It's A Rough Job..."The Hitman's Bodyguard"

The Hitman's Bodyguard (2017)

Rated R

Starring Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, Salma Hayek, Elodie Yung, Gary Oldman,

Directed by Patrick Hughes

The Story:

Michael Bryce (Reynolds) used to be the best Triple A rated bodyguard in the business. After a disaster he couldn't have seen coming, he's now striving to keep himself employed and working to get back to the top. Hired to escort international assassin Darius Kincaid (Jackson) to testify in court to put a war criminal (Oldman) behind bars, the two have to survive countless assassination attempts and each other if they hope to make it out of the situation alive.

If you saw the trailer and thought it looked like a silly, fun action flick, well you were right.

Ryan Reynolds is back to doing his usual routine of playing himself/Van Wilder/Wade Wilson.

It's worked for his entire career in most movies, so why stop now?

Paired with Samuel L. Jackson, the two get to enjoy the camaraderie that comes in the usual buddy comedy/mismatched dynamic duo genre and all the trappings and cliches that entails.

I happen to looooove that genre, so I'm a fan.

Fun film that with a few tweaks along the way could have been even better than it was.

Your mileage of course can vary.

Final Grade: B-

Latino Heat! "How To Be A Latin Lover"

How To Be A Latin Lover (2017)

Rated PG-13

Starring Eugenio Derbez, Salma Hayek, Raphael Alejandro, Rob Lowe, Kristen Bell, Rob Riggle, Raquel Welch,

Directed by Ken Marino

The Story:

Maximo (Derbez) has been living the high life as he basically has enjoyed a carefree lifestyle as the boy toy of a rich widow. But when she dumps him for a younger model, suddenly Maximo has to start all over, and at a much older age. Hoping to crash with his sister (Hayek) and his nephew (Alejandro), Maximo's attempts at adjusting to normal life while finding his next rich conquest lead him on one wild ride after the next.

Eugenio Derbez is two for two with me on films that I've seen him starring in. While this one is not quite as heartwarming and endearing as Instructions Not Included, this one is zany and a lot of fun, and yet with just the right amount of heart as several of Maximo's relationships play out over the course of the film.

Surrounded with an excellent ensemble cast that make Maximo's life increasingly more complicated as all he wants to do is mooch off of someone, but circumstances dictate another fate for everything he plans to do.

Along the way, he slowly mends fences with his beloved sister, and helps to bring much needed happiness and stability to her life. Hayek plays off Derbez perfectly creating a great family dynamic.

Ken Marino steps behind the camera for his first feature, and does a great job. It's a little bit of a rough start, but once it gets going, the story builds and it turned out to be one of favorite films for the whole family this year.

Final Grade: B+

It @#$&*ing Sucked... "Sausage Party"

Sausage Party (2016)

Rated R

Starring Seth Rogen, Kristen Wiig, Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Bill Hader, Salma Hayek,

Directed by Greg Tiernan and Conrad Vernon

The Story:

Anthropomorphic food get a wake up call when they realize that being chosen by humans is not the blessing they all believe it to be.

I held out for 15 minutes.

15 excruciatingly long, painfully unfunny minutes.

Then eject, send back to Netflix and move on to something, anything better.

Now if your idea of a side-splitting comedy is watching food say #@$#@#$ and want to #$@@#$@# each other, then enjoy this film.

As for me, I didn't find it *#&^ing funny.

:)

This kind of humor is a waste of a great vocal cast.

High school teenagers can, and probably have, written better.

On a positive note, it looked pretty good. Too bad the company opted not to pay all of the artists or give over half of them credit for their finished work.

Yes, I get that it's Certified Fresh and was even on some critics Top 10 lists.

There is always some critical darling that comes along that I don't like.

To be fair, like many critics, this too has the possibility of winding up on one of my End of the Year countdowns.

There is no doubt in my mind that this will wind up on my Turkey of the Year awards.

So far it would be # 1.

With a bullet.

It will be hard-pressed to knock it from this dreaded position.

Final Grade: F 

Awkward Title...Charming Cast... "Some Kind Of Beautiful"

Some Kind of Beautiful (2015)

Rated PG-13

Starring Pierce Brosnan, Salma Hayek, Jessica Alba, Malcolm McDowell, Duncan  Joiner, Ben McKenzie

Directed by Tom Vaughan

The Story:

Richard (Brosnan) happily teaches poetry to his classes at Cambridge. Of course, having an affair with Kate (Alba) who is one of his students is just another perk to the job, Richard likes to keep his options open. When he meets the lovely Olivia, he is instantly smitten, then horrified to find out that she is Kate's sister. Then he's even more horrified to find out that Kate is pregnant. He gives up everything he knows to move to America to be a good dad, but things get really difficult, really fast.

Here's a romantic comedy/dramedy that flew well below the radar last year.

It reunites Brosnan and Hayek and the two have a wonderful chemistry together, and yet they are pretty much to be kept apart for the majority of the movie.

Even though, you and I know full well how everything is going to turn out, it's still an enjoyable ride to get to it.

Brosnan gets to play a bit more frazzled than we're used to seeing, and it's a refreshing change that he employs very well. While things may not have worked out with Kate, he adores being a dad and wants to make up for what he feels was a bad relationship that he had with his father (McDowell).

I enjoyed it, and if you want a nice, enjoyable date-night movie to enjoy, this should count as a good one that neither of you have seen before.

Currently streaming on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: B-

"Everly" Blows Up Things Real Good!

