How The West Wasn't Won..."The Ridiculous 6"

The Ridiculous 6 (2015)

Not Rated

Starring Adam Sandler, Terry Crews, Nick Nolte, Rob Schneider, Jorge Garcia, Taylor Lautner, Luke Wilson, Will Forte, Steve Zahn, Harvey Keitel, Danny Trejo, David Spade, Jon Lovitz, Vanilla Ice,
Directed by Frank Coraci

The Story:

Tommy (Sandler) was raised by Indians after his mom died. When his father (Nolte) finally finds him after all these years, he is quickly taken away by Cicero (Trejo) to find the money that he thinks is his. Tommy goes after his dad and discovers that he has 5 brothers from other mothers and they ride into the West to get $50,000 in order to save their dad's life!

Wow, this one goes off the rails quickly and never fully recovers.

I'm usually the first in line to proclaim that an Adam Sandler isn't that bad.

However, for whatever reason, this movie starts off very slow, and very unfunny. There are amusing bits, but when you sign on for a movie like this, with this much talent on display, there needs to be laughs, not smiles when a joke or gag hits the screen.

Perhaps it is the legacy of Blazing Saddles that will forever make any western comedy feel something less than great, but a lot of this has to fall onto Sandler's shoulders as co-writer of this piece.

He's assembled a great cast, many of whom I don't mention in the credits above simply because of how many people are in this film for a bit part or larger.

The other is the running (or dragging) time of this film.

2 hours?!

No.

Comedies should clock in at 90, maybe 100 minutes. At nearly 120 minutes, most of them laugh free, that's interminable for a comedy.

Add to that the horribly annoying Taylor Lautner's Forrest Gump inspired idiot brother, I wanted to punch something just about any time he's on screen.

Which was way more often than he should have been. Which could have cut back the running time of the film considerably.

:)

That said, there are a few pieces that actually work in this film.

Most notable, John Turturro's arrival as Abner Doubleday who decides to create a little game, and proceeds to make up the rules as he goes along.

That scene is funny, and actually feels like how the rules of baseball were likely made up!

Plus, Vanilla Ice as a strangely inspired version of Mark Twain is ridiculous, but in a good way.

I want to give these guys a break, with the whole 4 picture exclusive to Netflix deal, but with a cast and crew that should know better, I think I'm going to have to downgrade this to a Turkey of the Year candidate.

Final Grade: D+

From Convict To "Champion", The Amazing Journey of Danny Trejo

Champion (2005)

N/R - Documentary

Starring Danny Trejo!

Directed by Joe Eckardt

The Story:

You know the face.
Now learn his story.

What a fascinating documentary about the life and times of Danny Trejo.

His troubled youth and stints in jail and how he turned his life around.

How did he break into the movies?

Drugs.

But as a counselor.  He received a phone call from someone on the set of Runaway Train (1985) and he was tempted by the drugs all around the set.

So Danny heads to the set, and sees all of the extras cast as prisoners and laughs.

Then they see him and think, hey, you'd make a great prisoner.

You think?!?

:)

So he's cast as an extra, but then someone on the set as an adviser remembers seeing Danny box in prison, and he gets moved up to a better paying gig if he's willing to teach Eric Roberts how to box for the film.

And the rest is history...

With additional interviews with other actors and directors who have worked with him, including Dennis Hopper, Robert Rodriguez, and Steve Buscemi, it's a worthwhile documentary about one of Hollywood's least likely stars.

Final Grade: B

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Great one time viewing, but no need to purchase.

Truth In Advertising... "Machete Kills"

Machete Kills (2013)
Rated R for violence, language, nudity, violence

Starring Danny Trejo, Mel Gibson, Michelle Rodriguez, Amber Heard, Sofia Vergara,  Jessica Alba, Carlos Estevez, Lady Gaga

Directed by Robert Rodriguez

The Story:
Machete (Trejo) and his partner Sartana (Alba) attempt to stop an arms sale, but in the process, Sartana is killed.  The President (Estevez) saves Machete and sends him after a bad man (Gibson) with designs on world domination.  Along the way, various assassins will attempt to stop Machete.

