He's No Ant-Man! "Downsizing"

Downsizing (2017)

Rated R

Starring Matt Damon, Christoph Waltz, Hong Chau, Kristen Wiig, Jason Sudeikis,

Directed by Alexander Payne

The Story:

Paul (Damon) is an occupational therapist who decides that they could have a better life if he and his wife (Wiig) were to undergo the new shrinking process that makes them roughly 5 inches tall so that humanity can lessen their detrimental impact on the earth. However, once you undergo the process, there is no going back...

Speaking of going back, if I could, I would go back and skip watching this.

Overlong... overly tedious... it was an interesting concept for a trailer, but loses its way in a long rambling 2+ hour narrative that literally does a whole lot of nothing.

A horribly wasted in casting Jason Sudeikis is in the movie for about 3 minutes and offers nothing more than a familiar face onscreen. Wiig as well is barely in the film, so any thoughts you had about this being an amusing dramedy, those dreams are shattered and gone early in the film.

Hong Chau is the feisty fireball that gives Paul a new purpose in his life to help the poor and sick with what medical training he has.

Waltz thankfully injects some much needed energy in the proceedings when he is around, but it's often a case of too little, too late.

So far for 2019, it looks like Damon is going to pull off a rare double-entry onto the Worst Films of the Year listing on Thanksgiving.

I'm sure he's too busy swimming in his mountains of cash to care.

:)

That Was Something All Right... "Suburbicon"

Suburbicon (2017)

Rated R

Starring Matt Damon, Julianne Moore, Oscar Isaac

Directed by George Clooney

The Story:

Things begin to get sinister in an all-white neighborhood in the 50s when the first black family moves in.

George Clooney directs this satire about suburbia... or was it race relations... was it the ideals of the 50s...

What was it exactly?

It was hot garbage, that's what.

Ejected after 20 excruciatingly long, unfunny, and most damning, uninteresting minutes.

Didn't care what was going to happen to the cast or how the movie turned out.

Now that we all know I'm using the Star System in 2019, welcome to the first actual ZERO star review of the year.

The Pretty Good Wall At Least..."The Great Wall"

The Great Wall (2017)

Rated PG-13

Starring Matt Damon, Pedro Pascal, Tian Jing, Willem Dafoe, Hanyu Zhang,

Directed by Yimou Zhang

The Story:

Of all the legends of why China built the Great Wall, this legend is by far the Matt Damoniest!

:)

Did anyone else roll their eyes when they saw the trailer for this one?

I know I did.

I think I even groaned and said "oh boy" or "oh brother".

Sure, it's not like that's going to stop me from watching it though, right?

So it arrived, and I figured it might be so excruciatingly painful, it will be a fun movie to review, if I even make it through 20 minutes of the film.

And yet, lo and behold, it was the cheesiest little B-movie action monster film I've seen in ages, and I actually enjoyed it.

Two Westerners (Damon & Pascal) arrive at the Wall looking for black powder to take back home in trade. However, as they've seen the secrets that the wall has tried to keep protected, they will never be allowed to leave.

When the monsters do approach, the two prove invaluable in helping fight off the creatures and are allowed to stay and earn their keep.

Overall, a very beautifully shot movie. It kept my attention throughout and I enjoyed it.

Hey, if given the choice of Matt Damon action films, I'll watch this again before any of the Bourne films.

:)

Final Grade: B- 

You Do Not Have To Shoot Him Now..."The Revenant"

The Revenant (2015)

Rated R

Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hardy, Domhnall Gleeson, Will Poulter, A Very Angry Bear

Directed by Alejandro D. Inarritu

The Story:

Hugh Glass (DiCaprio) is a scout for a fur expedition in the wild American frontier of the 1820s. After leading the group away from an Indian attack, Glass is attacked and brutally mauled by a bear. As they are trying to outrun the Indians that want them all dead, Glass is simply slowing them down.  They leave a few behind including John Fitzgerald (Hardy) to care for him. Bad idea. Fitzgerald wants to leave Glass high and dry. Now Glass has to survive his wounds, the weather, escape the Indians and find Fitzgerald and kill him!

Naturally you have to mention that his was inspired by true events.

How much, and what exactly was true, well that's a mystery lost to the ages.

