The One Time "Cooties" Isn't Too Bad

Cooties (2014)

Rated R

Starring Elijah Wood, Rainn Wilson, Allison Pill, Jack McBrayer, Leigh Whannell, Jorge Garcia

Directed by Johnathan Millot and Cary Murnion

The Story:

Clint (Wood) has come back to his alma mater to teach after his writing career went nowhere. He sees Lucy (Pill) the girl he always had a crush on, but she's going out with Wade (Wilson) the gym teacher. Awkward love triangle on the first day, complicated by a sudden zombie outbreak among all the little children entrusted to their care. It's students vs. teachers in the ultimate battle for survival!

Okay, I'll admit it, this was a pretty fun movie.

I love a good horror comedy, and as zom-coms go, this was right up there.

An actual plausible reason why kids could get sick is introduced in the opening credits (and is rather disgusting to think about).

That it escalates so quickly is insanely glorious in the scariness of it all.

If the same concept were played straight and not for laughs, this could easily have been one of those blood curdling horror movies that is thinly disguising a social message.

:: whew ::

Thankfully, it's played for all the fun and gore that a name like Cooties implies.

Lots of humor, great job from the entire cast and a pretty fun script that takes itself seriously while never attempting to not have some fun at the same time.

As usual, Rainn Wilson does not disappoint in his role.

I know I'd watch this one again in the future, so that's always a plus.

Final Grade: - B

Murder! "The Scenesters" Are Making The Perfect Murder Mystery Film

The Scenesters (2009)

Rated R

Starring Blaise Miller, Sherilyn Fenn, Suzanne May, Jeff Grace, Todd Berger, Kevin Brennan, Monika Jolly,

Written and Directed by Todd Berger

The Story:

Charlie (Miller) is a crime scene cleaner. The police (Brennan & Jolly) have fun at his expense. It's when the new crime scene videographer (Grace) and his producer friend (Berger) realize that Charlie is stumbled upon a serial killer, they decide to film a murder mystery outside of their day jobs. The clues and the bodies begin to mount as suspicions are raised and artistic liberties are taken.

A movie within a movie movie unfolds as the story begins with the court case where the lawyer (Fenn) is questioning the people behind the scenes of the movie within the movie. Then we are treated to various flashbacks and memories that elaborate more on the story that unfolds between courtroom tensions.

At its heart though, it's a comedic whodunit which offers multiple suspects and red herrings aplenty.

At times, it is reminiscent of Nightcrawler which may have been the pitch, "imagine the Scenesters, but not played for laughs!"

East Los Angeles and the indie music scene plays an important part of the film as both soundtrack and setting for much of the film.

Pretty good movie, one that you may have missed when it came out in 2009, but now through the streaming of Amazon Prime, you can rectify that anytime you want!

Fenn is the only recognizable name/face in the cast as the majority is from a Los Angeles comedy troupe.

Good laughs, good tension.

Pretty good viewing experience.

Final Grade: C+ / B- range.

My First Exposure To The Group And Their Music..."Straight Outta Compton"

Straight Outta Compton (2015)

Rated R

Starring O'Shea Jackson Jr., Corey Hawkins, Jason Mitchell, Neil Brown Jr., Aldis Hodge, Paul Giamatti

Directed by F. Gary Gray

The Story:

The rise and fall of the rap group N.W.A. is chronicled in this autobiography about how they met Jerry Heller (Giamatti) and he signed them to a deal. Yet as the accolades and money came pouring in, dissension in the group between Ice Cube (Jackson Jr.) Dr. Dre (Hawkins) and Easy E (Mitchell) began to tear them apart.

I'm sure you can imagine that I have a ton of rap albums in my music catalog.

:)

No, but I can tell a good story when I see one, and everything I saw in the trailers led me to believe that this would be a good story.

I believed correctly.

Aside from Ice Cube and Dr. Dre, I had little knowledge of the group or their music. Though I do remember hearing about them in the news for all of their controversy and hate-filled lyrics towards the police.

After watching the film, and maybe even more so today with the news of police brutality on the rise, well, perhaps the boys weren't as incorrect as the public was led to believe.

But, the important thing to note, and it is stressed in the film, it wasn't an anthem to direct violence towards the police, it was supposed to be a wake up call about the violence the police were directing towards blacks.

