Not Much Happens... "Aftermath"

Aftermath (2017)

Rated R

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Scoot McNairy

Directed by Elliott Lester

The Story:

Jake (McNairy) is an air traffic controller who makes a horrific mistake on the job. Roman (Schwarzenegger) lost his wife and daughter on one of the planes that crashed. Roman sets out on a course of revenge while Jake's life also spirals out of control.

Trust me, I'm trying to ramp up the drama, but really, not much happens during the movie.

It's just a long dramatic pause so that Ah-nuhld can muster revenge because the airlines never actually apologized for the crash.

Yeah, I know, it makes no sense in the real world or in the fictional movie world either.

Enough happens to keep a passing interest in the movie, and then it culminates in a final act that just seems disjointed enough to provide any emotional impact on the movie to move the audience.

It just ends and the credits roll. No satisfying conclusion to what just happened.

Then you feel like the main character, just with less revenge on your mind, and more of a quest to find a more satisfying movie to watch.

Maybe tomorrow?

Final Grade: C

A Very Non-Zombie, Zombie Movie: "Maggie"

Maggie (2015)

Rated PG-13

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Abigail Breslin, Joely Richardson

Directed by Henry Hobson

The Story:

Wade (Schwarzenegger) has spent the last several weeks trying desperately to find his daughter Maggie (Breslin) and bring her home safely. Maggie has been infected, and within 8 weeks she will turn into a zombie, and Wade wants to make sure that she is with her family, and not just another number in one of the quarantine zones.

How far will a father go to protect his daughter, knowing at any time she could turn on him?

That's the bottom line on this movie.

It's not Ah-nuhld vs. zombies, which is probably why the movie didn't do much at the box office.

However, Arnold read the script and if rumors are true, he starred in the film for free to keep the production costs low.

I won't say it's the "thinking mans zombie movie".

However, it's the most un-zombie-like zombie movie that I can recall.

This isn't a tale about surviving the zombie plague...but it is, somewhat.

This is a look at what a person loses as they slowly slip into becoming a zombie, and the effect is has on the family around them.

Very little action, very few zombies. Very well done.

Still manages to tug on the heartstrings a few times during the movie.

Currently streaming on Amazon for Prime members.

Final Grade: C+ / B- range is about right.

He Always Said He'd Be Back..."Terminator: Genisys"

Terminator: Genisys (2015)

Rated PG-13

Starring Emilia Clarke, Jai Courtney, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jason Clarke, J.K. Simmons,

Directed by Alan Taylor

The Story:

John Connor (Clarke) sends Kyle Reese (Courtney) back to 1984 to protect Sarah Connor (Clarke) from the Terminators. However, when Reese arrives, this 1984 is unlike anything he was prepared for. It appears that there have been a few more time travel uses that we weren't aware of, and now the past has changed and that creates the potential for failure in the future and complete domination by the machines. Thankfully, there is a Guardian (Schwarzenegger) on their side to help even things up.

There sure was a lot of hate and anger directed at the latest installment of the franchise.

I don't buy it. No, it's not the original, nor is it T2.

But it's the best sequel they've had since then.

Sure it's a reboot, reimaging, but that's what happens when everyone in the cast has aged.

Except Ah-nuhld. We've all accepted by now that he likely is a robot and won't age.

I can also live with that.

I didn't find Clarke to be "horribly miscast" as Sarah Connor. I thought she held her own just fine. I think this was my first exposure to her work as I don't watch Game of Thrones, and nothing else on her filmography rang a bell.

If there is any real weakness in the film it is Jai Courtney.  There's something about Courtney and I haven't put my finger on it yet, but he comes across as bland and rather boring in these films.

And he should be poised as the next big action star.

He's like Jeremy Renner-lite, all of the qualities, none of the charisma.

He bogged down A Good Day To Die Hard and was rather bland in the Divergent series as well.

The film might get a little greedy with the time travel aspects this go round, but I'm okay with that.

The film never managed to lose my interest, and they kept just enough twists and turns coming to make the ride a fun one.

Hey, after all is said and done, it was an entertaining film and I'll remember it much more than Terminator: Salvation

Final Grade: B-

Ho Ho Ho...Here We Go! "Jingle All The Way 2"

Jingle All The Way 2 (2014)

Rated PG

Starring Larry the Cable Guy, Santino Marelli, Brian Stepanek, Kennedi Clements,

Director: Alex Zamm

The Story:

Larry (the Cable Guy) is in a pickle this holiday season. His daughter Noel (Clements) won't tell him what she wants, but will mail her deepest desire to Santa. Larry has been watching her new step-dad (Stepanek) give her everything he never could, and it's eating him up. So perhaps opening just one little letter will give Larry the advantage he needs to win back his daughter's love.