But Glass was a real guy, and he was attacked by a bear and lived.

Other than that, feel free to take creative license and do what you will with the story.

That DiCaprio finally won an Oscar for this role is odd to say the least.

For the first half of the movie, he barely has any dialogue at all.

Then the last half, well he has a reason not to talk, but still.

It seems like anyone could have the role of trying to survive and seek vengeance. I'm not so sure what was so special about DiCaprio's performance in this film that finally pushed him over the edge with voters.

Matt Damon in The Martian or Bryan Cranston in Trumbo (review coming soon!) were much more watchable and entertaining in their roles than DiCaprio.

Of course, that's not the only example of actors to have lost that deserved to win (those reviews still to come as well!)

And seriously, what was with all the actors breathing heavily onto the camera?

We get it, it's cold out there.

Seems like amateurish filmmaking more than symbolic or anything else.

The good part, with the majority of the film being dialogue free, I was able to Fast Forward through much of the 2 1/2 hour (!!! seriously ?!? !!!) runtime to get to the scenes where things actually happened or people actually spoke.

It's a fine, watchable movie, but Best of the Year or Most Entertaining?

Not even close.

Final Grade: C

Houston, We Have Another Problem... "The Martian"

The Martian (2015)

Rated PG-13

Starring Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Kristen Wiig, Jeff Daniels, Sean Bean, Michael Pena, Sebastian Stan, Aksel Hennie, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Donald Glover,

Directed by Ridley Scott

The Story:

During the latest manned mission to Mars, a violent storm forces an early evacuation by the crew. During the storm, Astronaut Mark Watney (Damon) is struck by debris and assumed dead when the captain (Chastain) is unable to locate him. They leave the planet and head home to Earth. However, Mark's death is slightly exaggerated and he recovers and finds himself alone on Mars. He must find a way to survive, make contact with NASA, and wait and hope for his eventual rescue with the next planned return to Mars in a few years!

The fun part about coming to review these movies so late in the game is that much of the furor has died down. "Greatest movie ever!" "It sucked!" All those varying opinions are out there, and I just brush them aside and figure out if I liked the movie or not. 

And I quite enjoyed it!

I will mention that this one is nearly 2 1/2 hours long, but it's one where it doesn't feel like it, so that's always a plus.

If you're going for distance, make that time spent on the movie an enjoyable one.

Ridley Scott directs a stellar (no pun intended) cast who all provide outstanding support to Damon.

Damon, however, does the bulk of the heavy lifting as he has to be the center of the movie, acting and reacting to dire situations as they arise during his stay on Mars.

That said, though this is essentially a drama, there is enough humor and levity both on Earth and Mars, that you keep smiling and laughing even as you're on the edge of your seat wondering what will happen next and will they get to him in time.

Because quite frankly, if they don't rescue Watley, you're going to feel angry and upset when the film is over.

But, at least you know they tried.

It's quite the enjoyable ride, and if you haven't seen it yet, you're likely in for a great experience when you get around to watching it.

Or, you'll hate it.

:)

Final Grade:  B+

Double The Fun... "Stuck On You"

Stuck On You (2003)

PG-13

Starring Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, Cher, Eva Mendes, Cher

Directed by Bobby and Peter Farrelly

The Story:

Conjoined twins Bob (Damon) and Walt (Kinnear) share a liver and a connection of skin that makes them the closest of friends and best brothers. They have adapted and function really well as a unit and that makes them pretty happy in life. Ah, but Walt dreams of being an actor. So they head West, and fate happens when they catch Cher's eye for her tv show that she wants to sabotage, so she hires Walt. Naturally, the public loves Walt and he becomes a success. Meanwhile, Bob is trying to find a way to tell a girl he's smitten with the truth of his condition.

There's no way that this movie should work, on just about any level.

Yet it finds a way, on nearly every level, to succeed.

It's a great comedy.

There's some sweet romance.

There is the feel-good message that differently-abled doesn't mean you can't do anything.

It's a fun behind-the-scenes look at what goes on in the entertainment industry.

The effort that Bob and Walt go through to make life work for them is impressive, and say what you will, that is an impressive acting job by both Damon (who never does enough comedy)and Kinnear in working as a cohesive unit.

