"Mother!" May I Turn This Off?

Mother! (2017)

Rated R

Starring Jennifer Lawrence, Javier Bardem, Ed Harris, Michelle Pfeiffer,

Written and Directed by Darren Aronofsky

The Story:

A writer (Bardem) and his wife (Lawrence) live alone in an old house that is painstakingly being restored in a beautiful field. One night a stranger (Harris) arrives at the doorstep. A huge fan, the two converse through the night, and then the stranger's wife (Pfeiffer) shows up. Chaos ensues as the house and their life plunge into chaos. The worse things get for them, the more inspired He becomes to write his next work.

And if you have 2 hours of your life you're willing to part with for this painful allegory to The Bible, you can subject yourself to Darren Aronofsky's latest Hollywood offering.

It would be less painful to ask 30 people to slap you across the face with an oversized King James Version of The Bible.

Bad.

Bad all around.

Any movie where a character watches paint dry, well, that joke just writes itself...

Horrible writing, an impressive ensemble cast that just makes you cringe with every scene you are subjected to.

A running time that feels 3x longer than it really is.

Perhaps the single most painful movie I've watched from beginning to end in my entire life.

I was tempted to eject the film, but for 2018, I'm trying to be a kinder, gentler movie critic, and give it a chance to redeem itself past the 20 minute mark.

Boy, am I stupid.

:)

It will have other movies join it on the Worst Movies of 2018 list, but I can't see any movie overtaking it as THE Worst movie I'm going to see.

Avoid at all costs.

Final Grade: F-

Just Along For The Ride..."Passengers"

Passengers (2016)

Rated PG-13

Starring Chris Pratt, Jennifer Lawrence, Michael Sheen

Directed by Morten Tyldum

The Story:

A starship traveling making a 120 year journey to inhabit a new space colony with over 5,000 souls onboard has a malfunction, and a pod containing Jim Preston (Pratt) opens early. 90 years early. With the prospect of dying long before he arrives, Jim tries everything he can to get help from the crew or to put himself back into hibernation. After over a year alone, Jim stumbles upon Aurora (Lawrence) and then wrestles with the decision of whether to wake her up, resigning her to share his fate, or leave her be. You've seen the trailers, you know what he's going to choose.

The question is, wouldn't you do the same thing?

The movie was very clever in the marketing of this film. Never once did they reveal the giant elephant in the room:

Do you wake someone else up, effectively committing murder as they too will die long before there is help, or do you remain alone?

The movie tackles the situation in probably the best way it can, and with the introduction of another character as the movie heads into the final act, it is summed up perfectly on why Jim made the choice he did, and why it is a decision that probably anyone else would make as well.

The moral dilemma aside, the movie itself is beautiful, both in the space sequences as well as just the impressive visuals of imagination that went into the starship.

Adding Michael Sheen to the mix as the third wheel in the relationship helps break the monotony and allows the characters a chance to interact with someone else.

He's also a good reason why you can't trust androids with your secrets.

: )

Final Grade: B-

If Only It Were The End... "X-Men: Apocalypse"

X-Men Apocalypse (2016) 

Rated PG-13

Starring James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Nicholas Hoult, Oscar Isaac, Rose Byrne, Evan Peters, Sophie Turner, Tye Sheridan, Lucas Till, Kodi Smit-McPhee, Ben Hardy, Alexandra Shipp, Olivia Munn,

Directed by Bryan Singer

The Story:

En Sabah Nur/Apocalypse (Isaac) was the first mutant, he stole his powers from others like him and made himself powerful and immortal. Buried for centuries in Egypt, he is awakened in the 20th century and begins to find his new horsemen, including Magneto (Fassbender), Storm (Shipp), Angel (Hardy) and Psylocke (Munn).  It's up to Professor Xavier (McAvoy), Mystique (Lawrence) and Beast (Hoult) to recruit and lead a new team of X-Men, including Jean Grey (Turner), Cyclops (Sheridan) and Nightcrawler (Smit-McPhee) into battle to save the world

Boring.

No wait, this is a superhero movie...

Super-boring!

The one exception: the Quicksilver (Peters) scene. That's amazing stuff, and I could watch that anytime. I wish they would have done that in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but oh well, too late now.

I'm not trying to pick on Fox and say that the X-Men should move back to Disney so that we can have one cohesive universe...

But if they're listening, they should.

:)

But at least, unlike the Fantastic Four, they've been moderately successful with the movies, especially after rebooting with First Class and Days of Future Past.

I'm not sure what went wrong but I found myself consistently indifferent to this movie.

