You Are My Density... I Mean "The Stone of Destiny"

We will, we will, rock you!

The Story:

In the early 1950s, some young people in Scotland are yearning to be free of English rule.  They petition for freedom, and are rebuked by Great Britain.  Tired of being ignored, they think that all they really need is a symbol...some sort of rallying cry that will prompt all of Scotland to rise as one and shout for freedom so that they cannot be ignored.  That symbol?  The Stone of Scone... The Stone of Destiny.  The problem?

It's in London.  In Westminster Abbey.

The Solution?

Steal it back!


And so you have the set-up for this delightful story (based on true events) of how 4 Scots go to London, and steal a big, heavy rock and bring it home to Scotland.

Scottish legend, lore, and fact apparently give the stone the power of "whosoever sits upon it is the king of Scotland".  So the English have it built into the base of a throne, therefore they sit on it, rise to power all without ever leaving their shores.

Needless to say, the plan doesn't go off successfully, at first, but through perseverance and commitment, the group brings the stone home.

And then the cops come!

Needless to say though, it works, and all of Scotland rejoices at the daring raid pulled off by their own, and the movie ends on an up-note that even though England takes back the rock...

They do feel a bit of remorse about it.

Pretty cute film, worth a spin.

Final Grade: B

Would I Own It: If I find it on sale, I could be persuaded.

Oh the Horror! "Nightmares in Red, White and Blue"

Things that go bump in the night are the least of your worries...

The Story:

Chronicling the history of cinematic American horror, this fast paced documentary chronicles one of the greatest genres of film history:  The Horror Film! : )  Using clips of dozens of horror films, each decade is represented by the best (or worst!) of the period.  In between these clips, we get the customary talking heads from some of horror's greatest minds explaining why it was important, what these movies reflected in society, etc.

So you either love horror, or you hate it.

Therein lies your reaction to this documentary.

I love horror films, but feel that about where this documentary ends, 2009ish... is where my enjoyment of horror began to diminish.

The pendulum has swung so far in the direction of "what can we show the audience that they've never seen?" that suspense, terror and excitement gave way to gruesome, graphic torture.

Yeah, Saw and Hostel, I'm looking at you.

So yes, when you long for the good old days of kinder gentler serial killers like Freddy and Jason...

; )

You know that something has gone seriously wrong.

It is a fascinating walk down memory lane from the Universal Monsters to the gruesome shock cinema of the last decade. 

It is interesting to hear John Carpenter and Joe Dante or George Romero tell you what they were thinking when they made these films and how horror was often used as a social commentary of the times.

Not every film falls in line with that way of thinking, but it is a visible pattern that repeats often enough in the genre to give you pause.

Available for streaming on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: B

Would I Own It: Hard to say.  Probably not, just because I'm the only horror fan in the house.... for now! ;)

Plagiarism Knows No Bounds... "The Words"

 Actions speak louder than...The Words!


The Story:

A struggling writer (Bradley Cooper) and his wife (Zoe Saldana) are on their honeymoon in Paris.  She buys hubby a bag, and when he returns he discovers a manuscript in the bag.  It's brilliant.  So much better than what he had written before.  He retypes it, verbatim.  It gets published.  Rave reviews. Accolades.

And then the guy who wrote it (Jeremy Irons) shows up and kills everyone with an axe.

Okay, so I made that last part up, but perhaps it's what this film needed?


For starters, it begins with ANOTHER author (Dennis Quaid) who is apparently doing lectures, wherein he reads his book, about what I've just revealed to you. 

Yeah, this level of narration is totally not needed.  Is he really the star, hiding himself as a character layered within another level of story?  The movie seems to end that way, which is totally unnecessary.


And really, a waste of talent and plot device.  We already have one writer stealing from another, to have the third writer adds a layer that is wholly unnecessary. 

There is much dramatic potential and promise... and most of it wasted.

The flashbacks of the actual story and the interactions between Irons and Cooper are the best parts of the entire movie.

I've endured worse films, and it isn't bad, but don't rush to see this one.

Final Grade: C+

Would I Own It:  Words cannot express the unlikelihood of that happening.  Oh wait, yes they can: No.

: )

While Damon's Away... "The Bourne Legacy"

 

Bourne to be wi-ii-ld...


The Story:

The assassins with no memory are back.  This time a new agent (Jeremy Renner) has to fight to stay alive, and save a Dr. (Rachel Weisz) from getting killed so she can hook him up with some drugs to keep his superhero powers.  This story takes place, simultaneously as the last Bourne film as they splice some footage together to strengthen the Bourniverse as a cohesive movie experience.

Meh.

That's been my entire take on the Bourne franchise.  I think I've seen all 3 of the Matt Damon flicks.

Couldn't tell you a thing about what happened in any of them.

: )

It was an action film, and there you go.


The latest?

Same thing.  Renner runs around the world trying to get his meds.

The action sequences are great, the movie zips along just fine, and then it's over.

