I Have No Idea..."November Criminals"

November Criminals (2017)

Rated PG-13

Starring Ansel Elgort, Chloe Grace Moretz, Catherine Keener, David Strathairn

Directed by Sacha Gervasi

The Story:

When Addison's (Elgort) black friend is gunned down while working, the police suspect possible gang activity. But Addison proclaims from the rooftops that his buddy wasn't into drugs, wasn't in a gang... and he begins his own investigation as to what really happened. All the while, he becomes closer and closer with Phoebe (Moretz) and she assists on his crusade for the truth.

Well, the trailer didn't seem that bad, so I figured why not?

Man, this movie wasn't sure what direction it wanted to go.

It's the most agonizing coming of age murder mystery angsty teen romantic dramedy you're likely to see.

But really, there's nothing to see.

I may have not been wowed with Elgort's big break, Baby Driver, but I would definitely watch that one again before ever bothering to try and get through this one.

It's a movie that continues to push the limits of suspension of disbelief every few moments, and each reveal just makes you shake your head like, "really"?

Great cast hampered by a movie that derails itself trying to be some ambitious movie that's about something, and ends up being nothing at all.

If you've got Amazon Prime, it's now streaming.  I'm pretty sure you can find something better to do with your time though.

Final Grade: D

My Kind Of Band..."Now More Than Ever: The History Of Chicago"

Now More Than Ever: The History of Chicago (2016)

Not Rated

Starring: Chicago

Directed by Peter Pardini

The Story:

The band you know. The story you don't. Follow their history from their creation in 1967 (!!) until their long overdue induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It's a nearly career defining retrospective, warts and all.

I would imagine that for most casual fans of Chicago, you know the band, you know the logo, but likely aside from Peter Cetera, you probably don't know their names.

The documentary will help erase that and give them their due as one of the longest tenured rock bands still performing today.

Naturally, as with most rock bands, it wasn't all sunshine and roses, and the biggest piece missing from this documentary is the inclusion of Peter Cetera.

However, that's not for a lack of trying.

Whatever beef he's got with the band, he's not letting go, which is a shame.

He was a huge part of their success in the 80s, though producer David Foster will happily let you know it was all him. :)

This documentary is currently streaming on Netflix.

Final Grade: B+

We've Got Fun and Games! "Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle"

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017)

Rated PG-13

Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Karen Gillan, Bobby Cannavale, Nick Jonas, Alex Wolff, Ser'Darius Blaine, Madison Iseman, Morgan Turner

Directed by Jake Kasdan

The Story:

Four high schoolers (Wolff, Blaine, Iseman, Turner) are serving detention when they decide to take a break and play a video game on an old system they find in the room they've been assigned to clean up. They fire it up, and the next thing you know, they are sucked into the video game, Jumanji. Now inhabiting their selected avatars, they must work together to beat the game and get back to the real world without losing all of their lives.

Welcome to Jumanji!

If you saw the trailers, odds are good that you thought the movie looked fun.

The movie lived up to the trailer's hype, and when last I checked, this movie was actually still playing in some theaters in America, even though it is now officially released on digital download and blu-ray and DVD.

This is sort of unprecedented in an age when most movies are coming out for download or purchase 4 months after they premiere. To still be playing in over 1,000 theaters and earning $850,000 when the movie premiered before Christmas is a feat unlikely to be matched...

Until Black Panther. :)

Now, back to Jumanji...

I've never seen the original.

Sorry, somehow it fell through the cracks, and I've never bothered to see it over the last 25 years.

If you're like me, don't worry, you're not missing anything. The movie sets up exactly how and why everything that is happening is coming to fruition.

I don't see anything that flies in the face of the original either, so I would assume fans of that one will enjoy revisiting Jumanji.

What starts as a Breakfast Club moment as the four teens that really have not a lot in common with each other prior to detention turns into hilarity as they each find themselves in the bodies of characters from the video game.

Naturally, each character is about as opposite from the kids in the real world as can be.

I won't say much more so as not to spoil any of the fun, but I would like to acknowledge the following:

1) Jack Black steals this movie out from under everyone.
2) The Rock and Kevin Hart can feel free to continue teaming up and making movies forever.
3) Possibly the greatest screen kiss in the history of cinema is included in this film.

