Speaking Of Franchises That Won't Die..."Transformers: The Last Knight"

Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)

Rated PG-13

Starring Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Hopkins, Josh Duhamel, Laura Haddock, Santiago Cabrera

Directed by Michael Bay

The Story:

Optimus Prime has left the Earth. Any remaining Transformers are hunted. That doesn't stop Cade (Wahlberg) from attempting to save those he can find. However, when clues from the days of King Arthur point to the only salvation the Earth might have to save itself from destruction from Cybertron...

Yeah, it sounds silly.

This whole franchise has been fairly silly since day one.

Now celebrating a decade of cinematic box office dominance, the Transformers are beginning to slow down at the box office.

This was reviled as one of the worst films of last year, but it's no more or less unwatchable than any of the sequels that came before it, or the original for that matter.

Michael Bay does what he does best, and that's blow stuff up.

Thankfully through the years, he's making the scenes a lot less dark, so the action is easier to see and follow as a whole.

Think about this as well:

This was the 3rd movie about King Arthur to appear in cinemas in 2017.

It was also the best of the 3.

Let that sink in for a moment.

I also firmly fall into the camp that prefers the Transformers with Wahlberg over Shia LaBeouf.

Not sure if there will be any more in the franchise, but apparently Bumblebee is going to get his own movie, starring alongside John Cena.

My prediction: That will be the best one yet! :)

Final Grade: C

"The Wall" Comes Crumbling Down...

The Wall (2017)

Rated R

Starring Aaron Taylor-Johnson, John Cena, Laith Nakli

Directed by Doug Liman

The Story:

Sniper Matthews (Cena) and his spotter Isaac (Taylor-Johnson) go to inspect a location that needed assistance. It seems everyone has been killed. When Matthews finally goes for a closer inspection, he is shot, and it's up to Isaac to try and get him to safety. However he's pinned down by a very accurate sniper (Nakli) and is forced to take refuge behind...

wait for it...

The Wall.

Doug Liman presents a stripped down war thriller with 3 characters, 2 that you see and one that's a voice of the bad guy.

He does an effective job of keeping the tension as much as he can, given the confinement that he places on the storyline.

It works to some extent, but doesn't allow the story to really get going like he's previously done with the Bourne franchise or the excellent Edge of Tomorrow.

Most of the film is cat and mouse wordplay between Isaac and the enemy sniper, and decisions that Isaac makes often reveal just how dire the situation really is.

I would have given this one a higher grade, but I really hated the ending of the film, so I'll be kind and just go with a

Final Grade: C

Ready For Action..."The Marine 4: Moving Target"

The Marine 4: Moving Target (2015)  

Rated R

Starring Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, Melissa Roxburgh,

Directed by William Kaufman

The Story:

Jake Carter (Mizanin) has left the Marines and is now working for the most prestigious private security firm that money can buy. His first assignment is to protect a whistleblower (Roxburgh) who has intelligence about top brass that are attempting to betray America. The biggest problem, she doesn't want protection, even from the assassins that are trying to kill her.

WWE Studios returns with their most successful franchise, The Marine. What started as a vehicle for John Cena has turned into a steady gig for The Miz.

Love him or hate him in or out of the ring, Mizanin has more than proved his worth to WWE as arguably their most consistent, and one of the best bad guys over the last decade.

The biggest misstep was trying to make his character a good guy because of his role as the face of The Marine.

They've now settled on the fact that his Hollywood career is part of his egocentric bad guy persona, and they've been mining gold ever since.

Again, they're not reinventing the action flick, they are simply taking what works and keeping the parts well-oiled for their wrestlers to create crossover appeal.

Added to the mix this go round is Summer Rae, who gets to take her turn as a deadly sniper who is trying to take down the target.

It's working, and it's pretty fun from start to finish.

And yes, we're but a few weeks away from the next installment that has The Miz returning in the starring role, and this time there's at least 5 more wrestlers in roles as well.

If they continue to follow this formula, it should be a pretty fun ride.

Final Grade: B-

Sibling Revelry... "Sisters"

Sisters (2015)

Rated R

Starring Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, James Brolin, Dianne Wiest, John Cena, Maya Rudolph, Ike Barinholtz, John Leguizamo

Directed by Jason Moore

The Story:

Maura and Kate (Poehler & Fey) are asked by their parents (Brolin & Wiest) to come home and clean out their bedrooms so they can sell the house. They return home, and decide to throw one last bash, just like the good old days. However, this time, Maura asks Kate if she can be the "house mom" for the night and let Maura have a good time for once at a party. Sure...what could possibly go wrong?

