You Don't Want to Get on the Bad Side of "Killer Joe"

I sure hope this wasn't based on a true story...

The Story:

Chris (Emile Hirsch) is in debt.  He hears about a contract killer named Joe (Matthew McConaughey) who will perform the service for a fee.  The plan is to kill Chris' mom, and the $50,000 insurance policy will go to his sister, Dottie (Juno Temple).  He gets his dad's (Thomas Haden Church) approval, and with his stepmom (Gina Gershon) in on it, it's a family affair.  The only problem, Joe wants the money up front: No money, no service.  Desperate, they give Joe a retainer:  Dottie.

Oh my.

This film is a train-wreck of epic proportions.  It is simultaneously disturbing, funny, scary, mesmerizing and insane... all at the same time.

Yet you cannot turn away.

McConaughey is a commanding presence, his laid back surfer attitude buried under a machine of man who is all business, all the time.

To talk more about the plot would ruin any of the twists and turns that the film takes to get to the finale, which is a very ambiguous finale by the way.

It's a dark film... I'll say that much about it.

Kinda creepy too.

You'll want to shower after you watch it...

: /

Final Grade: C
Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: No, I now have to try and erase the memories of this movie from my mind.  : )

3.14 Reasons To Watch "Life of Pi"

Mmm... Pi...

The Story:

A writer (Rafe Spall) comes to Canada to talk to a man named Pi (Irrfan Khan) about a story that he hears will be fantastical.  Pi relates how when he was a boy (Suraj Sharma), his family died in a shipwreck, and he survived on the open ocean for over 200 days alone in a boat.

With a Bengal Tiger...

You think to yourself, seriously?  This was a book... and they turned it into a movie?  That must be a great story.

Depends on your point of view.

I went in with no expectations, and not really wanting to see it.  I mean, it's directed by Ang Lee, and he couldn't even film a decent version of the Hulk for Marvel.  : /

But he redeems himself here.  What's real, what's special effects... hard to gauge in this one.  It is a visually stunning movie.  Perhaps the most beautiful movie you'll watch all year.

As the story unfolds, you get wrapped into it, and like the clever breaks in The Princess Bride, we cut back to now every once in a while to get some clarity or perspective.

However, you listen, transfixed to this man's story...

And then it's over.

And then he tells another one, and it's heartbreaking and sad.

And then the whole point of the movie is made.

Some people love it, some people feel tricked.

You can probably guess by my grade where I fell.


Final Grade: A-

Rewatchability/Purchase Potential: Very likely on both counts.  The fact of the matter is, I've already watched it twice already, and I think it was even better the second time around.  Ang Lee, you've redeemed yourself for me... at least for now. : )

What Are You, Some Kind of Psycho? "Hitchcock"

Good Evening...

The Story:

It's 1959, and Hitchcock (Anthony Hopkins) is riding high on the success of North by Northwest.  When he's questioned by reporters if he shouldn't just quit now while he's on top, he takes that as a personal challenge and prepares for his next project with his wife, Alma (Helen Mirren).  Hitch wants to do something personal and daring, and when the studio has no desire to indulge his latest project, he decides to bankroll it himself.  A lot is riding on his gamble... what are the odds that a disturbing film based on a true story would be a hit?  And so begins... Psycho.

Sorta nifty.

Much like I claimed that Lincoln was totally misnamed, Hitchcock fares a little better.

While it is an entertaining look at what went on, or at least allegedly went on, as Hitchcock created his now cinematic masterpiece, there's more to this story than that.

No, the real heart and soul of this movie belongs to Alma Reville, Hitchcock's wife and partner for just about his entire career.  Mirren is phenomenal as always, and she brings more to the table, for me, than anyone else in the cast by miles. 

Hopkins is rendered almost invisible under the makeup, but the pursey pronunciations to try and mimic Hitch's voice and speech patterns can snap you out of the trance of what you're watching.  That's never a good thing.

What Hitchcock had to do to make Psycho a hit is great cinema.  It appears that we owe much of Hitchcock's brilliance to his wife, and if nothing else...

That's the real takeaway from this movie.

Final Grade: B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: It was alright, but I think once was enough.  The more you love Hitch though, the more apt this movie is to replayed in your home.

"Bachelorette": Nothing Worse Than A Humorless Comedy.

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should...

The Story:

Becky (Rebel Wilson) is getting married.  Much to the dismay of her best friend Regan (Kirsten Dunst) who thought she would be going down the aisle first.  Regan becomes the Maid of Honor and spends the next six months organizing the wedding.  The movie mostly takes place at the night before the wedding when all of the bridesmaids are in town, including the girls other two friends, Gena and Katie (Lizzy Caplan and Isla Fisher).  The three insult Becky by mistake, destroy her dress, and then spend a wild night of drugs, alcohol and stupidity trying to fix everything in time for the wedding the next morning.

Man, with friends like that...

First, the school of thought was, if the guys can have a raunchy rated R comedy, why can't girls? 
Thus, we were blessed to receive Bridesmaids, which was amusing, but not hilariously funny.
Though when put in comparison to this film, it was downright hysterical.

Nope, apparently Leslye Headland who wrote it, directed it, and based it off a play, thought her stuff was funny with a capital F.

Having ladies spew obscenities, walk around getting wasted and having sex with anyone they please isn't funny. 

And to be fair, it's not funny when guys do it either.

Unless...

The dialogue is off-the-wall insanely hilarious.

