Rated PG
Starring Anna Kendrick, Meryl Streep, Daniel Huttlestone, James Corden, Emily Blunt, Christine Baranski, Tracey Ullman, Johnny Depp, Chris Pine, Mackenzie Mauzy, and a cast of thousands.
Directed by Rob Marshall
The Story:
What do you get when you combine Cinderella, Rapunzel, Red Riding Hood, Jack and the Beanstalk a wicked witch and an annoying baker and his wife into a musical?
If you guessed an excruciating 2 hours (plus change!) of your life sucked from the earth, congratulations, you've apparently already seen this movie.
Oh. My. Goodness.
I can see that on paper this might sound appealing.
Apparently, it works on the Broadway stage.
But wow, this was a rambling, overblown mess of a movie that just wouldn't end.
You think it will, but no, it's like they remembered, no, we still have the big finale where all the tales must once again intersect with each other in the most contrived way possible.
So why did I finish the whole film, you ask?
I'm not sure.
Boredom.
Train wreck style, I wanted to see if it could get any worse.
Well, it never truly got worse, but it never got any better.
It was a visually pleasing movie, and all of the actors were game for their roles.
It was simply too much.
And not even of a good thing, it was simply too much of everything.
I'm guessing that some of this was added for the movie, because I can't see a broadway production pulling off that massive of a storyline every night.
Plus, the one thing about a good musical, or even an average musical, is the songs which the cast should sing.
There isn't a memorable tune or melody to be found in this feature from start to finish.
Except one.
The one sung by Johnny Depp to a little Red Riding Hood.
This was perhaps the most cringe-worthy cinematic experience I've ever endured, watching a 50+ year old man dressed as a wolf, but only vaguely, expressing his desires for a child.
Unintentional I'm sure, but wow, does it just come off with a creepiness factor of about 11.
Final Grade: D
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