The Future Is Now..."The Circle"

The Circle (2017)

Rated PG-13

Starring Emma Watson, Tom Hanks, Ellar Coltrane, Glenne Headley, Bill Paxton, Karen Gillan, John Boyega

Directed by James Ponsoldt

The Story:

Mae (Watson) lands a job at The Circle. As she quickly moves up the ranks of employees, her life and importance to the company rapidly changes in ways she could never dream. As her company prepares to unveil their latest technological marvel, Mae has to make a decision that could alter humanity...forever!

Imagine a world where everyone is addicted to technology...

Oh, wait...

Imagine a world where giant technology firms seemingly invade the private lives of their users and employees...

Oh, wait...

So you see, this isn't so much a futuristic thriller as it is a mashup of life as we already know it.

It's both a movie that was a warning to deliver to the audience about these tech giants, but they meander and present the message in such a way that you almost don't care about it, or any of the characters by the time they get around to doing it.

Hanks is charming, with a touch of sinister in the Jobs-like role of Bailey, The Circle's founder.

Yet while watching this film, I realized further that I'll never "get" the appeal of Emma Watson as an actress.

I'm sure that giant cry of blasphemy is from all the Harry Potter fans out there, but with the knowledge that I have not, nor will I likely ever see those movies either, you'll never win me over with that argument.

She just always seems so wooden, or fake to me in all of the roles I have seen her in, I will follow her career with indifference at this point.

The movie is watchable enough, but could have used some serious editing to reduce the run-time from the nearly two hours to a more crisp and effective 90 minutes.

Pick up the pace, trim a lot of the unnecessary subplots that really go nowhere, and you might have had something.

Instead, go find The Truman Show, Nerve,  or any of the other films that have used the "we're watching you" again, and enjoy a much better movie.

Final Grade: C-

A Tale As Old As Time..."Beauty & The Beast"

Beauty & The Beast (2017)

Rated PG

Starring Emma Watson, Dan Stevens, Luke Evans, Josh Gad, Kevin Kline, Hattie Morahan, Ewan McGregor, Ian McKellan, Emma Thompson

Directed by Bill Condon

The Story:

A prince (Stevens) who rejects the needs of an old beggar (Morahan) is cursed to life as a beast unless he can find love, and have someone fall in love with him despite his looks. With the chance of the spell being broken in time to stop the transformation from being complete, chance sends Belle (Watson) to the castle in search of her father (Kline) and then the race is on to see if these two will fall in love and break the spell.

Egads.

Where do I begin?

I consider the 1991 animated version to be one of Disney's very best movies they've ever made.

So I've tried to approach each of the Disney live action remakes with an open mind that they're taking a good movie, trying something new-ish with it, to varying results.

Maleficent - loved it. It was actually a different take on the Sleeping Beauty story and was quite enjoyable. Later efforts, like Cinderella offered no new take on the classic, and were downright boring. Even The Jungle Book, it started off okay, but when it began singing, I totally lost interest in the film and would never bother with it again.

Which leads us to Beauty & the Beast.

It's probably unfair of me to judge this film based on the animated classic, but it's hard not to when it follows nearly every beat of the story identically.

I have no idea how close/far it follows the Broadway musical, as I've never seen it.

And for much the same reason that I was worried about seeing the film version.

Can they do the story justice?

In a word: No.

Now if you've never, ever, ever never seen the animated movie, then you'll likely enjoy this film.

I'm happy for you.

The story itself is a great one.

And the songs, especially those that were in the original, are beautiful and very catchy.

Yet when transposed to this movie...

For me, it just didn't work.

Belle's opening number has some pauses in the song that just kill the flow of the song.

Nearly all of the songs are like that, close, but not quite catching the spirit and oomph that the original had.

The cast..

Luke Evans actually pulled off Gaston very well, and of the entire cast, I think he did the best job of making the character his own.

I suppose I might as well get the sexist label out right away:

Belle, whose name means beauty (says so, right in the song) is played by Emma Watson.

Yeah... so I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that this casting was about as smart as casting Kristen Stewart as Snow White against Charlize Theron as the evil queen. Who's the fairest in the land?

Exactly.

But whatever, she's the star, but as I watch the movie I become painfully aware that her acting and emotions are rather stilted and wooden.

In one scene, where the Beast finally lets her go, what should be a face of relief, or happiness, or just about anything is conveyed with a look of anger. Or constipation. I'll let you decide.

Stevens does fine under the makeup (which is tremendous) as the Beast.

In fact, the whole movie is gorgeous, I will always give credit where it's due, and it's a beautiful movie to watch.

But again, I can't help but compare it to what came before, and this one comes up lacking.

Big time.

I liken it to having a delicious dinner, possibly the best you ever had.

