Someone End The Pain... "A Single Shot"

A Single Shot (2013)

Rated R for violence and language

Starring Sam Rockwell, William H. Macy, Jason Isaacs

Directed by David M. Rosenthal

The Story:

John (Rockwell) is out hunting for an elusive deer, takes a shot and a girl lies dead.  He drags the body to hide it, and runs across some cash from backwoods criminals (Isaacs).  Naturally, John takes the money, and so begins a game of high stakes tension building as the bad guys come to get their money back.

A single shot... if I drank, I would have used several of those to try and get through this movie.

Slow.
Quiet.
Rambling.

None of those words are meant in a good way.

I love Rockwell.
I love Macy.
I love Isaacs.

I put the movie on fast forward eventually to see if I would ever get anything out of it... but no.

A dreadful waste of talent.  The sound on the movie was so low, half of the conversations are muted or unintelligible.

Plus, the movie stretches out to nearly 2 hours... 

of boredom!

Save yourself.


Final Grade: D-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Only as a cure for insomnia.

Who Is Conning Who? "American Hustle"

American Hustle (2013)

Rated R for language

Starring Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Jeremy Renner

Directed by David O. Russell

The Story:

Irving (Bale) is a con-man. His lover, Sydney (Adams) are getting rich scamming people.  Then along comes FBI Agent DiMaso (Cooper) who enlists the two to help him take down crooked politicians like Mayor Polito (Renner).  Get ready for the mother of all con artist/flim flam movies... based on a real story!

If you can stay awake long enough to get through it.

It went on 1.5 x within 5 minutes... trying to see if it was interesting at all.

I couldn't find any interest.

I think I let it run for the first 45 minutes before I realized that I honestly didn't care one bit about who was doing what to whom, or why.

Not good for a movie like this.

An incredible waste of talent.

Some of the reviews I see say that it really picks up in the 2nd half.

While I suppose that's better than being let down, if you never feel any connection to the characters, it seems to me, you're fighting a losing battle.

Final Grade: D

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Maybe I'll try and catch the ending someday on cable. But I'm sure I'll find a million other things to watch or do instead.

Easily The Worst Movie of 2014...So Far... "Ruby Sparks"

Ruby Sparks (2012)
Rated R for Language, and possibly making me want to kill myself instead of watching the film...

Starring Paul Dano, Zoe Kazan,  Elliot Gould, Steve Coogan

Directed by Johnathan Dayton & Valerie Faris

Now I need therapy...

The Story:

According the to the internet, this movie was supposed to be about a novelist (Dano) who creates a girl named Ruby Sparks (Kazan) who mysteriously and magically comes to life with all of the attributes that he said she would have. 

Yes, it's Weird Science remade!

The Best Part of the Review: You Now Have the "Weird Science Song Stuck in Your Head! : )

Except...

It wasn't funny.

John Hughes was not involved in any way.

And after 15 minutes that felt like 45 minutes of torture, it was turned off, thrown back into the Netflix envelope and sent back to Netflix HQ.

Looking at overall reviews for this film, apparently I'm the one that doesn't get the awesomeness of this movie.

I'm okay with that.

Watching Dano go through therapy with Elliot Gould and whining about not knowing what to write next to his agent, Steve Coogan, I had enough.

This was a waste of talent on a hackneyed script that lost any goodwill with the premise by being...

Boring.

"Can We Look Now? Is He Done Bashing Our Movie?"

It's marketed as a comedy.  It wasn't funny.

It's marketed as a drama.  It wasn't dramtic.

It wasn't a dramedy.

It. Was. Boring.

ZzzzzZzzzzZzzzz.

"I Can't Believe He Doesn't Like Us!!"

Written by Kazan, the script is tedious at best from the time it starts until I clicked it off.  If it had a better ending, hooray, but nothing could beat my ending of removing the film.

Directed by the team that brought us Little Miss Sunshine, I now begin to understand all the accolades for the film.  I felt that Little Miss Sunshine was one of the most overrated films of the 2000s.  Again, a movie that was neither drama nor comedy.  It simply existed.  The best part of the film was Alan Arkin, and the rest was simply a tedious waste of a really good assembled cast.

"We're What Everyone Is Buzzing About!"

Sounds familiar.

Apparently Annette Bening and Antonio Banderas, both of whom I love to watch in the movies were in this film. 

