You're No Groot! "A Monster Calls"

A Monster Calls (2016)

Rated PG-13

Starring Lewis MacDougall, Sigourney Weaver, Felicity Jones, Liam Neeson,

Directed by J.A. Bayona

The Story:

Conor (MacDougall) is caring for his terminally ill mum (Jones) when a giant tree monster (Neeson) comes calling on him. He demands that Conor do the one thing he cannot do...tell the truth. The monster will then share some stories with Conor that will teach him valuable life lessons.

Of course by the 30 minute mark, I being the heartless monster that I am was so bored to tears by this movie I took it out and mailed it back to Netflix.

Blasphemy, I know.

This is yet the latest festival darling, well-regarded film that I absolutely didn't care for.

Conor's mom is going to die. He despises that his grandmother (Weaver) is there, because that's sealing the deal.

And the monster will help Conor face the pain and reality of what is about to happen.

Yeah, I get it.

I made it through the first animated story that the monster tells, and I found myself just really not caring.

Saved an hour of my life, and undoubtedly needing Kleenex to wipe away the tears they were going to bring about in the final act if I finally started caring about the characters.

I'll go see about watching Rogue One instead, that way I can make sure I see Felicity Jones die in that one instead.

:)

Final Grade: D

Here Fishy Fishy..."Finding Dory"

Finding Dory (2016)  

Rated PG

Starring Ellen DeGeneres, Albert Brooks, Ed O'Neill, Kaitlin Olson, Ty Burrell, Eugene Levy, Diane Keaton, Sigourney Weaver, Idris Elba, Hayden Rolence,

Directed by Andrew Stanton & Angus MacLane

The Story:

A year after their big adventure of finding Nemo, Dory (DeGeneres) is feeling restless. She's remembering bits and pieces of her life as a baby, and wondering if her parents (Levy & Keaton) are still out there. She begins her journey, and Nemo and Marlin (Rolence & Brooks) take off to find her and bring her back...home.

Well, the odds are good that if you liked Finding Nemo, you're going to enjoy Finding Dory just as much.

If you think 2003's Nemo is slightly exaggerated on how awesome and important a movie in the Pixar catalog, and animation as a whole, then you'll find nothing here that's new and exciting, and simply appears as Pixar's attempt to print money.

Guess which camp I fall in?

:)

As always, I'll give Pixar their due, their animation is top notch, and there are scenes where you'll swear you're staring at live action scenery, not recreated backgrounds.

However, neither of the Finding pictures makes my personal Pixar Top 10.

That said, they are not unwatchable, like The Good Dinosaur, so there's that.  : )

There are some fun new characters, and a few returns from the original as well.

The most notable new addition is Hank (O'Neill) the octopus that's going to help Dory in ways he can't even imagine.

Amusingly, most of my kids didn't see this one, as most were indifferent towards, or have never even seen Finding Nemo.

It is now streaming on Netflix, so I'm sure sooner or later, someone will give it a click, and we'll see how they enjoy it.

Final Grade: B-

What If Robocop and Short Circuit Had A Baby? "Chappie"

Chappie (2015)

Rated R

Starring Sharlto Copley, Dev Patel, Hugh Jackman, Sigourney Weaver

Written and Directed by Neil Blomkamp

The Story:

Deon Wilson (Patel) takes a destroyed peace-keeping robot and imbues it with personality. Enter Chappie (Copley) who is like a child and has to be taught everything. The problem, he's taught some bad things by some questionable people. But in that machine somewhere is some heart, which is more than can be said for contractor Vincent Moore (Jackman) who wants to take his version of the the robot peacekeeper to the streets, no matter the cost.

Seriously.

I swear, the title of my review had to be Blomkamp's pitch to the studios.

Or at least some hybrid Robocop/Short Circuit mashup.

If you don't see similarities, it's because you haven't seen either of the other movies.

Both of which were made in the 80s, and made way better, both in terms of acting, directing, writing, and very likely, special effects.