Which it isn't.

Much to the waste of these great actresses, Rebel Wilson who I found hilarious in Pitch Perfect, Kirsten Dunst who was wrong as Mary Jane Watson, but otherwise acquits herself nicely in most anything, and Isla Fisher who was great in Confessions of a Shopaholic.

Here, all that talent was wasted spewing obscenities, snorting coke, or just behaving awful.

Even the always terrific Adam Scott can't rise above the material, though he is about the only bright spot in the movie (other than Rebel Wilson).  Go figure that the two characters that have the most heart and sincerity in the entire film are the bride who is barely used and the ex-boyfriend of one of the female leads.

James Marsden is also wasted in his role as the best man.

So much talent... so wrongly executed.

Now available to steam (typo, but I'm leaving it!) instantly on Netflix.

Final Grade: D+
Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Never in a million years...

Five Years Gone Already? "I Ain't Scared of You: A Tribute to Bernie Mac"

Gone too soon...

The Story:

Bernie Mac was a great comedian who passed away just as his star was shining brightest.  This documentary/remembrance of the late comedian is a touching tribute to the man.

Interspersed with audio/video from Bernie himself, it offers a quick chronicle of his life up to his passing.  From his humble beginnings as a dirt-poor kid in Chicago until he was the toast of Hollywood, this offers a nice career retrospective on a comic genius gone too soon.

His daughter appears to be the one who is asking questions and hearing anecdotes from Bernie's friends, family and co-stars.

On hand to share stories are Cedric the Entertainer, Samuel L. Jackson, Angela Basset, Steven Soderbergh, Chris Rock and many, many more.

It's funny, touching, and bittersweet.  At just over an hour, like the man himself, it's over too soon.

Recommended for fans of his comedy or acting work.



Available to stream instantly on Netflix until May 1st, so act quick if you want to watch it.

Final Grade: B

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Probably a perfect bookend for big Bernie Mac fans.  Otherwise, one viewing was enough to remind you of how great of a comedian he was.

Even Danny Trejo is No Match Against The "Rise of the Zombies"!!

Brains... a requirement for zombies and screenwriters...

The Story:  It appears that something rotten has hit the water supply in California.  The movie begins with a group of survivors on Alcatraz, the perfect escape location in the event of a zombie outbreak.  But alas, the zombies take to the surf and arrive on the shores of The Rock.  Natually, the survivors head to the mainland for help.  They split into two groups, one destined for the evacuation point, the other to a university where a cure was being worked on.  Will anyone survive?

When your main selling point on the poster is an image of Danny Trejo, you know you're in trouble.  Because, granted, the man is a genius and people want to see him in movies.  But come on, either be pure grade B camp or try and muster some semblance of a story for the audience.

First, the premise is genius.  Where better to hide from zombies than on Alcatraz?  Nowhere I can think of.

But unlike The Day, where those weren't real zombies, these zombies are apparently fast-ish, and they think.

Those are two of my least favorite things to assign to zombies.

I like my slow, lumbering, brains-wishing zombies.  You say that's not frightful, but when you add numbers to that pack... pretty darn skeevie, really.

In addition to Trejo, your star is Mariel Hemingway, LeVar Burton plays the dumbest scientist you'll ever meet... unless you count French Stewart.

With a cast like that, you've got to have fun and make it entertaining.

Instead, it simply plays by the numbers.  Bitten...change within 30 seconds... become a ravenous monster.

Perhaps I'm jaded in wanting more from zombie flicks, but that's just how it is.


Upon further inspection of this film, it premiered on the SyFy network.  That explains a lot...

This film is available to stream instantly on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: C-
Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Sorry, I'd have to pass.

I Might As Well... Jump! "Man on a Ledge"

I am...an innocent man...

The story of a man inspired by a Billy Joel lyric...

The Story:

Nick (Sam Worthington) is a cop who was falsely accused, or so he claims, of stealing a diamond from a ruthless businessman (Ed Harris).  On the run, he brings to fruition a scheme with his little brother (Jamie Bell) to steal the diamond...for the first time... to prove that Nick is innocent.  To do this, Nick stands on a ledge of a hotel and threatens to jump.  This very public display is going to be Nick's second trial, and he's going to prove he's innocent... or die trying!

I will be honest, I loved this movie the second I saw the trailer.

When I finally saw the movie, it was just as good, if not better, than the trailer had promised.

So for those that say Hollywood never comes up with anything new, this was pretty new to me.

Or at least, it wasn't a sequel, wasn't a toy/comic franchise, wasn't a remake... so that's pretty new in my book.

Ed Harris is gleefully slimey as the bad guy.  In his career, he's played both sides of the law, but I think he relishes the turns when he's not wearing the white hat more often than not.

I am a fan of Sam Worthington, at least in making Clash and Wrath of the Titans watchable fun.  Count me as one of the 17 people on Earth to have not seen, nor really have any interest in seeing Avatar, and there you have it.

Also, well done to Elizabeth Banks who holds her own as a police negotiator who is in a deep downward spiral, but Nick feels he can trust her more than any other policeman on the force and insists she is brought in for the job.

Count me as a fan of this movie.

Final Grade: A-

Rewatchability/Purchase Potential: Extremely rewatchable, in fact I just watched it within the last week, thus the review.  And yes, I own it.

Forever? That's a Mighty Long Time... "Celeste and Jesse Forever"

The word 'forever' is so misunderstood...

