Go Stuff Yourself... The Turkey of the Year Winners for 2018

The worst of the worst.

While I certainly did not review as many movies as in years gone by, I still saw enough films that I just didn't care for.

As has become an annual Thanksgiving tradition, I now recollect the least entertaining films that I saw since Thanksgiving of 2017 to Thanksgiving 2018.

Justice League - The DC cinematic universe just does nothing for me. This movie seemed like a mishmash of styles, a little brooding and dark and a little levity to try and make it seem more Marvel-ous. I sat through it, couldn't tell you what happened, and know that I nodded off for a bit during the film, and apparently didn't miss a thing.

That's not a good recipe for a superhero film in 2018.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets - A rare Luc Besson total misfire. There was an interesting concept buried in there somewhere, but the dull dishwater chemistry of the two leads pretty much killed any momentum the movie tried to build. Save yourself and go watch the Fifth Element instead.

Breakfast at Tiffany's - The only "classic" on the list this year, so I thought I'd give it a whirl and see how awesome it was. I was not expecting the boredom and characters that followed and the most disturbingly unfunny racist character to ever be on the silver screen. And really, that's saying something right there! I suppose it could have gotten better as the movie went along, but I was in no way attached to any of the characters during that first Act to even care to continue. The only movie on this list that I actually turned off.

November Criminals - I barely remember watching this one, but I do remember wondering why I hadn't bothered to turn it off. More character chemistry issues like those in Valerian with two leads that just failed to energize the movie in any way, shape, or form. Then there was a credibility to the story that kept stretching the suspension of disbelief way past the point of breaking.

The Dark Tower -  After years of not having any Stephen King movies in theaters, 2017 brought his works back to the silver screen with It and the Dark Tower. Just like the good old days, it appears that we are back to the good Stephen King/bad Stephen King adaptations.  For as good as It was, The Dark Tower was equally inept. A solid cast that was given nothing to work with, a 90 minute film felt closer to four hours of tediousness.  Thankfully next up: It 2

Mother! The exclamation point is possible inserted to cut off the profanity that you utter when you realize what a hunk of celluloid garbage you are sitting through. Easily one of the worst films I've ever endured sitting through. I even used the fast forward button... a lot... and this was still a chore to get through and no payoff for investing all that time.

With the flip of the calendar, time to put the next year's worth of reviews on notice that they could end up here next year.

Thanks for reading, and Happy Thanksgiving!!

I Mustache If You Liked "Justice League" ?

Justice League (2017)

Rated PG-13

Starring: Ben Affleck, Gal Gadot, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Jason Momoa, Ray Fisher, Ezra Miller, Jeremy Irons,

Directed by Zack Snyder

The Story:

Steppenwolf (the villain, not the band) is coming to Earth to destroy it. It's up to Batman (Affleck) and Wonder Woman (Gadot) to gather a band of heroes to defeat him. Ah, if only Superman (Cavill) was still alive..

I was determined to not have another DC Extended Universe film hit my "Turkeys of the Year" list.

So I sat and watched this one awhile ago.

I know I dozed off for a few minutes at least, and when I woke up, nothing substantial had been missed.

I also know I've never dozed off during a Marvel Studios film. At least not during the first 4 or 5 times I've seen it.

Is it fair to compare the Marvel Cinematic Universe to the DCEU?

Not to DC it's not.

Again, I've pointed out what I see as some of the flaws in the DC approach to movie-making.

The tone is too dark, and the films were too rushed. Marvel took a decade to lay the foundations, and the fans, both hardcore and casual are invested by the 19th film to see what is happening to their favorites.

Conversely, DC launches a team-up from nearly the first movie, and then expands on it with the next film, tinkering with the tone mid-film to try and be more Marvel-like.

At this point, I'm not buying it.

While this movie is more watchable and more entertaining than Batman vs. Superman, that's not really saying much.

It's the old being poked in the eye by a dull stick versus a sharp stick argument.

Then when you stack it against what Marvel has given us so far this year (Black Panther and Infinity War) then you see how this movie just totally pales in comparison.

I want to like these films. I want DC to succeed.