That said, I think I remember more about this one than any of Damon flicks combined.  What that's worth?  I have really no idea.

Will there be another sequel?

There could be.  They leave it open-ended.


Final Grade: B-  It works for what it is.

Would I Own It: Nope, plenty of other action movies I'd watch again before I'd replay this one.  If I want to see Renner kicking butt, I'll play the Avengers for starters! : )

The Greatest Spy in History: "Garbo the Spy"

Forget Bourne. Forget Bond.

The Story:

Juan Pujol is the most successful double agent in the history of the world.  His actions helped end World War II earlier, saving countless lives on both sides.  And all he used was his imagination.

This is his story.


Juan Pujol wanted to make a difference in World War II.  Living in Spain, he approached the Nazis about having connections in England, and willing to share that information with the Nazis.

They happily agreed, and Juan was on his way to becoming the greatest spy Nazi Germany ever employed.  His only problem?

He had no connections in England, so he just made stuff up by reading newspapers and going to the library and guessing.  He began creating an elaborate network of spies.

All fictional.

But his messages to the Nazis, they were so elaborate...so passionate... so believable. 

Juan approached the British, letting them know that he was spying for Germany, and he wanted to be a double-agent.  They turned him away.

Several times.

Then they decoded one of his messages where he had made up a fake convoy of ships heading to Greece.  There was no convoy, but the Luftwaffe sent a squadron of planes out to find them.

That's when the British realized that perhaps this Spaniard could be of service.

They brought him to England, code named him Garbo and they let him continue his spy operation.  He would be given false information, old information, true information and he was able to have his network send tons of messages all over the European theatre.

Remember the Nazis had the unbreakable Enigma Device.   Garbo's long, intricate messages were encoded with the Enigma Device.  Since the Allies had the already spelled out message, they were able to reverse-engineer the Enigma and break that code!

Then came Garbo's biggest triumph: Operation Overlord: The D-Day Invasion.

It was Garbo who kept telling the Nazis that the REAL invasions would happen at Calais or in Norway.  If anything happened at Normandy, it would just be a diversion.

So the Nazis waited and never reinforced.

The morning of D-Day, they even let Garbo send a message that the D-Day invasion was on its way, with enough time for the Germans to be unable to do anything about it.

There was nobody in the office that morning to receive his message, so when they finally found it, again, Garbo looked to be even more brilliant in his efforts at spying than ever.


The documentary uses footage from World War II and tons of different Hollywood productions to illustrate what was happening, but it's the interviews with historians that provide the meat and potatoes of this documentary.

It's fascinating what he was able to do, and I highly recommend watching this for any History Buff, World War II enthusiast, spy lover, or someone with a pulse who likes movies.

Available for Streaming on Netflix as of this viewing.

Final Grade: A-

Would I Own This One: This film would make a worthy addition to fine World War II documentaries & films.

This Could Be Para, Para, Paradise... "Coldplay Live 2012"

The next best thing to being there...


The Story:

This is a short concert film that catches Coldplay performing a few of their greatest hits during their latest world tour. 


I find it very hard to review a concert film, and or, this is the most straightforward concert film I've seen.  It's barely an hour long, and it consists of talking to the band, a song, a little more talking, a song...

Repeat until you finish.

It's not watching an entire concert performance, but it's still very enjoyable.

The downside, they include the duet with Rihanna... but even that talentless hack doesn't ruin the events on the disc.

And as the lead singer says, paraphrased, ' it's cool when the crowd sings along '.  And it is, having done so at other concerts, it's fun to feel like you're a part of the show, and when a song is almost designed to give these guys a rest while singing by letting the audience have a go...

Sounds awesome to hear 30,000+ in unison belting your song back to you.


Your grade will depend on your love of Coldplay. 

Me: B+  I heard all the songs I wanted.

Would I buy it: Probably not... again, it's short, and I have the songs already.  But I could definitely see playing it again streaming while cleaning the house or something like that.

Available to stream instantly on Netflix as of this writing.

Initiate Self Destruct Sequence... "Robot and Frank"

You never know when, or where,  you'll find a friend...

The Story:

Sometime in the future, a former thief (Frank Langella) is getting older, and more forgetful.  His son (James Marsden) is getting tired of coming out to take care of him, so he buys a robot (Peter Sarsgaard) to tend to his dad and take care of the house.  Initially  resentful and irritated, Frank comes alive when the robot inspires him to dust off his criminal ways.



For the majority of this film, it is actually quite fun and interesting.  Frank and the robot spar verbally with each other.  Okay, Frank spars, the robot just takes it and does his job.


It turns out that the thing he didn't want, a robotic companion, makes Frank feel more alive than he has in ages.  He flirts with the town librarian (Susan Sarandon) and centers his first heist around something he thinks she'll enjoy.


Then Frank's daughter (Liv Tyler) shows up... and the movie about comes undone with her pettiness about doing what she thinks is right and not listening to her father.