The Story:

Celeste (Rashida Jones) and Jesse (Andy Samberg) were high school sweethearts, best friends, and married.  Now they are in the middle of a divorce, but still trying to remain best friends.  He lives out back in the studio, and the two remain close.  Friends doubt the friendship will last, but when Jesse does something that alters their lives forever, where do the two go from here?

This movie was cute.

Sadly, nothing more, nothing less.

The laughs aren't big enough... the heartache not deep enough.

It tries to be a 21st Century reinvention of the romantic comedy, but ultimately, it's just there.

No character is written to get sympathy or to take a vested interest to root for or against.  They are all simply nice people, and as their lives change, you feel 'aw, that's too bad, you'll get over it', or 'aw, that's great, congratulations'.

I suppose when it comes down to it, both people made wrong choices, each at different moments in their relationship.

Those choices have consequences and those consequences can come back to haunt you if/when you might have a change of heart later... sometimes later is simply that: too late.

Not a bad movie, but could have been much better.

Final Grade: C

Rewatchability/Purchase Potential: Nope, sorry.

Who Knew It Would Be a Franchise? "The Marine: Homefront"

Because he's the Miz... and he's awe-some!

The Story:

The third Marine (Mike "the Miz" Mizanin) comes home from leave, and runs into trouble in his hometown.  There's some bad dudes planning some bad deeds, but when they kidnap the Marine's sister, well you know they're going to pay!

First there was John Cena's film.  Then came Ted DiBiase Jr.

Please note, you must always add Jr. when discussing Ted DiBiase, otherwise I'll assume you're talking about his dad, The Million Dollar Man.

Now, The Miz.

And for a WWE Studios production, it's not half bad.  It's about as fair-to-middling as the entire franchise has been up to this point.  Nothing that's going to win an Oscar, but nothing that is a complete waste of time.


WWE Studios is really good at surrounding their wrestlers with talented actors that can carry the film, and this one is no exception.  The character actors do their part playing their roles well, but you need a charismatic villain to be the counterpoint to the hero.

Thankfully, Neal McDonough is on hand as the villain.  He makes an excellent bad guy, and this is a welcome return to WWE Films since he got his butt handed to him by The Rock back in Walking Tall.

Nothing ground-breaking or earth shattering.  Some decent fights and chases throughout the film.


Final Grade: C+

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I could watch it again, but unless they put the whole franchise on a disc...for cheap... well there you go. ;)

North Korea Gets Uppity in "Red Dawn"

You want an argument for why America should never restrict our ability to have weapons?

The Story:

In the not-so distant future, a riled up North Korea decides to take on America on our shores.  They paratroop into the West Coast while the Russians take the Eastern seaboard.  In a small town in Washington state, a Marine (Chris Hemsworth) home on leave grabs his brother (Josh Peck) and some other local kids and outrun the invading force.  Soon they become the thorn in the side that keeps bugging the North Koreans, inspiring hope to their town, themselves, and unknowingly, all of America as the freedom fighters known only as...Wolverines.

Okay, like many, I rolled my eyes and shook my head when I heard Red Dawn, that brilliant 1984 flick about the Russians invading America was being remade.

Seriously?

I saw Red Dawn once or twice, probably last time was in the 80s.  It was a rousing, flag-waving, ' Go America ' film that perfectly marked that time in history as the Cold War was raging it's dying breaths.  Has it held up over time?  Don't know, haven't revisited it.  Maybe someday, just to compare, because maybe like Footloose...

The remake is far superior.

And yes, that is the case I am making for the remake of Red Dawn.

From the sketchy details I remember on the original, this one shores up any of the plotholes from the original.


I bought this group of teens a little more realistically than I had with the original film at the time.

You see actual growth in the characters from the beginning to the end of the film.  Not all of the characters make it out in one piece, and as they are lost, the characters grow some more.

Sorry, mine may be the only positive review of this film on the internet.  It seems that most people hated this one from start to finish.

Not this guy.

What can I say?  Call me a flag-waving Reaganite, I had a good time.


: )

Final Grade: B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Yes, I could watch this one again, and for the right price, I'd add it to the library!

Get Ready to Twi Hard! "Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2"

The thrilling conclusion to the eleventeen part movie trilogy...


The Story:

Bella (Kristen Stewart) is now a vampire, married to her man Edward (Robert Pattinson).  Their baby is growing up...fast!  And this threat is going to bring a war to end all wars between every vampire ever seen on the screen, and a whole bunch of newbies created just for this film.  Oh, and there's werewolves too (Taylor Lautner)!

Yes, I've seen them all.

No, I'm not a delusional teenage girl.

Nor did my delusional teenage girls even remotely make me get this series.

What had happened was....

The first Twilight movie came out, what seems like a lifetime ago...  It was nifty enough, not a total waste of time...

So I've watched the whole thing, and now that it's over...

It is over, right?

I shrug my shoulders and think "it could have been worse".

So it's not bad... it's not a train wreck.  The three leads have the charisma of a wet paper bag, so I've gone with the fact that they are actually surrounded by interesting side characters.  The Cullen family and Bella's dad are great throughout the film series.

The introduction of a whole lot of vampires in this film was actually interesting, and I wouldn't mind seeing more of them.  Retroactive history, I would have preferred to watch several movies starring those characters instead. :) 

Otherwise, this one brought the series to a close relatively nicely.

It was marred by some creepy CGI-ing a face onto a baby and kid though.  Ick...