Then going to another restaurant, or maybe a friend's house, or even trying it yourself.

All the ingredients are pretty much the same, or as close as you can muster.

And it's okay at the end, but it never does quite taste as good as the meal you're trying to recreate.

In the end, the more I watched this film, the more I wanted to turn it off and watch the animated version.

That leads me to a Final Grade: C no... C-....D+

You Might Need "Regression" Therapy To Remember This One

Regression (2015)

Rated R

Starring Ethan Hawke, David Thewlis, Emma Watson, David Dencik,

Writtena and Directed by Alejandro Amenabar

The Story:

A detective (Hawke) uses a psychoanalyst (Thewlis) to get to the bottom of a dad's (Dencik) confession that he raped his daughter (Watson).

And so begins a thriller that is dark, disturbing, and most depressing of all, not very thrilling.

There are twists and turns aplenty in the film, but there's never any real sense of urgency, dread, or real emotion whatsoever displayed onscreen.

Instead of putting thrills and suspense in a thriller, they almost try and make it a horror movie by ramping up the gore, but that doesn't really help this movie either.

It's a heinous crime that may or may not have happened, as Regression Therapy has been seen as both an amazing tool for recall as well as one that can plant false memories as well.

Which story you see here, you'll have to watch for yourself.

Not sure if the tale they used was an actual case, or just based in general off the litany of regression cases that have happened.

Nothing amazing, but not a total waste of time either.

It's average, which sometimes is more frustrating than being either a good or bad movie.

Pick a side at least.

Now streaming on Amazon Prime as of this writing.

Final Grade: C

A Disaster Of Biblical Proportions..."Noah"

Noah (2014)

Rated PG-13

Starring Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, Anthony Hopkins, Ray Winstone, Emma Watson, Logan Lerman, Douglas Booth,

Written and Directed by Darren Aronofsky

The Story:

Noah (Crowe) is having some visions that the world is coming to an end.  His visions tell him to make an ark, and that all of the innocent animals will be saved, and humanity must be extinguished to pay for our sins.

How cheery!

How do you take a tale from the Old Testament that is both a warning and a sign of promise from God and turn it upside down and make it a miserable experience?

Give it to Darren Aronofsky.

He manages to suck any semblance of hope and awe from this tale and present a shambles of a mess that is both baffling as it is overproduced.

Basically, even Michael Bay wouldn't produce a disaster flick this bad.

I only invoke Bay because in the middle of this movie, you will see Transformers.

No, I'm not kidding.

In fact, as I chatted with my oldest while watching this movie, it became more fun to explain what the movie was like if we used the higher profile roles that these actors played before:


Jor-El (Crowe) senses that Kyrpton is doomed.  He seeks the advice of his All-Father, Odin (Hopkins) on what to do.  Odin advises him to take his wife, Betty Brant (Connelly) and with the help of the aforementioned Transformers, create a great ark to house all of the animals of the world.  Along for the ride are their children, Shem (Booth) who married Hermione (Watson) and using powerful magic hope to keep the human race alive.  Their middle son, Percy Jackson (Lerman) and a third son who is totally inconsequential to anything.

See?

Already, you WANT to see THAT movie!

I'm not even going to bash this movie from a Christian point of view, which I could, but what would be the point?

I'm sticking strictly as a movie fan.

Regardless of faith, this movie should bore you to tears, while simultaneously making you laugh at the sheer ludicrousness of the situation. 

How does the bad guy get on the ark? 

Ugh... so many implausible questions arise from this one.

I've only seen one other movie by Aronofsky, The Wrestler.  I was unimpressed by that film also.

I don't think I'll be back for a 3rd chance of disappointment.

Final Grade: D

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I offered to pay each and every one of my children 5 dollars per kid to watch it again.  I had no takers. :)

Celebrating The Youth of Today..."The Bling Ring"

The Bling Ring (2013)

Rated R for language

 

Starring Katie Chang, Israel Broussard, Emma Watson, Claire Julien

 

Directed by Sofia Coppola

 

The Story:

 

A group of teens use social media to track their favorite celebrities, then break into their houses and rob them blind while the celebs are out partying.  And yes, it's based on true events.

 

Meh.

 

That's my overall reaction to this movie.

 

Of course, that's been my reaction to the entirety of Coppola's directing efforts that I've seen.

 

Yes, including Lost in Translation.

 

It was competent enough, but never really engaged me.

I'll Show Him Competent Enough...

 

I never really connected with any of the kids, so didn't feel anything but indifference when they got caught and punished.

 

And really, all they did was trade in their criminal behavior for a quick 15 minutes of fame.

 

Only in America.

 

Final Grade: D+

 

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I had enough of my time stolen already, I'm good.