Here's a fun little reversal of fortune as Fey gets to play the crazy one and Poehler gets to play the by-the-book sister. You expect just the opposite for each of them. However, Maura wants one night to be the wild one, and let Kate be in charge, so it's fun to see how hard it is to be the other type of sister during the escalating party.

It's also a credit to both ladies that they can each pull off the funny one or the straight man with ease.

Of course, there's more to the story than just the party, but the party drives most of the plot and helps to resolve most of the conflict that was set up before and during the shenanigans.

It also helps that the house party has a crazy cast of insane characters in their own right.

And as usual, John Cena makes the most of his screen time. He might never be The Rock, but he'll have a future once he hangs it up for good in the wrestling world.

Don't get me wrong, I laughed, but I feel like a movie like this, I should have laughed more.

It was good, but I thought it could be better.

Of course, almost all movies could always stand to be a bit better, right?

So at the end of the day, I'm glad I watched it, but I don't have that urge to see it again soon, which is often the mark of a great movie.

Final Grdae:  C+

Truth In Advertising... "Trainwreck"

Trainwreck (2015)

Rated R

Starring Amy Schurmer, Brie Larson, Colin Quinn, Bill Hader, LeBron James, John Cena

Directed by Judd Apatow

The Story:

Amy (Schurmer) has grown up to be an addict to booze and sleeping around. As a sensationalist tabloid journalist, she has to do an interview with a famous sports doctor (Hader) who falls for her after they have sex. The two couldn't be more opposite and yet she finds she's falling for him anyway.

I'd swear I already wrote this review weeks ago and even published it, yet could find it nowhere on my site. It was probably better than the one I'm about to embark upon, but oh well.

:)

So forgive me if the synopsis is a little short, but let's get right to the meat of the movie.

Amy Schurmer, 2015's "It Girl".

I don't find her very funny in this film.

I may have to chalk this up to Melissa McCarthyism, where there's a wonderful actress that everyone thinks is the funniest thing in the world, but I just don't get it.

Because she isn't that funny in this movie.

Or perhaps I'm a sexist pig, yet I can rattle off a list of female actresses and comediennes that I find funnier than Schurmer.

That said, I realize as I watched the movie that Schurmer can be funny.

As the writer of the film, she gives THE BEST lines to just about any and all of her co-stars.

Holy cow, this movie belongs to LeBron James! He's the best thing going in the film!!

And while that's great for LeBron, it's not so great for the leading lady who is in 80% of the film.

The other 20%, screamingly funny, but when she's around, the laughs are divided between her and her co-stars.

They get the laughs, that's 40%.

40 + 20 = 60%.

That's a D.

That's not sexism.

That's math.

:)

Then you add in the fact that a 90 minute comedy is stretched to over 2 hour runtime...

You've got grounds to fail an R Rated Romantic Comedy right there.

But I'll be nicer than that, because again, much of what LeBron, John Cena, Marv Albert, Matthew Broderick and a ton of other cameos and co-stars bring to the table is great.

Schurmer has shown me she has potential.

I just don't believe her to be the "next big thing".

Final Grade: C+

If You Smelllllll...What The Rock's Cousin...Is Cooking... "Royal Rumble 2015"

Royal Rumble

WWE Network

Only $ 9.99!

So another year has come and gone, and the greatest PPV of the year is now over.

However this year's Rumble felt a little... flat.

I expect more carnage and mayhem and fun in the Rumble, and I can't help but think the WWE Universe was short-changed just a bit.

The matches leading up to the main events were fine.

The World Heavyweight Championship between Rollins, Cena and Lesnar was a classic for the ages, and at the end of the night, the decision to let Brock retain the gold for WrestleMania is the right one, especially if you're going to build up a new star.

Which leads us to the Rumble.

A few returns from some names of Superstars past was fun. It was also nice to see Zack Ryder back in action from his injury.

But Bray Wyatt throwing everyone out early left the first third of the Rumble kind of boring.

It didn't fill with people and mayhem until almost the final third of the match, and by then it's almost too little, too late.

Eliminating fan favorite Daniel Bryan early this year caused them to lose the Philly crowd for almost the rest of the night.

Even Kofi Kingston's usual survival antics were telegraphed and really short-lived. :(

Note to WWE Executives: When you book a PPV or Raw in a Heel Town, expect the crowd to cheer the bad guys and Daniel Bryan.

Don't be shocked when they turn on whatever other decisions you have planned.