And I have to admit, the 'final battle' got me.  That's how little I pay attention to the film, I fell for that trick!

I'll give the saga as a whole, a C+ for execution.

This installment, a solid C, a big improvement over Part 1 which was a 2 hour placeholder.

Would I Own/Rewatch:  No, I received enough grief for subjecting everyone to it once already. : )
throughout the film.  Disturbing to say the least.

What Has Eight Legs and Puts You to Sleep? "Spiders"

They've got their eyes on you...

The Story:

A space station falls prey to a spider science experiment gone awry.  A piece of the shuttle crashes to Earth in New York, and the spiders are released in the subway system.  Extremely venomous, and now released from their zero gravity environment, the spiders get really big... and even more dangerous.  Even the Army may be no match for these monsters!

Naturally, all of this story takes place where a supervisor at the Transit Authority (Patrick Muldoon) spends most of the movie fighting with his ex wife and trying to save his daughter from being a spider snack.

This movie actually had an interesting premise for awhile.  Plus while the spiders were normal sized, there was some suspense and general creepiness of having spiders roaming around.  The first half of the movie was actually suspenseful...

Then the spiders got bigger... then they got bigger still.  

Then the spiders would growl like dogs.

Then they revealed the queen...

Then the shark was jumped.

At that point it just became an exercise in how long it would take for the movie to end.

Happy that Muldoon was able to make a house payment though.

Final Grade: D+... the first half and the idea they started with... C-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: No thanks, I'll just wait for the inevitable sequel and see if that's any better.

"The Day"? Felt More Like A Week To Me.

From the people that brought you "Knucklehead"...

The Story:

In the future, apparently something has struck which turns some people into flesh craving animals.  A group of 5 that have survived so far are on the run, looking for food and place to hide.  They stumble upon an abandoned farmhouse, and it seems their luck is about to change because inside is food.  Of course, when that turns out to be a trap...

Well, only the strong will survive, and these humans are getting pretty weak.


I have no idea what I just watched.

It was like a zombie movie... except the zombies are just like humans.  They walk, talk, plot and scheme... they just apparently enjoy eating people.

I don't believe they ever said what exactly happened that made them that way, they just simply "are".

I'm willing to suspend disbelief, but you have to give me a reason, at least.

If they said what exactly happened, I must have missed it, and I wasn't going back to find it.

: )

The writing is basically an excuse for someone to see how much profanity they can lace into the dialogue to earn themselves an R rating.  It almost felt like watching an old Eddie Murphy standup... minus the comedy.

Otherwise, the actors do a fine job, mostly no-names, and those names that are in it aren't exactly big stars.

Coming from WWE studios, you would think that some wrestler would be in it.

No, instead we get Brad Maddox.

Best part of the movie, that annoying guy gets shot in the head.

: )

Final Grade: C-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Non-existent.

Brandon Routh is No Superman... "Dylan Dog: Dead of Night"

No pulse? No problem!

The Story:

Dylan Dog, (Brandon Routh) a former paranormal investigator is pulled back into the life he tried to leave behind when he is asked to investigate a murder that appears to have been committed by a werewolf.  He has no desire to get back into that side of New Orleans, but when his best friend Marcus (Sam Huntington) gets turned into a zombie, he feels he has no choice.

Unfamiliar with the comics upon which this is based, I probably feel it's for the best.

So here we go...

I enjoyed it.

Possibly the best Brandon Routh film I've ever seen.

Having checked his credits, it is indeed the best film I've ever seen him in. : )

You've got a paranormal investigator that at one time was charged with keeping the peace between werewolves and vampires plus the zombies and other supernatural beings living in New Orleans.  Then something truly awful happened, Dylan snapped and set in motion a plan that is coming to fruition under his nose.

It's fun watching his friend not enjoy the fact that he's been turned into a zombie and spends most of the movie in denial about it.

To me, it's a welcome addition to the comics turned to movies genre or horror/comedy genre.

Final Grade: B-

Would I Watch it Again or Own It: I could definitely watch it again, and for the right price, I'd pick it up.

Oh the Horror..."Girls Gone Dead"

Naughty Girls...

The Story:

Six ex-high school cheerleaders are planning to spend Spring Break together.  They head to Manatee Creek Florida, and soon find that they are stuck in a retirement community.  So much for crazy spring break action.  Just down the road is Daytona Beach, where "Crazy Girls Unlimited" is filming.  Tempted to go where the fun is, the girls start turning up dead.  Forget sizzling Spring Break action, now it's a quest for survival!

You say you want a cheesy horror film?

You've come to the right place!

There is much satirizing of Christians in this film, so learn to take a joke early or you might get offended.

Of course, Christians shouldn't be watching horror movies, but that's a whole different argument.

: )


It follows the basic conceits of the genre made to perfection in a low budget 80s horror flick and it doesn't disappoint.

It's funny enough, scary enough, and crafted well enough to get a better recommendation from me than The Relic received yesterday.

Plus, this movie has Jerry "The King" Lawler in it, so that is an automatic win!

Available to stream instantly on Netflix as of this writing.


Final Grade: C+

Rewatchable/Purchase Factor:  Not likely.

Tom Sizemore is the Star? This Movie Must Be "The Relic"

Scary Tax Week Continues!


A night at the museum...

The Story:

Some crates are sent from South America to the Chicago Natural History Museum.  Well, the crates arrive, on a ship full of dead people, and the mystery begins.  What was in the crates? What's killing everyone? How does it make any sense that stuff arrives by boat in Chicago?

