A Tale As Old As Time..."Beauty & The Beast"

Beauty & The Beast (2017)

Rated PG

Starring Emma Watson, Dan Stevens, Luke Evans, Josh Gad, Kevin Kline, Hattie Morahan, Ewan McGregor, Ian McKellan, Emma Thompson

Directed by Bill Condon

The Story:

A prince (Stevens) who rejects the needs of an old beggar (Morahan) is cursed to life as a beast unless he can find love, and have someone fall in love with him despite his looks. With the chance of the spell being broken in time to stop the transformation from being complete, chance sends Belle (Watson) to the castle in search of her father (Kline) and then the race is on to see if these two will fall in love and break the spell.

Egads.

Where do I begin?

I consider the 1991 animated version to be one of Disney's very best movies they've ever made.

So I've tried to approach each of the Disney live action remakes with an open mind that they're taking a good movie, trying something new-ish with it, to varying results.

Maleficent - loved it. It was actually a different take on the Sleeping Beauty story and was quite enjoyable. Later efforts, like Cinderella offered no new take on the classic, and were downright boring. Even The Jungle Book, it started off okay, but when it began singing, I totally lost interest in the film and would never bother with it again.

Which leads us to Beauty & the Beast.

It's probably unfair of me to judge this film based on the animated classic, but it's hard not to when it follows nearly every beat of the story identically.

I have no idea how close/far it follows the Broadway musical, as I've never seen it.

And for much the same reason that I was worried about seeing the film version.

Can they do the story justice?

In a word: No.

Now if you've never, ever, ever never seen the animated movie, then you'll likely enjoy this film.

I'm happy for you.

The story itself is a great one.

And the songs, especially those that were in the original, are beautiful and very catchy.

Yet when transposed to this movie...

For me, it just didn't work.

Belle's opening number has some pauses in the song that just kill the flow of the song.

Nearly all of the songs are like that, close, but not quite catching the spirit and oomph that the original had.

The cast..

Luke Evans actually pulled off Gaston very well, and of the entire cast, I think he did the best job of making the character his own.

I suppose I might as well get the sexist label out right away:

Belle, whose name means beauty (says so, right in the song) is played by Emma Watson.

Yeah... so I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that this casting was about as smart as casting Kristen Stewart as Snow White against Charlize Theron as the evil queen. Who's the fairest in the land?

Exactly.

But whatever, she's the star, but as I watch the movie I become painfully aware that her acting and emotions are rather stilted and wooden.

In one scene, where the Beast finally lets her go, what should be a face of relief, or happiness, or just about anything is conveyed with a look of anger. Or constipation. I'll let you decide.

Stevens does fine under the makeup (which is tremendous) as the Beast.

In fact, the whole movie is gorgeous, I will always give credit where it's due, and it's a beautiful movie to watch.

But again, I can't help but compare it to what came before, and this one comes up lacking.

Big time.

I liken it to having a delicious dinner, possibly the best you ever had.

Then going to another restaurant, or maybe a friend's house, or even trying it yourself.

All the ingredients are pretty much the same, or as close as you can muster.

And it's okay at the end, but it never does quite taste as good as the meal you're trying to recreate.

In the end, the more I watched this film, the more I wanted to turn it off and watch the animated version.

That leads me to a Final Grade: C no... C-....D+

To Be Man's Best Friend Is "A Dog's Purpose"

A Dog's Purpose (2017)

Rated PG

Starring Josh Gad, Dennis Quaid, Peggy Lipton, K.J. Apa, Britt Robertson,

Directed by Lasse Hallstrom

The Story:

The story about an inquisitive dog (Gad) who wants nothing more than to discover why he exists.

So if you can accept that Josh Gad is a dog who is reincarted multiple times as a new dog with his same memories and search for the purpose of his life, then you'll likely enjoy this one.

It's not a talking dog picture, with CGI lip movements, thankfully.

No, it's basically the dog narrating his lives as he goes from breed to breed, owner to owner wondering if there shouldn't be more to his life than just eating and sleeping.

Some stories are shorter, some happier, but all build to a culmination when the dog is reunited with the boy (Apa) that he loved more than all the others. Now a man (Quaid) whose life didn't turn out quite like he planned, perhaps what he needs most in life is the company of a good dog.

