I Would Have Asked "The Lady In The Van" To Move

The Lady In The Van (2015)

Rated PG-13

Starring Maggie Smith, Alex Jennings,

Directed by Nicholas Hytner

The Story:

Alan Bennett (Jennings) allows Mary Shepherd (Smith), a slightly crazy old lady to live in her van in his driveway.

For 15 years.

The movie chronicles their strange friendship.

And yes, it's based on a true story.

The problem was, after almost 20 minutes, I really didn't care.

Sure, there was twists and turns to come, but all I wanted to do was move along.

Which is what all of the neighbors wanted Mary to do in the film as well.

It wasn't "funny". It wasn't "dramatic".  It was just playing, and when I have the choice between watching a movie or doing work...

Well in this instance, I chose to get back to work.

: )

I also found the author's "dual roles" to be rather annoying.

I'm sure lots of people will like this one, but it wasn't my cup of tea, at all.

Final Grade: D

It Could Have Been Epic... "Solomon Kane"

Solomon Kane (2009)

Rated R

Starring James Purefoy, Rachel Hurd-Wood, Pete Postelthwaite, Max Von Sydow, Jason Flemyng, Samuel Roukin,

Directed by Michael J. Bassett

The Story:

Solomon Kane (Purefoy) is a privateer who learns that he's been destined to join the Devil in the afterlife. Rejecting that, he vows a life of  pacifism. As he goes about his life, he is savagely attacked and left for dead, nursed back to health by some pilgrims. When they are attacked and Meredith (Hurd-Wood) is taken captive, Kane decides to do whatever he must to save her, even facing the wrath of Malachi (Flemyng) and the Masked Rider (Roukin).

That's a lot of story to try and condense into one little synopsis, and perhaps that's partly why the movie wasn't more successful.

The 2nd of author Robert E. Howard's greatest creations (Conan), Solomon Kane is a pulp movie eye candy that takes itself seriously enough to avoid the derision and scorn that greeted the likes of Van Helsing when it took itself less than seriously.

Perhaps Kane though is too dark, and that could also be a problem.

What isn't a problem, besides the look, sets, scenery, costumes, effects, etc. is Purefoy's casting as the lead character. I saw him in A Knight's Tale in 2001, and have been a fan of his ever since. Sadly, he doesn't turn up terribly often, but I guess that helps keep his appearances fresh and leaves us wanting more from him.

That definitely beats overexposure!

So not bad, but definitely a genre picture for a specific audience.

It seems like they planned on making it a franchise, but I'm thinking when it's almost a decade since the first one, those plans likely have fallen by the wayside.

Currently streaming on Amazon Prime.

Final Grade: C+

There's Nothing Wrong With "Craig Ferguson: Just Being Honest"

Craig Ferguson: Just Being Honest (2015)

Unrated (R)

Starring Craig Ferguson

Directed by Jay Chapman

The Story:

Craig Ferguson, the former host of the Late Late Show brings his stand up comedy to Epix for a special.

Remember those times when he would be censored on the talk show?

No worries here, there's not a censor to be found.

Craig's routine doesn't consist of jokes as much as they do funny anecdotes and stories.

But, as I've always found Ferguson to be a joy to listen to, both for his humor and his accent, this is a good thing.

The storytellers can often weave an hour concert into basically a long running story that builds into each segment and at the end of the night, you've laughed a lot yet only heard 5-10 "jokes". It's the buildup and the telling of the story that provides each payoff.

So while you won't be repeating Craig's stuff at work the next day, you'll think of the stories, and his telling of them, and you will smile and laugh again.

Don't believe me?

Watch this one, and then get back to me about his stories on Kenny G and Mick Jagger.

:)

Streaming on Amazon Prime as of this writing.

Final Grade:  B

Sibling Revelry... "Sisters"

Sisters (2015)

Rated R

Starring Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, James Brolin, Dianne Wiest, John Cena, Maya Rudolph, Ike Barinholtz, John Leguizamo

Directed by Jason Moore

The Story:

Maura and Kate (Poehler & Fey) are asked by their parents (Brolin & Wiest) to come home and clean out their bedrooms so they can sell the house. They return home, and decide to throw one last bash, just like the good old days. However, this time, Maura asks Kate if she can be the "house mom" for the night and let Maura have a good time for once at a party. Sure...what could possibly go wrong?