This is a nifty exercise in tension/horror with a low budget.  When your top stars are Penelope Ann Miller and Tom Sizemore, you know you are either on a low budget film, an old film from the 90s... or in this case:

Both.

Miller plays the anthropologist who takes all day trying to figure out what is killing people.
Sizemore plays a gruff but loveable homicide detective who knows that something bad out there is still out there, and if people don't listen to him, there will be more dead bodies.

So basically, you try and take Jaws, and bring it to Chicago.

And really, much of the film works well when paying homage to Jaws.

The monster stays hidden, and that makes for great tension and off-screen kills.  What is it?

Unlike Jaws, or maybe like Jaws, depending on when you saw it in your lifetime, when the real creature is revealed... meh.

It's like a 4 legged Predator.

Yep.

Streaming now on Netflix for your amusement.

Final Grade: C

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Zero

What's Scarier Than the Tax Man? "Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy"

1...2...Freddy's Coming For You...

Yeah, nearly 30 years later and it's STILL creepy!!!

The Story:

It's time to take a look back at the franchise that put New Line Cinema on the map, and created not only a horror franchise, but a world-wide phenomenon that is... Freddy Krueger.

First, this is a documentary made with love by Heather Langenkamp (Nancy!) from the first Elm Street movie.

It clocks in at an impressive 4 hours, but it goes by in an instant.  Each movie receives its own  screen time as they talk with as many actors and directors, producers, FX  personnel as they can.

Really, they've got Robert Englund and Wes Craven, so anything else is gravy.

That the only people that don't come and chat about it are Johnny Depp and Patricia Arquette, well apparently they're too important to remember before they were stars.

: )

The most interesting thing that this documentary uncovers is how Freddy Krueger paralleled the rise and fall of New Line Cinema.  For that, we are met with Bob Shaye, the man that created New Line.  It's hard to be sad at what was probably a very wealthy settlement when New Line was absorbed into Time Warner, but still...

For what New Line was created to do, you can see that a void was created when the studios start sucking up all the independent ventures that are happening in Hollywood.

I realized that I'm not as much of an Elm Street fan as I had thought because I have never seen anything past Part IV.

I may have to rectify that in the future! : )

This documentary came out before the remake, and let me just go on record as saying that the remake of Nightmare on Elm Street was utter garbage.

There was no excitement, no fun.

The only thing it got right, was better special effects at the end.

While it's true that you can put anyone behind Jason's mask (sorry Kane Hodder), there is only one Freddy, and that's Robert Englund.

Final Grade: B+

Would I Own It: Only if, and when, I own the series.  Wondering if I want to creep myself out an watch the original again?  Eeep!

Quest for Oscar... "Lincoln"

A movie so inaccurately named, it's not even funny.

The Story:

President Lincoln (Daniel Day-Lewis) has just been re-elected.  The Civil War is still raging, and Lincoln is on a mission.  He needs to pass the 13th Amendment, abolishing slavery, once and for all.  He fears that while the Emancipation Proclamation was a great idea, it was issued during a time of war, and once war ends, which seemed to be imminent, slavery would simply return.  He had to convince Congress to get behind the measure and push it through...by any means necessary.

Seriously, this movie should have been called... "Amendment" or... really, anything other than Lincoln.

The truth of the matter, the movie really deals with the political mechanics of getting the Amendment pushed through Congress.

I cannot vouch for the validity of the claims, but it seemed like Lincoln's goal was to make sure the Amendment went through before any chance of peace with the South was broached.  He knew the war was coming to an end, and wanted to ensure slavery was abolished legally forever.

By far, the interest and intrigue comes in the movie by Lincoln's dealing with Congress and his cabinet.  And Congress dealing with each other and Lincoln.

Tommy Lee Jones once again takes center stage and you lean to him to see the real story unfold.

In fact, the weakest part of the story, or at least for me, the part I really could care less about was Lincoln and his family.  When the focus shifts to Mary Todd Lincoln (Sally Field) or worse still, Robert Lincoln (Joseph Gordon-Levett)... for me the movie shifted into snooze control for a few moments.

But when it shifts back into the debates, the movie fires on almost all cylinders.

The other issue with the movie: Spielberg didn't know when to say "cut".

He had the perfect ending for the film... but because he slapped the name "Lincoln" on it, he felt the need to follow through with the assassination.

Mistake.

It wasn't needed, nor was it executed (no pun intended) very well.  There was nothing added by any scene after Lincoln walked down the hallway when the movie SHOULD have ended.

I'm giving the movie a final grade of B-, and I'm being generous because there were easily enough things that didn't click to drop this to " C level ".

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Zero interest in needing to see this again.

I Can't Believe I Watched the Whole Thing! : ) "Tremors 4"

Putting the "wild" into Wild West!

The Story:

Welcome to the town of Rejection Nevada.  It's 1889, and the silver mine is booming...until suddenly something starts eating the miners!  Coming out west from back east is the mine's owner, Hiram Gummer (Michael Gross), a proper gentlemen who's never handled a weapon, much yet used one.  These graboids are much smaller, but no less deadly.  It's up to Hiram and a small group of townsfolk that seems eerily familiar to save the town, and their lives.

And with that, the series comes full circle with an introduction of how everything came to be.