I wanted to like it, but it seemed to be in a constant state of "there's so much going on, yet nothing's really happening!" for nearly 2 1/2 hours!

So much potential, and instead it's like watching a franchise tread water until they can get to the next movie.

I'm afraid I have to say it, but when I look back on how much I enjoyed this to just about any other film in the X-Men experience, I'm unimpressed.

Plus, take into account how much I love this genre, and what the Marvel Cinematic Universe is doing, so much like Batman vs. Superman, I have to grade accordingly...

Final Grade: D+

Ironic Film TItle... "Joy"

Joy (2015)

Rated R

Starring Jennifer Lawrence, Robert DeNiro, Bradley Cooper, Diane Ladd, Edgar Ramirez, Virginia Madsen, Elisabeth Rohm,

Directed by David O. Russell

The Story:

Joy (Lawrence) is a divorced mother who has allowed her ex-husband (Ramirez) to stay in the basement while dealing with a mom (Madsen) who won't leave her room, a dad (DeNiro) who tends to drive her crazy when he's not chasing after his next girlfriend. She's broke, she hates her job, and she has an idea for a mop...

I'm sorry, was I boring you?

I was totally boring myself.

This engaging true story of a woman who pulled herself up by her bootstraps could be riveting and engaging.

For me, it wasn't.

While I liked the last time that DeNiro, Lawrence, Cooper and Director David O. Russell teamed together (Silver Linings Playbook) they were interesting characters that I was invested in from just about the first time I saw them onscreen.

I wanted to see more.

Lightning did not strike twice.

Aside from DeNiro, I actually wanted to see less of just about everyone else in the first 25 minutes of watching this film.

Life is already depressing enough, and crazy family is crazy family, I really don't need to see it in all of the mundane glory.

Indeed, by the 25 minute mark (I was trying to like it, I really was) I realized I didn't want to spend the next 2 hours with this family just to get to the inevitable happy ending.

Final Grade:  D   

It's About Time...Travel... "X-Men: Days of Future Past"

X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)

Rated PG-13

Starring Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellan, Patrick Stewart, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence

Directed by Bryan Singer

The Story:

The X-Men are being wiped out by the Sentinel program. To save themselves, Professor Xavier (Stewart) and Magneto (McKellan) join forces with the remaining X-Men, they run a risky gambit of sending Wolverine (Jackman) back in time to find Professor X (McAvoy) and Magneto (Fassbender) to try and stop Mystique (Lawrence) from making a huge mistake that will cause the creation of the Sentinels.

Confused?

Don't be.

It will all make sense before the whole thing is over.

And in the process, they build on the great work from X-Men: First Class and bring the entire X-Men franchise back to relevance and in direct competition with Marvel Studios.

Nothing like a bit of friendly competition.

If Marvel can't get their franchises all back under one roof (boooo), then I'd like to at least see them be successful and well made.

I was never really thrilled with any of the Wolverine or X-Men movies until First Class came along.

Now, with Days of Future Past, Fox resets the entire franchise and is able to go forward (or backward) and do anything they want.

Bravo, well played.


Fox better enjoy this while they can, because it is just about time for them to begin recasting all of the roles once again.

I'm not sure how many more turns in the claws Jackman has, but he's leaving some really big shoes to fill.

Good luck.

Final Grade: A-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Enjoyed it, bought it. One of the 10 Best of 2014. Looking forward to the next installment.

Now Playing..."X-Men: Days Of Future Past"

X-Men- Days of Future Past (2014)

Rated PG-13 for language, violence, and Hugh Jackman's bum

Starring: Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Peter Dinklage, Ellen Page,

Directed by Bryan Singer

The Story:

In the future, the war between humans and mutants is nearing its end.  What is left of the X-Men make one last stand.  If they can use Kitty Pryde's (Page) talents to send Wolverine (Jackman) back to 1973, he can avert the assassination of Dr. Bolivar Trask (Dinklage) by Mystique (Lawrence).  The government will capture Mystique and use her unique DNA to create the Sentinel program and use those weapons to wipe out mutant-kind.  Wolverine will need to reunite Xavier (McAvoy) and Magneto (Fassbender) to help him stop Mystique, and hopefully change the future.

Well, how about 20th Century Fox.

In one fell swoop, they fixed everything that was wrong with the X-Men/Wolverine franchise with a bit of a soft reset button.

All it took was a bit of time travel, and a willingness by the franchise to embrace the awesomeness of X-Men: First Class and move forward.

Initial reaction?

This is probably the best X-Men movie yet. 