Here's a fun little reversal of fortune as Fey gets to play the crazy one and Poehler gets to play the by-the-book sister. You expect just the opposite for each of them. However, Maura wants one night to be the wild one, and let Kate be in charge, so it's fun to see how hard it is to be the other type of sister during the escalating party.

It's also a credit to both ladies that they can each pull off the funny one or the straight man with ease.

Of course, there's more to the story than just the party, but the party drives most of the plot and helps to resolve most of the conflict that was set up before and during the shenanigans.

It also helps that the house party has a crazy cast of insane characters in their own right.

And as usual, John Cena makes the most of his screen time. He might never be The Rock, but he'll have a future once he hangs it up for good in the wrestling world.

Don't get me wrong, I laughed, but I feel like a movie like this, I should have laughed more.

It was good, but I thought it could be better.

Of course, almost all movies could always stand to be a bit better, right?

So at the end of the day, I'm glad I watched it, but I don't have that urge to see it again soon, which is often the mark of a great movie.

Final Grdae:  C+

The War In Afghanistan..."Whiskey Tango Foxtrot "

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (2016)

Rated R

Starring Tina Fey, Margot Robbie, Martin Freeman, Alfred Molina, Christopher Abbott, Billy Bob Thornton, Nicholas Braun, Evan Jonigkeit

Directed by Glenn Ficarra and John Requa

The Story:

In 2003, the war in Iraq has pulled all of the world's major journalists there to cover the story. Turning to whatever resources they have left, new reporters are sent to Afghanistan to cover that story. Kim Baker (Fey) is selected and heads to Afghanistan even though she's never worked in front of the camera before. However, her inquisitive nature and determination help her immensely as she befriends her colleagues, the military and the Afghan locals.

Yes, this is a true story.

And while there are many amusing things that happen, this falls more along the dramedy realm than a straight up zany Tina Fey movie.

So make sure you know that going in, or you too may think..."Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!?!"
Or some equivalent.
:)

Had Tina Fey written it, it's likely it would have been even funnier, but sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction, and there is plenty of that to go around in the film.

She's surrounded with some wonderful supporting characters, especially Christopher Abbott as her interpreter and Billy Bob Thornton as General Hollanek.

Along the way, Kim uncovers the cold truth about the war: while Americans love and support the military, they just don't want to see it, or the harsh realities of war played out on the television nightly.

That was true then in 2006, when everyone was tired of it.

A decade later, it's sadly even more true.

Final Grade: B

Manipulative To The Very End... "Eye In The Sky"

Eye In The Sky (2015)

Rated PG-13

Starring Helen Mirren, Aisha Takow, Aaron Paul, Phoebe Fox, Alan Rickman,

Directed by Gavin Hood

The Story:

Colonel Powell (Mirren) has discovered a location that contains some of British Intelligence's most wanted in Kenya. As the operatives on the ground prepare to stage an attack, the drone piloted by Americans show that they are preparing suicide vests for an attack. They need to attack now, risking the lives of a few innocents to save potentially hundreds. What should be an easy decision is strained to the breaking point by being politically correct in a war that is anything but.

So that describes it in a nutshell, but the movie is anything but boring.

It's fascinating the hoops that the program is attempting to jump through to make sure that everyone is satisfied, or absolved of any potential blame should things go badly.

Giving the okay is General Benson (Rickman) and the amount of people he has to get the okay from to dispatch the kill order is extremely lengthy.

That the whole operation then hinges on the American drone pilots (Paul & Fox) who discover a little girl (Takow) selling bread and threatens to compromise the entire mission.

As Rickman's final performance, he left us far too soon, he delivers a wonderful performance as the commander who knows what to do, but appropriately checks off each box that has to be done to satisfy 30 different masters. He then delivers a powerful quote at the end that literally puts tears into his biggest detractor.