I would imagine at the end of the day, the only people that wouldn't like this film are cat people.

:)

It's beautifully filmed and quietly engaging, but that is to be expected from any Lasse Hallstrom film.

And as a final word of caution, you might want to keep a box of Kleenex nearby.

Final Grade: B-

It's Called T.M.I. For A Reason..."Thanks For Sharing"

Thanks For Sharing (2012)

Rated R

Starring Mark Ruffalo, Gywneth Paltrow, Tim Robbins, Josh Gad, Joely Richardson, Patrick Fugit, Pink,

Directed by Stuart Blumberg

The Story:

Adam (Ruffalo) meets Phoebe (Paltrow) and the two really hit it off. It's the first girl he's been seriously interested in, possibly ever. She tells him up front that she just has to make sure she never dates another guy who's an addict. No problem...

Except Adam is addicted to sex, and is in year 5 of his recovery.

And there you have the basis for one of the most  unusual, yet compelling romantic dramedies that you're likely to see.

Supporting Ruffalo are Robbins as his sponsor, and he is saddled with issues of his own and his family (Richardson & Fugit).

Then there is Josh Gad as a leacherous member of their group who doesn't seem to want to even change, but ends up having possibly the biggest storyline changes of them all by the end of the film.

The movie wisely incorporates these addtional stories to make a fuller movie instead of one that just concentrates soley on Phoebe & Adam's relationship. It allows the focus to shift and not just burn the audience out on a love story.

There were a few hiccups along the way that keep this movie from being a must-see, but the cast makes you empathize with them and want to see it through to the end.

Final Grade:  B

You Wouldn't Like Them When They're Angry... "The Angry Birds Movie"

The Angry Birds Movie (2016)

Rated PG

Starring Jason Sudeikis, Josh Gad, Danny McBride, Maya Rudolph, Peter Dinklage, Sean Penn, Bill Hader,

Directed by Clay Katis & Fergal Reilly

The Story:

On an island of very happy flightless birds, Red (Sudeikis) just doesn't fit in. He doesn't much care for the other birds, and though they put on a happy face, they really could do without him as well. When his anger gets the best of him, he winds up in therapy where he meets Chuck (Gad) a bird who has a problem with authority, and expresses it at high speed; and Bomb (McBride) who has a tendency to blow up when stressed or surprised. However, when Leonard (Hader), a green pig arrives at the island with seemingly benign intentions, something seems off to Red, and he and his therapy pals are going to uncover the truth, no matter the cost.

Well, they probably began production on this while the Angry Birds iron was still hot, but this seems to be one of those "too little, too late" moments where, hasn't the Angry Birds phase come and gone by now?

But, let's tackle this movie and see what it got right, and what it got wrong.

First, the voice cast, only partially listed above, is top-notch and has some great comedians and actors assembled from top to bottom, even some parts that are only briefly in the movie.

That said, Jason Sudeikis almost sounds bored throughout the movie. Perhaps it's being unable to see Sudeikis delivering the lines himself, as he usually puts a lot of visual energy into his performance, but it seemed to almost be disconnected from where I was sitting.

Not his finest work of the year, but plenty of solid fare from other films this year that I've seen, so no worries.

Of course, you also have the curiosity factor of Sean Penn doing voice work in an animated movie.

Sure...

The animation itself, again, very pretty, no complaints. It's lush, and they adapted the characters and scenery from the movies to near perfection.

Overall, however, the jokes seemed to fall flat throughout the film. I smiled a few times, but I don't recall a whole lot of laughter from myself or any of the kids that watched with me.

That's not good for an animated kids movie.

Plus, this movie contains one of the grossest gags ever in the history of cinema, and I have to say I'm a little amazed that they got away with a PG vs. a PG-13 rating because of it.

In fact, it was moments like that, and few others peppered throughout the film that almost made it seem like they wrote it as an R rated movie, then went back and toned it down as they realized they should be trying to appeal to kids.

Didn't hate it, but came away disappointed.