When Dolph Ziggler came out at the #30 and final spot, you began to think they are really going to push Ziggler as the David and Goliath story against Lesnar.

Nope.

It's all about Roman Reigns.

The beast from LAST year's Rumble gets his win, and moves on to WrestleMania to face Brock Lesnar.

Even an appearance from his cousin, The Rock, could barely turn the crowd back in Reigns favor as the crowd wanted, well, pretty much anyone other than the obvious choice.

Then the PPV ended with over 20 minutes to go in the usual running time...

Sorry WWE, that's not Best for Business.

Even at just $9.99.

Final Grade: B  And considering I normally give this show an A/A-, you can feel my Philly heat!

:)

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I might watch parts again on the WWE Network, otherwise, see you next year for the 29th installment of my favorite PPV!

Whatchoo Gonna Doo, Brother? "Scooby Doo! Wrestlemania Mystery"

Scooby Doo! Wrestlemania Mystery (2014)

Not Rated

Starring Frank Welker, Matthew Lillard, Mindy Cohn, Grey DeLisle, John Cena, Triple H, Michael Cole, Kane, The Miz, A.J. Lee, Vince McMahon

Directed by Brandon Vietti

The Story:

Scooby (Welker) ends up winning a contest on a WWE video game and wins a trip to WWE City!  Shaggy (Lillard) an Scooby beg for the gang to tag along, bringing much persuasive evidence that they've never asked for anything in return and have always been used as bait to solve mysteries. 

Point: Scooby & Shaggy!

So they head to WWE City and meet the superstars.  But with a mysterious ghost bear plaguing the town, and Scooby apparently the prime suspect in the theft of the WWE Championship, it's up to Shaggy, Fred (Welker), Daphne (DeLisle) and Velma (Cohn) to clear their canine companion and lay the smackdown on the mysterious bear!

Hanna Barbera teams with WWE Studios to make a movie that's fun for the whole family.

WWE Wrestlers have been compared to cartoons over the years, so it makes sense to go animated.

Hook kids to the fun of WWE, and you might have a fan for life.

Worked on me.

:)

And the WWE offered up some of their best, A-listers John Cena, Triple H and even the Chairman himself, Vince McMahon!

Other wrestlers, like Sin Cara (who is instrumental to the movie) are shown but not given any dialogue.

The wrestlers do quite fine for themselves as voice actors, given the respective size and importance of their roles.  I would say The Miz comes out as the wrestler who seemingly has the most fun in the movie, and has the best lines.

But first and foremost, as the title suggests, this is a Scooby Doo cartoon.

Frank Welker leads the team, still as the intrepid Fred but now also pulling double duty as Scooby.  He is able to differentiate between the two nicely, and I like when the voices are distinct enough that you don't realize it's the same voice.

Lillard was perfectly cast as a live-action Shaggy when Scooby Doo came to the big screen years ago.  He does the memory of Casey Kasem proud as he brings Shaggy to life for a new generation.

While I mentioned in my Scooby Doo review that the main cast did voices for years, eventually they all get replaced.

:(

DeLisle has become the latest Daphne, and I was amused to see that Cohn has taken up the mantle of Velma since the early 2000s.  Yes, Natalie from The Facts of Life.

My childhood is converging as I am now an adult!

Overall, I thought it was pretty well done, and I'm looking forward to the next 45 years of Scooby Doo!

Final Grade: Solid B

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Hey, I liked it.  I would watch it again. :)

The Road To WrestleMania Begins Here..."WWE Royal Rumble 2014"

The Road to WrestleMania has begun...

Another year, and my son has figured out that since the Royal Rumble is my favorite WWE Pay Per View, he has managed to move his March birthday party to January and score this, WWE's most fun event of the year, for his party.

With the advent of the upcoming WWE Network, soon we will be able to enjoy every Pay Per View, every month, but for now, the occasion is still very special as this is the only one I've ever been willing to shell out the big bucks to order.

First things first, hopefully WWE will come up with some distinction between the "Free" Pre Show on YouTube and for those that actually pay for it on PPV or the WWE Network in the future.  The Tag Team Championship match between Cody Rhodes and Goldust and the New Age Outlaws was a great match that would have been great without that unnecessary commercial right in the middle.

Oh, and congratulations to the New Age Outlaws on becoming the SIX TIME Tag Team Champions of the World.

Oh You Didn't Know?

Nothing like getting in a time machine and reliving the Attitude Era on occasion. :)

But I won't be giving any other match results away.