I never made it that far.

"But This Is What You're Missing!!"

No thanks, I'll pass.

And welcome to the Top of the List for Turkey of the Year, 2014:  Ruby Sparks.

That makes 2 for the year so far.

Yikes.

I haven't even found a movie to go on the "Best of the Year" list yet!

If you want a good movie about a writer who controls the fate of their character,  watch Stranger Than Fiction instead.

"It is Your Destiny..."

Please.

I'm begging you.


Final Grade: F

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: No. Never.

The First Review of 2014..."Beautiful Creatures"

Beautiful Creatures  (2013)
Rated PG-13

Starring Alden Ehrenreich, Alice Englert, Jeremy Irons, Emma Thompson

Directed by Richard LaGravenese



The Story:

Ethan (Ehrenreich) wants to graduate and leave South Carolina as soon as possible. (Dude, I can totally relate...)  But then one day, Lena (Englert) arrives at school, and she is the woman that has been haunting his dreams.  It turns out that she is the granddaughter of Macon Ravenwood (Irons) and all the townsfolk are abuzz because legend has it that he Ravenwoods are devil worshippers.  In actuality, it turns out that Lena is a witch.  But is she going to be a good witch, or a bad witch?

I don't know.

I didn't make it past the 20 minute mark.

:)

I gave it a chance, but the movie was just dragging along like an anchor.

I had seen the trailer, and had a rough idea what I was getting into when I moved this one to the top of the queue.

But the fascinating struggle of darkness and light was never revealed before I got bored with the film.

Nope, not even the almost always watchable Jeremy Irons could save this one as Mr. Ravenwood.

"How Dare You Not Like My Movie!!"

Heck, I'm not even sure when Emma Thompson showed up, I was long gone by then.

So does Lena turn good or evil?

I don't know, and quite frankly, I don't care.

Based off of the book by the same name, if it is a series of books, I will not be returning for any subsequent sequels.

Final Grade: D-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: And we have our first contender for 2014 Turkey of the Year right here!

"Grabbers" Failed to Grab My Attention

Drunk Irish Fun?

Not quite...

The Story:

A small community on an Irish coastal island is ground zero for an alien invasion.  Apparently, the only way that the humans are not targeted by the aliens...

They have to get blind, stinking drunk.

Shouldn't be a problem, right?

Ah, but therein lies the problem.

This is another movie that I let it run for 22 minutes waiting for something to happen.

Anything.

There was a periodic monster sighting or kill...

But it was so....slow....

zzzzzzzzz

I think this was supposed to be a horror comedy.

However, it was neither scary, nor funny.

Two terrible strikes against a movie of this genre.

You're welcome to give it a whirl on Netflix if you'd like, as it is streaming.

Final Grade: D

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Not interested in finding out what happened after I turned it off.

"The Great Gatsby" ? That's One of Many Adjectives I Would Not Use to Describe This Movie.

Great is overrated.

Let's see if I can't fix that!

And that's about the same face I made as I was watching this movie as well, thanks Tobey!

The Story:

The movie opens with a drunk, Nick Carraway (Tobey Maguire) telling about his life up to this point, and apparently how it intersected with that of Jay Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio).  The flashbacks unfold as Nick begins feverishly, both literally and figuratively, begins banging out his story...

20 minutes later... I was bored.

:)

Wait, let me be perfectly clear, I was bored long before the 20 minute mark, I just invoked the 20 minute rule at that point.

That's right, The Great Gatsby didn't even get the chance at 1.5x speed on the PS3 for me to see if there was anything redeeming to this feature.

Perhaps I'm just not a fan of Baz Luhrmann?  I was underwhelmed with what I saw of Moulin Rouge, and his Australia! put me to sleep.

This looked like the roaring twenties, so I'll give them credit for a great look and feel to the film.

But I honestly didn't care to keep watching.

Tobey Maguire doesn't have the commanding presence to keep me glued to the set waiting for the Great Gatsby to arrive.

I suppose it would have gotten better had I kept watching, but I'll consider that an extra 2 hours of my life saved.

Besides, while you can't *always* judge a movie by its trailer, I did in this instance.

And I found the final product about on par with what I was expecting.

Final Grade: D-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: No, I'm good.  If I really want to find out what happens, there's a book out there with the same name. ;)