Some great performances by the cast from top to bottom, but I'll start with the obvious, and as I watched O'Shea Jackson Jr., I kept thinking, man, he looks and sounds an awful lot like Ice Cube.

See, I told you I didn't know much about the group. So a quick visit to IMDB, and lo and behold, now I figured out why the resemblance was so strong.

That had to be cool for both son and father to get to see your life story up on screen, and it's your son bringing it to life.

It's a really solid movie from beginning to end, and you don't have to be a fan of the group to enjoy the ride.

Final Grade:  B+

A Good Career Choice..."The Intern"

The Intern  (2015)

Rated PG

Starring Robert DeNiro, Anne Hathaway, Rene Russo, Adam DeVine, Zack Pearlman

Written and Directed by Nancy Meyers

The Story:

Ben Whittaker (DeNiro) is a retired widower who misses his wife, and also misses working. When he sees an advertisement for a Senior Intern at a local online fashion company run by Jules Ostin (Hathaway) he decides to plunge back in with both feet. Initially resistant to the intern, can Ben prove to Jules that he still has what it takes to succeed in business.

This is a sweet movie with its heart firmly in the right place.

Nancy Meyers' latest hits all the right notes and clocks in at right about 2 hours, which is a little long for a comedy.

Thankfully, you don't really feel it drag anywhere, and that's a good thing.

While not a gut-busting, laugh a minute comedy, The Intern works as a slice of life with humor, heart, and a touch of sadness.

That said, there is a very funny scene concerning an email in the middle of the film that is hysterical.

The supporting cast is well developed and if anything, possibly underutilized in the film.

However, at the end of the day, the movie is about Ben and Jules, and that relationship shines through from start to finish.

It's a great standalone film, but if the cast were to reunite for a sequel, while unexpected, would definitely be worth a look.

Very glad to have seen this one, and would happily watch it again down the road.

Final Grade: Solid B / B+

Bruce Willis Needs "Extraction" From The Direct To DVD Movie Realm

Extraction (2015)

Rated R

Starring Kellan Lutz, Gina Carano, Bruce Willis, D.B. Sweeney

Directed by Steven Miller

The Story:

Harry Turner (Lutz) has been training to be the best C.I.A. field operative since his dad, Leonard (Willis). He keeps getting denied because his dad keeps calling in favors to keep his son safe. When Leonard is kidnapped, Harry goes rogue to save him. Victoria (Carano) an ex-flame and current agent is assigned to bring Harry in, but they both will need to work together to find Leonard's kidnappers and stop something much, much bigger than they realize.

It's a movie about spies, so you need to be brief and vague on the review.

To its benefit, this movie is brief, clocking in under 90 minutes and it's not bad, so not a total waste of your time.

Contrary to movie posters and billing, Bruce Willis is not the star, it's Kellan Lutz who is being groomed to be part of the next generation of action heroes.

We were spoiled with our 80s and 90s action stars. They were often many things, but rarely wooden.

Most of the actors that are getting handed these franchises have little personality or charisma.

Lutz carried most of the Hercules movie a few years back.

No, not the one that was overshadowed by The Rock a few months later.

:)

He just doesn't do anything to stand out in the generic leading action star department.

Films like this aren't helping him much either.

So again, not bad, but probably a million other action films you can get to before you need to watch this one.

Final Grade:  C

William...Shatner Presents..."Chaos.....On The Bridge"

Chaos On the Bridge (2014)

Unrated

Written and Directed by William Shatner

The Story:

In 1987, the fledgling UPN wanted to revive the Star Trek franchise and have it boldly go where no previous Star Trek had gone before: First Run Syndication! Go with William Shatner as he talks to the actors, directors and producers who struggled to get the franchise off the ground.

I liked Star Trek growing up. Watched the original series in syndication after school when the cartoons, Brady Bunch and Gilligan's Island were over.

I've even seen a few of the movies.

In 1987, I think I saw an episode or two of Star Trek: The Next Generation. I've probably seen 5-7 total episodes from their 7 year run. And that's most likely bits and pieces, but rarely an entire episode. I know I saw Generations as well.

You would think that a revival of a franchise that a generation loved would be smooth sailing, especially when you have Gene Roddenberry at the helm to oversee the production.