It gets old after about a minute.

: /

The movie picks up steam again as Frank works to stay one step ahead of the law, however,  this movie needed about 5 minutes shaved off of it.

The ending.

The movie should have ended with the hug.

That simple scene said it all.

Instead, it went on longer, driving home the realization of how lonely Frank really was sink in, and ruin an otherwise pretty pleasant experience.


So if you do watch it, which I highly encourage, feel free to press stop at the hug.  You'll know it when you see it.

It dropped this film from a B+ to...

Final Grade: B-

Would I Own It: No, it was cute once, but I don't want to see the whiny daughter or the sad ending again.

The Buddy Comedy Redux... "Ted"

Naughty little bear...


The Story:

John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) makes a wish when he's a little boy that his little bear, Ted (Seth Macfarlane), could be his bestest friend forever.  And magically, it happens.  Ted becomes famous for a bit, but fame for a stuffed talking bear is fleeting, and 20+ years later, both are still not growing up, much to the dismay of John's girlfriend (Mila Kunis).

Your mileage may vary...

Chalk me up as not a Seth Macfarlane fan.  Nope, I don't watch Family Guy, or any of the other funny cartoons aimed at grown ups.  Yes, I've seen some before, yes, they can be both hysterical, and awful, sometimes at the same time.

Now instead of being animated, it's a live action buddy comedy with a CGI bear.

It is funny, but again, many of the jokes/situations simply try too hard to push the envelope and really go nowhere for me.  It's like the joke is funny... so let's add another and try and make it funnier...and another...and let's keep pushing...

And at that point, you've lost me for humor and are going for cheap laughs.

I'm willing to laugh, but I'm not cheap.

Nor am I easy.

: )

The funnier moments were all centered around John.  Mark Wahlberg plays great in comic roles, and I think a lot of people forget that as he often gets typecast in the action flicks.

In the end, it's a really charming story buried under crude humor, for the sake of being crude.

That kills any hope of being enjoyed around these parts.

In other words, I'm not sticking my hand in a steaming pile of crap to attempt to find a jewel.  I'll take your word that it's there.


Final Grade: C+

Would I Own It: Nope, but I'm sure a lot of folks will disagree with me.

A Shark Movie with No Bite... "Dark Tide"

Just when you thought it was safe to stream on Netflix...

The Story:

Kate (Halle Berry) is a "shark whisperer". Her method is to free swim outside of the cage to study shark behavior.  Unfortunately, an accident claims the life of one of her friends, and her life is never the same.  A year passes and a mysterious stranger shows up, offering a lot of money to get Kate back in the ocean and allow him to swim with the fishes.

Be careful what you wish for...


This is an interesting dilemma for me to have with a shark movie.


First, it's not a budget, cheesy poorly conceived shark attack movie from the SyFy Channel.  There's actually some budget involved, the acting is decent and the underwater filming of the sharks in most instances is downright beautiful.

It was more of a drama than anything, and the shark attack sequences are almost added in as an afterthought.  In fact there is one sequence which could have been removed altogether from the film to make it shorter, which at nearly 2 hours was in definite need of some trimming.

The shark attack(s) are infrequent.  Not terrible CGI shark attacks either, which is nice. 

Mostly the nice, cloudy red shark attacks where it's all implied, and nothing shown.

Tensions on the boat in the last act provide a lot of the dramatic tension, and then the movie sort of spins out of control as you have the character who has played it safe and by the rules the entire film making stupid decision after stupid decision, and the finale just makes the whole thing fall apart as you go "really, that's how it's going to end?"

In the end, again, it wasn't an unwatchable shark-fest of epic-ly bad proportions. 

Instead it was a dramatic turn of events on the high seas that includes sharks to amp up the drama.

Not terrible, but I can't heartily recommend it.


Available to stream instantly on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: C

Would I Own It: Nah.

Mediocrity Week Continues: "The Tall Man"

It's a horror of a movie!


The Story:

In the former mining town of Cold Rock Washington, kids are going missing.  Local legend of "The Tall Man" abounds, as he is apparently the specter responsible for their disappearance.  When the local nurse (Jessica Biel) discovers her child is missing, she goes on a mission to get him back, and the revelations will rock this town to their very core!

Zzzzz.

It wasn't bad enough to click off at or before the 20 minute mark, but I could have cut my losses just as well...

It's a horror movie, without any horror!
It's a suspense movie with little suspense!
It's a preachy drama wrapped in false pretenses!

No, instead it's smoke and mirrors! An "everything you thought you knew about the movie is a lie" kind of tale.

And that's fine, to a point.

But you have to give us something substantial to believe in at first so that when the carpet is pulled out from under our feet, it is shocking and sends chills down our spine.

Instead it plays more like a "hey, we were so clever, you didn't see this twist coming, did you!?!"

Well no, not exactly when you give no hint that we should ever take what you are saying at anything less than face value.