They will fail.

The sequel nobody demanded.


From a movie that never should have existed.

The sequel to a movie that was a throwaway fake trailer in another movie!

So continues the saga of Machete, the awesome fake trailer from Planet Terror that was so great, it actually became a pretty decent movie.

That is the magic of Trejo!  The man makes low budget films tolerable, and decent projects better than they should be.  Unconventional Hollywood star...check!

Robert Rodriguez is at it again with a crazy script and action pieces that inspire comparisons to Looney Tunes as much as big budget action films.

I have much love and respect for Rodriguez since Desperado.  I watched the movie with his commentary and learned how he treats his mini budget films like big action spectacles.  The enthusiasm and love he puts into the films is always evident.

That includes the killer all-star ensemble cast of Rodriguez favorites and other big names popping in for extended cameos, as most actors don't last long in a Machete movie.

:)

Keep your tongue firmly in cheek, and buckle up for about 90 minutes of pure adrenaline.

If you liked the first one, you'll enjoy the sequel.

Final Grade: B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I own the first, but have not revisited it in sometime.  We'll see what happens with the 2nd installment.

Living In The Wild Wild West Weekend..."Dead in Tombstone"

Dead in Tombstone (2013)
Rated R for language, violence and nudity

Starring Danny Trejo, Mickey Rourke, Anthony Michael Hall

Directed by Roel Reine

The Story:

A gang rolls into a Colorado mining town to take all of the gold that is being held during a land dispute about who owns the mine.  However, the gang, under the insistence of Red (Hall) turn on their leader, Guerrero (Trejo) and gun him down.  Finding himself in Hell, Guerrero bargains with the Devil (Rourke): to deliver the 6 souls that sent him there, in exchange for his own.  The devil agrees, and Guerrero has 24 hours to bring his killers to justice.  Things are about to get ugly!

Well, that was unexpectedly fun!

Easily, the best western I've seen this year so far.

Remove the supernatural element, and you've got the makings and attitude of a good solid "B Movie Western". 

The sets, the costumes, the actors, all do a great job to convey an idyllic mining town that falls prey to the gang of thieves when they roll into town.


Played straight, this would have been a fine Western on its own.

When you factor the added twist with the Devil, that simply solidifies the storyline and provides the deus ex machina to get Guerrero into and out of trouble with no problems.


Danny Trejo does a great job of pretty much playing himself, but that's what you hire him for.  You want the baddest man on the planet, look no further.

Final Grade: Solid B

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I would have no problem owning or watching this one in the future.

Read This Review...Or the Bunny Gets It! "Con Air"

He's got the whole world...
In his hands!

The Story:

Ex-Ranger Cameron Poe (Nicolas Cage) gets sent to prison for killing a man in self-defense.  He does his time, and when it's time to go home, he decides to hop a flight on Con-Air, a prison transport.  But not just any transport, this one is moving the worst of the worst, and they just decided to break free.  If Poe has any hope of getting home to see his wife and daughter, he's going to have to save the day.

If I say "popcorn movie", this is the movie that could easily be in the dictionary as the definition.

It's loud.
It's crazy.
It's fun.

In fact, while Cage is playing his best cajun-accented hero, he gets support from some of the best villains ever assembled:

John Malkovich. Danny Trejo. Ving Rhames. Steve Buscemi.

They're chewing up the scenery, and making Poe's life miserable.

Realizing that he has a sense of duty to a friend onboard, as well as a female marshal who will likely be killed if he leaves her alone, Poe passes up an opportunity to leave the plane and plots to save the day from inside the plane.

Luckily, he's got some help on the ground in the form of John Cusack who races to help Poe get to safety.

