You Do Not Have To Shoot Him Now..."The Revenant"

The Revenant (2015)

Rated R

Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hardy, Domhnall Gleeson, Will Poulter, A Very Angry Bear

Directed by Alejandro D. Inarritu

The Story:

Hugh Glass (DiCaprio) is a scout for a fur expedition in the wild American frontier of the 1820s. After leading the group away from an Indian attack, Glass is attacked and brutally mauled by a bear. As they are trying to outrun the Indians that want them all dead, Glass is simply slowing them down.  They leave a few behind including John Fitzgerald (Hardy) to care for him. Bad idea. Fitzgerald wants to leave Glass high and dry. Now Glass has to survive his wounds, the weather, escape the Indians and find Fitzgerald and kill him!

Naturally you have to mention that his was inspired by true events.

How much, and what exactly was true, well that's a mystery lost to the ages.

But Glass was a real guy, and he was attacked by a bear and lived.

Other than that, feel free to take creative license and do what you will with the story.

That DiCaprio finally won an Oscar for this role is odd to say the least.

For the first half of the movie, he barely has any dialogue at all.

Then the last half, well he has a reason not to talk, but still.

It seems like anyone could have the role of trying to survive and seek vengeance. I'm not so sure what was so special about DiCaprio's performance in this film that finally pushed him over the edge with voters.

Matt Damon in The Martian or Bryan Cranston in Trumbo (review coming soon!) were much more watchable and entertaining in their roles than DiCaprio.

Of course, that's not the only example of actors to have lost that deserved to win (those reviews still to come as well!)

And seriously, what was with all the actors breathing heavily onto the camera?

We get it, it's cold out there.

Seems like amateurish filmmaking more than symbolic or anything else.

The good part, with the majority of the film being dialogue free, I was able to Fast Forward through much of the 2 1/2 hour (!!! seriously ?!? !!!) runtime to get to the scenes where things actually happened or people actually spoke.

It's a fine, watchable movie, but Best of the Year or Most Entertaining?

Not even close.

Final Grade: C

"The Maze Runner" Offers A Bleak Outlook On Life

The Maze Runner (2014)

PG-13

Starring Dylan O'Brien, Ami Ameen, Ki Hong Lee, Blake Cooper, Will Poulter, Kaya Scodelari

Directed by Wes Ball

The Story:

Thomas (O'Brien) awakens in The Glade, with no memories and attempts to fit in with the other boys that live there. There's leader Alby (Ameen), resident a-hole, Gally (Poulter) and the leader of the runners, Minho (Lee). Once Thomas arrives, he questions everything and begins to unsettle the environment. These young men survive in the wild, and attempt to navigate a giant maze on the outskirts of their settlement daily. So far, no exit has been found, but there is something sinister within the walls. When the first female arrives (Scodelari), the rules all change forever, and the colony must do what it can to survive.

Based on a true story.

Gosh, I hope not!

Welcome to another dystopian future young adult novel turned into cinematic franchise.

It's not horrible,

It's not wonderful.

There will be a sequel.

However, the ending has the most pointless death I've seen in a movie in a very long time.

That it took up almost 2 hours of my life and that was the most emotion that the film elicited from me tells you that for the most part, this movie is simply average.

Final Grade: C

Who Knew Smuggling Pot Could Be So Much Fun? "We're The Millers"

We're The Millers (2013)
Rated R for Language, language, more language...

Starring Jason Sudeikis, Jennifer Aniston, Will Poulter, Emma Roberts, Ed Helms

Directed by Rawson Marshall Thurber

The Story:

David (Sudeikis) is a small time pot dealer.  When he gets robbed, he is sent by his supplier (Helms) to Mexico to bring back a smidge, maybe a smidge and a half of weed.  David figures his best cover would be to travel as a family man, so he recruits a stripper (Aniston), a teenage runaway (Roberts), and a nerdy virgin (Poulter) to pretend to be his family and smuggle a little contraband back across the border.  What could possibly go wrong?

You know when you see a trailer, and you assume all of the funny parts were in the trailer?

Worse still, when you finally do see that movie, and you were right: All of the funny stuff was in the trailer.

That wasn't the case here.

All of the funny spots from the trailer are here in all their splendor, but the movie brings a lot more.

It's mile a minute laughter at the absurd conversations between characters.

Be warned, the writers embrace their R rating wholeheartedly with F bombs falling from the sky like crazy.

"I Never Got To Do This On TV"

But the delivery.. the lines themselves...the situations that the characters find themselves in...

You're going to laugh.

Yes, I know I sound like a hypocrite when I review some of these movies.  R Rated comedies often throw in language to ensure their rating.  It adds nothing to the joke, and is usually not involved in the dialogue other than to be a colorful adjective.


That is not the case here, it's some inspired naughty language that keeps the rapid-fire dialogue buzzing along like a well-oiled machine.  It's the second big-screen collaboration between Steve Faber and Bob Fisher when they co-wrote Wedding Crashers back in 2005.  You'd think Hollywood would want these guys to work together more often?

Speaking of where have they been, Rawson Marshall Thurber, a name that sounds too fake to be real, last hit it big with Dodgeball back in 2004.  Very quiet since then, but this was a welcome return.

"Is This The Way to the Three Amigos Remake?"

Sudeikis is a very underrated actor, and I loved him on Saturday Night Live.  He is a solid character actor, and delivers his lines perfectly.  That he can manage to keep a straight face with the lines he has to deliver... yeah, he's very good.  Whether he'll finally get moved up to leading man status after this film, I hope so.  If not, playing his smooth talking best friend/adversary roles will still be welcome in films.

"Friends Reunion?  They Wish..."

Jennifer Aniston continues to break away from the good girl/romantic comedy mold which she has been stuck with since Friends.  Add this to Horrible Bosses as two of her funniest big-screen efforts and hopefully she will continue varying up her film choices.

Naturally, much of the conflict of the movie comes from The Millers as they race to get the pot back to Denver, being pursued by the drug dealer whose stash they have mistakenly absconded with! 

The rest, is the family conflict of a family that isn't a family...but they begin to feel and act like a family.

"It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time..."

The ending is very appropriate for the film, and gives you as happy of an ending for this film as you can hope for.

Will there be a sequel?

I'm sure there is some way the Millers could ride again.

I'd come back for another go-round!

Final Grade: B

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor:  Movies that make only me laugh and can't be viewed by the whole family aren't high on my purchase list.  If it's running on cable some night a few years from now though, I could watch it again for some great laughter.