The Name Sounds Familiar... "Poltergeist"

Poltergeist (2015)

Rated PG-13

Starring Sam Rockwell, Rosemarie DeWitt, Saxon Sharbino, Kyle Catlett, Kennedi Clements, Jared Harris, Jane Adams

Directed by Gil Kenan

The Story:

The Bowen family moves into a house. The house is haunted. The house eats the youngest child (Clements). The Bowen's bring in the one man (Harris) who might have a chance at saving their daughter.

They're back.

Okay, that's a short and to-the-point synopsis of the movie.

First, hands up everyone who saw and remembers and probably loves the 1982 original film.

Cool.

Me too.

That said, it's been about...30-ish years since I last saw the film.

I'm still haunted by the fried chicken leg scene.

:: shudder ::

And of course, everyone remembers "They're he-re"

So why remake the film?

Money.

Money talks, and like it or not, Poltergeist is a "franchise".

The funny thing, get rid of the "They're he-re" line and name this film something else entirely, more people would probably have enjoyed it and/or bashed it less for being a "horrible remake" of a beloved 80s movie.

At this point, every haunted house movie is derivative of Poltergeist, or the Amityville Horror or any of a number of films that have come before.

Much like the RoboCop remake, or Total Recall, when they keep referencing names or trying to recreate scenes instead of just taking the idea of the film and doing a "what can we do now?" approach to the film, it causes too many memory reflexes for many viewers to just sit back and enjoy the show.

Thankfully, I was able to enjoy this movie for what it was, and only had a few flashbacks to the original film.

Sam Rockwell, as always, makes a great anchor for the film as we not only suffer with his ordeal of trying to save his family after the ghosts make themselves known, we feel his pain as he tries desperately to take care of his family before that even happens.

Harris also makes a great ghost hunter and provides much needed humor and seriousness as the needs arise.

You know, when it's all said and done, this was still a rather well-made story and can stand on its own two feet next to the original.

Final Grade: B-

You Look Very Familiar... "RoboCop"

RoboCop (2014)

Rated PG-13 for violence and language

Starring Joel Kinnaman, Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, Samuel L. Jackson,

Directed by Jose Padilha

The Story:

In the future, OmniCorp has been sending their cyborg troops overseas as peacekeeping soldiers ensuring real people aren't dying anymore.  Only America is refusing to allow these tin men to patrol the streets, and with pressure on politicians by OmniCorp president Sellars (Keaton) and crusading journalist Pat Novak (Jackson) are lobbying to get a RoboCop trial program off the ground.  The missing ingredient: the human factor.  When they receive the gift of a cop that was targeted for assassination (Kinnaman), they hardwire him into the RoboCop program.

This is not your father's RoboCop.

Or mine, for that matter.

The original, satirical take on America in the 80s is still a science fiction classic, however, my fears, as I voiced in my review last year of the original RoboCop (1987), were thankfully unfounded.

While many of names remain the same, there are subtle, and less subtle shifts in tone and behavior to the original.

Whereas Total Recall tried to change the story completely, the over-reliance of the original ended up casting a shadow that the remake could not crawl out from under.

RoboCop takes the least amount of the original and transplants it, without the satiric tone, into a possible future America that could likely exist.

Why wouldn't we want to send robotic soldiers to fight wars and save hundreds/thousands of human lives?

You would think it would be a no-brainer, but politicians want human capability for discernment to be included.

Kinnaman brings life to the suit, literally if not figuratively.  Not familiar with his work, the big names all float around as secondary figures.

At the end of the day though, if I am only going to watch another RoboCop with my kids (assuming they want to watch it again...), it would end up being this version.

Simply because the tone and violence is dialed waaaaay back this go round.

The revamped RoboCop is a perfectly serviceable science fiction/action flick for a new generation.

Final Grade: B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: It actually wasn't too bad.  I don't think I'll rush out to own it, but I could watch it on cable in the future.

My First Time Viewing..."Kindergarten Cop" No, Seriously!!

It's not a too-mah!

The Story:

John Kimble (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is trying to bust Cullen Crisp (Richard Tyson).  The only lead they have is the school where his son is attending in Oregon.  So he goes there with his partner (Pamela Reed) who will pose as the new kindergarten teacher.  But when she gets ill, suddenly John has to fill the bill, as he becomes the title character of the movie.  Naturally, John becomes enamored with the ex-Mrs. Crisp (Penelope Ann Miller) which naturally complicates things.  John has to survive the kids, if he hopes to survive his encounter when Crisp comes to town.

This movie is 23 years old.

I have never seen it, until now.

Nothing like catching up on the classics!

:)

Yes, I've seen the "it's not a tumor" line played over and over throughout the years, but have never actually sat down and watched the film.

Until now.

And I've got to say, it wasn't too bad.

This was the phase of Arnold's career when he was finally branching out into comedies or family-friendly fare.  Most action stars do it at some point, it's often the only way to broaden their horizons and extend their careers.

Arnold was probably the most successful at this.  He's made more memorable films than flops in his career, and this film  followed the success of Twins, and the very underrated Total Recall.  That movie automatically became better when the remake paled in comparison!

But Arnold was on top of his game here, playing straight-man to the kids and just generally having a good time.

I'm glad I finally got to see it.

Final Grade: B

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Cute film, easily rewatchable.  Since I've gone 23 years without it in my collection, no hurry at the moment.  Though I do have several Arnold classics missing from the collection, so who knows?

I Wish I Could Un-Remember This Remake..."Total Recall"

The remake that YOU demanded!

You didn't?

Well, someone did, and this is what we have to show for it.


The Story:

A troubled worker (Colin Farrell) has been having some bad dreams.  He tells his wife (Kate Beckinsale) about them, then goes about his dreary routine with his best friend.  But he wants something more.  So he decides to go to a place and have some memories implanted into him about being a secret agent.  Only it turns out...he already is one!

Dun Dun Dun!

To their credit, the makers of this version abandoned Mars and said "hey, the concept behind Total Recall is kinda cool, what can we do to make a similar story, but still be different."

And with that, they succeeded, and actually succeeded quite well.  The story they wanted to tell is actually kind of interesting.

In execution however...

There is something that just isn't there.

Could it be Quaid/Hauser's insistence on "I need something more...my life sucks...if only I were a secret agent..." ? Talk about laying the exposition on thick.

Maybe it's Beckinsale's turn as an unstoppable killing machine...except she's not a machine, and not really very good at killing her intended target.

Perhaps it's Jessica Biel who seems too soft of a character to be a higher up in the resistance.

Maybe it's just the lack of Ah-Nuhld?

Hard to say, but while the original Total Recall is not a cinematic masterpiece, it's pretty decent cheese that actually has aged well and still is as compelling as ever.

Again, the storyline is good and solid.

But everytime the remake takes a step forward, it takes two steps back.

Why the insistence on the same names?  I found myself trying to remember who played that character in the original film instead of investing in these new characters.

Why did they insist on keeping some things from the original and jettisoning others?

Really, was the lady with the 3 boobs (makes sense on Mars...less so on Earth) really necessary?  Of course, with today's generation, I remember when the film came out and either the studio or the actress had to go on social media and say "no, that's not real, it's special effects".

Duh.

We're getting stupider by the generation, and remakes like this aren't helping.

Any goodwill I tried to maintain with this film went out the window at the end when the line "Consider that a divorce" was NOT used.


I can't, in good faith, recommend seeing it.  Just watch the original again and have a blast.