Well, it turns out that one of the biggest obstacles to the show even seeing the air was Roddenberry himself.

It's an eventful, fun and surprising hour of your time at the backstage politics of bringing a show to life, especially back then for a network trying to establish itself as a real channel.

This was before the days of Netflix, Amazon and dozens of other channels trying to launch their own shows to grab your attention.

So it's a time capsule of another time trying to launch a show that would itself become beloved for another generation.

Shatner makes for a genial host, only inserting himself into the proceedings when he really feels it necessary, otherwise he simply walks us from point to point on how the show went from an idea, to a show, to a franchise.

Currently streaming on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: B- (your love of Trek could push this one much higher)

Incorrect Title For The Start Of A Franchise... "The Last Witch Hunter"

The Last Witch Hunter (2015)

Rated PG-13

Starring Vin Diesel, Michael Caine, Elijah Wood, Rose Leslie, Julie Engelbrecht

Directed by Breck Eisner

The Story:

Kaulder (Diesel) led his men on a quest to kill the Witch Queen (Englebrecht) during the Dark Ages. With her dying breath, she granted Kaulder immortality so that he would be forever apart from his wife and children in the afterlife. Centuries later, there is a truce among the witches and humanity and Kaulder is the agent that hunts down rogue witches who would do evil and banishes them to a prison run by the witch council. But when his Dolan, # 36 (Caine) is attacked, Kaulder enlists # 37 (Wood) and a reluctant witch (Leslie) to help him save #36's life and stop the resurrection of the Witch Queen before it's too late.

It's nothing spectacular, but it's kind of fun.

Vin Diesel brings forth the beginning of another possible franchise and I already like this one more than the Riddick movies.

It seems to follow in the similar footsteps of The Brothers Grimm and Van Helsing, but takes the events more seriously than either of those films did.

That's not to say there isn't humor or a little heart to be found in the proceedings.

This time, instead of the usual vampires or supernatural monsters of the night, the focus turns to witches.

The movie will flash back to Kaulder's events centuries earlier, and even a few flash forwards to show what the world might be like if the Witch Queen isn't stopped.

Witches have been on the short end of the supernatural stick for some time, losing favor to the vampires and werewolves over the years, but this movie does a good job of showing what a formidable character witches can be.

It's a step in the right direction, and much better than watching sparkly vampires in love.

Final Grade: C+

Aside From The Cast, I Found Little Appeal From "Parks And Recreation"

Parks & Recreation  (2009)

TV-PG

Starring Amy Poehler, Nick Offerman, Aubrey Plaza, Chris Pratt, Aziz Ansari, Rashida Jones

Created by Greg Daniels and Michael Shur

The Story:

Take a behind the scenes look at the local politics and backstabbing that take place at the Parks and Recreation office in a small Indiana town.

No, I did not watch this show when it aired.

It's now streaming on Netflix, so I decided to take a gander and see what I thought.

Much like Firefly, meh, it didn't really seem that great.

It's a wonderful cast, and from the actors that I saw (Poehler, Plaza, Pratt, Jones) I've loved them in many other things that I've watched them in.

With this show, I've watched 2 episodes...

And I just can't see myself wanting or having to see the remaining 123 episodes.

It was amusing in spots, but nothing gut-bustingly funny nor compelling enough that I have to see it.

I know, it just doesn't seem fair.

How can I judge a series after only 2 episodes?

And yet, we do it all the time.

The networks parade a wide variety of shows each and every season...some stick, some don't.

If you can't grab me by the first episode, what are the odds I will come back next week?

Looking back at what I watched last year, and even going back farther, perhaps I lean towards the hour long shows (42 minute runtime on Netflix!) as it gives the show a chance to flesh itself out in the pilot and grow on me twice as fast.

So with the daunting task of facing 45+ more hours of Parks and Recreation, or going about my business of watching just about anything else...

Yep, I'm aiming for other offerings for my time.

Final Grade-  C

Time After Time..."Kate & Leopold"

Kate & Leopold (2001)

Rated PG-13

Starring Meg Ryan, Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Breckin Meyer

Directed by James Mangold

The Story:

Stuart (Schreiber) has discovered a wormhole in time and is checking out New York in the 1800s when he is followed back to the present by Leopold (Jackman). A respectable gentleman of the past is suddenly surrounded by the modern society and he has much to learn, yet also has a few things to teach as well. When he falls for the lovely Kate (Ryan), it's a match made for the ages, but how can two people from two different times ever really be together?