Final Grade: C-

It's An Entire World Against Adam Sandler. He's Used To It. "Pixels"

Pixels (2015)

Rated PG-13

Starring Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Josh Gad, Peter Dinklage, Michelle Monaghan

Directed by Chris Columbus

The Story:

In the 1980s during an arcade championship, the action is recorded and sent into space as part of a time capsule of life in America should any alien life wonder what's going on down there. Now, they've come, and they took the recordings as an act of war! So it's up to Brenner (Sandler), Ludlow (Gad) and Eddie (Dinklage) to try and save the day at the request of the President of the United States (James) The stakes are high, because they will be battling the aliens and the first team to lose 3 lives, it's Game Over for real.

I've grown really tired over the years about people who complain an awful lot about Adam Sandler movies.

They aren't funny.
He's not funny.
He can't act.
They're stupid.

Give. Me. A. Break.

Or better yet, do better.

It's a free country, let's see what you've got.

If you don't find Adam Sandler to be funny, that's your right as a citizen of Planet Earth.  But to say his movies aren't funny or aren't any good is an absolute lie.

Some of the best times I've had watching movies with my family have featured Adam Sandler in them.

The Wedding Singer.

Billy Madison.

Bedtime Stories.

Mr. Deeds.

That's 4 off the top of my head.

While Pixels doesn't quite hit the level of those films, it was still a fun ride.

Watching the video games that we all played and loved as kids (and still do) come to life as an actual life-threatening device was pretty darn amusing in the grand scheme of things.

So really, Adam Sandler movie reviews are rather pointless in the grand scheme of things.

Either you're going to see it, or you're not.

Nothing will ever change your opinion, and I can't help it if more than half of America is wrong.

Seems like we already prove that every 4 years when we vote already.

:)

Final Grade: C+

"The Wedding Ringer" Will Solve All Of Your Problems

The Wedding Ringer (2015)

Rated R

Starring Kevin Hart, Josh Gad, Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting,

Directed by Jeremy Garelick

The Story:

Doug (Gad) is getting married to Gretchen (Sweeting), but he's got a major problem: He's got no real friends to be his Best Man or his Groomsmen. He's made up some names, but now the date is dangerously close, and he's got nothing to do... but hire Jimmy (Hart) from Best Man Inc. For a modest fee, he will provide all of your best man services, and even keeps up the charade years after the nuptials as required. However Doug needs some serious help, and Jimmy is going to need to pull off the biggest job of his career to make this wedding go off without a hitch!

I have to admit, this was a pretty funny movie.

Hart is so energetic and fun, it's hard not to laugh when he is on a roll. Thankfully, he is given a lot of room to have fun pulling off his con, if you will, throughout the film.  Normally a very smooth operator, he is stuck having to work at a disadvantage because Doug created an insane backstory that has to be utilized for all the family.

Gad works in the role as a nerdy, you can't believe he's going to marry the girl that is so obviously out of his league.

Which, the movie telegraphs a bit too much what is going to happen from beginning to end, but overall, it's not a horrible thing, especially in a comedy.

Couple this film with Hitch, and you begin to wonder if there really is a service out there like these, and if not...

why not?

Seems like roping in a ringer might be quite helpful in some situations.

Final Grade: B-

I Refuse To Drink The "Frozen" Kool-Aid

Frozen (2013)

Rated PG

Starring: Kristen Bell, Idina Menzel, Johnathan Groff, Josh Gad, Santino Fontana

Directed by  Jennifer Lee

The Story:

Elsa (Menzel) has the power to turn things to ice with her touch.  When she accidentally hurts her sister Anna (Bell), her parents forbid the two from seeing each other again.  Anna is heartbroken, wondering what she did to lose her sister.  When Elsa's powers rage out of control, she escapes the kingdom to live alone and never hurt anyone again.  She doesn't realize that her powers left her kingdom under a blizzard, so Anna and Kristoff (Groff) set off to find her and turn the blizzard off.

I wanted to like this film, I honestly did.

I didn't.

I take my Disney film seriously, and this movie let me down on so many levels.

While I didn't hate it, and believe me, I came really close, I would consider this one of Disney's most contrived, clichéd entries in ages.

That the entire world thinks this is the greatest Disney film of a generation, makes me weep for our future.