A sequel in name only, since Larry replacing Schwarzenegger seems highly improbable, this direct to DVD offering isn't as bad as you might fear or suspect.

Of course, I was also no great fan of the original Jingle All The Way, so adjust your review reading accordingly.

If you're a fan or can at least tolerate Larry, then you're going to be able to sit through this film with little to no pain at all.

If you find Larry to be overdone and tiresome, then you're likely in for the longest night of your life.

Me?

I have no problems with Larry, he's funny, and he seems sincerely genuine as an affable goof with a good heart.

In a way, this sequel also outdoes the original because in the original, the kid really did want the toy.

In this one, the toy is wanted by the parents out of a misunderstanding.

It's cute, it's sweet and fun.

While I'm not going to rush out and buy it, I'll commend WWE Studios for snapping up the franchise and trying to do something with it.

If pressed to watch a Jingle All The Way during the holidays, I would opt for this one over the original.

Final Grade: C

Third Time's The...Yawn... "The Expendables 3"

The Expendables 3 (2014)

Rated PG-13

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Wesley Snipes, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mel Gibson, Jet Li, Terry Crews, Dolph Lundgren, Harrison Ford, Antonio Banderas

Directed by Patrick Hughes

The Story:

Barney (Stallone) is on a mission with the team when he runs across his old partner-in-crime, Stonebanks (Gibson). They founded the Expendables together, and Barney thought he was dead. Instead, it's Stonebanks who is going to try and kill Barney and his all new team that he has assembled. So naturally it's up to the old gang to help save the day and stop the bad guy.

Piece of cake!

I'm not sure how I feel about this entry in the franchise.

One, everything changes.

Gone is Bruce Willis, replaced by Harrison Ford. Meh... I guess that works.

Mel Gibson is given prime crazy time to chew scenery and play the bad guy, and he does that well. You know there will be a straight up fight at the end that will leave someone dead.

Only this time, Gibson plays the Gary Busey role!

:)

Then there is Wesley Snipes who gets out of prison, and winds up right back on the big screen. He seems to get quite a bit of screen time which throws off the chemistry of the main characters a bit, in my opinion.

In fact, that's the biggest problem with the film, look at that poster. There isn't enough time to have much character interaction because there are just too many characters.

Don't even get me started on how shortchanged Banderas' part is. : /

So naturally, of the 3, this is my least favorite of the franchise.

If it was the end, so be it. It was a fun ride. The first one was good, the second one was a hoot.

This one was a suitable bookmark.

Audiences seemed to have finally had enough, but really, it was more of the same.

I guess in reality though, we've gone through just about every action start out there.

Except Steven Seagal.

Or Michael Dudikoff.

There's hope for 4 yet!

Final Grade: C+

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Maybe...no hurry though.

A Review To "Sabotage" Your Labor Day Holiday

Sabotage (2014)
Rated R for language and bloodshed galore

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sam Worthington, Joe Manganiello, Josh Holloway, Terrence Howard, Mireille Enos,

Written and Directed by David Ayer

The Story:

DEA Agent Breacher (Schwarzenneger) leads his team on a raid.  During the raid, they decide to steal $10 million off the top of a stack of cash.  However when they go to retrieve it, it's missing!  They are suspended and investigated, but nobody on the team admits to stealing (and losing) the money, and eventually they are put back together as a unit.  Then, one by one, they start getting murdered by the drug lords they stole from.
Will they be able to find the murderer before it's too late?

Indifference.

That's what this movie ultimately ended up being for me.

It was a great cast, given not a whole lot to do except shoot, bleed and curse a lot.

In fact, some of the bloodshed and ways they were killed, this movie seemed like it wanted to crossover into borderline horror movie territory.

Any intrigue on who took the money, who is going to die next on the team erodes as the film moves along.

When the ultimate villain is revealed, it comes as more of a "well duh" moment, than a twist of the knife reveal to the team.

It could've been something special.

Instead, it was just something.

I'll take The Last Stand any day over this one as proof that Ah-nuhld can still make a fun movie.

Final Grade: C

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: No fun...no reason to see it again... I'd have to pass on seeing this one again.

The End Is Nigh... "Batman & Robin"

Batman & Robin (1997)

Rated PG-13 for language, violence and ice skating

Starring George Clooney, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chris O' Donnell, Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone

Directed by Joel Schumacher

The Story:

Batman (Clooney) and Robin (O'Donnell) are facing the maniacal Mr. Freeze (Schwarzenegger) who is trying to get his hands on diamonds, to create a freeze ray that will turn the world to ice!  He has a hand in the creation of Poison Ivy (Thurman) who uses her feminine ways to drive a wedge between the dynamic duo!  Thankfully, the arrival of Alfred's niece, Barbara (Silverstone) will tip the scales to the side of justice when she becomes...Batgirl!

Oh my...

This was even worse than I remembered.

