'Fantastic'? Not Even Close... "Fantastic Four"

Fantastic Four (2015)

Rated PG-13

Starring Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara, Jamie Bell, Toby Kebbell, Reg E. Cathey

Directed by Josh Trank

The Story:

Child genius Reed Richards (Teller) gets a scholarship to attend college so he can work on an experiment alongside Susan Storm (Mara) and Victor Von Doom (Kebbell). They get help from Johnny Storm (Jordan) when he has to pay off some debt to his father (Cathey). When the transporter shows that it works, the kids decide to send themselves to see what's on the other side. Reed invites his best friend, Ben Grimm (Bell) to tag along. When they arrive, things go horribly wrong, the teens are imbued with powers that change them into the team that would become...The Fantastic Four.

Oh. Dear. Heavens.

I believe this is a karmic payback for all who may have complained about the 2005 release of the Fantastic Four. That one is a cult classic at our house, we all loved it and shake our collective heads at the anger directed towards that film.  At least that movie got the majority of what made the Fantastic Four work, correct.

Evans and Chiklis made a dynamic duo of Torch and the Thing and much like the comics, that's my favorite part about the team.

Here, that banter and interplay is nonexistent and these characters are dull and uninteresting.

So too the dialogue.

Pedestrian acting by actors that can, and have, done better.

It's as if nobody wanted to be there, and for the audience, that relates to people that don't want to see the final effort.

Budget looking effects, a poor story where once again people feel the need to shoehorn Dr. Doom into the origin.

No.
No.
No!

He doesn't need to be there, and in fact, shouldn't be there.

And for heaven's sake, just put him in the armor and make him a despotic ruler of a small European country.

The Negative Zone. The Mole Man. ANYTHING but Doom at this point.

Or better yet, just give the rights back to Marvel and let them do things properly.

The Thing doesn't even wear shorts! How hard was putting CGI shorts on a model?

When Stan Lee won't do a cameo in your film, you need to realize: You're doing it wrong!

This is bad.

Not "oh my God, I can't watch" bad. Just wasted opportunity, and in the wave of amazing release after release from Marvel (and even Fox is finally on track with their X-Men franchise) this seems like a bargain basement offering for some small indie comic that should never have been made.

Not what you would expect, or deserve, from the comic that helped launch and keep Marvel Comics at the top for 60 years. 

Final Grade: D+  I'm feeling generous, and/or, bad for this franchise.   On second thought, the more I typed, the angrier I got about how they are failing us, and themselves with this franchise.

Revised Final Grade: F

It's Not Whether You Win Or Lose..."When The Game Stands Tall"

When The Game Stands Tall (2014)

PG

Starring Jim Caviezel, Michael Chiklis, Laura Dern, Matthew Daddario,

Directed by Thomas Carter

The Story:

The De La Salle Spartans went from an obscure high school football team to a juggernaut of mythical proportions as they racked up an insanely gaudy 151-0 record under coach Bob Ladouceur (Caviezel). With assistant coach Eidson (Chiklis) helping on defense, the Spartans have scared off the rival schools and so they line up out of state powerhouses to square off against. However, when an off-season tragedy befalls the graduating class, and the coach has a helath setback, next year's class doesn't quite step up to the plate and the Spartans fall on opening day.

The Streak dies, however from the ashes, Ladouceur becomes a better coach, but more importantly, a better father to his son (Daddario).

Naturally, inspired by a true story should be an obvious understatement.

:)

Of course, once the team starts winning again, people begin clamoring for The NEW Streak, which causes the coach to bristle. It's not about the streak, it's about the team.

Thankfully, the players he coaches learn the same lesson along the way.

While good, and even inspiring, the narrative of the story is a little disjointed at times.

The senseless tragedy from the first act is built up and then forgotten until the finale.

It really had no bearing on the new season, except for the passing of the torch to the Junior class who would fumble the ball, figuratively, and while tragic, kind of takes awhile for the movie to get any real momentum.

Again, it was a good movie, but the slow beginning could have used some kind of tweaking.

So enjoy, because it's a long way to go until football season.

Final Grade: Solid B

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I could see watching this one again down the road, but no huge hurry, lots of other stuff to see!

All He Wants Is What He Rightfully Stole... "Parker"

Even thieves have principles.

At least some of them.

The Story:

Our hero, Parker (Jason Statham) is a crook, but one with principles.  He goes in on a job, and expects his fair share of $200,000 from the take.  Unfortunately, Melander (Michael Chiklis) double-crosses him when Parker refuses to put his share up in the stake of another heist.  Shot, abandoned and left for dead along a highway, the other crooks take Parker's share and plan their next ruse.  However, Parker doesn't die that easily, and with the help of a real-estate agent (Jennifer Lopez), Parker is going to get his revenge...

And his $200,000!

Does it sound familiar?

Sounds an awful lot like Payback.

That's because both are based on the same character by the same author.

Statham takes a nice turn as the bad guy with a heart of gold, who only wants what was rightfully his in the first place.

His take on a Texas accent leaves a lot to be desired, but luckily he drops that fairly quickly.

As for the Jennifer Lopez angle... hard to see what, or why this was needed.  She's obviously pining for a big strong man like Parker, yet he's happily married to a girl already, and faithful to a "t".

Principles, remember?

So what should have provided the film with some smoldering chemistry the storyline demanded... well, it just sort of fizzled out.

All in all... it's not bad... it just should've been a bit better.

Final Grade: B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor:  I could watch it again if it was on, but there are more important Statham films in the queue to be replayed first.