Instead we are served a clumsy, plodding narrative that doesn't seem to know what it wants to tell as a story.



Basically, the villain of the story:

Liberals!


: )

Disappointed, but not surprised.

There is an underlying tone to the story that children would be better off with a parent that is better off financially, than left under the care of their own flesh and blood who aren't exactly rolling in the dough.

Hmm...

Maybe the villains are Conservative?

There is a potentially interesting story buried in here, but they failed on all parts to bring it out on screen.

Available to Stream on Netflix as of this writing.


Final Grade: D+
Would I Own It: Nope.

Hail to the King, Baby! "Guns, Girls and Gambling!"

It's being released on February 28th... in Russia...

That can't be a good sign!


The Story:

John Smith (Christian Slater) is at an Indian Casino, tries his hand at Elvis Impersonation against Gay Elvis (Chris Kattan), Little Person Elvis (Tony Cox), Asian Elvis and The King (Gary Oldman).  The boys all play poker that night, and when Smith wakes up in the morning, an ancient mask has been stolen from the casino, and everyone, and I mean EVERYONE wants it back.  Smith claims he doesn't have it, but that's not going to stop an assorted who's who of crazies from trying to find him, and kill him, to get it back.

You know, sometimes you never know what to expect in a movie like this.  The title alone warns you, it's strictly Grade B (or Z, your call) for script, title, etc. etc.

Then the movie starts, and you realize that it's a venture that doesn't take itself anymore seriously than the title did, and this film doesn't disappoint.

Instead, you smile and shake your head in amusement at the story they are pulling off in front of you, kick back, check your brain at the door, and try and have a good time.

You do that, this film won't disappoint.

Try and understand why master thespian Gary Oldman is in this film playing Elvis, and you will give yourself a migraine!

As for me, I enjoyed it.

Available to stream instantly on Netflix as of this writing.


Final Grade:  B

Would I Want to Own It:  Amazingly enough, I could watch this one again when I'm in the mood for some Budget Movie Awesomeness!

Sunday Streaming Classics: The Odd Couple

After the play, but before the tv show...

The Story:

Neat-freak Felix Unger (Jack Lemmon) finds out his wife wants a divorce after 12 years of marriage.  Despondent, he heads out to kill himself, but is unsuccessful.  Luckily for him, one of his best friends, Oscar Madison (Walter Matthau) offers him a place to stay while he gets back on his feet.  Also divorced, he's got tons of room, or at least so he thinks.  Oscar is a bit of a slob, and it won't be long before the two friends come to blows in this comedy based on the stage play by Neil Simon.

I have mixed feelings on this one.

It's a lot like M.A.S.H. for me, sort of.

With MASH: I grew up watching the television show, enjoyed it, still have fond memories of it and catch the occasional rerun.  Saw the movie finally when I was older, and was underwhelmed.  I liked the show better.

With the Odd Couple, I know I watched it, I still remember the opening theme, and watching Tony Randall pluck that cigar with the end of his umbrella.

Other than that...  not a whole lot of memories.

Saw the movie, and there was the theme song, other than that...meh.

It was okay.  Lemmon and Matthau are great at what they do, they always were.  They do a great job with what they are given.  Some of the bits are inspired. 

Otherwise, it simply...was.

I see how they were able to get the tv show going, keep the boys together and keep letting the boys duke it out verbally.


Here, there is definite closure, with both being better off for having lived together for a short period of time.

End of story, curtain.

Just like a play.

Final Grade: C+  (I know, I feel like a heel for giving it such a low grade...)

Would I Own It:  Nope, this viewing was good enough for me.

Available to stream instantly on Netflix as of this writing.

William Shakespeare's "Pizza My Heart". Sounds Catchy!

Romeo & Juliet by way of ABC Family...


The Story:

Two rival Italian families live in Verona New Jersey.  They both operate successful pizza parlors across from one another.  They are separated by a fence, a weak transformer that powers both places, and unified by an undying hatred of each other that goes back generations.  Add in a rich businessman who wants to franchise a restaurant, and competition takes on unhealthy levels.  If that wasn't bad enough, love steps in and has the two oldest from each family fall madly in love with one another.

What is a family feud supposed to do now?


This is not earth-shaking cinema.

This is made for tv goodness courtesy of ABC Family, who provides me with a month of awesomeness every year around Christmas.  The stories are light, breezy, generally well made, scripted, acted, and put together.  Aside from the dads in each family, I didn't recognize any faces in this film as the stars, but that's okay.  No distractions that way, or stunt casting.

So taking the Bard's well-known Romeo & Juliet story, and naturally, befitting the subject matter, giving it a happy ending.

And I tell you, it works.

Tragedy schmagedy, the world lives for happy endings, and if you're going to update the R&J story, THAT'S what you have to do with it.  Unless you are going for a strict retelling, avoid the tragedy and let the 2 youngsters teach their families a valuable lesson.

