And The Award For Most Overrated Superhero Film Of 2017...."Logan"

Logan (2017)

Rated R

Starring Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Dafne Keen, Stephen Merchant, Boyd Holbrook

Written and Directed by James Mangold

The Story:

In the future, all of the X-Men are dead, except Logan (Jackman) who now cares for an ailing Professor X (Stewart). With no new mutants to train, and Xavier's mind slowly slipping away making him a danger to himself and the world, Logan is trying to get them away from humanity once and for all. Complicating matters, a little girl named Laura (Keen) who was mutated in a lab to be just like Logan, only smaller and much cuter.

Oh, and pretty much everyone dies by the end.

How's that for a big #@$#$ing spoiler?

Well there's your second hint, the first was the title of this @#$@#!$@ing review in the first place.

Thanks to the success of Deadpool, everyone decided that the finale to Hugh Jackman's take as Wolverine would also be rated R.

Why?

So they could show him sticking his claws in people's faces, cutting them to ribbons.

And saying %$&^

A lot.

Apparently $#@#$ you Mother#$#@#@$ is script shorthand for lazy R rated movies.

I get it.

I've climbed up on this soapbox so many times, usually for the R rated comedy raunchfests.

I chastise those for lazy writing, because anyone can F*&$#@#ing cuss, ooooh, how edgy, but if you're going to do it with jokes, the jokes themselves need to be funny, sans language.

So too, in this edgy mutant action-thriller-drama, so too must everything be interesting and not just a way to keep a generation of fans away from the final installment because, well, @#$# you!

Unlike Deadpool, who had only once been seen in a movie form before, and frankly, it sucked, Wolverine has been with us for what, 27 or so movies at this point. Every X-Men movie, and several of his own films. All rated PG-13.

17 years Jackman has been doing this, and he is still the best there is at what he does.

No, I'm putting the blame squarely on the feet of the #@$@#ing lazy screenwriters who frankly bored me with their overuse of language in an otherwise pedestrian script.

You want a good X-Men/Wolverine movie, go see First Class or Days of Future Past. Some might even say X2, but I haven't seen that in so long, I couldn't tell you for certain anymore.

Nope, at the end of the day, I have to grade this final version of Logan against the likes of Batman vs. Superman, and say that when I go to watch a superhero movie, I go to be excited and entertained.

This didn't do it for me, and frankly, if I were to want to watch a Logan solo adventure, I'd rather rewatch X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

Yeah, it's got it's issues (oh boy, does it have issues) but it was depressing because of how it was executed.

This version of Logan set out to be depressing from the word go, and succeeded all around.

Therefore, I can't give a seal of approval to a movie that knowingly turns its back on the millions of kids who grew up on Jackman as Wolverine just to make an edgy, adult thriller that kills him off at the end.

#@$@# that.

Final Grade: C..maybe C-...no, I'll have to go D+

To Be Man's Best Friend Is "A Dog's Purpose"

A Dog's Purpose (2017)

Rated PG

Starring Josh Gad, Dennis Quaid, Peggy Lipton, K.J. Apa, Britt Robertson,

Directed by Lasse Hallstrom

The Story:

The story about an inquisitive dog (Gad) who wants nothing more than to discover why he exists.

So if you can accept that Josh Gad is a dog who is reincarted multiple times as a new dog with his same memories and search for the purpose of his life, then you'll likely enjoy this one.

It's not a talking dog picture, with CGI lip movements, thankfully.

No, it's basically the dog narrating his lives as he goes from breed to breed, owner to owner wondering if there shouldn't be more to his life than just eating and sleeping.

Some stories are shorter, some happier, but all build to a culmination when the dog is reunited with the boy (Apa) that he loved more than all the others. Now a man (Quaid) whose life didn't turn out quite like he planned, perhaps what he needs most in life is the company of a good dog.

I would imagine at the end of the day, the only people that wouldn't like this film are cat people.

:)

It's beautifully filmed and quietly engaging, but that is to be expected from any Lasse Hallstrom film.

And as a final word of caution, you might want to keep a box of Kleenex nearby.