This is one of those romantic comedies that has been bashed far too often, for far too long.

This was Meg Ryan at the height of her romantic comedy powers, before someone told her that it would be a good idea to get plastic surgery because she was getting older.

If I had a time machine, I would use it to go back and tell her it's not worth it, bad things are going to happen!

This was also Hugh Jackman before he became... Hugh Jackman!

Not yet the megastar he would become, yet he is so effortlessly charming, any plot holes you may have with a time travel film (and there's always plot holes!) are willingly overlooked just by how sweet this film really is.

Not to be left out Breckin Meyer who gives another great "aw shucks" character that he can do in his sleep, as Kate's brother. He is integral to the plot in both teaching Leopold a few things about the present while also accepting some sage gentlemanly advice from the man he is convinced is the greatest method actor of all time! :)

So if you haven't seen this one in the last 15 years, or managed to somehow miss it completely, both Netflix and Amazon have it streaming.

Considering some of the stinkers that Jackman has had lately (where he was usually the best part of the film), it was nice to revisit a movie at the start of his career where the movie was good and he simply made it that much better. You see a star being born, and it's a pretty cool experience.

Final Grade: B

Guaranteed To Give You "Goosebumps"

Goosebumps (2015)

Rated PG

Starring Jack Black, Dylan Minnette, Odeya Rush

Directed by Rob Letterman

The Story:

Zach (Minnette) moves to a new town, and he's just not that into it, but then he meets the mysterious girl next door (Rush), Hannah. She seems great, but there's something about her dad (Black) and his overprotective ways that wants to keep Zach and Hannah apart. When Zach winds up discovering that her dad is the author R. L. Stine, and that he keeps all of his books locked up because the monsters from his books are very, very real. And now they are all loose. It's up to these 3 to get them back under lock and key before it's too late!

I suppose I should start with the fact that I've never read a Goosebumps book, never watched the show, so I have nothing to compare this to.

And I think that's okay.

I saw the trailer, it looked amusing enough, so I figured why not?

I was not disappointed.

For once I had a couple of teenagers that weren't trying to alter a dystopian future or change the world.

Nope, they were running from monsters!

Yes, it was quite a refreshing change of pace.

A great cast, led by Jack Black (in multiple roles) and a solid script keep things fun and exciting for the duration of the film.

It was nice to have a movie for the whole family that we all watched together, and when it was over, thumbs up all around.

Never boring, nobody doodling or checking their phone while it was on.

I'll take that kind of film every time.

Final Grade: Solid B, a B+ could even be argued and I wouldn't object.

The Twists And Turns Of "Criminal Activities"

Criminal Activities (2015)

Unrated

Starring Michael Pitt, Dan Stevens, Christopher Abbott, Rob Brown, Jackie Earle Haley, John Travolta

Directed by Jackie Earle Haley

The Story:

Four men come together to remember one of their classmates who passed away recently. As they talk, a sure-fire get rich quick scheme is uncovered. However, when it falls through, it turns out that a chunk of that money is owed to the mob, and now Eddie (Travolta) is coming to collect. Unless they are willing to do a job for him, in which case he will completely forgive their debt.

Let the games begin.

This is a bit of a roller-coaster movie.

To explain the plot much further than what I did would spoil much of the film as it falls within the heist or mob family of films.

It's got its ups and downs, but overall, when it's all said and done, you're glad you went on the ride.

Just know that when Travolta and Jackie Earle Haley are on the screen, things usually pick up tremendously.

Which gives you the ups, and the downs happen when the rest of the cast takes center stage, because they just don't quite have the presence or sense of character that the other two veteran actors bring to the screen.

But for a B-movie with a lot of young, relatively unknown talent, it's not too bad at all.

So, no rush to move this to the top of your queue, but one that if you get around to seeing it, you'll probably be glad you did.

