Boy, That's A Mouthful... "Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets"

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

Rated PG-13

Starring Dane DeHaan, Cara Delevingne, Clive Owen, Rihanna,

Directed by Luc Besson

The Story:

A space station has carried out a galactic mission of peace for generations, welcoming new races to join until this station is now comprised of about... a thousand planets. However, that peace may be coming to an end unless peace-keeping special operatives Valerian (DeHaan) and his partner Laureline (Delevingne) can save the day.

Okay, besides the mouthful of an overlong title, there was nothing in this trailer that screamed "must see!" to me.

It pretty much tanked at the box office as it failed to find an audience.

I got my copy through Netflix, and shortly thereafter, it found a streaming home on Amazon Prime.

I pretty much saw it for one reason only: Luc Besson.

Normally, I've enjoyed any Besson helmed (or often written by) production.

And there were indeed some interesting/fun parts to this movie.

But at nearly 2 and a half hours, this overlong production was simply weighed down by the fact that the two stars have all the charisma and chemistry of wet paper towels.

You try and buy into the premise, and then they remind you that it's hard to take it, or them, seriously.

Seriously, put this one next to Besson's masterpiece from 2 decades earlier, The Fifth Element,  and you might see what I'm saying. However, I don't think anyone will ever mistake Bruce Willis for Dane DeHaan.

Or to put it another way, when Rihanna is the best part of the movie, you know something has seriously come off the rails.

:)

I did make it through the whole thing, so there is that, but it wasn't easy, and I can't say I recommend it.

But if you have 3 hours to kill and have seen everything else that's out there, judge for yourself.


Final Grade: D

Nothing A Little Armageddon Won't Cure..."This is the End"

Based on a true story.

Somewhat.

The Story:

Jay Baruchel comes out to L.A. to visit his best friend, Seth Rogen.  Rogen wants to go to James Franco's house for a party, but Jay is uncomfortable with all of Seth's Hollywood friends.  Seth assures him it will be fine, and so they head to the home. 

Naturally, that's when the Apocalypse happens.

So, in a few movies I've reviewed, I've mentioned that there are some actors who literally just play themselves on the screen.  Seth Rogen...Jonah Hill... those guys, right?

Well, this movie does one better, they actually play themselves, playing themselves.

Genius!

And for what it is, it works.

These guys are friends, or at least act like it in the movie.

Jay plays the outsider of the group who just doesn't click with the Hollywood crowd, and then the literal apocalypse kicks off, and people are raptured to Heaven.

Naturally, none of our cast makes the cut, and they spend the rest of the movie trying to stay alive, and not kill one another, while holed up in Franco's abode.

The crew of survivors also includes Craig Robinson and Danny McBride. 

They throw nearly any and every joke against the wall to see what sticks.  All the while, mayhem ensues.

There are some howlers, there are some eye rolling, but the guys give it their all.

Plus, there's Channing Tatum.  Apparently everything is better with more Channing Tatum.  That's the new Hollywood mantra.

However, I will give them a plus for having the decency to kill Rihanna.

: )

For the fans that have enjoyed all of their other films, you'll probably see no reason to miss this one.

Final Grade: C+

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Once was enough, thanks.