Shoot Me Now..."American Assassin"

American Assassin (2017)

Rated R

Starring Dylan O'Brien, Michael Keaton, Sanaa Lathan

Directed by Michael Cuesta

The Story:

Mitch (O'Brien) has just proposed to his girlfriend when tragedy, and terrorists, strike! Going deep undercover, Mitch becomes an assassin in the hopes of seeking revenge on those he deems responsible. Thankfully, the government decides to step in and offer him a job instead...

Oh my.

In what may be the most laughably bad beginning to any movie I've ever seen...

Ever.

I was quite ready to shut it off, as it was worse than B-Movie bad.

Laughable.

But, I wanted to see if Michael Keaton could save the film.

And save it he does, but only just barely.

Thankfully, Keaton has been on a tear in the movies since 2014, and his presence balances out a laughably bad beginning to a tolerable ending.

So while the film stays off the year end Turkey list, I wouldn't necessarily rush out to get this one.

The Film: F
Michael Keaton: A

Final Grade:  C

A Truly Bad Day At The Office..."Deepwater Horizon"

Deepwater Horizon (2016)

Rated PG-13

Starring Mark Wahlberg, Kurt Russell, John Malkovich, Dylan O'Brien, Gina Rodriguez, Ethan Suplee, Kate Hudson,

Directed by Peter Berg

The Story:

In April 2010, operational supervisor Jimmy Harrell (Russell) and his chief engineer, Mike Williams (Wahlberg) are trying to explain to BP executives why the Deepwater Horizon oil rig is overbudget and behind schedule. BP of course wants no more excuses so they order shortcuts to get caught up and back on schedule. Naturally, bad things are about to happen and the worst oil spill in history is about to occur.

Naturally, this film is based on a true story.

While it's not a documentary, and parts of it are dramatized, what is true is that corporate greed cost men their lives and spilled millions of gallons of oil into the ocean.

When it went to trial, naturally, BP executives got off with no charges.

Go figure.

Peter Berg continues to be one of those efficient directors that seemingly flies under the radar.  He makes a big budget film on a low budget, and makes the most of his cast, crew and editing. They are usually crisp movies that move along at a perfect pace and keep your interest from start to finish.

He re-teams with Walhberg, and set off on the quest to be an action drama that thrills and also leaves you holding your breath wondering how it's going to turn out, and who isn't going to make it.

Those people are honored as the end credits roll.

And that's part of what makes movies like this so difficult to watch.

You're both entertained, but at the end of the day, these weren't just actors getting killed to further the story, these were people who paid the ultimate price trying to do their jobs.

It also makes watching movies like this more than once a rare thing to do.

While they are technically sound and very well crafted, the subject matter doesn't cry out to be watched multiple times as an entertaining experience.

Your mileage may vary.

Final Grade: Solid B

So Many Dystopian Futures To Choose From... "The Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials"

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials (2015)

Rated PG-13

Starring Dylan O'Brian, Ki Hong Lee, Kaya Scodelario, Thomas Brode-Sangster, Dexter Darden, Alexander Flores, Patricia Clarkson, Barry Pepper,

Directed by Wes Ball

The Story:

Thomas (O'Brien) and his friends have escaped the Maze. Now they are in what they believe to be a safe haven, but it turns out that is simply a place where they can harvest the kids and try and find a cure for the ravages of the earth. So they escape and head towards freedom, staying one step ahead of WCKD while trying to find the whispered resistance fighters in the mountains. They have to survive the trials of life outside, which includes the Cranks...otherwise known as zombies.

That's right, things get cranked up a bit in the Dystopian Future world of the Maze Runner with the introduction to the fact that there are zombies out there.

Sadly, that introduction is short-lived and while a burst of energy, it fades quickly as the movie returns to the kids running for their lives and being chased by the government.

For over 2 hours.

I haven't figured out who decided, and when, that movies should start having 2+ hour run times.

On occasion, when you have a great film, go ahead and do it.

When your film is "meh" and runs closer to average than masterpiece, and you're stretching your epic-ness over a multi-film saga...

Sometimes judicious editing could benefit you.

Again, the arrival of zombies is rather exciting and unexpected, but it's short-lived and takes place in the middle of the film to give you a shot in the arm before devolving back to a cat and mouse game where you're actually hoping another dog shows up and shakes things up.

I'll be back to see the next installment, but as it is, I'm already forgetting a lot of what just happened in this one.

Final Grade: C

"The Maze Runner" Offers A Bleak Outlook On Life

The Maze Runner (2014)

PG-13

Starring Dylan O'Brien, Ami Ameen, Ki Hong Lee, Blake Cooper, Will Poulter, Kaya Scodelari

Directed by Wes Ball

The Story:

Thomas (O'Brien) awakens in The Glade, with no memories and attempts to fit in with the other boys that live there. There's leader Alby (Ameen), resident a-hole, Gally (Poulter) and the leader of the runners, Minho (Lee). Once Thomas arrives, he questions everything and begins to unsettle the environment. These young men survive in the wild, and attempt to navigate a giant maze on the outskirts of their settlement daily. So far, no exit has been found, but there is something sinister within the walls. When the first female arrives (Scodelari), the rules all change forever, and the colony must do what it can to survive.

Based on a true story.

Gosh, I hope not!

Welcome to another dystopian future young adult novel turned into cinematic franchise.

It's not horrible,

It's not wonderful.

There will be a sequel.

However, the ending has the most pointless death I've seen in a movie in a very long time.

That it took up almost 2 hours of my life and that was the most emotion that the film elicited from me tells you that for the most part, this movie is simply average.

Final Grade: C