Final Grade:  C+

There Must Be Something Better On The Food Network..."Burnt"

Burnt (2015)

Rated R

Starring Bradley Cooper, Sienna Miller, Daniel Bruhl, Omar Sy, Emma Thompson, Uma Thurman,

Directed by John Wells

The Story:

Adam Jones (Cooper) was an amazing American chef who was the toast of Paris and had it all, then lost it by his behavior and addictions. Now clean and sober, he's been saving up money to get back into the game and earn the third Michelin star. He gathers an assortment of top-notch London chefs to back him in his quest, including Helene (Miller) who can't stand the idea of working for him. Can he pull off the impossible?

For starters, this movie isn't 2 hours long.

Felt like it in some stretches, but it isn't that long.

But take that plot synopsis and I bet you've figured out exactly where this road is heading.

For some reason, Hollywood thinks that movies about chefs are great and they feel the need to keep making them.

This is not Ratatouille.

I think it's time for Hollywood to find another glamorous job to portray on the silver screen.

The 15 minutes for the restaurant chef are really over.

Otherwise, no real complaints for the movie.

Everyone does what they are supposed to do, and every plot device you can check off in your head is going to unfold onscreen.

No surprises.

No real substance though, either.

Final Grade: C

A Sequel Nobody Asked For ... "Hitman: Agent 47"

Hitman: Agent 47

Rated R

Starring Rupert Friend, Hannah Ware, Zachary Quinto

Directed by Aleksander Bach

The Story:

Agent 47 (Friend) is trying to track down Katia (Ware) as she may have the genetic secret to continue the Agent experiment that the government (Quinto)  wants to restart to create an army of unstoppable assassins.

A long dormant sequel to the 2007 that I honestly didn't think was that great either.

:)

I've never played the video game that the story is based on, but I'm pretty sure that most assassins/hitmen try to keep a low profile instead of wanting to be the center of attention. That seems to be the main complaint that I see online when checking information on this film.

It starts off interesting enough with a game of cat and mouse between 47 and the government on which entity is trying to get Katia and why.

Then, once all of the ulterior motives of each side are known, it becomes standard action procedure from that point on.

Much like the reboot of the Transporter series, the star has less charisma than the predecessor of the series, but at least Friend gives it his best.

Plus, he's supposed to not have emotions, so I guess he's doing his best. ;)

Utterly forgettable by the time the credits role, this one seems like you'll have a better time playing the game than watching the movie.

Final Grade: C-

Too Bad "Jessica Jones" Wasn't As Intersting As The Villain

Jessica Jones (2015)

TV-MA

Created by Melissa Rosenberg

Starring Krysten Ritter, David Tennant, Rachael Taylor, Eka Darville, Carrie-Anne Moss, Wil Traval, Mike Colter

The Story:

Jessica Jones (Ritter) is a former superhero who has hung up the costume and now uses her powers as a detective in the hopes of making ends meet. Her troubled past is never far behind, and she tries to keep those demons at bay by continually hitting the bottle, hard. However, when she learns that Kilgrave, (Tennant) the man with the power to make people do whatever he says, is back in town, Jessica vows to stop him, by any means necessary.

The latest from Marvel and their collaboration with Netflix did not disappoint many rabid fans who devoured this show immediately upon its arrival.

I'm still not the world's biggest binge watching fan, mostly because I have more important things to do with my life than power through 6, 8, 12 or more episodes of anything all at once.

I'll get to the end of the season when I'm darn good and ready, quit rushing me.

:)

I'm sure there are many fans that loved this show much more than I did.

For the record, I didn't hate it, but I was troubled by certain aspects of it.

It came across very much like the comic, Alias, that inspired this show. I gave up on that comic early in its run as well. I didn't really care for the MAX line of comics. It seemed like an odd way to shove sex, language and more graphic violence into mainstream comics.

Now, adult situations are one thing, but doing those things for the sake of pushing the envelope as a "look what we can do now" sense of storytelling, I find that boring.

And that's where I fell with most of this series.

There were some pacing issues with Daredevil, but at least things were happening and people were getting killed, so there was always a sense of moving forward with the storyline.

With Jessica Jones, this storyline could have easily been resolved in 8 episodes, 10 tops, so it began to feel padded and dragging as the storyline went along.

Another issue I had with this one is that I liked just about every character in the story...

Except the main character.

Just like in the comics, Jessica Jones comes across cold and not very likeable. Couple her with Hogarth (Moss) and you've got a tandem of the most powerful, yet unlikeable characters in the Marvel universe.

