The Limo Ride Of Your Life..."Stretch"

Stretch (2014)

Rated R

Starring Patrick Wilson, Ed Helms, Chris Pine, Brooklyn Decker, Jessica Alba

Directed by Joe Carnahan

The Story:

Stretch (Wilson) is a down on his luck limo driver who owes a lot of money to a bookie, and if he doesn't pay it off tonight...well, things are going to get ugly. Luckily, his fare for the evening is Roger Karos (Pine) who makes Stretch a deal. If he can run a few errands for him, then his tip will pay off the debt and Stretch will be free and clear. Somehow, it's not going to be that easy...

This is a crazy ride to be sure.

That Stretch came to LA to be an actor, he'll get to finally hone those skills during his adventures this evening.

He's also accompanied by Karl (Helms) who is the ghost of his mentor. Or Stretch's conscience, if Jiminy Cricket were an overbearing jerk. :)

If you ever saw Smokin' Aces and enjoyed it, then Carnahan brings more of his wit and craziness to the table for you.

You'll get sucked in watching things go from bad to worse for Stretch, and wonder what the heck just happened when it's all over.

:)

Currently streaming on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: C+

Back In Business..."Mechanic: Resurrection"

Mechanic: Resurrection  (2016) 

Rated R

Starring Jason Statham, Jessica Alba, Tommy Lee Jones, Michelle Yeoh, Sam Hazeldine,

Directed by Dennis Gansel

The Story:

Arthur Bishop (Statham) is living alone, and peacefully, thanks to faking his own death. However, someone knows who he is, and what he can do. So he must kill 3 people, all to look like accidents, if he has any hope of returning to his private life and non-murderous ways.  Bishop is going to kill a few more people than that by the time he gets his revenge...

I'm a sucker for a good Jason Statham film.

I wasn't really expecting a sequel to 2011's The Mechanic.

That itself was a reboot/re-imagining of the 1970s Charles Bronson film of the same name that saw Bishop, a notoriously ingenious hitman, train a young apprentice to seemingly take his place, but realizing the young apprentice actually wanted to kill the master, well, as you can see, Bishop survived that encounter and here we are.

The trailers looked like the movie would be a good time for Statham fans, and since The Transporter series foolishly jettisoned their leading man to start over, at least this was a franchise for Statham and his legion of fans to fall back on.

Thankfully, it delivered everything it promised.

Beautiful locations, exciting stunt set pieces and good, old-fashioned Jason Statham butt-kickery.

That's enough to keep this fan happy.

:)

The fights were good, the premise was sound, and it kept my interest from start to finish.

And yes, the elaborate swimming pool scene is very well done and worth the price of admission.

 Final Grade: B

High School Is Brutal... "Barely Lethal"

Barely Lethal (2015)

Rated PG-13

Starring Hailee Steinfeld, Samuel L. Jackson, Jessica Alba, Rachael Harris,

Directed by Kyle Newman

The Story:

Megan (Steinfeld) was raised at an Academy for wayward girls where their instructor Hardman (Jackson) teaches them everything they need to know about becoming assassins.  However, it's not an easy life, and Megan wonders about the childhood she missed out on. On a mission to take down evil-doer Victoria Knox (Alba), Megan finds herself with a way out. She applies to be a foreign exchange student in America, but with all of her training, nothing prepared her for the pitfalls of high school!

A movie that spans all genres to give you an action-adventure-coming-of-age-high-school-spy-romantic-comedy-family-friendly viewing experience.

Whew!

That's a lot of hyphens!

The problem, that's almost too much, and too many different subplots to juggle and cram into one 90 minute adventure.

But they try, and for the most part, it's a cute little movie that indeed can be enjoyed by the whole family.

Nothing that will reinvent any of the genres mentioned above, but nothing that makes you think you wasted an hour and a half of your life.

It's a great cast giving their best effort and having fun while doing so.

Hard to beat that.

I watched on disc from Netflix, but this film is also available to stream instantly on Amazon Prime.

Final Grade: C+

Return To "Sin City: A Dame To Kill For"

Sin City: A Dame To Kill For (2014)

Rated R

Starring Mickey Rourke, Josh Brolin, Rosario Dawson, Eva Green, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jessica Alba

Written and Directed by Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez

The Story:

Marv (Rourke) is back along with many of the other denizens of Sin City. Using an original story interwoven with Miller's A Dame to Kill For, the two stories intertwine as new characters cross-over with some returning characters.