Trust me, I'd much rather see ALL the superhero movies be good.

Maybe next time?

I'm not sure how many chances I'm willing to give, but I do know I'll never buy a ticket to see one in the theater.

What a waste of money that would be.

Final Grade: D+ to F

Our First DC Premiere..."Suicide Squad"

Suicide Squad (2016)

Rated PG-13

Starring Will Smith, Margot Robbie, Jai Courtney, Viola Davis, Jared Leto, Jay Hernandez, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Cara Delevingne, Joel Kinnaman, Karen Fukuhara, Adam Beach, David Harbour

Written and Directed by David Ayer

The Story:

Amanda Waller (Davis) has decided that in a world with more and more metahuman activity, she needs to assemble a team that is able and willing to do whatever it takes to protect National Security. After all, the next Superman might just be a hostile. So she rounds up the worst of the worst, implants them with a transmitter that doubles as a bomb, and under the leadership of Rick Flag (Kinnaman), the Suicide Squad is born.

Or...

The Story:

A group of scoundrels we've never met before team up to save the world while tossing off one-liners during action sequences set to a cool soundtrack.

Sound familiar?

Yes, Marvel Studios did that 2 years ago with Guardians of the Galaxy, and earlier this year with Deadpool from Fox.

Sorry folks, in the world of superhero movies, comparisons are inevitable.

But let's make this perfectly clear up front, don't compare Suicide Squad to the Avengers, at that point we move from comparing apples to oranges to apples and bananas. Save that comparison for when they finally roll Justice League into theaters.

So, is this movie as bad as Rotten Tomatoes claims, and rabid fanboys have decried that since this is the second DC movie in a row with low scores, that site should be shut down?

No.

It's totally watchable.

Is it rewatchable, either in theaters or at home?

That's debatable.

The Good:

I got to hang out with some of my kids at the movies. Can't ever go wrong with bonding over popcorn and a movie, am I right?!? :)

Viola Davis owns her role as Amanda Waller. She might actually be more frightening than Batman. :)

Will Smith returns to form in his first action flick since 2012's MiB3, and it's a welcome return. It's like an old suit that he slips right into, and watching this film makes me ready for his return as Mike Lowry in Bad Boys 3 (and apparently 4!)

Margot Robbie owns Harley Quinn. While I would have preferred her actual outfit, well, this is the revamped Harley costume they want to go with. Still, when these two are onscreen, the movie picks up tremendously.

The rest of the crew?

When they are given anything to do, it's quite enjoyable. Bonus points to Jai Courtney for actually putting some charisma into a role for a change, his Captain Boomerang is one of the high points as well.

The Bad:

Everyone else is woefully underused and underdeveloped. It seems like most are there simply to give Deadshot and Harley a breather in the action.

The villain? Also falls into the meh, who cares department. But, it was pretty much that way too when they used her in Ghostbusters. :)

The Joker. Totally could have done without him. Aside from the backstory with Harley, which is necessary, he actually becomes a distraction as the film wears on. As for him channeling both Nicholson and Ledger as his inspiration, I found it seemed to channel more of Jim Carrey's Riddler.

Setting scenes to music can be effective.

Setting nearly every scene to music can be overdone.

They decided to dial it up to 11 and introduce everyone to their own killer beat, when it might have been more effective to stagger all of the team introductions out through the film versus one after the other after the other.

Ah well, not my film, not my universe.

: )

That said, of the 2 (or is it 3?) films from the DC "Shared Universe", this is easily my favorite.

I've yet to see Batman vs. Superman (and the kids still don't want to see it!) but it's coming next week on Netflix.

And Man of Steel sucked.

Though I don't think it's considered part of the shared universe, or at least probably wasn't before it tanked.

Finally, you can tell the film was meddled with, even without reading all of the reports about the reshoots after Batman vs. Superman was given a resounding thumbs down upon reception.

We'll see where DC goes from here, but you have to hope, at least for their sake as well as the audience, that they are correcting the ship and if not trying to outright copy the Marvel movie formula, at least copy the part where we like seeing their movies.

:)

Final Grade: C+