Thankfully, I was interested in the majority of the supporting cast from the series. I'm looking forward to seeing Luke Cage (Colter) get his own series, and hopefully team up with Iron Fist to make the Heroes for Hire. Then there's Trish Walker (Taylor) who I hope will be suiting up as Hellcat by the time The Defenders rolls across Netflix.

Even Malcom (Darville) was a more interesting, well rounded supporting character and I looked forward to seeing what happened to him next.

However, the very thing I praised Daredevil for doing, Jessica Jones made the cardinal mistake of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and killed the villain at the end.

Oops.

Spoiler alert.

Sorry.

:)

Tennant's Kilgrave was the best part of the show, and he could have been a force to be reckoned with (especially against the Defenders) at a later point. Maybe enough to even bridge to the cinematic universe as well.

I've often said that the hero is often only as good as their villain. In this instance, that didn't pan out.

I'd love to watch a Kilgrave series where he tried to reform (Thunderbolts?) but sometimes failed and reverted to his evil ways.

Plus, while we should have hated Kilgrave with ever fiber of our being, the show ended up painting him into a rather sympathetic corner. Really, his powers weren't his fault, and yes, knowing what he had the power to do, he could easily make his choices less gruesome and final.

But still, they lost a great character and actor that would have been fun to have pop up again.

Is it Kilgrave messing with people...or are they really making these decisions on their own.

So many possibilities.

Flushed.

I'm curious when Marvel will realize that they've only got a finite amount of characters. They keep killing them off at the end of every movie and show, eventually they'll run out.

Not the best way to run a long-term strategy with the shows/movies.

Anyway, it wasn't terrible, by any means, but it also could have been so much better.

Or shorter.

Final Grade: B-

Not Quite The Bite Of The First One..."Hotel Transylvania 2"

Hotel Transylvania 2 (2015)

Rated PG

Starring Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Selena Gomez, Kevin James, Steve Buscemi, David Spade, Keegan-Michael Key, Asher Blinkoff, Mel Brooks

Directed by Genndy Tartakovsky

The Story:

Now that Mavis (Gomez) and Johnathan (Samberg) are married and have a little boy (Blinkoff), Dracula (Sandler) is hoping that he will turn into a vampire before he's 5 so that they will continue to live at the castle with him. It's looking unlikely though, and Mavis is beginning to ponder a life outside of the castle walls.

If you saw the trailer where Dracula lets his grandson fall from the very tall tower, then you know exactly what you're getting from this movie. Dracula wants to make sure his grandson is partially vampire, though everyone else has written him off as just another human.

So part 2 is essentially two road trip movies rolled into one as Dracula and the gang take the boy out on adventures while the happy couple look to see if Mavis can handle life out among the normals.

I really enjoyed the first one.

I also enjoyed the second one, maybe just a little less.

The jokes and characterizations for the first film were all new, so it was all a great new sense of fun.

This time around, you already know roughly what's going to happen, and there isn't a whole lot of surprise.

But don't take that as a negative.  Most sequels don't live up to the original.

The best bits are The Invisible Man (Spade) finding true love, and the genius casting of Vlad (Brooks) for the finale.

If you enjoyed the first film with your family, then this will be a cozy family reunion for you.

Final Grade: B-

So Many Dystopian Futures To Choose From... "The Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials"

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials (2015)

Rated PG-13

Starring Dylan O'Brian, Ki Hong Lee, Kaya Scodelario, Thomas Brode-Sangster, Dexter Darden, Alexander Flores, Patricia Clarkson, Barry Pepper,

Directed by Wes Ball

The Story:

Thomas (O'Brien) and his friends have escaped the Maze. Now they are in what they believe to be a safe haven, but it turns out that is simply a place where they can harvest the kids and try and find a cure for the ravages of the earth. So they escape and head towards freedom, staying one step ahead of WCKD while trying to find the whispered resistance fighters in the mountains. They have to survive the trials of life outside, which includes the Cranks...otherwise known as zombies.

That's right, things get cranked up a bit in the Dystopian Future world of the Maze Runner with the introduction to the fact that there are zombies out there.

Sadly, that introduction is short-lived and while a burst of energy, it fades quickly as the movie returns to the kids running for their lives and being chased by the government.

For over 2 hours.

I haven't figured out who decided, and when, that movies should start having 2+ hour run times.