When the Dynamic Duo become ice skaters in the opening battle of the film, I literally rolled my eyes and checked out of the film.

Which is a shame, because George Clooney gets the lion's share of unfair blame on the failure of this movie.

It wasn't his fault. 

In fact, I have gone on record, many times, that Clooney actually made the best Batman of the 3 that wore the cape and cowl up to that point.

No, it was the terrible script and Schumacher instilling too much camp in a series that had been only wink and nod in that area up to that point.

Final Grade: D+ realm

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Nope, I'm good.

Ready For The Weekend? Better Have An "Escape Plan" From Work

Escape Plan (2013)
Rated R for Violence and language

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jim Caviezel

Directed by Mikael Hafstrom

The Story:

Ray Breslin(Stallone) lives to break out of prisons.  He is hired to analyze, test and escape from the best prisons on the planet.  When the Feds come looking to have Breslin check out the greatest prison ever developed, he agrees, but soon finds himself trapped in a prison with all of his fail-safes gone.  He meets another inmate (Schwarzenegger) and the two begin to slowly hatch Breslin's escape plan.  But with the Warden's (Caviezel) ever present guards and cameras, it looks like this could be the end of Breslin's storied career of being able to escape.

This was a fun little movie!

The previews didn't lie, and I had a great time watching the film.

I don't think any kids growing up in the 80s would think that we would still see Arnold and Sly making movies 30 years later, but I'm glad they are.

And for the most part, lately, their movies are turning out to be as good, or better, than much of the stuff they were in from the 80s on through to today.

That's not bad at all.

Caviezel's warden seems to be missing a few pieces of his character, probably on the cutting room floor.  He's an odd duck, to say the least, but he is disturbingly effective in his role.

Also nice to see Sam Neill pop up as the prison doctor.  Haven't seen him in ages.

Give it a shot if you haven't yet seen it.

Final Grade: Solid B

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I quite enjoyed this one, and would have no problem owning or watching it again.

My First Time Viewing..."Kindergarten Cop" No, Seriously!!

It's not a too-mah!

The Story:

John Kimble (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is trying to bust Cullen Crisp (Richard Tyson).  The only lead they have is the school where his son is attending in Oregon.  So he goes there with his partner (Pamela Reed) who will pose as the new kindergarten teacher.  But when she gets ill, suddenly John has to fill the bill, as he becomes the title character of the movie.  Naturally, John becomes enamored with the ex-Mrs. Crisp (Penelope Ann Miller) which naturally complicates things.  John has to survive the kids, if he hopes to survive his encounter when Crisp comes to town.

This movie is 23 years old.

I have never seen it, until now.

Nothing like catching up on the classics!

:)

Yes, I've seen the "it's not a tumor" line played over and over throughout the years, but have never actually sat down and watched the film.

Until now.

And I've got to say, it wasn't too bad.

This was the phase of Arnold's career when he was finally branching out into comedies or family-friendly fare.  Most action stars do it at some point, it's often the only way to broaden their horizons and extend their careers.

Arnold was probably the most successful at this.  He's made more memorable films than flops in his career, and this film  followed the success of Twins, and the very underrated Total Recall.  That movie automatically became better when the remake paled in comparison!

But Arnold was on top of his game here, playing straight-man to the kids and just generally having a good time.

I'm glad I finally got to see it.

Final Grade: B

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Cute film, easily rewatchable.  Since I've gone 23 years without it in my collection, no hurry at the moment.  Though I do have several Arnold classics missing from the collection, so who knows?

My Money's On the Big Guy... "The Last Stand"

He always said he'd be back...

The Story:

Sheriff Ray Owens (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is in charge of a small town just across from Mexico.  There's not a lot of crime... really, there's not a lot of anything to worry about.  So when FBI Agent
Bannister (Forest Whitaker) loses a drug cartel figurehead (Gabriel Cortez) in a high speed chase through the desert, there's only one town that stands between the fugitive and freedom.

Welcome back, Ah-nuhld, you didn't miss a beat.

I have no gripes with this movie whatsoever.  It's an action flick designed for Arnold's return, and as such, it fits very nicely in with the rest of his body of work.  Better than many of his films, not as good as the classics.

No shame there, for any actor.

As he showed in his extended cameos in the Expendables franchise, the man obviously still has a few action flicks up his muscled sleeves before he calls it a career.

They also make sure that he's surrounded with some comic relief in the form of a deputy (Luis Guzman) and town eccentric (Johnny Knoxville) whose penchant for weaponry will naturally come into play before the movie is over.

I don't think there are any real surprises to be had in the film, as it follows the by-the-numbers approach to most action films to a  "t".

Again, I don't have any problems with that, and if you want to see Arnold still kicking butt at the age of 92, here you go!

Final Grade: B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I would be willing to watch it again, and if I find it for a decent price, I could own it someday.