Tremors, the movie, was never out to be anything other than a fun B movie.  Milking the franchise for all it was worth, the studio delivered with 3 sequels, that never quite measured up to the fun and chaos of the first, but each had its own unique quality and charm.

It worked by never taking itself too seriously, nor ever lampooning itself in the process.

Instead, they took the franchise a step forward with each sequel, and then decided a Back to the Future III visit to the West to set the whole thing up was in order.

Unfortunately, this one is not streaming on Netflix to conclude the series if you've watched any of the first three, so you'll have to rent it.

That said, there are definitely worse movies to watch.

: )

Final Grade:  C+ for this one... B- for the overall franchise.

Good, mindless, rewatchable fun!

At Least She's Learning a Trade..."Hanna"

Girl gone wild...

The Story:

Genetically enhanced teenage assassin Hanna (Saoirse Ronan) has been living out in the wild with her father Erik (Eric Bana) and he's taught her everything he knows...and then some.  The goal?  To raise the ultimate assassin, and to kill the woman (Cate Blanchett) that killed Hanna's mother. 

Sounds exciting?

That's what I was hoping for...

Yet it really wasn't.

It was watchable, but it just mostly happened. 

I never got too invested in the characters, and aside from a few cool set pieces, my overall impression of the movie was "meh".

Final Grade: C-

Would I Own It: Nah... stick with the 3 minute trailer for the movie, it pretty much sums up the whole thing.

Up Before the Crack of Dawn... "Morning Glory"

Go back to bed, it's early...

The Story:

Becky Fuller (Rachel McAdams) lives for the news.  More specifically, she has dreamed of being the producer of  The Today Show since she was a little girl.  Doing her best at a local morning show in New Jersey, her life abruptly changes when she is canned due to budget cuts.  She is desperate to get back in the game, and takes the plunge at the ratings challenged Daybreak show on IBS.  Can she pull her series out of the ratings basement before it's too late?

This is a comedic gem of a movie.  I absolutely love to watch it, and I make no apologies for that.

First and foremost, it's a comedy about the morning news programs.

Second, and wisely, there is a romantic comedy entanglement that plays second-fiddle to the first part of the story, which works great because in the real world, that's exactly what would happen.

Becky has an odd assortment of characters on her show to deal with.  She opens her career with a bang by firing one co-host, leaving her other star (Diane Keaton) to wonder what's going on.  Combing the archives, Becky realizes that she can get curmudgeonly anchorman Mike Pomeroy (Harrison Ford) on her show due to his contract.

Becky tries, but the ratings keep getting worse, and her boss (Jeff Goldblum) threatens cancellation.  Becky pulls out all the stops... and amazingly the ratings begin to rise.

It's good fun throughout, and I can't help but think this is the best role that Harrison Ford has had in the movies in over a decade (Air Force One). 

It's well written, believable, and funny.  And when the weatherman (Matt Malloy) rides the roller coaster, I bust up laughing.  Every time.

Currently available to stream instantly on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: A-

Would I Own It: Yep, and I do.  Very re-watchable.

The Future is in Their Hands... "The Campaign"

 

Let the mud-slinging begin!

The Story:

Congressman Cam Brady (Will Ferrell) is once again running unopposed in North Carolina.  Naturally, a special interest group hoping to bring a sweatshop to the area puts their money behind a local (Zach Galifianakis) in the hopes that he will defeat the Congressman, and naturally, he will return the favor by letting them have their special interest way.  It all hits the fan during the campaign trail, and when the dust settles...

Oh my goodness.

This is one hilarious look at politics, dialed up to 11. 

However, for all the eye rolls and 'no ways' you might muster watching them go for laughs... really, how far from the way modern politics works today, is this movie?

Ferrell works a cross between Bush and Clinton as the Democratic Congressman who enjoys his job, and really has nothing better to do, because he doesn't have any other skills.

Galifianakis loses the beard but stays behind the stache to comic effect.  A simpleton in over his head, he learns quickly how to navigate the rough waters of election campaign.

The dialogue has to be structured improv, stream of consciousness raunch as the two opponents lay into each other.

So naughty... so funny.

I wish elections were all this spirited.

Final Grade: B

Would I Own It: Tough sell due to the rating, but I could certainly watch it again in 4 more years.

We're In For a Bumpy Ride..."Flight"

Not based on a true story...


The Story:

Airline pilot Whip Whitaker (Denzel Washington) is an alcoholic, and enjoys cocaine, and really, any other drug he can get his hands on.  Unfortunately, he likes to indulge this before work, after work, and heck, during work.  The really weird part, he seems to be completely functional at that level of impairment.  Amazingly enough, his plane malfunctions, and Whip does everything in his power to save the jet and the 102 onboard.  It crashes, 6 die, and then the trial and true test of his piloting and his character will be put to the test.


A story so unbelievable, you believe that it's real, but it's not.  Completely fictional, a rarity in Hollywood these days.

Denzel is on his game, as always, as a pilot who is really good at what he does, but he's not really that nice of a guy.

In his corner is the union rep for the pilots (Bruce Greenwood) who brings in a sharp lawyer (Don Cheadle) to save his friend, but even their attempts at working magic get hampered because of Whip's constant addiction, fed with great amusement by John Goodman.

It's a double-edged sword of a movie.  He's not a bad guy, he just did some foolish things.  However, he's done them so well, for so long, that's simply how his body works.

None of that had anything to do with causing the crash, and you wonder if he will get away with murder, or at least, manslaughter.

