Welcome to the FIFTH ANNIVERSARY of our annual Thanksgiving tradition celebrating the worst Hollywood had to offer.
Another year has just flown by.
Looking back at last year, only 6 movies made my worst of the year list.
This year, I've currently reviewed 185 movies, and will probably get to 200, give or take, by the end of the year.
Those movies that received grades of F through D+: 21
So about 10% of the movies I watch are lousy.
I can live with those odds, because at least the other 90% are at least passably entertaining to just plain amazing.
However, I'm not going to relive all of that pain and suffering.
There were a lot of smaller budget/never heard of it before films that can easily be overlooked, and in hindsight, should have been for my sake.
:)
I'm going to concentrate on the would-be blockbusters that should have impressed, but missed their marks, or at least on those films you probably heard about.
Either way, the list is twice as long, and twice as bad, as last year!
And that makes the fifth annual Turkey of the Year the WORST YEAR ever in movies, topping the previous record holder of 10 from 2013!!
So on that note, let's start the list by going BIG!
# 12
Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice
Sure, you say, "well, it wasn't that bad..."
I counter with you're right, and it also wasn't that good.
There was no enjoyment in watching this movie.
No thrill, no awe, no wonder.
No joy.
It was watchable, but this movie should have been the greatest movie of all time.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again:
Superman.
Batman.
Wonder Woman.
First. Time. Ever.
Together. In a film.
How do you go wrong?
Well, you had it to Warner Brothers and they go dark with director Zack Snyder.
There were some interesting ideas and moments in the film, and I totally approve of Affleck as Batman and Gadot as Wonder Woman.
Cavill, however, is not given a whole lot to do, and this Superman sequel becomes a Batman reboot.
If DC was trying to "not be Marvel" well, they fully succeeded.
And if trailers for Justice League (and even Suicide Squad) are indicators, Warner Brothers/DC have realized that these are comic book characters. It's okay to have a little fun with them.
The audience really doesn't mind, and neither do the actors.
# 11
Hail, Caesar!
An ode to the Golden Age of Hollywood, the Coen brothers recreate a big budget epic with lots of little subplots and bit characters to take a sliver of an idea and turn it into a movie. My biggest problem, was aside from Josh Brolin's character, I really didn't have any emotional investment or care in any of the other characters that he associated with throughout the movie.
However, I'm inclined to agree that I'm probably just not a big fan of the Coen Brothers library of films, as I've seen but a handful of them, not seen most of them, and really haven't been thrilled with those that I have seen.
I know, shame on me.
:)
# 10
Everest
The hardest movie that I reviewed this year, because the people were real.
And they were real idiots.
So to type things like that in a movie review, you feel bad because they were real people.
But at the end of the day, they made a lot of stupid decisions that cost themselves, and others, their lives.
And as you watch that unfold, entertainment begins to argue with logic, and you realize that you're not being entertained, and you're just kind of sick and irritated that people would make dumb decision after dumb decision, and so you want the movie to be over with, and when it is, you almost think...
You totally got what you deserved.
And this was one untold true story that should have stayed that way.
I told you, I'm heartless.
# 9
Black Mass
It wouldn't be a "Worst of the Year" list without Johnny Depp, now would it?
Breaking the tie with Leonardo DiCaprio for most appearances on these lists, Depp now has the distinction of being the worst of all time. :)
Or, at least the last 5 years.
And yes, I've debated for more than a few minutes to include the highly overrated The Revenant to this list.
So what was wrong with the film?
Hard to put my finger on it exactly, but let's start with it not being very entertaining.
I watched a documentary shortly after this, and it was better put together and more suspenseful than anything this film had to offer.
Had I watched it first, it would have possibly been a best of the year documentary contender, but by the time I saw it, this movie had pretty much soured my mood on the subject matter, so I don't think I was able to enjoy that documentary to its fullest extent.
Depp gives another performance that isn't Jack Sparrow, so there's that, but it's also one with no depth.
The real Whitey Bulger was charismatic and had people on both sides of the law in awe and fearful of him.
I never sensed that in this film.
# 8
Joy
Ah yes, this one.
Congratulations on being the only movie on this year's list that I didn't watch past the 20 minute mark.
Gold star for that, I suppose.
Just didn't care for any of the characters, though I was mildly interested to stick around for DeNiro's character.
He was the only one of the bunch I had any desire to see continue on screen, but it wasn't enough to endure this one.