On occasion, when you have a great film, go ahead and do it.

When your film is "meh" and runs closer to average than masterpiece, and you're stretching your epic-ness over a multi-film saga...

Sometimes judicious editing could benefit you.

Again, the arrival of zombies is rather exciting and unexpected, but it's short-lived and takes place in the middle of the film to give you a shot in the arm before devolving back to a cat and mouse game where you're actually hoping another dog shows up and shakes things up.

I'll be back to see the next installment, but as it is, I'm already forgetting a lot of what just happened in this one.

Final Grade: C

Not Worth The Risk..."Everest"

Everest (2015)

PG-13

Starring Jason Clarke, John Hawkes, Emily Watson, Sam Worthington, Keira Knightley, Josh Brolin, Jake Gyllenhaal, Robin Wright

Directed by Baltasar Kormakur

The Story:

In 1992, Rob Hall (Clarke) started a service to bring ordinary hikers of all abilities to the summit of Mt. Everest. In the ensuing 4 years, they never lost a climber. By 1996, many other upstart companies were looking to make money by doing the same thing. Just to avoid the logjam, Hall proposed taking two groups to the top with rival Scott Fischer (Gyllenhaal). Unfortunately, one of the worst storms in the history of Mt. Everest was just hours away.

This is their story.

And boy, is it a lousy one.

First, it's beautiful. The location, the scenery, all amazing. What's real and what's fake are pretty hard to differentiate, and that's great in a movie like this.

However, there really isn't a lot of suspense.

You know the storm is coming, and you know just about everyone in the cast is going to die.

And if...IF.. the way the story unfolds is the honest to goodness truth...

Well, okay, I hate to speak ill of the dead...

BUT...

This wasn't the storm's fault.

Look at the number of climbers that survived the trek up and back.

No, this was the fault of the professionals who decided to shrug their shoulders and say, well, okay hiker, we'll get you to the top instead of sending your butt back to base camp.

That's infuriating.

None of them "deserved" to die, but if you were to say this was a movie and not based on real life, then yes, several of them got exactly what was coming to them.

And several others died because of the stupid choices that were made along the way.

Ugh..

The more I type, the angrier I get.

Which is not what I want from a movie-going experience.

So, I can't fail the movie on those terms, as it's technically competent and has a phenomenal cast.

Instead, I'll just advise you to spare yourself 2 hours of misery and annoyance.

Just watch the trailer, that's where all the excitement is, and know that pretty much everyone dies.

The end.

:)

Final Grade: C-

The Merc With The Movie..."Deadpool"

Deadpool (2016)

Rated R

Starring Ryan Reynolds, Morena Baccarin, T.J. Miller, Gina Carano, Leslie Uggams, Ed Skrein, Brianna Hildebrand, Stefan Kapicic

Directed by Tim Miller

The Story:

Wade Wilson (Reynolds) is a mercenary who winds up finding the girl of his dreams, Vanessa (Baccarin). When Wade is diagnosed with terminal cancer, he turns to a place that promises to cure his cancer, and give him amazing powers and abilities to go with his already formidable skills. It is here that Wade becomes the guinea pig for Ajax (Skrein) who manipulates him until Wade's latent mutant abilities are revealed. What kicks in is a healing power that pretty much makes immortal, he will heal from any injury, but the side effect is that his skin is not very easy on the eyes. With vengeance on his mind and Vanessa on his heart, Wade becomes the merc with a mouth that comic fans have loved for the past 25 years, and now the rest of the world is sharing in our joyous rapture...

Deadpool!

Yep, I finally got around to seeing the film.

I figured I would give the rest of a world a couple week head start, and that would also remove the amount of obnoxious fans chattering in the theater.

Worked like a charm.

So, obviously those that know me well enough know that Deadpool is easily my favorite character from the last 25 years, and rivals the likes of Cap, Spidey and Hawkeye as one of my favorites of all time.

Why? He's fun. He's funny. And oh so much more.

He is what you will see on the movie screen, brought to life straight from the comic page.

Reynolds was born to play the role, and it wasn't just by luck that he was cast. The writers of the comic even alluded to Reynolds being the face of Deadpool way back when, long before anyone ever dreamed of Mr. Wilson becoming a movie, let alone the most successful R rated movie, superhero or not, in the history of forever.