The ending is both wonderful, and terrible, at the same time.

I give all the credit in the world for that to Denzel, the story, and the superb direction by Robert Zemeckis.  It's nice to see him not doing that weird animation style for a change. : )


Final Grade: B

Would I Own It: Since it is a drama, it's unlikely, but I could watch it again in the future.

Unraveling the Secrets of Her Life... "October Baby"

Every Life is Beautiful...

The Story:

Hannah (Rachel Hendrix) collapses at a theater performance.  After conducting some medical tests, she realizes that the reasons she has been medically challenged was due to her very difficult birth...oh and by the way, you're adopted.  Her parents (John Schneider and Jennifer Price) had always meant to tell her, but time has a way of slipping by.  Angered, Hannah wants to go on a road trip with her friend Jason (Jason Burkey) to find her birth mother and find out why she wasn't wanted.  Along the way, she'll find out even more secrets...

First and foremost, this is a Christian movie.  It does not beat you about the head and shoulders with a message though, except maybe the tagline of the film, but it does have an uplifting premise.

For those that are still with me...

Abortion plays heavily into the message.

Again, while very much a Pro-Life stance, they do not go on ugly rants against Pro-Choice beliefs or anything of that nature.

Still with me?

: )

As I have said before with the influx of Christian-themed movie... Yay!  Glad to see them.  The more movie choices for Christians, for families, and for movie-goers in general, I'm always in favor of it.

They've come a long way since the first films of the mainstream genre of the last 20 years or so.

Bigger budgets. Better actors. Better acting. Better stories.

And again, I emphasize what I wrote earlier: You don't have to preach the message over and over when you can have it unfold naturally under the current of the film.

That, I believe, this film does rather nicely.

When Hannah discovers that she is adopted, she feels hurt and betrayed by the people she thought were her parents.  They still are.

Naturally she wants to know why her mother didn't want her.

When she learns that she survived an abortion attempt... imagine the self-esteem hit she takes to find out she REALLY wasn't wanted.


Heartbreaking. Uplifting. Sad. Funny.

All weaved throughout the film, and it was very well done.


Now available for streaming on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: B

Would I Own It: Maybe. Really good film, but dramas are a toughie.  I could watch it again down the road though.

Something Disturbing at "The Factory"

A Buffalo NY serial killer is back in action...

The Story:

A bitter detective (John Cusack) has been doggedly pursuing a serial killer (Dallas Roberts) who has been targeting hookers in Buffalo every winter for the last 3 years.  His new partner (Jennifer Carpenter) shares his determination, but it gets personal when the killer takes the cop's daughter (Mae Whitman), mistaking her for a prostitute.

That's a reminder for today's teens to dress more responsibly.

Can the cops solve the puzzle in time to save the girl?

This drama/thriller is actually pretty interesting... almost until the very end.

And a much better overall effort than Cusack in The Raven.

The serial killer in question is actually more than that... and it's actually worse...thus providing the name for the movie.

The shocking end is indeed just that...

But...

The actual end leaves too big of plot holes and logic jumps to provide suitable closure.

More questions of "how on earth?" are raised than providing for a solid conclusion to an otherwise riveting tale.

Sorry, got to dock it for that...



Available for streaming instantly on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: C+

Would I Own It: Nope, good one time viewing, nothing to be gained on subsequent replays.

What's the Best Kind of Gold? "Stolen"

There's gold in them there banks...

The Story:

4 criminals: Will (Nicolas Cage), Vincent (Josh Lucas), Riley (Malin Ackerman) and Hoyt (M.C. Gainey) are pulling off a $10 Million Dollar heist under the nose of the FBI.  As they attempt to getaway, Will and Vincent scuffle over killing a janitor, Will shoots Vince in the leg, throws him in the van and goes back to get the money...and his partners drive away.  Will is caught, sent to prison, and 8 years later he returns to New Orleans.  The FBI agents (Danny Huston and Mark Valley) are watching Will to see where he stashed the money.  Vince, presumed dead by the FBI returns to steal Will's daughter, and is holding her ransom for $10 million, and if he doesn't get it in 12 hours, the girl is dead.

What would you do?

This flick gets savaged by critics, opens in about a dozen theaters and disappears onto Netflix streaming, so it must suck, right?

Not so fast...

Apparently Nicolas Cage has moved to New Orleans and is going to do nothing but star in direct to DVD thrillers for the rest of his career.  That's okay if the output is like Seeking Justice or this one, which is even better.

If the worst complaint I can muster about this one is that it's like a 90s action movie... well that's actually pretty good praise, as the 90s cranked out some great popcorn movies.

Check your brain at the door, and just have fun.

Cage (and Gainey) re-team with Simon West who helmed one of the greatest (# 61 on my Top 100) 90s action flicks: Con Air.

Is this as good?

Nope, you don't have the cast and budget to pull off that spectacle here.

But they make the most with what they've got, and that actually works.

The story tightly weaves within New Orleans over the course of a day as Will frantically races throughout a Fat Tuesday New Orleans to find his daughter before resorting to return to a life of crime to save his little girl.

The ending climax is a bit over-the-top, but forgivable.

Available to stream instantly on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: B-

Would I Own It: Yes, I could get this one and watch it again.

The Balcony is Closed...Forever. R.I.P. Roger Ebert

Well, that sucks.

I come home today and see that news that Roger Ebert has passed away after a lengthy battle with cancer.