The movie is fast-paced, written by Scott Rosenberg who also helped Cusack with High Fidelity and went back for Cage once more with Gone in 60 Seconds.

Given that this was the first time Simon West sat in the director's chair, he knocked it out of the park.  He could never have made another movie, and I would have considered him a great one-hit wonder. 

West sort of disappeared, but came roaring back in the last few years with The Mechanic and Expendables 2 last year. 

Welcome back to the Popcorn Movie genre Mr. West, you've been missed!

Yes, I can pop this movie in, anytime and just lose myself in 2 hours of pure adrenaline fun.

It's not a perfect movie...

But it's perfectly fun!

Final Grade: A

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I own it. I love it. I have seen it so many times, I've lost count! :)

Even Danny Trejo is No Match Against The "Rise of the Zombies"!!

Brains... a requirement for zombies and screenwriters...

The Story:  It appears that something rotten has hit the water supply in California.  The movie begins with a group of survivors on Alcatraz, the perfect escape location in the event of a zombie outbreak.  But alas, the zombies take to the surf and arrive on the shores of The Rock.  Natually, the survivors head to the mainland for help.  They split into two groups, one destined for the evacuation point, the other to a university where a cure was being worked on.  Will anyone survive?

When your main selling point on the poster is an image of Danny Trejo, you know you're in trouble.  Because, granted, the man is a genius and people want to see him in movies.  But come on, either be pure grade B camp or try and muster some semblance of a story for the audience.

First, the premise is genius.  Where better to hide from zombies than on Alcatraz?  Nowhere I can think of.

But unlike The Day, where those weren't real zombies, these zombies are apparently fast-ish, and they think.

Those are two of my least favorite things to assign to zombies.

I like my slow, lumbering, brains-wishing zombies.  You say that's not frightful, but when you add numbers to that pack... pretty darn skeevie, really.

In addition to Trejo, your star is Mariel Hemingway, LeVar Burton plays the dumbest scientist you'll ever meet... unless you count French Stewart.

With a cast like that, you've got to have fun and make it entertaining.

Instead, it simply plays by the numbers.  Bitten...change within 30 seconds... become a ravenous monster.

Perhaps I'm jaded in wanting more from zombie flicks, but that's just how it is.


Upon further inspection of this film, it premiered on the SyFy network.  That explains a lot...

This film is available to stream instantly on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: C-
Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Sorry, I'd have to pass.

The Prequel Sequel Without Equal ~ Death Race: Inferno!

Before there was Statham...

The Story:

The Legend of Frankenstein continues!  This sequel to Death Race 2 finishes the saga of Frankenstein, and sets up the 2008 remake starring Jason Statham of the 1970s Roger Corman cult classic.

Confused?

Don't be!

The rules are simple: Convicts in weaponized cars race around trying to kill each other.  Win 5 races, you are pardoned!  Frankenstein has 4 wins  under his belt, but with a transaction that shifts ownership of the Death Race franchise to a new owner, it appears that Frankenstein needs to lose, if he wants to live!


Truth be told, I have to give two thumbs up to not only Death Race 2, but to Death Race (3): Inferno.  While I am an admitted Jason Statham film fan, I would actually claim that these two tell a better, more coherent story than his did.  Luke Goss does an admirable job as the main character as a cross between Statham and Stone Cold Steve Austin.  Plus nearly any film that has Danny Trejo in it, gets an automatic pass for Trejo-ness!

But when you're talking about cars racing and shooting each other (Twisted Metal for the Playstation anyone?) you're not expecting cinematic genius.

Both of the prequels are available for streaming on Netflix as of this writing.  Inferno actually isn't even available for purchase or rental until the 22nd of January, so this whole time travel thing is pretty cool!

:)

You want a great action flick where you can check your brain at the door and enjoy some explosions with your popcorn, look no further...

This is the franchise for you!

Final Grade: A Solid B for a great B Movie franchise!