Much more satisfying, and a lot less depressing.


Anyway, breezy 90 minutes that's suitable for the whole family to enjoy.

I recommend doing so with pizza!

Final Grade: C+
Would I Add it to the Collection: Nah, it was no Gnomeo & Juliet!  : )

It's Always "A Good Day to Die Hard" !!!

Yippie Ki Yay...


The Story:

John McClane (Bruce Willis) is off to Russia to see if he can somehow get his son out of jail.

Mayhem ensues.

: )


So this movie is getting thrashed by critics up one side and down the other.

Well let me just tell you, other critics can suck it.

: )


The Die Hard franchise is like your favorite shirt.  It's worn, it's faded, but boy does it feel good when you wear it.


Is it the weakest of the franchise?  Maybe.  Arguments can be made that either 2 or 4 were the weakest in the franchise.

However, when the bar was set so high with the original, the franchise only ever could go lower.


There are two reasons to see this film:

1) Die Hard
2) Bruce Willis

All other complaints are null and void.

Come for the fun, stay for the explosions!


Plus, the car chase through Russia... in a Sprinter .... is awesome.   Yeah, I drive one of those, and judging by the beating it took, I'm driving a tank!!!

YEAH!!!!


So I'll give the film a solid B, maybe even a B+

It's great to see McClane back in action!


Will I Own It:   Without a Doubt!

Let's Get Hairy! "Mansome"

How manly are you?


The Story:

This documentary takes a look at men.  How manly are we? What do beards, moustaches and constant grooming say about men as a whole? 


Unlike Morgan Spurlock's usual documentaries, this one plays more as a star-filled comedy documentary.

You have Jason Bateman and Will Arnett doing some schtick at a health spa to break up the segments within the documentary.  I guess when you sign up as Executive Producers, you get what you want, though their bits are too long, and not nearly as funny as they should be, or as they probably think they were.

Then you have the following interviewed:

Judd Apatow
Adam Carolla
Zach Galifianakis
Paul Rudd

So this isn't man in the street territory.

The documentary itself is also a bit uneven in presentation.  Spurlock is heavily invested and seen in the first segment (moustaches) and then completely disappears for the rest of the film.  Odd to say the least, and so unlike any other documentary that I've seen him present.

The second segment on beards is overly long, painfully paced, and stars a guy that really is hard to care about since his only passion in life is having a great beard...but when you stack him against the competition at beard competitions (really???) his beard just doesn't look that great.  It's simply long.

It picks up again after that with showing what wrestlers have to endure to basically be completely shaved to do their jobs correctly.  Man, that's got to suck.

Then it gets an overlong metrosexual finale with perhaps the vainest "man" on the planet.  Likely not, but again, like the beard, too long, and the character much less interesting.


It's amusing at times, and indeed an interesting topic.

However when you average out the great with the so-so...

Final Grade: C
Would I Own It: Nah, I'm good.


Available for streaming on Netflix as of this writing.

Witness Protection due to a "Hit and Run"

If you're going to outrun your past...drive a fast car!


The Story:

Charlie Bronson (Dax Shepard) and his girlfriend Annie (Kristen Bell) live in a small town and are relatively happy.  Then Annie is told about a killer job that's available and one that she is ideally suited for.  The only complication?  It's in Los Angeles, and her boyfriend is in Witness Protection because of something that happened in L.A. that he is hiding out from.  He insists on taking her to L.A., after all, it's been 4 years, what could possibly happen?

Okay, first off, it's a budget movie, in the very sense of the word.  Apparently a 2 million dollar budget, and half of that was to make sure they had music.  So I'm guessing the actors themselves either did it as a favor to Dax, or took about a 5 dollar paycheck.

But you know what?

It's still a pretty fun little movie.

As Charlie and Annie leave town, they are followed by the Federal Marshall (Tom Arnold) who doesn't want them to leave, Annie's ex who thinks Charlie is going to kill Annie.  Naturally, he Facebooks the bad guy (Bradley Cooper) and all parties zero in on Charlie to make his life miserable.

Nothing life changing.

Nothing earth shattering.

Just a fun little movie that zips along at a pretty good pace, and then it's over.

Fair enough.



The action scenes are well done, the humor is there, the dialogue works throughout.  Apparently Dax Shepard wanted to give it a try as writer/director/producer and star.


The kid's got potential!


Final Grade: B-

Would I Buy it For the Vault: Tempting.  I could certainly watch it again, and that says a lot for many movies these days.

Trying too Hard to Deliver a "Premium Rush"!

When it absolutely positively has to be there within the same day...


The Story:

The Bike Messengers of New York City live a dangerous life.  Weaving in and out of traffic and pedestrians to deliver those packages that need to be somewhere within the city within the same day (or sometimes within the hour...).  If that isn't dangerous enough for these guys, imagine when Wilee (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) picks up a package that suddenly makes him the most wanted man in the city?  It seems that a very interested party is going to kill him if he has to, to get his hands on what he's carrying.