So if you haven't tried it yet, I highly recommend it.

It's one of the few times in movie history you can find it still in theaters or available to watch at home.

That's pretty impressive.

Final Grade: A

Tra La Laaaaaa... "Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie"

Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (2017)

Rated PG

Starring Kevin Hart, Thomas Middleditch, Ed Helms, Nick Kroll,

Directed by David Soren

The Story:

George (Hart) and Harold (Middleditch) are best friends whose overactive imagination and love of comic books has landed them in trouble one time too often with Principal Krupp (Helms). To get them out of trouble, they hypnotize the principal into believing that he is the super-powered Captain Underpants. What could possibly go wrong?

Dreamworks Animation offers up a movie I would never have imagined watching in all my life.

I had seen the books in the libraries and bookstores over the years, and I always rolled my eyes and shook my head.

The artwork was always a turn off for me, and I had no desire to read whatever the story could be to my kids.

So here comes this one, and I groaned...

Until I saw the trailer.

Then I laughed.

So I figured, what the heck, how bad could it be?

It's from Dreamworks, and as I've mentioned before, their track record in our house runs a bit higher than Disney over the last decade.

Honestly, we were not disappointed.

The voice cast is tremendous, and the laughs and jokes are non-stop.

Plus, buried beneath the funny there's a little heart to the story about growing up tucked away in there as well.

Kudos to Ed Helms for double-duty as the stern principal and the goofy hero who alternate throughout the movie, often at the snap of the fingers.

I'm not sure if there will be a second movie, but if it is, we'll be there.

Final Grade: Solid B

Growing Up In Maine..."It"

It (2017)

Rated R

Starring Jaeden Lieberher, Jeremy Ray Taylor, Sophia Lillis, Finn Wolfhard, Chosen Jacobs, Jack Dylan Grazer, Wyatt Oleff, Bill Skarsgard, Jackson Robert Scott,

Directed by Andy Muschietti

The Story:

In the small town of Derry, Maine, every 27 years an evil entity returns to the town and feasts off the children of the town. The year is 1989, and Pennywise (Skarsgard), the personification of this evil has returned and the body count is climbing. A group of kids have banded together after realizing what is happening, and what has happened to their town throughout the last century. Can these kids hope to stop whatever It is?

As always with Stephen King adaptations I must fully disclose that I have not read the book upon which the movie is based.

Not only that, but I've never seen the 1990 miniseries which was the first adaptation of the source material.

So how's that for going in blind to this movie?

Thankfully, I quite enjoyed it.

The movie itself plays out quite a bit as a coming of age story, and that helps the film overall with the tone.

The scenes with Pennywise often have a jump scare, more than anything horrific or gory.

My biggest complaint with the film seemed to be in the sound department as much of the background score seemed to stomp over the movie itself. I found Pennywise's potentially scary dialogue to often come across muffled or garbled.

He was less scary than he was unintelligible. :)

The rest of the cast was really good, though I think I would have preferred Finn Wolfhard to have been recast just to avoid the obvious 1980s/coming of age/Stranger Things connection to exist.

I may have to go back and check out the miniseries, because who doesn't love Tim Curry?

I'll be back for the sequel, and see how the kids grew up and what they do when they realize they have to take out Pennywise one final time.

Final Grade: B+

Not Just Kid's Stuff... "The Toys That Made Us"

The Toys That Made Us (2017)

TV-14

The Story:

We were all kids once. We all liked to play. Come revisit your childhood with a walk down memory lane and learn the fascinating story about the toys we all played with and how they came to life.

This Netflix original will be an 8 part documentary series, the first 4 parts are already up and available.

They are: Star Wars; Barbie; He-Man; G.I. Joe

They are all fascinating to watch and will take you back to when you were a kid, and you'll be amazed in some cases that you even had that very toy to play with.

The designers, creators, marketers, etc. etc. etc. are all brought out to reminisce about what it took to get those toys into your hands and make your childhood the sunshine and roses that you remember.