This is another 2 hour (2 HOUR!) Blomkamp snoozer that is long on boredom and short on everything else.

When I stack this with Elysium which I was generous with my C- review, and the never-reviewed because I fell asleep trying to watch District 9...

Well, I have no faith in him as a writer or director anymore.

So the next time I see his name on a project, I will likely leave it out of, or put at the bottom of my queue to be watched when I've seen everything else ever made.

By the time the movie even got remotely exciting, it was the last part of the movie as Jackman was firing up his E.D. 209

I kid you not.

Way too little, much too late. And embarrassingly derivative.

If he was hoping to match the charming success of Real Steel, he misjudged badly.

Final Grade: D+

This Election Day, Vote For "Dave"

Dave (1993)

Rated PG-13

Starring Kevin Kline, Sigourney Weaver, Ving Rhames, Frank Langella, Ben Kingsley,

Directed by Ivan Reitman

The Story:

President Bill Mitchell (Kline) brings in look-alike Dave (Kline), a temp-hire expert to fill in for him during an official function. However, when the real President suffers a stroke in the midst of an affair, Dave is thrust into the position full-time while the Chief of Staff (Langella) figures out what to do. Only a few know the true identity, including a very loyal Secret Service Agent (Rhames). But while it's one thing to fool the public at a one-time function, how do you fool the First Lady (Weaver) and Vice President (Kingsley) among others?

Ivan Reitman directs another light, fun comedy with a bit of a political bite under the surface.

Kline gets to shine as the novice political figurehead who takes his patriotic duty as President very seriously. However, he has a heart of gold, not a politician's heart, so he makes some changes along the way.

This draws suspicion from some, including his "wife".

As Dave continues to prove a popular President, more so than the man he is replacing, the Chief of Staff sees his chance to move into the big chair.

The cast is exceptional from top to bottom, and the humor and politics are as fresh and fun now as they were over 20 years ago.

Regardless of who you choose at the polls today, this movie is a winner!


Final Grade: A

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I own it, and while I don't watch it nearly as often as I'd like, this is a charming movie that is really fun to watch, especially during the political season.  Then I can sigh, and wish that Dave was the real deal.

In A "GalaxyQuest" Not Far Away

GalaxyQuest (1999)

Rated PG-13

Starring Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Alan Rickman, Tony Shalhoub, Sam Rockwell, Justin Long, Daryl Mitchell

Directed by Dean Parisot

The Story:

The old stars of a sci-fi television show called "Galaxy Quest" are now hitting the convention circuit. When actual aliens come to Earth, they ask Commander Taggart (Allen) to help them. He thinks they are the usual convention nerds, agrees, and then has his mind blown when he is actually sent into space. He returns to Earth to get the rest of the crew (Weaver, Rickman, Shalhoub, Mitchell) and a new recruit (Rockwell) to put on the performance of a lifetime.

Want a perfect sci-fi movie that is part homage, part parody and part aweseome?

Look no further than GalaxyQuest!

The most obvious inspiration is Star Trek and their rabid fanbase, but the movie plays perfectly as a love letter to the genre, those types of shows, and the fans.

Allen channels his inner Captain Kirk while Rickman gets to play the Spock counterpart.  The two bicker throughout the film, and it is hysterical.

Shalhoub plays the quirky straight man who steals many a scene just by reacting.

However, it's Rockwell who endears himself to the audience as the "token red shirt" who is simply waiting for the moment when he is going to get offed!

Great film, even if you're not a fan of science fiction films.

Even better if you are.

If it's been 15 years or more since you last saw the film, well there's no time like the present to rectify that!

Available to stream instantly on Netflix and Amazon Prime as of this writing.

Final Grade: A

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I own it. I love it. Great movie.

Love at First Bite? "Vamps"

That bites!

