cameron (Johnny Simmons) and anyone else to gain the experience she thinks she's lacking.

However, along the way she's going to realize that sex without feelings isn't as great as everyone made it out to be.

Used briefly, but effectively, Clark Gregg as Brandy's dad.  He's hilarious in what he doesn't want to see happen to his daughters.  He literally squirms with discomfort in nearly every scene.

Final Grade: B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Probably not, at least for a few years.  It's funny enough though.