The Critics Aren't That "Bright" After All

Bright (2017)

TV-MA

Starring Will Smith, Joel Edgerton, Noomi Rapace, Edgar Ramirez, Lucy Fry

Directed by David Ayer

The Story:

In a world where humans live side by side with the creatures of fairytale legend, Daryl (Smith) is an LAPD cop who is saddled with the first Orc recruit, Nick (Edgerton). When the pair stumble upon Leilah (Rapace) and her magic wand, they must put their differences aside once and for all if they hope to survive the night and all of the different groups that are coming for them to get that wand.

I'm not sure if the critics want to savage this movie because they don't like the inroads that Netflix is making by releasing movies directly onto Netflix and bypassing the movie theater with their Netflix Original movies, but this was hardly the worst movie of 2017, or any year for that matter.

It's Netflix's first true "big budget blockbuster" or "popcorn movie". Is it a great movie?

No, I don't think anyone will put it into that movie.

Is it totally watchable?

Absolutely.

It checks off all the marks for a big budget buddy cop action flick. The two cops that don't get along, but then get along just fine when the chips are down and they realize they only have themselves to rely on if they are going to survive.

It also serves an underlying message on racism in America, without trying to get too preachy and letting the action carry the movie.

I've read that many critics felt that the storyline was too confusing and people couldn't follow along with all of the backstory.

What?

I'm pretty sure that those opening billboards that show that this is a world where we coexist with the Lord of the Rings was pretty straightforward, if you ask me.

Guesstimates put those of us that watched Bright during the opening weekend at 11 million Netflix users. As there are no box office receipts to gauge whether this was a success or a mega flop, I'll do the math:

11 million times $ 8.00 a ticket (averaging a matinee and a full ticket price) puts the weekend box office for this film at $88,000,000.

Yeah, that pretty much justifies any price Netflix spent on the film, and shows why they already said yes to a sequel.

Trust me, I've seen a bad Will Smith movie (After Earth).

This isn't even close.

Final Grade: C+

War Is Just A Game With A More Serious Outcome..."Ender's Game"

Ender's Game (2013)

Rated PG-13 for violence

Starring Asa Butterfield, Harrison Ford, Hailee Steinfeld, Abigail Breslin, Ben Kingsley, Viola Davis, Aramis Knight

Directed by Gavin Hood

The Story:

In the future, the Earth was threatened by an alien race.  Saved by a heroic pilot (Kingsley), the Earth regrouped and has formed a battle fleet that will chase down the aliens and ensure that they are never again threatened by the species.  To do this, the military uses children who they push and assess to see if they can find their next great leader. Colonel Graff (Ford) believes he has found such a prodigy in Ender Wiggin (Butterfield) and he is recruited to lead the forces into battle.  But is a child really the right leader in the balance of life and death?

Well, it was no After Earth, thank goodness!

But again, I've been stuck in a rut with a bunch of average movies.

Granted, at the end of the day, that's way better than a bunch of terrible movies.

This film feels like it could have used a bit of trimming to shorten it's almost 2 hour runtime down to 90 minutes.

A few tweaks here and there, could have lifted this one a little higher.

No complaints with Harrison Ford, thankfully growing his hair back.  His gruff demeanor lends more believability to the film and tries to anchor it with his performance.

Ben Kingsley is also a nice, but wholly underused, addition to the cast. The character is integral to the film, and I would have liked to have seen more.

Otherwise, the kids engaging in military games, pushing each other in the pursuit of their objectives and the final question of who were the real monsters keep this film from being a total letdown.

Final Grade: C

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I could watch it again, but I'd be in no hurry.

The Top 10 Turkeys of 2013

And the Golden Raisinets Go To...

Time to put the year 2013 in the record books, at least as far as the "Worst Movies of the Year" go.

For you see, it is time once again to spend Thanksgiving with you all, as we prepare to indulge in turkey, by running down memory lane for those movies that were just absolutely abysmal this year.

Now, for those that have been on this site since last year, you might remember that only 5 movies hit the list.

This year, I was not nearly as generous.

From Thanksgiving to Thanksgiving is the calendar I use to see if a movie is truly a turkey or not.  Best movies still have another month to squeeze in under the wire.

But starting tomorrow, it's a whole new game for the losers of cinematic appeal.

That said, of the hundreds of movies and shows I watched this year, only 23 wound up in the running by scoring a D+ or worse on the scale.  Conversely, there are, as of this writing, no fewer than 45 movies vying to make the Best of the Best list by scoring a B+ or higher.

That's right, it just seems like I give a lot of movies high grades, but the majority of the year, most movies get the C/B range from me.

I could be harsher.  I could be more lenient.

But I like my grading scale, it works for me!

Most of the movies on this list were not the budget movies that didn't entertain me, that would be too easy.  Most of these had a budget, and yet somehow they forgot to spend any of it on entertainment value.

Tsk tsk.

So I've rambled enough, let's get right down to it!

On with the countdown!

# 10 - Frankenweenie

I think I made my stance on this one perfectly clear earlier this year:  I don't like/get Tim Burton.  I hate his animated/claymation style.  But I wanted to give it a chance.  It was not for me, and when I look around and none of my kids are paying attention, I know this can't be any good.  30 minutes.... turned off!

