I Mustache If You Liked "Justice League" ?

Justice League (2017)

Rated PG-13

Starring: Ben Affleck, Gal Gadot, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Jason Momoa, Ray Fisher, Ezra Miller, Jeremy Irons,

Directed by Zack Snyder

The Story:

Steppenwolf (the villain, not the band) is coming to Earth to destroy it. It's up to Batman (Affleck) and Wonder Woman (Gadot) to gather a band of heroes to defeat him. Ah, if only Superman (Cavill) was still alive..

I was determined to not have another DC Extended Universe film hit my "Turkeys of the Year" list.

So I sat and watched this one awhile ago.

I know I dozed off for a few minutes at least, and when I woke up, nothing substantial had been missed.

I also know I've never dozed off during a Marvel Studios film. At least not during the first 4 or 5 times I've seen it.

Is it fair to compare the Marvel Cinematic Universe to the DCEU?

Not to DC it's not.

Again, I've pointed out what I see as some of the flaws in the DC approach to movie-making.

The tone is too dark, and the films were too rushed. Marvel took a decade to lay the foundations, and the fans, both hardcore and casual are invested by the 19th film to see what is happening to their favorites.

Conversely, DC launches a team-up from nearly the first movie, and then expands on it with the next film, tinkering with the tone mid-film to try and be more Marvel-like.

At this point, I'm not buying it.

While this movie is more watchable and more entertaining than Batman vs. Superman, that's not really saying much.

It's the old being poked in the eye by a dull stick versus a sharp stick argument.

Then when you stack it against what Marvel has given us so far this year (Black Panther and Infinity War) then you see how this movie just totally pales in comparison.

I want to like these films. I want DC to succeed.

Trust me, I'd much rather see ALL the superhero movies be good.

Maybe next time?

I'm not sure how many chances I'm willing to give, but I do know I'll never buy a ticket to see one in the theater.

What a waste of money that would be.

Final Grade: D+ to F

The DC Hero We Finally Deserve..."Wonder Woman"

Wonder Woman (2017)

Rated PG-13

Starring Gal Gadot, Connie Nielsen, Robin Wright, Chris Pine, Danny Huston, David Thewlis, Said Taghmaoui, Ewen Bremner, Eugene Brave Rock, Lucy Davis, Elena Anaya,

Directed by Patty Jenkins

The Story:

Bookended by seeing Diana/Wonder Woman (Gadot) in action during modern day, a briefcase delivered by Bruce Wayne allows Diana time to reflect on discovering mankind and embracing the heroic ideal she was born to live.

So, I finally got around to watching Wonder Woman.

I tried not to let the hype surrounding this movie cloud my judgement of it.

While I might be firmly in the camp of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, I totally root for DC to get it right and give the audience something worth going to see.

So naturally, I approached this one with cautious optimism.

Is the hype real?

Or is it just clamoring for something, anything from DC to erase the unwatchable bore of Batman vs. Superman or the entertaining in parts but ultimately unsatisfying Suicide Squad?

I suppose it will ultimately depend on who you ask.

I was never blown away by the trailers for Wonder Woman.

It seemed fine enough, but it was missing something for me, and I couldn't put my finger on it.

So the movie has come out, it's made more money this summer than anything else, and I couldn't be happier for the cast, crew, fans and Warner Brothers for finally, finally making a DC movie worth watching.

Depending on your point of view, it's been a long time coming, whether it was Superman: The Movie, Batman (1989) or the Nolan Batman Trilogy.

I finally got around to seeing it...

And much like the trailer, I liked it, but didn't LOVE it.

Again, there's something missing for me, and I can't quite put my finger on it.

I suppose if I have to try and isolate it, perhaps it's the sense of fun, entertainment or enjoyment that I have while watching a Marvel film.

While Wonder Woman is a technically a well made picture, the sense of fun just wasn't quite there. It bubbled under the surface through a lot of the movie.

Now to be fair, there were many, many, many enjoyable scenes and amazing set pieces that oohed and aaahed me as the movie went along.

So again, it's a tough one to judge.

Is it on par with what Marvel is giving me?  No. Close, but no cigar.

If I was given 4 choices of going to see any superhero movie again in theaters, I'd be going back for Guardians or Homecoming before I went back to see Wonder Woman.

That's just me being honest.

Is it better than what DC has been giving me? Absolutely yes.

I love that Wonder Woman has been this successful for DC and for all the little girls around the world that now have a superhero role model on the big screen.

It gives me hope that Captain Marvel and maybe Black Widow will someday headline a film for Marvel or maybe DC will offer up a Catwoman movie that doesn't suck.

