What Could Have Been... "Ticker"

That. Was. Awesome.

That was also sarcasm, in case you are using an old browser to read this post... ;)

The Story:

Detective Ray Nettles (Tom Sizemore) is investigating some domestic terrorist activity led by Alex Swan (Dennis Hopper).  Swan kills his partner, but Nettles nabs the female accomplice (Jaime Pressly).  Nettles turns to the head of the San Francisco Bomb Squad (Steven Seagal) for assistance as they attempt to take Swan down before he can kill again!

Sound riveting?

Yeah, I thought not.

But you never know what  you're going to get when you queue up a Steven Seagal movie.

I mean, do you remember when Seagal and Sizemore were at the top of their game, commanding the big screen with their presence?

Yeah, me neither.  But apparently 2001 was definitely not the year.  Looks like '96 was the swan song for Seagal.

This movie has budget written all over it.  Low budget at that.

The dialogue is stiff and wooden, the direction is movie of the week, heck, maybe not even that good.

The special effects are laughable.

Dennis Hopper attempts to channel his scenery chewing turn as a mad bomber in Speed by donning a ridiculous accent and collecting a paycheck.

Hey, how can you begrudge someone from making a living?

I'll be kind...

Final Grade: C-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: It's not an unwatchable mess, just some good actors who cannot rise out of the material they are given.

Seagal + Prison = "Maximum Conviction"

First, Steven Seagal is still alive.

Second, Steven Seagal is still making movies...

Believe it.

Or not!


The Story:

When two women prisoners are the target of some bad guys attempting to break them out, there are only two men on earth that can stop them:  Steven Seagal and Stone Cold Steve Austin!


So yeah, I'm guessing direct to DVD/Netflix Streaming is the way of the future.

Steven Seagal is still kicking butt and taking names, so you already know what to expect from this little gem.

It's 2 guys against a small army.  Lots of gunfights, fistfights, I think there was even a knife fight or two.


So yeah, if you've seen one Seagal movie, you've seen them all.

This is no Under Siege.

But it's right in line with just about everything else.

Final Grade:  C-


Available for Streaming at your leisure.  I enjoyed (watched) this one split over 3 different nights. ;)