 # 9 - New York, I Love You

I barely remember any of this multi-actor, multi-director ode to New York.  I can't believe I made it 28 minutes before turning it off.  However that fares only slightly better than the next film on the list.

# 8 - Playing for Keeps

To be honest, I had to look this movie up to even see what it was about.  That can't be a good sign, can it?!  Oh yeah, this is the soccer dad trying to coach his kid's team, and all the soccer moms wanting to get in his pants... zzzzz....  Thankfully, Gerard Butler rebounded with Olympus Has Fallen and I can forget this snoozefest.







# 7 - The Great Gatsby

It sure looked pretty.  20 minutes in, I was bored, and was either playing a game, writing a review, or possibly sleeping with my eyes open.  If DiCaprio had a field day in the role, I'll never see it.  I couldn't get past Tobey's boring prologue to the story.

# 6 - After Earth

To give Will Smith's futuristic travesty some perspective, it was the only movie on this list that I actually watched all the way through.  Granted, over half of that was sped up at 1.5x on the PS3... and I think we even skipped a chapter altogether.  Either way, it still felt like 8 hours of my life I'll never get back.

# 5 - V/H/S

Probably the lowest budget of all the losers this year, you just don't make a scary movie, without making it scary.  Give the audience the hook and reason to stick around or you'll lose them.  Some, as early (or late) as the 18 minute mark.

# 4 - Rock of Ages

Even Tom Cruise couldn't save this musical 80s retrospective.  And this coming from a guy that doesn't mind musicals!  It just felt like they violated the very structure of the musical by singing too much, and advancing the plot too little.  20 minutes later, it was out of the player.

# 3 - MacGruber -

This unfunny SNL skit brought to life made it a whopping 20 minutes into the story before I give up.  This comes from someone who has never previously turned off any movie based on an SNL skit, or turned off many movies starring former SNL cast members.

# 2 - Jeff, Who Lives at Home

Oh, this was so painfully unfunny.  Also undramatic.  Not sure what genre they were shooting for, but for this viewer, they missed on all fronts and just released a painful to sit through experience.  Like root canal, by way of DVD.  Incredible waste of talent.

# 1 - Spring Breakers

The winner of the losers... Right here!  9 minutes in, and I had to turn this sleaze off.
And take a shower.  What a dreadful movie this was.  I understand the Mouseketeers wanting to grow up and take on non-Disney roles, but ladies, this isn't the way to do it.


So there you have it.

The clock is being reset, and there's 364 more days to discover what the worst movies of 2014 are.

Here's hoping I don't find any...

But I doubt I'll be that lucky!

:)


Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families!

"After Earth", What Else Is There?

Oh my stars and garters...

The Story:

Cypher (Will Smith) and Kitai (Jaden Smith) crash land on Earth.  Cypher is injured and must rely on his son to save them both.  Can Kitai save them both, or will the planet, or an evil nasty that is chasing him, finish him off first?

First, I can't believe I watched the whole thing.

Second, I'm not sure I actually did.  I think at one point I hit the remote by accident and skipped an entire chapter of the movie.

I don't think I missed anything.

Then, I know for a fact that I wrote a different movie review somewhere near the third act of the movie.

So let's hit it:

Will Smith.  The man exudes charisma and charm.  This is likely his most uncharismatic role. Ever.  You want to play against type, well done Mr. Smith, you are effectively boring.

But if you want to talk about a lack of charisma?  Look no farther than Smith's offspring, Jaden.  If it wasn't bad enough to endure a Karate Kid remake that was bogged down in boredom, barely watchable only for Jackie Chan, apparently we are now forced to a lifetime of Jaden Smith movies because of who his dad is.

What a shame for moviegoers everywhere.

If you really want a cure for insomnia, Walmart has a 2 pack with After Earth & The Karate Kid bundled together.

Of course, let's not leave the blame entirely on the Smith household.

No, I give you M. Night Shyamalan, writer & director of this science fiction epic...of disastrous proportions.

It's been all the rage to bash Shyamalan since The Sixth Sense.  Apparently when you storm onto the scene with a movie that great, it's all downhill from there.

Sidebar:  Come on folks, the Sixth Sense wasn't THAT great.  It was apparent what the shocking twist was if you were watching the movie.  Good, not great.

But from that point on, Shyamalan had an uphill battle where he seemingly had to throw a "twist" at the end of each of his movies, and they began to suffer for it.

That said, I'm one of the few people that actually didn't mind Lady in the Water, so go figure.

However, when you can't translate The Last Airbender into a good movie... I mean the cartoon was phenomenal.  All you had to do was a straight-up adaptation... but nooooo....

So, I would say the bloom is definitely off the rose with his career, if it wasn't already before.

Look carefully at the movie posters and trailers... Where was his name exactly?

Nowhere.

The studios didn't want you to know it was his film.

Sad, but true.

So if you haven't already wasted your time watching this film, save 2 hours of your life (it'll feel more like 4) and go watch just about any other Will Smith movie instead.

Yes, that even includes Wild Wild West.

Final Grade: I waffle... I feel I should give it a D-... but an F sounds much better.  How about...  F+ ?

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor:  Not even if you paid me.  Unless you were willing to pay me a lot, then we'll talk...