# 7
The Brothers Grimsby
I've said it many times before, and I'll say it again:
I have no problem with R rated comedies if they want to be crude and vulgar, as long as they are funny while doing so.
This one was crude.
However, it was only funny about 3 different times, and that's not a good average or a film that runs under 90 minutes.
Bonus points for at least putting the audience out of their misery quickly by having a short movie.
That said, when they concentrated on parodying the spy genre, the film wasn't half bad.
But then Cohen took over again, and the movie just came screeching to a halt.
# 6
Rock the Kasbah
Another based on a true story.
Wow, that actually makes 4 of the films based on real events.
That's a really bad average considering most movies based on actual events are really good and enjoyable.
1/3 of the movies I didn't like this year actually happened.
So come on folks, have better, more interesting things happen in your life, or don't bother making a movie about it.
Awe inspiring.
Heart wrenching.
That's what makes a good story.
This dramedy wasn't funny enough, nor dramatic enough, to effectively work as anything.
Seemed like just a chance to get Bill Murray to goof his way through a movie and it would be winning just based on his charm.
Then throw in lots of big name, small role co-stars and you'll have an indie smash.
Color me unimpressed.
# 5
High Rise
The film captured the look and texture of the 70s.
Which is really good, since that's when the movie takes place.
Maybe that's the problem.
Had this movie been made in the 80s or even 90s, you could think, why yes, it's still a strong parable for class warfare.
Waiting this long however, the tale just seems to be a goofy cautionary tale that isn't really warning us of anything, and if it's a black comedy/satire...
Well, it's just not that good, period.
Tremendous cast, thrown to the wolves.
Pity.
# 4
The Good Dinosaur
Pixar finally hits rock bottom for yours truly.
A miss-mash of attempted gags, dangled loosely together with a storyline that feels very familiar.
Which it should, because it borrows, heavily, from so many other, better films that came before it.
By the time it flipped into a western, even Sam Elliot couldn't save this one, and I began laughing at the film, not with the film.
That said, the background scenery in this film is AMAZING!
# 3
Pan
Ugh.
Just the thought of watching this one makes me ache again.
It started off great with snatching the boys during the Blitz in London.
Then they went to Neverland, broke into a Nirvana musical number, and they lost me as a viewer from that moment onward.
If anything else happened that could have salvaged the film, it was too little, too late from this movie.
I will happily endure just about any of the Disney Tinkerbell movies before I would ever even think of trying this one again.
Of course, those films are absolutely fun to watch, while not destroying the entire Peter Pan concept.
No such luck here.
# 2
The Ridiculous 6For those without Netflix, finally some good news.
:)
Sandler's first outing on Netflix was just not that good.
I've defended most of his films over the years because I often found them to be amusing or really funny.
He seemed to be an automatic punching bag that a Sandler movie was just plain awful, and that's just not true.
Until now.
Aside from the invention of baseball scene, there's not a single funny bit in this entire film.
I worried that Netflix was getting a bad deal, but they said no worries, it was their most viewed movie in history.
Aha.
A bunch of closet Adam Sandler fans after all. :)
And thankfully, his more recent efforts have returned to being much more humorous.
# 1
Fantastic Four (2015)
No.
This is not acceptable.
As we are just weeks away from 2017, superhero movies cannot be this bad anymore, by any studio with any sort of budget.
Dear 20th Century Fox, you either don't know how to make a good Fantastic Four movie, or don't care to even try at this point.
Which is one thing, if you're going to do some low-budget sci-fi / comic-book type hero story with no major implications in the grand scheme of things. Pretend these characters are anyone OTHER than the Fantastic Freakin' Four, and it's almost a decent movie.
But couple it with the rejuvenation of the X-Men franchise with Days of Future Past and Deadpool, and it just seems like this franchise either needs to be given a chance to live and breathe on its own with a more faithful adaptation and less studio meddling...
Or create a Sony-like deal where the first family of Marvel comes back to Marvel Studios.
At least it would get a fair shot at giving the team their best film outing yet.
And this from a guy that really enjoyed the first film, because I thought the relationship between Ben & Johnny was just about perfect. The rest was just extra.
Oh, and one last word of advice: leave Doom alone for now.
He's been done (poorly) to death at this point.
That's it, that's all for this year.
As always, thanks for reading, and hopefully next year will be turkey-free!
But somehow, I doubt it.
:)