Who knew that a film critic could garner such affection and sympathy from the American (dare I claim, world?) public?

Well, until the late 1970s, I doubt that was possible.

However, I was lucky enough to catch Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel when they started Sneak Previews on PBS in 1978.  My dad was a great fan of movies, and the apple didn't fall far from the tree.  We watched together or separately whenever it was on.  I probably enjoyed it more since they rarely reviewed Westerns. : )

Here were two movie critics that not only dissected whether movies were good or not in a manner of minutes, they often spent as much time (or more!) eviscerating each other over their opinions.

Yes, it was awesome.

In 1982 they left the confines of PBS and went syndicated with At the Movies.

I continued to watch as often as possible.

These two men were awesome.  Sometimes right, many times wrong, but always opinionated and I respected them for that.

These are the guys that lived my dream.

It's no small coincidence that I enjoy writing reviews.  While I could never hope to be a Siskel or Ebert, being a movie reviewer would be one of my dream gigs.

So I do it here in my own little corner of the internet to a few people who read my reviews, and I thank you for that.

Gene Siskel passed away in 1999, and the world was never quite the same, at least when it came to movie reviews.

Two Thumbs Up was forever embedded in the cultural vocabulary of the world.  One of those thumbs belonged to Gene, and could never be replaced.

Today we lost the other thumb, as Roger Ebert has passed on.

The great thing about the internet, Roger's reviews will live forever, as long as his website stays active at least.  Like the movies they reviewed, Siskel and Ebert became as much a part of popular culture as the films they praised and skewered.

There will never be another reviewer like either of them, and there most definitely will never be another duo that recreates the magic that they shared.

I thank them both for their careers.  They touched a lot of people over the years, and from my corner of the internet, I owe them both a great deal of gratitude for helping me enjoy movies, both as a fan, and as a critic.

As they used to sign off their show, until then, the balcony is closed.

R.I.P. Gentlemen.

You are both missed, and I'm hoping that the two of you are enjoying a heavenly reunion right about now...

I'm sure Siskel's got a lot of opinions to share with Roger!

Pixar Stumbles for the First Time..."Brave"

Pixar attempts to outdo what Disney does best: the Princess Movie

The Story:

Scottish princess Merida (Kelly MacDonald) is at odds with her family.  It seems that her mother and father (Emma Thompson and Billy Connolly) are doing what all good Scottish clan leaders did back in the day: attempting to marry off their daughter to another prince to solidify their empires.  Unfortunately, Merida wants nothing to do with the idea.  She's a tomboy who prefers shooting a bow to dancing with guys.  Merida stumbles upon a witch in the woods and begs for a spell that will change her destiny.  The witch obliges, and turns her mother into a bear.

Congratulations, your destiny has been changed.  Good luck saving your mom from your father and everyone else who now wants her dead...

This is the latest Pixar release that I really wasn't sure about watching.  Having been pleasantly surprised by Ratatouille, Up and Wall*E, you would think that I wouldn't question Pixar's abilities.

And yet...

Something about Brave just struck me wrong from the opening trailers.

I don't want to see another Disney Princess film.  If I did, I'd watch Tangled again.

That is Disney territory, let it be.

However, Pixar once again decided to fool me, this wasn't a Disney Princess tale.

No!

It was a different version of Brother Bear!

 

: /

Again...already done by Disney, and done better.

So, while this was a typically great Pixar production: Great voice casting, beautiful to look at...

I can no longer say, and I quote myself : " The worst Pixar movie is still better than the best movie from any other animated studio ."

That this film won the Academy Award tells me that voters simply see the word "Pixar" and punch the ballot.

That is a shame, because of the list of animated movies I've seen since the beginning of the year, this ranks only above Frankenweenie, which I simply despised, but below everything else.

Final Grade: B-

Would I Own It: Only if the kids really want it, and so far, they were left unimpressed.

Sometimes the Oscar Goes to the Right Film... "Argo"

 

 

It's 1979, and things in Iran just got real...

The Story:

Based on the true story of the upheaval in Iran in 1979 when the Shaw left, the Ayatollah took over, and Americans were glued to their sets watching the Hostage Crisis unfold on national television.  However, 6 of the Americans left the embassy and were hidden at the house of the Canadian Ambassador.  The CIA puzzled with how to get them home, and every idea was awful.  So they took the best of the worst options:  Go into Iran posing as a Canadian film crew, and get the hostages out.  The chance for failure, about 99%.  That is not going to stop Agent Tony Mendez (Ben Affleck) from trying.  The movie's name?  Argo.

Okay, is everyone done bashing Ben Affleck's career?  If not, this should silence the critics.

From the opening Warner Brothers logo, you are in 1979, there is no denying it.

I have yet to see the rest of the Best Picture nominees from the year, but I see no reason to think the Academy got it wrong on this one.

I would say the snub for Best Director comes from the fact that, it's Ben Affleck.

Thankfully, it would seem that every other voting entity got over themselves and any disdain they had for Gigli... and got it right.

Kudos also to Alan Arkin and John Goodman as the Hollywood producer and special effects guy who went out on a limb to provide the most elaborate back story ever for a covert operation.  Their dialogue is hilarious, and they provide some much needed smiles in an otherwise harrowing ordeal.

If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it.

Final Grade: A

Would I Own It: That's a tricky one. Dramas only have so much replay value, as I have to psych myself up for a movie like this.  Rewatchable? Yes.