Their stunt work and teamwork that they display is nothing short of impressive.

A lot of good natured fun, and worth a look if you've never seen it, or haven't seen it since it was released over a decade ago.

Final Grade: B

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: One that I haven't seen in some times, but it reminds me that I need to dust it off more often than once every decade to see.

The Race To Recover History..."The Monuments Men"

The Monuments Men (2014)
Rated PG-13 for language and violence

Starring: George Clooney, Matt Damon, John Goodman, Bill Murray, Cate Blanchett, Jean Dujardin, Hugh Bonneville, Bob Balaban

Directed by George Clooney

The Story:

Frank Stokes (Clooney) convinces FDR that finding all of the stolen art that the Nazis have made disappear across Europe is a noble pursuit.  Allowing him to assemble his own team, Frank recruits some of the finest art historians of the time and asks them to go in harm's way in search of thousands of years worth of world history.  They will mostly succeed, but there will be casualties along the way.

But of course, it is based on a true story.

This is an odd duck of a story.

The truth behind the assignment should have been more than enough to make this movie work.

And yet...

As noted by the trailer, much humor is attempted to be infused into the situations.

Some of the jokes work better than others.

Essentially, the team splinters into 1 or 2 man teams in search of clues to the whereabouts of thousands of missing paintinings, sculptures and other works of art.

As the war draws to a close, the team reunites to get to the large cache of art before the Nazis can destroy it all.

For the most part, the team succeeds.

They also recount the more famous finding: the millions of gold bars also hidden in the mines.

Everyone in the cast does a fine job.  Some characters seem less fleshed out than others.  You can probably figure out which characters are more likely to not survive the war than their counterparts.

It was good.

It should have been better.

Final Grade: Going with a B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I wanted to like this one more than I did, and add it to the World War II library of films.  Maybe someday, but no real hurry.

A Month Of Marginal Movies Comes To An End... "Elysium"

Elysium (2013)

Rated R for language and violence

Starring Matt Damon, Jodie Foster, Shalrto Copley

Directed by Neil Blomkamp

The Story:

In the year 2154, the wealthy have moved to Elysium, a man-made space station that keeps the inhabitants healthy and prosperous.  Naturally, none of this care and prosperity make it back to Earth, where people slave away, hoping to someday make it to Elysium.  Secretary Delacourt (Foster) wants to ensure no illegals ever make it to Elysium and employs extreme measures, such as sleeper agent Kruger (Copley) to make sure nobody leaves Earth.  When a former criminal (Damon) is faced with a chance to make something out of the last few days of his life, he fulfills a promise to his best friend to get her to Elysium.

There was an interesting sci fi flick crammed into a bloated mess about immigration laws.

Too slow and plodding, with the setup way too long for the inevitable payoff.

I think I fell asleep for 10 minutes, woke up, and apparently hadn't missed much.

I'm not sure how Jodie Foster received such top billing, she hardly is even in the movie. 

Unless it was the part I slept through?

:)

Final Grade: C-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Nah, an interesting idea hidden behind a bloated story is not my idea of something I want to watch again.

While Damon's Away... "The Bourne Legacy"

 

Bourne to be wi-ii-ld...


The Story:

The assassins with no memory are back.  This time a new agent (Jeremy Renner) has to fight to stay alive, and save a Dr. (Rachel Weisz) from getting killed so she can hook him up with some drugs to keep his superhero powers.  This story takes place, simultaneously as the last Bourne film as they splice some footage together to strengthen the Bourniverse as a cohesive movie experience.

Meh.

That's been my entire take on the Bourne franchise.  I think I've seen all 3 of the Matt Damon flicks.

Couldn't tell you a thing about what happened in any of them.

: )

It was an action film, and there you go.


The latest?

Same thing.  Renner runs around the world trying to get his meds.

The action sequences are great, the movie zips along just fine, and then it's over.

That said, I think I remember more about this one than any of Damon flicks combined.  What that's worth?  I have really no idea.

Will there be another sequel?

There could be.  They leave it open-ended.


Final Grade: B-  It works for what it is.

Would I Own It: Nope, plenty of other action movies I'd watch again before I'd replay this one.  If I want to see Renner kicking butt, I'll play the Avengers for starters! : )