Oh my!

I'll give them credit, for the most part they stretch out this film over the duration of 90 minutes with some exciting chases through New York City and attempt to keep the viewer glued as we wonder if Wilee will deliver the package in time, or if he'll be caught by the psycho or killed in the process.

The movie successfully maneuvers through flashbacks that fills in the backstory of who's doing what, and why.

The bad guy (Michael Shannon) is indeed a certifiable creep and scumbag.  His quest to retrieve the package is borderline certifiable.

The main flaw I had with the movie was Wilee's ability to "see the future".  In this fast paced movie, it's a bit hard to swallow that at the last possible second, he's able to see what's going to happen in so many choices, and then executes the safest one he can see.

Yes, I know what they're trying to show, my thought was it seemed like a bit of a stretch that 2 seconds before execution, he's able to spend 15 seconds processing which direction to ride.

Minor quibble really, just a bit distracting after the first few times.


Final Grade:  Flipping a coin, going with a C+ over a B-.  Worth a spin more than worth avoiding.

Would I Add it to the Collection: Meh.. if it's on sale for 2 bucks in the future... : )

The Movie of the Week? "Here Comes the Boom"!!

Top 10 Movie of the Year Contender.

No, I am not joking.


It is still just February, so we'll see...

The Story:

A Biology teacher (Kevin James) who really doesn't care anymore suddenly decides to help the music teacher (Henry Winkler) save his job due to school budget cuts.  If he can raise $38,000 by the end of the school year, the principal agrees that the teacher can stay.  It's an uphill battle to make the money until he comes across Mixed Martial Arts and realizes he can make money, even if he loses.  So about 30 fights of getting his butt whipped, and it should be a done deal.

What could possibly go wrong?



Okay, so back to the opening, yes, we all quite enjoyed this film last night.  It was well written, the actors did a great job, and along the way, as in many Happy Madison Productions, there is an underlying heart and message in the film that is hidden from the marketing.


This is Mr. Holland's Opus...in a cage match!

And if you've never seen Mr. Holland's Opus, shame on you!

So you have a music teacher, the first to always get cuts when budgets go out the window, who works hard to inspire his students.  The biology teacher used to be that way, but lost his mojo over the years as the system just grinds the teachers down.

They recharge each other, and soon you have a teacher that cares for his friend, for his students, for his job, and for a whole lot of things that were passing him by.

Yes, you see the ending coming about 3 miles away, but it doesn't matter.  That's the way the movie had to end.

And it works, perfectly.

Kevin James should be commended for the training he accomplished for the film.  He worked his butt off (literally and figuratively) and looked great.  The way the film looks, it appears he is getting pounded all film long.  Impressive.


We had a great time, and would be happy to revisit this film in the future.


Final Grade: A-

Worth Adding to the "We Own It" Vault: Yes Indeed!

I Am The Law 2.0 ~ "Dredd"

Will this make you forget the Stallone classic?

The Story:

In the future, what's left of America is protected by The Judges: Judge/Jury and Executioner, all rolled into one.  The best of the best?  Judge Dredd (Karl Urban), hands down.  He's so good, he's given the task of training a rookie (Olivia Thirlby) who didn't pass the aptitude test, but is a psychic, a skill that could be used to help the Judges turn the stemming tide of violence, drugs and rampant.  The problem is, most rookies don't survive their first day, and when these two judges stumble into a high-rise that happens to house one of the worst crime-lords in the area, even Dredd himself may not make it out alive.


Hats off, figuratively, to Karl Urban for tackling Dredd.  First, the guy wears his helmet through the whole film.  I don't think we ever actually saw his face without the helmet.  In the age of comic book movies where the hero has to lose the mask for over half the movie so we can see who they are... Urban bucks the trend and just growls under the helmet the entire film.

For the film though, it works, and works perfectly.

Dredd growls and snarls throughout, and every once in awhile throws out a verbal zinger that just sounds awesome coming from the gruff lawman.

The action is violent, and over-the-top.  In other words: Awesome!

The futuristic look of the movie and sets is also very well done.

I have no background at all with the comic, so I cannot judge on whether the adaptation is faithful or not.

I would have to say that compared to the adaptation that Stallone did, which admittedly I have not seen since 1995 or 1996.  If I remember correctly, it was campy fun, but nothing like this.


Sadly, it appears that Dredd underwhelmed at the box office.  That's a shame, because this is a good reboot for the series, and I would happily sign on to the see the further adventures of this Dredd.


Final Grade: B+

Would I add it to my "I Own This Movie" catalog: Yes!

Sit Down and Hear Some "Beatles Stories"

It's a story about some famous people who met some even more famous people...

The Beatles!