Final Grade: B-

Some Women Always Need"The Last Word"

The Last Word (2017)

Rated R

Starring Shirley MacLaine, Amanda Seyfried, AnnJewel Lee Dixon, Tom Everett Scott,

Directed by Mark Pellington

The Story:

Harriet (MacLaine) is a retired businesswoman who is used to controlling everything in her life. Everything. As a result, she decides to let the local obituary writer, Anne (Seyfried) write her obituary now, while she's still alive, so she can approve it. However when Anne interviews everyone on Harriet's list, let's just say it's not the most flattering final thoughts on someone's life. Not content with that, Harriet tries to make some changes before it's too late, with Anne along for much of the ride. It won't just be Harriet's life that will change along the way.

If there's any doubt that MacLaine's still got it as an actress, those should be put to rest by now. She's still able to give a dramatic or comedic performance at the drop of a hat, and she seems to relish the role as Harriet.

Seyfried returns to the screen in what seems like the first time in ages. Still able to play the wide eyed girl, but now with a touch of maturity on her side so that she can seem both naive and tough as the case requires.

The two make a great duo, and then they are given the responsibility of Brenda (Dixon) a precocious troubled youth who makes Harriet feel like the grandma she always wanted to be.

There's laughs, there's tears, there's a good solid movie to be had.

Insert my usual rant about the language keeping this one from being a) a better film and b) finding a wider audience, and there you go.

Still, I'd say definitely worth a look.

Final Grade: B-

Let's Do The Time Warp Again..."GLOW"

GLOW (2017)

TV-MA

Starring Alison Brie, Betty Gilpin, Marc Maron, Sydelle Noel, Chris Lowell, Britney Young, Britt Baron, Kimmy Gatewood, Sunita Mani,

Created by Liz Flahive & Carly Mensch

The Story:

It's 1986 and Hollywood has-been Sam Sylvia (Maron) has been tasked to direct something that's never been done before: an all-women's wrestling show. So the open audition goes out, and hundreds of actresses come to the audition, but when they find out there will be wrestling involved, most get up and walk away. Those that survived the initial cut might go on to make the first wave of women's wrestlers the world would come to know as GLOW: The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.

This is their story.

Ish.

:)

At the center of the story is Ruth (Brie) an actress who never quite lands the role of a lifetime, and realizes that all of the best parts go to men. She may not be a wrestler, but she wants it more than any of the other ladies that are there.

The biggest problem, she just slept with the husband of her best friend, Debbie (Gilpin) and when Sam decides to build the show around Debbie as Liberty Belle, it appears that Ruth is going to be expendable as a wrestler.

Ah, but as any wrestling fan will tell you, to have a good hero, you must have a great villain, and as the show evolves, Ruth will become the best possible villain any mid-80s wrestling hero could ask for.

My hat is off to the creators and stars of the show for taking me back to the 80s to relive the fun that was GLOW.

In 10 episodes that run just a shade over half an hour, the show builds quickly, not wasting a lot of time, yet each episode further fleshes out the overall storyline and the dozen actresses who are going to put their body on the line in the name of entertainment.

Dividing the first season into thirds, it's the middle act that cements everything.

What is going along pretty well in the first act, gets turned up to 11 once Ruth finally finds her true calling and gets her character. Also, Debbie's realization that wrestling isn't stupid...it's a soap opera, and that is something she is good at, and it all begins to click for her as well.

Then as the season winds down, it reveals it's heart and at this point you're so invested in the characters that you'll feel their pain even as they try and keep their smiles on for the cameras and their co-workers.

It's a whole lot of fun, and I think even if you've never cared for wrestling before, you might just find yourself digging what these ladies have to offer.

I would also be remiss to not mention how good Maron is in his role as director. I swear he gets the best lines in the show, and his delivery is impeccable. If this was being filmed 30 years ago, I'd swear he was the second coming of Terry Kiser.  Don't worry, I'll give you a minute to Google him if you don't remember. :)

Once you've finished Season One and await what will hopefully come next, there is also a documentary: GLOW: The Story of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling (2012) streaming on Netflix as well. Clocking in just a little over an hour, you can relive the lightning in a bottle that was GLOW and how much fun the original show was for them, and their millions of fans.

Myself included.

And 30 years later, count me as a fan of the New GLOW as well.