If you want to learn who won, tune in to Monday Night Raw tonight, there will be plenty of mention on who the Undisputed WWE Heavyweight Champion is as well as all other match results.

Or if anyone got quite the pop that Daniel Bryan received from the crowd in Pittsburgh, I think he even surpassed the reaction that Ben Roethlisberger received when they showed him in the crowd.

The matches:

Bray Wyatt vs. Daniel Bryan - A 20+ minute epic

Brock Lesnar vs. The Big Show - Destruction personified.  The poor steel chair never had a chance.

John Cena vs. Randy Orton - The latest in one of the better rivalries of the current generation of superstars.

Then finally, the reason we all tune in:

The Rumble Match

And as always, it was controlled chaos!

Kofi Kingston, as has become his annual tradition, found a very creative way to stay alive after his first elimination attempt.
And his second...


Surprise entrants ?  Yep, there were a few.

I still think the return of Batista should have come tonight, and not been advertised ahead of time.  That place would have come unglued.

The crowd did not necessarily go home happy though.

:)

Let's see how things begin to shape up starting on Raw tonight!



Final Grade: A-



See you next year on the WWE Network!

WWEekend Movies: The Sequel You Demanded..."12 Rounds: Reloaded"

I hear voices in my head...

The Story:

Nick Malloy (Randy Orton) is an EMT who witnesses an accident.  He jumps into action and attempts to save the occupants of both vehicles.  He gets Heller (Brian Markinson) out of the first car, and Tommy (Ted Stevens) out of the second, but Nick cannot free Heller's wife who dies that night.  A year later, Nick gets a cryptic call from someone (pssst, it's Heller) who is unhappy with what transpired a year earlier, and he's going to make everyone pay for it.  He sets up 12 challenges for Nick, and if he survives, he lives!  If not...well, Heller is going to kill his wife, and lots of other people.

Not. That. Bad.

If you want to boil down a WWE Studios film review, you could do a lot worse than this.

I went in with the bar set very low, as I could barely remember the original 12 Rounds, other than that I saw it, and John Cena was the star.  I watched it again later just to see what I had missed.  But you already know that if you read yesterday's review!

Instead, this film is paced very nicely, and the 90 minutes literally flies by.

Is it a great movie? No, but it is competent and well executed from start to finish.

Randy Orton isn't much of an actor, but for that matter, neither are most of Vince's wrestlers.  Luckily, Randy's charisma and presence carry him through the film on his natural energy alone.  He doesn't do a bad job though, and when these guys do finally hang up their tights, Vince has created a small cottage industry for his stars to keep filming low-budget action flicks after they move on from the squared circle.

There were a few minor glitches in the film, Randy Orton falling out of the back of a car, they really need to do a better editing job to hide the stuntmen. 

The most amusing part... I had no idea that EMTs drive around the city waiting for a call, like the police?!  Maybe in large metropolitan cities, but somehow, I still doubt that.

: )

If choosing which 12 Rounds to endure again, I'd take this one over the original.

Final Grade: B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I could watch it again, but won't go actively searching to add it to the library.  Maybe when WWEShop.com puts it on clearance? :)

WWEekend Movies: Get Ready to Go "12 Rounds" With The Champ!

You can't see me...

The Story:

Danny (John Cena) is a New Orleans cop who gets promoted to detective when he takes down a terrorist, Miles Jackson (Aiden Gillen).  The only problem, Miles' girlfriend gets caught in the crossfire, and he blames Danny for her death.  One year later, Miles gets free, and Danny's house explodes!  It seems Miles has a series of 12 tasks for Danny to tackle if he wants to see his wife alive again.  Can Danny survive all 12 rounds, save his wife and take down the bad guy?

Yeah... it's John Cena, remember?!

: )

2009, and WWE Studios decides to give John Cena another crack at stardom.  It's not a bad effort at all, and perhaps a bit better than The Marine.  I can't recall, it's been a few years since I last saw that one.

Cena is a bit more at ease behind the camera, letting his natural ability and charisma to carry him through the action.  The story itself is a good one, reminiscent of Die Hard 3, which is always a good thing.

Lending Cena a hand behind the camera is Renny Harlin.  People can mock his body of work, but when he does a good film, it's really very good.  He is a firm believer in reality over CGI, and that's a refreshing change and carries over on the big screen.

But let's be honest, most things coming out of Vince McMahon's studio is going to be seen on the small screen, however, that may be for the best.

The action and pacing is good, and very little wasted time and effort from start to finish.