The Story:

The Beatles.  Perhaps you've heard of them.  Greatest Rock & Roll Band of all time, both opinion and fact. ;)
Well this is their story.  As told by people who met the Beatles and want to recount those stories.  The man behind the project is Seth Swirsky, himself a huge Beatles fan. Of course, he's also a songwriter, so it helps to be an "insider" to talk to famous people.  If you or I were to walk up to these people with a camera, we'd most likely be punched or have the police called.  The stories range from Pre-Beatlemania to post Beatle break-up.  And really, almost all of the stories are very quick, maybe a minute, sometimes 2 minutes.  So it's really...bam bam bam... and the next thing you know, 90 minutes has gone by, and it's time to roll the credits.

So is it worth it?

The bigger the Beatle-maniac, the more you'll enjoy it.

You don't hear from the lads themselves, but you get to hear people reminisce about their interactions with them.  From casual, quick meetings to in-depth recording sessions or meals, this one has it all.

My favorite of all the stories?  I would give the nod to Henry Winkler for his tale of meeting Sir Paul.  Pretty funny, and pretty cool.

It was bittersweet to see an interview with Davey Jones also.  But you'll see how influenced he was by the group, and how he was there when it all began.


It's light, breezy, and a lot of fun.  It's really cool to hear some of the behind the scenes from Rock History.

Naturally, the only thing missing was a chance to have Seth chat with Paul or Ringo, but alas...


Final Grade: B-
Would I Add It To the DVD Library: Probably Not.  I'm the only Beatle fan in the house.  Sacrilege, know...

Available to stream on Netflix as of this writing.

"Seven Psychopaths" in Hollywood? I Demand a Recount!

There's a lot of crazies in California...

Here are 7 of them.


The Story:

Marty (Colin Farrell) is a struggling screenwriter who is mentally blocked on his latest screenplay, Seven Psychopaths.  He's been getting some ideas from his good friend Billy (Sam Rockwell) that is helping him to flesh out and create the psychopaths that the tale requires.  Meanwhile, Billy and his pal Hans (Christopher Walken) make some quick money by stealing pets and returning them to their owners for a big reward.  The problem?  They just stole the wrong guy's (Woody Harrelson) dog, and he's not going to rest until he makes them pay!


The film lives up to its name.  There are indeed seven, if not possibly more, psychopaths on the loose in this film.  While Harrelson, Walken and Rockwell are chewing up the scenery at every turn, Farrell tries to remain the sane center, grounding the flick in reality.

The movie is absurd, and delightful, often at the same time.

If you saw Martin McDonagh's first film, In Bruges, also starring Colin Farrell, you kind of get the idea of what to expect:  Clever dialogue, crazy characters, and bloodshed aplenty.




If you haven't, you should, it's a pretty good film.

Seven Psychopaths takes all of that, and ramps it up several notches.

Everyone does a great job, stellar acting from top to bottom.  Walken actually plays the more subdued character this go round, taking a backseat to the zany Rockwell and the angry Harrelson.  The dialogue has flashes of insane brilliance, but stays pretty consistent great throughout.

The film isn't for everyone, but if you like black comedies, you're probably going to enjoy this one.


Final Grade: B
Is It Worth Adding to My Film Collection: It could be, but probably will not.  Since I am the only one who would watch it at my house, I usually have to pass on movies like this. 

Wanted: Interesting Documentary About "Craigslist Joe"

Are we becoming a divided society because of technology, or stronger because of it?


The Story:

Joe decides to try a little experiment.  For 31 days, he is going to strike out into the world with NO money, just a few changes of clothes, his laptop and cell phone.  He is going to see if he can survive solely on the kindness of random strangers that he meets by making or responding to posts on Craigslist.  Food. Shelter. Transportation.

Will he survive, or will he be dead in a ditch before nightfall?


It is an intriguing idea, really.  And I will give them an A for effort on the filming of this.

I do think that Joe has a lot of "luck" in the production because of one thing:

He has a cameraman by his side.

Most people will be a lot nicer to folks if there is a camera in their face, and they know they are being filmed.

It also helps that Joe runs into the sort of hippies that make his experiment survivable in the first place.

Granted, he also sort of bends the rules, at least as I interpreted them when he began his journey.  He will go to a place that he reads about on Craigslist, and then solicit all of the people there for a place to crash for the night.

So again...kinda iffy on his own rules.

But to be fair, the guy makes it from California to Washington to Chicago to New York to Florida to Texas to Mexico and California again in 31 days.

Never spends a dime, and sure enough, I clicked and saw that there are indeed a lot of people out there looking for rides or looking for someone to ride along on Craigslist.

There's also plenty of people that want to charge to take you somewhere as well, so not nearly as altruistic as the idea behind the film.

However, can't fault that too much.

My problem with Craigslist is I can never get people to sell me their stuff after I offer to buy it.  "Where do you want to meet? My house, your house? Neutral public place?"  Never hear back.

So apparently people just list things and never part with them, or I keep running across the Craigslist Killer, and should thank my lucky stars that he hasn't followed through with a meeting place yet.