Mirren also shines as the mission leader who may very well have to compromise credibility in order to take several threats off the board in one swift action.

As for the American pilots, it's nice to see a sense of compassion...

But...

Seriously?

That may have been a little too much compassion.

Well acted, nearly real-time thriller that stretches my suspension of disbelief just a hair too far.

Final Grade: C+

So Nice, We Went There Thrice! "The Jurassic Park Trilogy"

Jurassic Park (1993)

Rated PG-13

Starring Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, Richard Attenborough, Joseph Mazello, Ariana Richards, Samuel L. Jackson, BD Wong, Wayne Knight

Directed by Steven Spielberg

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

Rated PG-13

Starring Jeff Goldblum, Julianne Moore, Pete Postelthwaite, Arliss Howard, Vanessa Lee Chester, Vince Vaughn, Richard Schiff, Richard Attenborough, Joseph Mazello, Ariana Richards

Directed by Steven Spielberg

Jurassic Park III (2001)

Rated PG-13

Starring Sam Neill, William H. Macy, Tea Leoni, Alessandro Nivola, Trevor Morgan, Michael Jeter, Laura Dern

Directed by Joe Johnston

The Story:

Part 1:

Billionaire John Hammond (Attenborough) has created a theme park, Jurassic Park, where he's recreated dinosaurs using questionable scientific methods. He needs some validation by scientific experts that the park is safe and sound and ready for tourists. So he enlists paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant (Neill), paleobotanist, Dr. Ellie Sattler (Dern) and mathematician Dr. Ian Malcolm (Goldblum) come to the park. However, when corporate sabotage and a hurricane collide at the same time, things don't go so well, and it's a fight to avoid extinction!

Part 2:

Dr. Malcolm (Goldblum) returns to travel to Isla Sorna, the 2nd island that Hammond (Attenborough) had created his dinosaurs at. He had no intentions of going, except that Hammond enlisted his girlfriend (Moore) and she was already at the island. The team goes to the island and winds up capturing a Tyrannosaurus Rex and taking it back to San Diego to headline the abandoned Jurassic Park that had begun development there. Bad idea.

Part 3:

The return to Isla Sorna, and this time Dr. Grant (Neill) returns by being tricked into coming so that his dig would continue to receive funding. This time it's the Kirby's (Macy & Leoni) whose son (Morgan) had vanished weeks earlier. In the chance he's managed to survive the wilds of Jurassic Park for this long, they want to bring him home alive. However, there are some new dinosaurs waiting to join the party, in addition to the threats we've already seen in the previous two installments.

So, I don't think that anyone hasn't seen at least the first part of this trilogy, and if you stop there, that's fine.

It is head and shoulders above the others in terms of story, characterization and just sheer awesomeness of seeing those dinosaurs for the first time.

I actually saw this in theaters when it came out, and the scene where Alan and Ellie see the dinosaurs for the first time... well, it gave me goosebumps then.

20 years later, I still get goosebumps with that scene.

The elements of the actors, the great special effects on the dinosaurs themselves, and John Williams score create the perfect moment where you soak in the fact that you're seeing dinosaurs, and it's very cool.

There are similar scenes in each of the sequels, but it never quite matches the very first time you see Jurassic Park.

The cast is great, especially the cynical Dr. Malcolm, effortlessly deadpanning his way as the snarky voice of reason.

He's fun in the second installment as well, but when he has to be snarky and the hero at the same time, it just doesn't have the same oomph as the character was able to enjoy in the first film.

Which leaves the third film, which isn't nearly as bad as everyone probably remembers it to be. While not as good as the first, most film trilogies or series all suffer through that. The blame also shouldn't be foisted upon poor Joe Johnston, who gets saddled following Spielberg yet still directs a perfectly fine thriller.

All three have been added to Netflix as of last month, so feel free to revisit, or if you've never seen one (or all) of them, get ready for a pretty wild ride.

Final Grades:

Jurassic Park: A
The Lost World: B
Jurassic Park III: B-