I may have to watch First Class again just to make sure, but it was pretty darn good.

I was never that enamored with either of the first X-Men movies, and I didn't hate the 3rd nearly as much as every other human.

Totally disappointed with the first Wolverine solo movie, mostly for the total butchery of Deadpool.

:: sniff ::

But again,  one fell swoop, and everything can now be different.

The best parts of the movie:


1) Peter Maximoff/Quicksilver - Awesome. Hilarious.  Now that we've seen what the X-Men can do with him, let's see what Joss Whedon can do in The Avengers.

2) Blink - She was awesome, and short-lived (once upon a time) in the comics.  She was awesome in the film.

If you've abandoned the franchise at any point, come on back.  If you've never set foot in the franchise... you might get a little confused, but I think the plot is solid enough not to lose you too much, give it a try.

And yes, sit through the entire credits.  You'll be treated to a scene that does two things:

1) It sets up the next X-Men movie.
2) It answers an age old question about how something was made.

:)

And yeah, I still don't get people that get up and leave at the end of comic book films!

I felt bad for this one lady and her kids.  The husband/dad was growing impatient at having to sit and watch the credits roll.

As the credits just about finished, he told her "there's not anymore credits to put a scene into, let's go".

Jerk.

So they left, and were out of the theater just as the teaser played.

Ah well...

I think I'll have to give the X-Men the ranking of 2nd best comic-book movie of the year so far.

Moving ahead of Spider-Man 2, but trailing Captain America.

Let's see how the Guardians do in August.

Final Grade: A-/B+ range

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I'll be adding it to the X-Library this Christmas.

Who Is Conning Who? "American Hustle"

American Hustle (2013)

Rated R for language

Starring Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Jeremy Renner

Directed by David O. Russell

The Story:

Irving (Bale) is a con-man. His lover, Sydney (Adams) are getting rich scamming people.  Then along comes FBI Agent DiMaso (Cooper) who enlists the two to help him take down crooked politicians like Mayor Polito (Renner).  Get ready for the mother of all con artist/flim flam movies... based on a real story!

If you can stay awake long enough to get through it.

It went on 1.5 x within 5 minutes... trying to see if it was interesting at all.

I couldn't find any interest.

I think I let it run for the first 45 minutes before I realized that I honestly didn't care one bit about who was doing what to whom, or why.

Not good for a movie like this.

An incredible waste of talent.

Some of the reviews I see say that it really picks up in the 2nd half.

While I suppose that's better than being let down, if you never feel any connection to the characters, it seems to me, you're fighting a losing battle.

Final Grade: D

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Maybe I'll try and catch the ending someday on cable. But I'm sure I'll find a million other things to watch or do instead.

When Life Gives You Dark Clouds, Get a "Silver Linings Playbook"

Excelsior!

The Story:

Pat, a former teacher (Bradley Cooper) is released from a mental hospital after completing his 8 month court-mandated stay.  He comes back to Philly to live with his parents (Robert DeNiro and Jacki Weaver) and hopes to reconcile with his wife who cheated on him...causing him to snap and be institutionalized in  the first place.  Of course, pesky things like restraining orders stand in his way, but when a chance encounter with Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence) allows him access back into his wife's life, he takes the chance.  Tiffany however is not going to be used without getting something in return.

This is an interesting film.  It got huge rave reviews from critics around the globe.

It was good... don't get me wrong...

But...

Was it award-worthy?  Meh... Not to my way of thinking.

I'm thinking for a lot of people they came to the realization that Bradley Cooper can act.

Well, for me, that's just patently unfair criticism, really.  It simply means that you didn't care for the other movies that Bradley Cooper has been in.  The guy can act.  Don't let his other acting credits in less than stellar movies sway you.

So it's an interesting character study, or at least relationship study throughout the movie.  You have Pat's interactions with his parents, his friends, his therapist, his family, and Tiffany.  Each pulls him in different directions.  All Pat does know is that he feels clearer in his head when he is not being medicated than when he is on the drugs.  A nice subtle dig at the pharmaceutical industry. :)

Tiffany comes on strong at first, and Pat is uncomfortable and not interested.  He definitely wants to get back together with his wife, but come on, it's Hollywood and we all know how it's going to end up long before we get there.

The sweetness factor is watching Pat and Tiffany realize what they have with each other, and them willing to fight, or walk away from it as challenges confront them both.

Final Grade: B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Dramas don't get a lot of love from me, because they are often just an emotional drag to sit through.  I could watch this again, some great performances all around, but I doubt I will buy the movie for the library.