Everly (2014)

Rated R

Starring Salma Hayek, Hiroyuki Watanabe

Directed by Joe Lynch

The Story:

After being molested by a group of bad guys under the orders of Mob Boss Taiko (Watanabe), Everly (Hayek) fights back, and begins killing them one by one. Naturally, this doesn't sit well with the boss, so he pretty much sends any and all hired guns in the city to go kill her.

What a bloody mess.

Naturally, you can take that phrase and spin it 3 or 4 different ways, and pretty much, they would all be accurate.

Trying to match the tone and humor of Shoot Em Up or Lucky Number Slevin, Everly tries to balance the fine line of action/thriller/comedy with over the top action and bloody kills galore.

It misfires as many times as it hits, but Hayek gives it the college try of carrying this movie with the weird tone on her shoulders.

She does her best as the heroine trapped in an apartment while the entire world comes crashing down around her.

The problem is, how can someone who has seemingly never picked up a weapon prove to be so formidable?

Luckily, she gets a lot of help from other people who are rather inept at what they are doing, but after 90 minutes, it begins to stretch the plot a little too much.

Not one I can recommend, but at least I didn't hate it.

:)

Final Grade: C-

Time To Go! "Fled"

Fled (1996)

Rated R for language and violence

Starring Laurence Fishburne, Stephen Baldwin, Will Patton, Salma Hayek

Directed by Kevin Hooks

The Story:

Piper (Fishburne) and Dodge (Baldwin) are convicts on a chain gang.  When a break-out happens, the two convicts make a run for it.  It seems that Dodge has some incriminating evidence on a disc that will lead to millions of dollars.  Piper... well there is more to his story than he is willing to share with Dodge.  They are pursued by Detective Gibson (Patton) who thinks something smells fishy about the whole setup.

This is another guilty pleasure movie for me.

It's about 90 minutes of pure adrenaline that never slows down, and rarely pauses for anything other than a quick joke, and then back to the action.

You've seen the movie, even if you've never seen the movie before.

They basically steal every scene in their movie from other movies and put their spin on it.

Heck, Dodge spouts out movie references and quotes throughout the movie with a wink and a nod to allow us to enjoy the joke.

The best one comes at the end of the movie, when he references another movie that Fishburne was in.

Comedy. Gold.

:)

Slow night, can't figure out something to watch, that's when Fled gets the call.

It's a B movie that knows it's a B movie and has a blast attempting to be the best B movie it can be.

Final Grade: Solid B

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I already own it, and I would say it sees the light of day every few years or so.

There Are Worse Times To Be Had... "Grown Ups 2"

Grown Ups 2 (2013)

PG-13 for language

Starring Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, Salma Hayek, Maya Rudolph, Maria Bello

Directed by Dennis Dugan

The Story:

Lenny (Sandler) decided that he enjoyed visiting home so much a few years back, that's the place to move the wife (Hayek) and kids.  They can grow up around friends and family and maybe have a bit of normalcy.  However, with a small town full of friends and former rivals, how normal can things really be?

Okay, let's be fair.

The first Grown Ups was a pretty cute movie overall.  Nothing ground-breaking or earth-shattering, but it was funny enough and I had a good time watching it, and so did most of the family.

Picked it up when Blockbuster was going out of business, and I have no regrets.

I'm a fan of Adam Sandler, and for the most part, I enjoy more of his movies than I dislike.

Now, with Grown Ups 2, that family-friendly aspect, which was questionable at best before, gets pushed slightly beyond acceptable this time around.

Blame the inclusion of Nick Swardson.

Or Dan Patrick's skimpy shorts.

: /

Swardson has his moments...in other movies... but lately whatever I've seen him in, he's becoming more cringeworthy with every performance.

However this film does not deserve the label of "worst movie ever" or "worst" anything label.

It's simply another typical effort from Sandler that aims for the lowest common denominator for the jokes.

And yes, for every groan-inducing cringe, there are some justifiably funny moments throughout the film.

Why, there's even a bit of a heart-felt message in the final act as old rivalries are ended and some relationships are rekindled.

So again, while not great, it's also not an abomination of film.

Final Grade: C

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I don't see this one joining the original in the library.

A Fun Little Heist Film... "After The Sunset"

After the Sunset (2004)
Rated PG-13 for language

Starring Pierce Brosnan, Salma Hayek, Woody Harrelson, Don Cheadle
Directed by Brett Ratner

The Story:

Max (Brosnan) and Lola (Hayek) are jewel thieves.  Really good ones.  They've been chased by FBI Agent Lloyd (Harrelson) but never caught. He knows they are guilty, but can never prove it.  When they retire to a tropical island paradise to get married, Lloyd shows up on their doorstep to let Max know that he knows the real reason Max is there is to steal the one diamond he never got his hands on.  Then local mobster Henri (Cheadle) tells Max he better steal the diamond for him.  What's poor Max going to do?

Ah yes, the heist film.

I love them.

This one is also a lot of fun.

It plays up the humorous aspect, which is something you should expect from a Brett Ratner film.

As I am an unabashed fan of Ratner's films, I have no problem with that.

The movie barrels along nicely, very little drag at all through the proceedings.

The scenery is stunning, and all of the actors seem to be having a great time with the movie.  Some great chemistry between the three leads makes for a very engaging story.

Like the gem Max is coveting, this film is an overlooked gem that has aged gracefully over the last decade.

Final Grade: B+ maybe even A-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I do own it, and sadly it's been out of circulation for far too long.  I forgot how fun it was.