Final Grade for Both:  B+ / A- range

The War To End Absolutely Nothing..."War Machine"

War Machine (2017)

TV-MA

Starring Brad Pitt, Anthony Hayes, John Magaro, Anthony Michael Hall, Emory Cohen, Topher Grace, Aymen Hamdouchi, Alan Ruck, Nicholas Jones,

Written and Directed by David Michod

The Story:

General McMahon (Pitt) is brought in by politicians to help clean up the mess that is the war in Afghanistan. Except McMahon isn't used to tidying up anything, if there's a war, he's there to win it. Which is exactly what nobody apparently wants, except McMahon.

Welcome to one of the latest Netflix originals to roll out this year.

It's based on a true story.

It's also a satirical look at the war effort in Afghanistan.

Your mileage will vary on how well either of those work as an overlong film written and directed by Michod.

In a nutshell, McMahon and his staff are seemingly doing very well, but through an article written by Rolling Stone, it undermines McMahon's credibility and leads to his ouster.

Pitt plays McMahon as a caricature of an actual person.

Normally, this works to some extent, but Pitt dials the caricature of McMahon to 11; some of the mannerisms given to McMahon such as the facial expressions, the voice, you can't quite tell if they were going for outright parody or not in the film.

They become almost a distraction throughout the film.

So with an uneven tone, a leading man who is all over the map on whether or not you need to take what he's doing at face value, or to laugh at what he's saying or doing, it makes this a mess.

Just like the war in Afghanistan.

In that regard, mission accomplished.

Final Grade:  C

Great Bowie Song...Average Movie..."Golden Years"

Golden Years (2016) C

Not Rated

Starring Bernard Hill, Virginia McKenna, Simon Callow, Phil Davis, Alun Armstrong, Una Stubbs,

Directed by John Miller

The Story:

Arthur and Martha Goode (Hill & McKenna) are retired and living a modest life when their pensions are wiped away during the financial crisis. Faced with no money and Martha's medical care, the duo decide that life is too short at their age to take this kind of nonsense sitting down, so they begin robbing banks to get their money back. As their notoriety grows, so too their gang, but drawing ever closer are the footsteps of the law who would really like to stop the robberies if that's okay.

Interesting concept that fails in execution.

At just a shade over 90 minutes, the pacing of the film made it feel oh so much longer. I thought I watched a 2 - 2 1/2 hour movie when this was over.

Amusing at times, but not filmed as a comedy, and neither is it serious enough to be taken as a drama, it simply exists.

A showcase for Britain's aging actors, and that's fine, but this is no Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

Not a bad film by any stretch of the imagination, but absolutely nothing to rush out and need to see.

Which is a shame, as the heart was in the right place, it just didn't come out great in the finished product.

Final Grade: C

The Art Of War... "American Gods"

American Gods (2017)

TV-MA

Starring Ricky Whittle, Emily Browning, Ian McShane, Crispin Glover, Pablo Schreiber, Bruce Langley, Orlando Jones,

Created by Bryan Fuller & Michael Green

The Story:

Shadow Moon (Whittle) is released from prison early after his wife, Laura (Browning) dies in an accident. Traveling to the funeral, he encounters a mysterious drifter, Mr. Wednesday (McShane) who employs Shadow as his right hand man. However, there is much that Shadow doesn't know about Wednesday, but all will slowly be revealed as the two travel across America together.

Man oh man, that was something else.

With Season One being only 8 episodes long, I decided to wait until the season was over to review it.

That is some crazy stuff right there!

From the opening of the first episode that literally made me jump with fright when the Vikings came ashore, I'd have to say I was hooked from the start.

Based on a novel by Neil Gaiman, it's the story of the gods of old that were brought to America by immigrants confronting the gods of 21st century America.

There's a war brewing and Wednesday needs recruits if the old gods stand a chance of surviving.

The cast is superb, and though Ricky Whittle is the lead, I tuned in for McShane, and he doesn't disappoint, as per the usual with him in any role. The supporting players are great, and by the end of the season, the duo of Mad Sweeney (Schreiber) and Dead Wife (Browning) would steal the show. Another great addition was Mr. Nancy (Jones) who electrifies the 2nd episode with his coming to America tale, and comes back strong narrating the season finale story about the purpose of needing a queen in the war.

You'll need Starz to see this one, or you'll have to wait until the discs become available for rent/purchase later.

Not sure where it goes from here, but as one who has always enjoyed mythology, I can't wait to see where these gods take us.

Final Grade: B+