Plus it wins an Academy Award for best animated film and best song?

So much wrong...

Where do I begin?

The musical aspect...

The songs are hackneyed and overdone, bursting into song way too frequently in the first 1/2 of the movie, then going silent through the end.  Poor pacing for a musical.  Also lacking much of the fun, depth and beauty of the Alan Menken scores.

"Let It Go" belongs in a Disney film or a broadway production.

Not on Top 40 radio.

Every hour.

Gratingly out of place, it makes me dislike this movie even more every time I hear it play.

Think "My Heart Will Go On" from Celine Dion/Titanic.

Yeah, it's like that.

The characters...

Which ones WEREN'T directly lifted and remodeled after Tangled?

And not just the people...

The horses in the kingdom were direct copies of Maximus.

Sven, the reindeer, got Max's personality aspect, though severely dumbed down.

Olaf (Gad) the snowman?

Terrible! One of the worst "funny sidekick" characters I've had to endure in all of Disney-dom.

He walks around throughout the film and his delivery makes him sound drunk, or high, throughout the entire film.  Eesh.

The Romance...

Hello, poorly contrived, out of left-field.

Kristoff, if anything, would have been smitten with Elsa, not Anna.

This was a complete cop-out and just smacked of a last ditch effort to give Anna a happy ending.

Well, Anna should never have agreed to marry Hans, or Disney never should have pulled a 180 on his character after such a short and shoe-horned introduction.

Think about it:  How did Hans know he was in the presence of Princess Anna?  Nobody had ever seen her outside of the castle.

Contrived!

There was a good story somewhere in the source material to be had.

This was not it.

Final Grade: I lean towards C-... but then I just want to Let It Go...

D+ and eligible for Turkey of the Year!

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I won't buy it and I definitely won't watch it again.

Looking For "Jobs" In All The Wrong Places

Jobs (2013)
Rated PG-13 - Language

Starring: Ashton Kutcher, Dermot Mulroney, Josh Gad

Directed by: Joshua Michael Stern

The Story:

The film opens with Steve Jobs (Kutcher) introducing the folks at Apple to his newest idea: the iPod (2001).  The we head back in time where he has dropped out of college, yet he still yearns to learn. Anything. Everything.  Next he's at Atari, where he brings in his friend Steve Wozniak (Gad) where they make a little miracle called Breakout, and then he's starting a business out of his garage.  The movie then jumps forward through the creation of Apple, Jobs ouster from his own company, until his triumphant return after being ostracized.

Well, that was something.

You know, I'll give Ashton Kutcher credit.  Buried under the beard, there are times it is easy to forget that this is the same goofy Ashton Kutcher we've come to know and either love or loathe over the last decade or so.  While I never would have pegged him to pull off a Steve Jobs role, he does a fine job as the star.

I Have A Dream...

It's the material that ultimately lets him, and the entire movie, down.

There is a story to be told, for certain.

Steve Jobs is a true visionary, and now that he is no longer with us, it's easy to see Hollywood lining up to tell his tale, whether it be honest or a hatchet job.

Only the people that were there can really verify the authenticity of what we are seeing on the screen, and the guy that lived every moment isn't going to call anyone on it, so where does that leave us?

Is Wozniak or Mike Markkula (Mulroney) going to come out and say "no that's not true..." or "yes, that's exactly what happened..."

Doubtful.

Therein lies the greatest problem with the movie.

That 70s Show!

They wanted to tell so much, in the end, they barely tell anything.

Each incident is glossed over quickly.  Years pass, people have moved on, and it simply is.

For example, Jobs first daughter, Lucy, whom he wants nothing to do with.

By the end of the movie, Steve is happily married, Lucy is hanging at his house and he has his own family now.

What the?  When did that happen?

It's staggering jumps like that which make the narrative a little hard to follow.

Separated at iBirth

I suppose if you are fully immersed in the back story already, this will simply be a Cliff's Notes version of the life of Steve Jobs.

If you only knew a little, this is a sampling of what his complicated life had to offer, and you'll be disappointed that it didn't reveal more.

At least that's where I'm at.

Final Grade: C

Would I Watch It Again: Nope, I think once was enough.

Would I Buy The Movie: Not a chance.