Currently Available to stream on Netflix as of this writing!


Final Grade: C
Would I Want to Own It: Nope, one and done is good enough for me.

Welcome to the "Hotel Transylvania"

How far would you go to keep your child safe from harm?


The Story:

Count Dracula (Adam Sandler) is raising his baby girl all alone.  He wants to make sure that the humans can never harm his precious little girl.  He goes to great lengths to build the safest, most secure castle of all time to keep his sweetheart safe.  But on the eve of her 118th birthday, all of the monsters have come to the castle to attend the annual party that he throws.  The Invisible Man (David Spade) the Wolfman (Steve Buscemi) and his family as well as Frankenstein (Kevin James) and many others drop by to pay their best wishes to Mavis (Selena Gomez).  Her biggest wish is to go out and see the world and see what life is really like out there.  Can humans be as awful as her dad makes them out to be?  Her mom did fall in love with Dracula after all.  So when a human (Andy Samberg) stumbles onto the castle, his very existence threatens the very fabric of all that Dracula has held dear for the last century.


The fact that it's an animated film will scare off most people unless they have kids, then they will wonder, "is it safe for kids?"

The answer to that is: Yes, unless your kid is scared of cartoon monsters.

That Adam Sandler is in it will likely scare off the rest.

Fair enough, he's not everyone's cup of tea.

However, as my loyal audience of readers and my family know, I love Adam Sandler.  I will give just about every movie he does a fair chance, and more often than not, I've enjoyed the films in question.

This one is one of the more enjoyable ones.


Remember the review for "That's My Boy" where I said that Sandler was trying to prove that he could still do R Rated material with the best of them, but that he really tried to hard?

This is the opposite.  He confines himself to PG family humor, and the effect is a heart-warming crowd-pleaser that works.

Why?

It's a love story.

Forget that, it's actually several love stories, rolled into one.

You have the love of a father for his daughter.
You have the love of a husband for his wife.
You have the love of a daughter for her father, yet wanting to grow up and be seen as an adult.
Then you have a love story of boy meeting girl...

And finding out the girl of your dreams is a vampire.

But it works.  It's fun, filled with sight gags and verbal puns galore.

Enjoyed the film, and combine this one with ParaNorman, and I've got a good Halloween double feature of kids films to enjoy this upcoming Halloween season.


Final Grade: B+
Worth Adding to the DVD Collection: Absolutely

When #$@# Hits the Fan... Call "The Watch"

Here's an odd one... did it fail because it delivered something other than promised?

Or because it was a giant Costco commercial?


The Story:

When a night watchman at the local Costco is skinned alive, Evan (Ben Stiller) organizes a neighborhood watch to catch the killer since the police don't seem overly concerned with solving the crime, although they happen to think that maybe Evan did it.  So with the recruitment of 3 other, his neighborhood watch goes out to find the bad guy, only to uncover something even more sinister and shocking!



So really, where did this movie come off the rails?




My guess is the "out of this world" storyline that takes over the murder mystery. 


Honestly, I don't know.  On paper, the story has potential.  In execution...

It's not bad.  It's not great, either.

This is another one, hey, if you've got 90 minutes to spare, sure, give it a spin.  You might not hate it. ;)


The pros:  You've got Vince Vaughn and Jonah Hill playing Vince Vaughn and Jonah Hill.  If you like they way they act and spit out their dialogue, you are going to love them in this one, because hey, if you're going for a Vince Vaughn and Jonah Hill character, you might as well hire the real deal.

The writing and dialogue is at times hilarious, stupid, hilariously stupid, or some combination.

As usual, this is an "R Rated Comedy" where they go for the profanity or bodily fluid humor... the shock and awe of comedy.  Instead of being smart with the script (there actually is a nifty story in here) they throw R rated humor at every situation to force humor where it could simply be found naturally.


My opinion, they could have cut back the raunch, gone PG-13, tightened up the script and sucked in the family market with the story.  Oh well, what's done is done.

Final Grade: C+
Would I add it to my collection: Nope.

Seagal + Prison = "Maximum Conviction"

First, Steven Seagal is still alive.

Second, Steven Seagal is still making movies...

Believe it.

Or not!


The Story:

When two women prisoners are the target of some bad guys attempting to break them out, there are only two men on earth that can stop them:  Steven Seagal and Stone Cold Steve Austin!


So yeah, I'm guessing direct to DVD/Netflix Streaming is the way of the future.

Steven Seagal is still kicking butt and taking names, so you already know what to expect from this little gem.

It's 2 guys against a small army.  Lots of gunfights, fistfights, I think there was even a knife fight or two.


So yeah, if you've seen one Seagal movie, you've seen them all.

This is no Under Siege.

But it's right in line with just about everything else.

Final Grade:  C-


Available for Streaming at your leisure.  I enjoyed (watched) this one split over 3 different nights. ;)