: )

Final Grade: B... B+ if I'm really nice. ;)

It's Difficult "Keeping Up With The Joneses"

Keeping Up With The Joneses (2016)

Rated PG-13

Starring Zach Galifianakis, Isla Fisher, Jon Hamm, Gal Gadot

Directed by Greg Mottola

The Story:

Jeff and Karen Gaffney (Galifianakis & Fisher) are a happy couple living in a wonderful neighborhood in suburbia. And then the Jones family moves in and Tim and Natalie (Hamm & Gadot) just seem to be so cool...so different.

Well that's because they are international spies...

The movie literally begins with a bang and then fills us in on the backstory of the Gaffney's, their lives, their jobs, their neighborhood.

But why on earth would spies want to live in the suburbs?

That's the next layer of the film as eventually, their mission is learned as their identities are compromised.

It's not a laugh out loud comedy, though it does have it's fair share of laughs.

Much of the humor is situational comedy as stereotypes of suburbia and espionage are both examined a little closer.

It's a great cast, and with a few tweaks here or there to punch up the comedy, this could've been really good. However, the interaction between the characters is what keeps the movie afloat and invests you in the overall story.

But I've seen worse spy films, comedies, and comedy spy films, so there's that at least. :)

Final Grade:  C+

This Movie Seems Vaguely Familiar... "Criminal"

Criminal (2016)

Rated R

Starring Kevin Costner, Ryan Reynolds, Gary Oldman, Tommy Lee Jones, Jordi Molla, Gal Gadot,

Directed by Ariel Vroman

The Story:

CIA Operative Bill Pope (Reynolds) is trying to stop "The Dutchman" (Molla) from his diabolical plot to do something bad. But then he winds up dead. Or at least, mostly dead. So his mind, memories and abilities are transferred into death row inmate Jerico Stewart (Costner) for him to complete the mission. Except, he doesn't really want to.

Hilarity ensues.

Okay, maybe not so much that last part, but lots of explosions, death and swearing abound during the next 2 hours.

Remember earlier this year, I reviewed a little movie called Self/Less ?

Of course you don't, I barely remember it either.

But what I do remember is that a millionaire who didn't want to die transferred his memory into the younger body of... wait for it.....

 Ryan Reynolds!

Nope, you can't make this stuff up.

So it's almost like an indirect sequel.

:)

However, what's really criminal is that this amount of star power is unleashed in such a...

bland ? mediocre ? meh ?

type of action film.

Costner Christian Bales grunts his way through the movie. I guess it shows how angry he is?

Either way, the movie sort of wears you down while it chugs along to the inevitable showdown at the end.

However, it's everything that the film lacks with tension, drama and importance that just gives us a bland thriller, through no real fault of any of the actors.

Final Grade: C...maybe even a C+

Twists And Betrayals Everywhere..."Triple 9"

Triple 9 (2016)

Rated R

Starring Chiwetel Ejiofor, Casey Afffleck, Anthony Mackie, Gal Gadot, Woody Harrelson, Aaron Paul, Kate Winslet, Norman Reedus,

Directed by John Hillcoat

The Story:

Some dirty cops are finally in over their heads when they are blackmailed by the Russian mob to pull off a daring heist. The only way to make it work, they will have to call in a "Triple 9": officer down call. The only problem, the rookie officer they choose to eliminate isn't going down without a fight.

The problem that usually happens with these "all-star cast" movies, is they just aren't that great.

They're good, but the plots are thin or too convoluted for their own good or there are issues with the narrative that make the movie seem like a direct to DVD feature versus that of a must-see theater experience.

Triple 9 does nothing to change my perception on that being the reality of these types of films.

:)

It's good, but not great.

It wants to be a crime / thriller / heist / action / drama / twisty action film that needs to juggle so many characters, situations and motives that it ends up doing a disservice to most of them.

This is of course, no fault of the stellar cast that do their best to make their characters someone to root for, or against, as the movie rolls along.

Again, nothing spectacular, but it's entertaining enough for a viewing, but I can't find any reason to come back in the future to revisit the film.

C+

Epic Movie...Epic Fail. "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice"

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

Rated PG-13

Starring Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Jesse Eisenberg, Diane Lane, Laurence Fishburne, Jeremy Irons, Holly Hunter, Gal Gadot,

Directed by Zack Snyder

The Story:

Taking place at the climactic battle in Metropolis, Bruce Wayne (Affleck) watches as Superman (Cavill) pretty much destroys the place in an epic showdown with General Zod. Fast forward 18 months, the world isn't sure whether or not to trust Superman, and reports of the return of the vigilante Batman, more ruthless than ever are circulating out of Gotham. These two are on a collision course, and it's not going to be pretty.

