The Things They'll Do For A Beer..."Kidnapping Mr. Heineken"

Kidnapping Mr. Heineken (2015)

Rated R

Starring Jim Sturgess, Sam Worthington, Ryan Kwanten, Mark van Eeuwen, Thomas Cocquerel, Anthony Hopkins

Directed by Daniel Alfredson

The Story:

In 1982, 5 men who are down on their luck and looking to better their life decide to turn to crime to make a buck. Their objective: kidnap Freddy Heineken (Hopkins) and demand a king's ransom.

This is that story.

The problem is, the story is rather bland, all things considered.

The crew decides they have to have money to make their kidnapping look legitimate, so they rob a bank.

Then they spend that money getting everything ready for the kidnapping.

Then they kidnap Mr. Heineken.

Then they sit back and wait for the money, but it never comes.

Then panic and paranoia set in.

Now, this works with a movie like Ruthless People because they add laughs and you get to see what's happening from the point of view of the kidnappers, the police, the victim, etc.

This movie gives you the point of view of the kidnappers.

Never do we see what law enforcement is up to during the entire process.

There is basically no tension or no other narrative attempt to make you feel like the criminals are getting away with it, or are being this close to getting caught aside from whatever the kidnappers may say or do reacting to something the viewer is never really privy to.

Hopkins screen time is all too brief as he attempts to get into the heads of his kidnappers.

The kidnappers themselves are rather a bland mixed bag of talent with little to do but yell and get worried a lot.

There is a nifty story buried in the movie, but the execution only gives you part of it.

Currently streaming on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: C