The behind the scenes cut-throat business of toy empires are brought to light, and it's amazing what a lucrative business these toys were.

Each episode is about 45 minutes, so they all fly by fairly quickly, and no, you don't have to watch them all, but they are all totally worthwhile.

Coming in 2018, the remaining 4 episodes will be airing: Lego; Hello Kitty; Transformers; Star Trek

I'm looking forward to watching those as soon as they hit Netflix.

Final Grade: A-

Father Knows Best..."The Foreigner"

The Foreigner (2017)

Rated R

Starring Jackie Chan, Pierce Brosnan,

Directed by Martin Campbell

The Story:

When his teenage daughter is killed in an alleged terrorist attack, Quan (Chan) wants answers. That leads him to the desk of politician Liam Hennessey (Brosnan) a former IRA member who is attempting to keep the peace after nearly 20 years, and trying to keep the British Isles from erupting in violence again. However, Quan is determined, and will do anything to keep pushing Hennessey to reveal what he really knows.

Acclaimed action-director Martin Campbell returns after a too-long hiatus since the doomed Green Lantern movie.

Totally not his fault, DC still doesn't know what it's doing with their movies.

Reteamed with an older, wiser James Bond, Campbell puts much more drama into this thriller and lets the action come in bits and pieces, but always turning up the pressure on the characters to find out who is really committing these bombings and how much the government did or did not really know.

Chan still has the moves that has dazzled audiences for decades, but at an older age, the sequences are dialed back a bit so it's not non-stop Kung Furious action spectacles.

If you passed on it thinking you were getting a subpar, direct-to-dvd fare, try this one again, you might be pleasantly surprised.

Final Grade: B-

I'll Skip "Breakfast At Tiffany's"

Breakfast At Tiffany's (1961)

Not Rated

Starring Audrey Hepburn, George Peppard, Mickey Rooney, Patricia Neal

Directed by Blake Edwards

The Story:

Holly Golightly (Hepburn) is a... socialite ... living alone in New York. Ah, but when writer Paul Verjak (Peppard) moves into her building...

Who am I kidding?

It's the tale of two hookers living in New York.

However, after trying over the course of 3 days, I finally made it 20 minutes into the movie.

Only because I always try and give every movie 20 minutes to make up my mind, or change my mind.

That said, I was ready to bail on the adventures of Holly at around the 5 minute mark.

As a comedy, it is not amusing.

As a romance, it is nauseating.

Factor in the Mickey Rooney character, and this is one of the most racist films ever made.

Done as a bit by Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau in the Pink Panther movies, it's amusing.

Done as a real character who is nothing more than a comic relief cliche'... well no ...

And I really had no desire to spend another 90 minutes with any of these characters any longer.

Hepburn is made to be a feminist icon with her performance here, but I think that's revisionist history through rose-colored glasses; or overlooking how she makes a living.

I can neither endorse the one-hit-wonder Deep Blue Something's "Breakfast at Tiffany's" song, because as I recall, I think, I no longer like it.

For those however that do like it, it's streaming on Netflix if you're so inclined.

Final Grade: F

Shoot Me Now..."American Assassin"

American Assassin (2017)

Rated R

Starring Dylan O'Brien, Michael Keaton, Sanaa Lathan

Directed by Michael Cuesta

The Story:

Mitch (O'Brien) has just proposed to his girlfriend when tragedy, and terrorists, strike! Going deep undercover, Mitch becomes an assassin in the hopes of seeking revenge on those he deems responsible. Thankfully, the government decides to step in and offer him a job instead...

Oh my.

In what may be the most laughably bad beginning to any movie I've ever seen...

Ever.

I was quite ready to shut it off, as it was worse than B-Movie bad.

Laughable.

But, I wanted to see if Michael Keaton could save the film.

And save it he does, but only just barely.

Thankfully, Keaton has been on a tear in the movies since 2014, and his presence balances out a laughably bad beginning to a tolerable ending.

So while the film stays off the year end Turkey list, I wouldn't necessarily rush out to get this one.