Okay, so let me repeat something I've said before:

The first cinematic team-up of Batman and Superman, ever, should have been a license for DC to print money. It should have been so amazing when it was released, that it would still be playing in theaters today.

It should be the highest grossing movie of all time, even after adjusting for inflation!

Why?

EVERYONE knows who Superman and Batman are.

Even if you've never read a comic book, you've seen them, somewhere. Shirt. Lunchbox. Underwear. Hat. Action Figure. Previous movies. Cartoons.

But yet, that didn't happen.

Why not?

Take your pick, this movie offers up 2 and a half hours (!!!!!) of reasons about what went wrong.

Here's my observations:

1) We don't want to be like Marvel!

Good call, so put out dour movies with no humor or really likable characters.

Really, that seems to be DC/Warner Brothers rallying cry.

We want to be the "adult" superhero movie.

They want the critical acclaim and adulation that came with the Nolan Bat-trilogy, but the box office success of Marvel.

I hate to say that you can't have it both ways, because clearly you can.

Except your rallying cry says "we don't want to be Marvel!" and they've consistently put out movies that have been critical and commercial hits.

I can sit here and compare Marvel to DC all day long.

No seriously, I'm at work, and it's kind of fun taking a break you know. :)

But at the end of the day, I try and judge a movie simply by what it brings to the table...

But yes, comparisons are hard to avoid.

Here's some other areas I feel the movie went wrong:

A) Hey, let's make a cohesive DC Universe!

Great idea. Wrong tactic.

Again, Marvel introduced us, slow burn, to each character who would eventually make up the Avengers.

DC has started with The Avengers, more or less, and said, see, one big universe.

Except they are starting with a sequel to a movie (Man of Steel) that...sucked...is that the good critical term?

I have little problem with Cavill in the suit, of course, they rarely let him say or do much except punch and be angry while wearing it.

I have a bigger problem with the suit.

That's not Superman.

He should be bright and shiny (not literally...ugh...) but those reds and blues should pop out, and not be subdued and shadowy, nearly black on viewing.

That's Batman's job.

B) Nobody cared that Superman died (whoops, Spoiler!) .

Let's be honest, when Doomsday killed Superman in the comics (whoops, spoiler again!) it was a BIG deal! Sure, nobody thought he would stay dead dead, but for a bit, he was dead. And the world mourned.

Why?

He'd been doing it for-ev-er. He was the gold standard that all the heroes looked up to, and when he gave his life in battle, the entire world mourned. All the heroes gathered to bury their comrade, and the entire world was saddened.

Hello... not 5 minute earlier, the world was trying to decide if they should worship Superman or deport him because he was too dangerous and an unknown entity.

So when Superman dies at the end of the movie...meh.

Aside from Martha (Lane) and Lois (Adams) who really cared? Batman, a bit, because he realized he had misjudged Clark. But the show by America was just that, a show. "Whoops, our bad, thanks Supes!"

C) The Dark Knight Returned Too Soon

Speaking of scrambling storylines, how about the proverbial DC omelette where they took the battle from The Dark Knight Returns and mixed it into this film. Except again, they take the older, wiser (eh...) Batman against a rookie Superman. Too soon, too unnecessary.

D) Someone thought Jesse Eisenberg would be a great Lex Luthor.

He didn't. Shame on you, and I hope you're now looking for work somewhere. Not sure what movie he thought he was in, but he seemed to be channeling more of the Joker than Luthor when he was onscreen.

E) The "Ultimate Edition" DVD has another 30 minutes of footage that makes the story better

Bzzzt.

Wrong answer.

While it may be true, no DVD release containing footage should make a movie "make more sense and be easier to follow" than what was released in theaters. If that's the case, your editors are failing at their job.

An enhanced version should enhance the story, not tell it better.


Okay, I need to stop kicking this dead horse while it's down, so what, if anything did they get right:

I) Ben Affleck makes a great Bruce Wayne & Batman

II) Gal Gadot is great as Wonder Woman

III) Jeremy Irons was terrific as Alfred


The fact that this movie was so savaged by critics and rejected by audiences caused DC/Warner to stop, reshoot Suicide Squad to inject "more humor" and move some studio bosses around to get a better handle on their universe.

So basically they decided:

1) We don't want to be like Marvel!

Good call.

However, I need to grade on a curve with superhero films, and much like The Fantastic Four suffered because of what they "Should Have" done compared to what they did, so to will this film.

There was just too much unrealized and wasted potential, and too much grim atmosphere.

Not my particular flavor of superheroics.

If I'm going to spend 2 1/2 hours of my life watching superheroes...

well...

Make Mine Marvel.


Final Grade: D+