It's a nice budget action flick...no complaints.

Final Grade: C+... borderline B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor:  It's been over 5 years... not going to be buying it but if I stumble across it again in a few years, why not?

"The Reunion" is the Perfect Place to See Family You Can't Stand

You only hate the ones you love.

The Story:

Sam (John Cena) and Leo (Ethan Embry) are brothers who hate each other.  Sam's a cop...Leo's a bail bondsman.  They are brought back together by their sister, Nina(Amy Smart) when their father dies.  She introduces them to their half-brother, Douglas (Boyd Holbrook) whom they've never heard of, and who is a thief by trade.  Nina informs them that it was their dad's dying wish that the boys all work together in a family business, and if they could do that for 2 years, they would inherit a windfall.  However, Nina may not have actually been truthful with her brothers.

This could have been the turning point for WWE Films as a studio. 

Again, John Cena takes center stage, but they don't rely on him to carry the action of the film, like they did with him in The Marine.  Instead, they develop the other characters and have actual actors help shoulder the burden and allow Cena to simply be one of the characters, instead of "The Star".

The results?

Actually, a pretty amusing/dramatic action flick that knows when to have fun and when to build tension.  The interplay between the family works as they banter, bicker and flat out brawl.  However, like all families, when push comes to shove, only they have permission to pick on each other. 


That's how family works!

Granted, it's no Academy Award winner, but it's a 90 minute diversion of entertainment, and that is why they make movies.

Final Grade: B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor:  A definite rewatchable for me, and if I find it on sale, why not?

Who Knew It Would Be a Franchise? "The Marine: Homefront"

Because he's the Miz... and he's awe-some!

The Story:

The third Marine (Mike "the Miz" Mizanin) comes home from leave, and runs into trouble in his hometown.  There's some bad dudes planning some bad deeds, but when they kidnap the Marine's sister, well you know they're going to pay!

First there was John Cena's film.  Then came Ted DiBiase Jr.

Please note, you must always add Jr. when discussing Ted DiBiase, otherwise I'll assume you're talking about his dad, The Million Dollar Man.

Now, The Miz.

And for a WWE Studios production, it's not half bad.  It's about as fair-to-middling as the entire franchise has been up to this point.  Nothing that's going to win an Oscar, but nothing that is a complete waste of time.


WWE Studios is really good at surrounding their wrestlers with talented actors that can carry the film, and this one is no exception.  The character actors do their part playing their roles well, but you need a charismatic villain to be the counterpoint to the hero.

Thankfully, Neal McDonough is on hand as the villain.  He makes an excellent bad guy, and this is a welcome return to WWE Films since he got his butt handed to him by The Rock back in Walking Tall.

Nothing ground-breaking or earth shattering.  Some decent fights and chases throughout the film.


Final Grade: C+

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I could watch it again, but unless they put the whole franchise on a disc...for cheap... well there you go. ;)

Pipe Bomb! "C.M. Punk: The Best in the World"

It's Clobberin' Time!!!


The Story:

This documentary from the WWE follows the rise of C.M. Punk from the ranks of backyard wrestling to star of the Indy Circuit.  From there, it was only a matter of time until the WWE called, and eventually they did.  But after he arrived, he was never given the accolades and position that he, and many others, felt that Punk deserved. 

Next stop: Best. In. The. World.

I would have to say that this may be the most intriguing of the documentaries on WWE's top stars that they've ever produced.  Unprecedented access/use of Punk's material before coming to the WWE showed why he was the hot commodity of the Indie circuit.

And yet, talk about allowing the dog to bite the hand that feeds him...

They do not shy away from Punk's animosity towards the WWE corporate machine.

Punk has been allowed to be at the top of the game, but never to be the face of the company.  It can never happen as long as Cena is still around.

Yet somehow, Punk finds a way.

All the while, he brings out the best in all of his opponents, and himself as well.

I would have to say that he is this generation's Shawn Michaels.

The little guy that shouldn't... but does.

He doesn't need the belt to show you how great he is.

Highly worth watching.

And yes, if you've made it this far, I still enjoy watching wrestling... I know it's "fake", but these athletes are nothing short of entertaining.  Put it another way, I drop something on my toe, it hurts.  Getting hit with a chair, forget it....

: )


The documentary portion is available for streaming on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: A

Would I Own It: Yep, if not for myself, I'll definitely get it for my son, a die-hard Punk fan.  Infinitely rewatchable, and can't wait to see the matches that they picked to go with the documentary.