All while being done with the smallest superhero budget since Superman or Batman, 2 films that were both made in the 70s/80s.

Yes, an entire century ago!

They made it work with a great script, perfectly cast actors that believed in what they were doing, and believed in the concept of creating the perfect Deadpool movie.

This is easily Fox's best release of any superhero franchise they have the rights to.

Plus, if you saw my Facebook feed, or went on the internet at any point from December until the movie was released, you also bore witness to the genius of the Deadpool marketing team who made the best viral promotion of any movie, ever made.

Genius.

I salute you all!

However, is it the best superhero movie I've ever seen?

Yes...

And no.

IF you're going to make an R rated Deadpool movie, then this is what you're going to get.

COULD they have made this film into a PG-13 movie without watering it down too much?

Absolutely.

Tweak a few scenes slightly, then dial the language back a bit. Have Deadpool utter some nonsensical "Fluffy pink unicorns!" type profanity and that would allow the kids that have grown up seeing Deadpool in the comics and on all the animated Marvel cartoons (as well as all of the superhero toys) a chance to see Wade in action.

But they didn't, and that was their choice.

Will most kids see it anyway?

Absolutely.

My Facebook news feed was filled with stories from everyone who saw it during the opening week seeing lots of 8-10 year olds in the theaters with their parents.

Which tells me they didn't get the memo from Deadpool and Fox that sit this one out and wait until Civil War to take the kids to the movies.

Or, they really don't understand that an R rating should probably be viewed without kids at first, and then decide if you think your child can handle it.

So the knock on Deadpool is it will be a movie that I can't sit back and enjoy with my whole family, like Winter Soldier, Ant-Man, or Guardians of the Galaxy.

Fair enough.

They didn't set out to make a family friendly film, so I can't honestly knock them too hard for it.

I'll just take their + away.
;)

However, anyone that was able to convince their date that it would be a fun romantic comedy, I hope they succeeded because the love story shines through as the entire reason for the movie.

I hope the majority of the cast returns for the sequel(s).

Here's hoping that Deadpool is # 1 again this weekend after 3 straight weeks at the top of the Box Office.

Looks like that ban from China isn't as worrisome as originally feared.

:)

Final Grade: A

Truth In Advertising... "Trainwreck"

Trainwreck (2015)

Rated R

Starring Amy Schurmer, Brie Larson, Colin Quinn, Bill Hader, LeBron James, John Cena

Directed by Judd Apatow

The Story:

Amy (Schurmer) has grown up to be an addict to booze and sleeping around. As a sensationalist tabloid journalist, she has to do an interview with a famous sports doctor (Hader) who falls for her after they have sex. The two couldn't be more opposite and yet she finds she's falling for him anyway.

I'd swear I already wrote this review weeks ago and even published it, yet could find it nowhere on my site. It was probably better than the one I'm about to embark upon, but oh well.

:)

So forgive me if the synopsis is a little short, but let's get right to the meat of the movie.

Amy Schurmer, 2015's "It Girl".

I don't find her very funny in this film.

I may have to chalk this up to Melissa McCarthyism, where there's a wonderful actress that everyone thinks is the funniest thing in the world, but I just don't get it.

Because she isn't that funny in this movie.

Or perhaps I'm a sexist pig, yet I can rattle off a list of female actresses and comediennes that I find funnier than Schurmer.

That said, I realize as I watched the movie that Schurmer can be funny.

As the writer of the film, she gives THE BEST lines to just about any and all of her co-stars.

Holy cow, this movie belongs to LeBron James! He's the best thing going in the film!!

And while that's great for LeBron, it's not so great for the leading lady who is in 80% of the film.

The other 20%, screamingly funny, but when she's around, the laughs are divided between her and her co-stars.

They get the laughs, that's 40%.

40 + 20 = 60%.

That's a D.

That's not sexism.

That's math.

:)

Then you add in the fact that a 90 minute comedy is stretched to over 2 hour runtime...

You've got grounds to fail an R Rated Romantic Comedy right there.

But I'll be nicer than that, because again, much of what LeBron, John Cena, Marv Albert, Matthew Broderick and a ton of other cameos and co-stars bring to the table is great.

Schurmer has shown me she has potential.

I just don't believe her to be the "next big thing".

Final Grade: C+