As it is crime noir, I don't want to mention who does what, or who gets killed...

But if you saw the first one, you know that pretty much anyone is going to be fair game for shooting someone else in this movie or getting shot before the film concludes.

Still, great direction and camera work by Rodriguez and Miller, but not quite as strong of a narrative as the original film.


It probably didn't help much that they waited almost a decade between installments of this franchise.

That said, if you liked the first one, you'll probably like this one.

Possibly just not as much.

Final Grade: C

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: It was okay, and like the original, worth a watch, but no reason to revisit for me.

Truth In Advertising... "Machete Kills"

Machete Kills (2013)
Rated R for violence, language, nudity, violence

Starring Danny Trejo, Mel Gibson, Michelle Rodriguez, Amber Heard, Sofia Vergara,  Jessica Alba, Carlos Estevez, Lady Gaga

Directed by Robert Rodriguez

The Story:
Machete (Trejo) and his partner Sartana (Alba) attempt to stop an arms sale, but in the process, Sartana is killed.  The President (Estevez) saves Machete and sends him after a bad man (Gibson) with designs on world domination.  Along the way, various assassins will attempt to stop Machete.

They will fail.

The sequel nobody demanded.


From a movie that never should have existed.

The sequel to a movie that was a throwaway fake trailer in another movie!

So continues the saga of Machete, the awesome fake trailer from Planet Terror that was so great, it actually became a pretty decent movie.

That is the magic of Trejo!  The man makes low budget films tolerable, and decent projects better than they should be.  Unconventional Hollywood star...check!

Robert Rodriguez is at it again with a crazy script and action pieces that inspire comparisons to Looney Tunes as much as big budget action films.

I have much love and respect for Rodriguez since Desperado.  I watched the movie with his commentary and learned how he treats his mini budget films like big action spectacles.  The enthusiasm and love he puts into the films is always evident.

That includes the killer all-star ensemble cast of Rodriguez favorites and other big names popping in for extended cameos, as most actors don't last long in a Machete movie.

:)

Keep your tongue firmly in cheek, and buckle up for about 90 minutes of pure adrenaline.

If you liked the first one, you'll enjoy the sequel.

Final Grade: B-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I own the first, but have not revisited it in sometime.  We'll see what happens with the 2nd installment.

Do You Suffer From "A.C.O.D." ? You Just Might...

A.C.O.D. (2013)
Rated R for language

Starring Adam Scott, Richard Jenkins, Catherine O'Hara, Amy Poehler, Jane Lynch

Directed by Stu Zicherman

The Story:

Carter (Scott) is an Adult Child of Divorce (ACOD) from his parents Hugh (Jenkins) and Melissa (O'Hara).  The two despise each other, and their relationship has forever scarred how Carter thinks of love.  When his younger brother (Clark Duke) is going to get married, Carter wants to make sure both of his parents come, but at least pretend to be civil with one another.  When Carter discovers that this reunion has caused the two of them to engage in an adulterous fling with one another, his world begins to come crashing down around him.

I had high hopes for this film, and felt like it never lived up to the potential.

It has an amazingly talented cast, but much of the scenes just don't sparkle with crisp gags or anything.

The movie waffles between laugh out loud funny and just amusing.

Is Walking In On Your Parents Hilarious or Amusing?

Sometimes it also wants to bring a little drama to the proceedings.

It may be this balance that was most troubling aspect of the film.

The actors are all really good, but much of their dialogue or situations just sort of happen with no rhyme or reason.

The potential for Adam Scott as he realizes that he is actually a test subject in a book about children of divorce is ripe for the picking, but really that entire subplot just fizzles on the vine.  Aside from introducing Jessica Alba to the movie, for no other reason than to have Jessica Alba in the movie apparently.

I think that I had 3 really HA HA moments and otherwise, just an amused smile from time to time.

That's a disservice to what this film would, and should have delivered.

Too much squandered potential.

Especially with the cast of this pedigree.

Dude, He Totally Didn't Love This Movie!

As the credits roll, the crew weighs in with their thoughts on divorce, and it's amazing how many are indeed scarred by their parent's divorce, and most want nothing to do with marriage.

Sad.

Final Grade C-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Nope, the disappointment is still too fresh.