The Story:

Two vampires in New York, Goody (Alicia Silverstone) and Stacy (Krysten Ritter) mostly enjoy their night life.  Taking college courses at night and working as exterminators to catch rats and drink their blood.  Yep, they and many other vampires have shunned human blood and concentrate on the vermin of New York as their sustenance.  Ah, but when the Van Helsing family moves to New York, the girls' existence is about to get really complicated...

Following up the latest viewing of Clueless, I wondered whatever happened to Amy Heckerling?

Turns out she wrote and directed this one last year, and brought back Alicia Silverstone (and Wallace Shawn!) in the process.

I'm not sure if she gave up on Hollywood, or vice versa, but there just hasn't been very much Amy Heckerling product in quite some time.

She comes out of the gate in 1982 with Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and then enjoys success again in High School in 1995 with Clueless.

Other than that, her career is filled with long gaps from the Director's chair, and even longer since she's had a box office hit.

Vamps apparently didn't help her much, which is a shame, because it is a cute little movie.

Perhaps that was the problem?    It's nothing special that screamed "I must be a movie" instead of something that could have been made for tv.

Her cast is impressive, with Sigourney Weaver playing the stem vampire that turned both Goody and Stacy.  As it turns out, only stems can turn people into vampires, and if a stem is injured or killed, it will have repercussions on the entire line of vampires that the stem had created.

So you can see where the plot device is coming from.

Either way, it's still a better film than Twilight.

: )

Final Grade: B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Mostly harmless fun.  Not Heckerling's best, but it's a  movie that I could watch again with no problem.

Die Less-Hard...or Something... "The Cold Light of Day"

Everything you thought you knew is a lie...

The Story:

Will (Henry Cavill) comes to Spain to visit his family who works for the American Embassy.  Or so he thinks.  Soon, his entire family is abducted and it's up to Will and his Dad (Bruce Willis) to save them.

 

You see, it turns out that dad is a spy working for the Agency, but his boss (Sigourney Weaver) may not be as helpful in returning a briefcase that they need to get their family back.  Matters take a turn for the worse when the father is killed, and it's up to Will to save the day.

On paper this must've sounded great!

However when you kill your greatest acting asset (Willis) in the first act of the film, you really have nowhere to go but down.

Cavill has the right look I guess, but his acting comes across rather wooden and emotionless.

Oh goody, I see that's who they've tagged to play Superman in the reboot.  This could get interesting.

Sigourney Weaver, "great actress", has given way to Sigourney Weaver, "may I have a check? Thank you."

But hey, this is like the 3rd Bruce Willis movie that I could say the same for him, so what can you do?  Even actors have to eat.

The movie is put together well enough to keep your interest for the duration, but it's nothing you haven't seen before.

Better.

And would be well advised to just watch that better movie again, and let this one go.

Final Grade: C-

Would I Own It: No chance, and re-watchability factor is pretty nonexistent.

One of the Best Movies I Don't Own.... "Holes"

This was a movie back when Shia LaBeouf was cool...  Oh wait, he's never been cool... but perhaps before everyone noticed how lame he was.

: )

The plot:

A boy is sent to a juvenile detention facility for stealing some shoes.  At the facility, the boys spend all day digging holes in the dirt.  You see, they are looking for a buried treasure that just has to be out there somewhere...


Yes, there is more to the movie than that, but to say much more would spoil it.

Based on the novel by Louis Sachar, and adapted for the screen by him, this is a movie that you've likely never seen unless you have pre-teens/teens.

That said, you're missing out on one fun movie that is tightly scripted and wonderfully acted by all involved including Sigourney Weaver, Jon Voight, Henry Winkler and Dule Hill.

Whaaaaaaaaat?!

The story takes place both in the now, and with flashbacks to explain the buried treasure and how the characters all intersect with one another's lives.

It's an engaging tale and one I heartily recommend, especially if you've now got teens/pre-teens that weren't around 10 years ago when the movie came out.

They'll probably get a kick out of it...

And you might too!