The Film: F
Michael Keaton: A

Final Grade:  C

Killer Car Chases... "Baby Driver"

Baby Driver (2017)

Rated R

Starring Ansel Elgort, Lily James, Kevin Spacey, Jon Bernthal, Jon Hamm, Eliza Gonzalez, Jamie Foxx,

Written and Directed by Edgar Wright

The Story:

Baby (Elgort) is the getaway driver for a crime boss (Spacey). He's trying to work his way out of debt, one job at a time, hoping to buy his freedom. But when his girl (James) needs medical attention, Baby's got to go back to the one thing he was good at. Maybe with one more job, he'll finally be free, and can be with his true love again. Of course nothing can be that easy, right?

I love a good heist film, possibly more than many others do.

However, Baby Driver and I never really clicked.

Perhaps I listened to all of the other critical hype that made this out to be a cinematic masterpiece.

Meh.

:)

It was alright.

You know how in most movies, during a certain scene they'll give you a killer soundtrack to lay over the action?

Imagine that is done with every scene of the film, for 90 minutes.

Granted, yes, there are breathers in between the musical interludes, but that seemed to be the selling point of this movie:

We will make an action film that every action scene will have a cool song attached to it. We'll also do the same for much of the narrative as well.

Gotcha.

Now, don't get me wrong: the car chase scenes in this film are phenomenal.

However, once everyone is out of the car... that's when the attention begins to wane.

Or more specifically, when the supporting cast isn't featured, and it's just Baby and Debora.

Sorry,  again, just calling it like I saw it.

I also will not be one of the cool kids in the corner that's conflicted over this movie because Kevin Spacey is in it.

Kevin Spacey the actor is, was, and always will be, amazing.

Kevin Spacey the human being, he's got some problems.

I figure if I'm not going to overly praise a critical darling, I may as well go all in with my review.

:)

Final Grade: B-

Understanding Serial Killers..."Mindhunter"

Mindhunter (2017)

TV-MA

Starring Jonathan Groff, Holt McCallany, Hannah Gross,

Created by Joe Penhall

The Story:

FBI Agents Holden Ford (Groff) and Bill Tench (McCallany) have trained law enforcement officials from coast to coast. However, they are about to embark on something off the beaten path as they decide what better way to figure out the mind of a killer, than to actually sit down and interview them.

Should I mention this is based on a true story?

It's the 70s, and while serial killers existed, they had yet to have that term attached to them.

In fact, there's a lot of things that these first two pioneers of profiling would create as they bounced from coast to coast discussing WHY with some of the worst of the worst to ever stand before a court.

It's a slow burn...

But man, is it intense and fascinating!

At 10 episodes in length, it doesn't suffer from many of the pacing issues that plague the shows that extend into the teens.

Be warned though, it is driven by a very dialogue-intensive narrative.  So if you aren't a fan of talking heads in your police dramas, this may not be the show for you.

That being said, the slow burn effect keeps building throw the series and at the last episode, you want nothing more than to start the next episode to find out what the heck happens next!

This Netflix original is available to stream whenever you're ready to venture down the seedy side of town.

Final Grade: A-

I Have No Reservations About This One..."Wind River"

Wind River (2017)

Rated R

Starring Jeremy Renner, Elizabeth Olsen, Graham Greene,

Written and Directed by Taylor Sheridan

The Story:

Cory Lambert (Renner) works for the Department of Fish & Wildlife near the Wind River Reservation in Wyoming. When he stumbles upon the frozen body of a local, they call in the FBI for help. They send Jane Banner (Olsen) to help, and the duo begin to uncover what may have really happened to her.

Bleak and beautiful, often at the same time, Taylor Sheridan has carved out a great future for himself as both a writer (Sicario, Hell or High Water) and now as a director as well.

It's a harrowing story of revenge and redemption, with subdued performances by the entire cast.

While the story as presented is a work of fiction, it is based on too many cases of Native American  disappearance and deaths.

Renner plays the tortured tracker who has demons of his own to atone for, and they are slowly spelled out as the movie clips along.

Olsen works the fish out of water angle perfectly, trying to balance the fact that she's in charge with the obvious despair that she's in way over her head.

In case you missed this when it first came out, it is now available on Netflix to stream as of this writing.


Final Grade: B+