You're Going To Need A Bigger Statham! "The Meg"

The Meg (2018)

Rated PG-13

Starring Jason Statham, Bingbing Li, Rainn Wilson, Cliff Curtis, Shuya Sophia Cai, Winston Chao, Page Kennedy,

Directed by John Turteltaub

The Story:

Diving in the depths of the Mariana Trench to test a hypothesis on the actual bottom of the ocean floor, the submarine becomes immobilized and requires a deep sea rescue. The only man for the job is now a drunk, who refuses to step foot back into the ocean because he lost his best friends years ago in a freak accident. When he learns that the cause of the destruction may be the long extinct Megalodon, he heads back into the sea to extract revenge and save the day.

Or...

Jason Statham versus a giant killer shark!

:)

If you've seen the trailer, you know exactly what to expect with this one.

It's a B horror movie that takes itself seriously enough, while having fun in the process.

Turteltaub also fills the movie with plenty of homages to Jaws in the process. Nothing dialogue wise, unless I missed it, but a lot of shots are cribbed beautifully from that movie and are a nice touch.

I'm happy to say that in the pantheon of shark movies, this one joins the list of my favorite killer shark movies of all time:

Jaws
The Meg
Deep Blue Sea
The Shallows
Jaws 2

And no, sorry, Sharknado is nowhere to be found on that list. :)

Whether you want to rush out and see it in theaters, or wait until the eventual Netflix release, that's up to you.

I went last night, took my favorite date, and we both enjoyed it.

I'll be adding it to my home library by Christmas I would imagine.

Final Grade: Solid B for a fun B-Movie!

Is It Finally Safe To Go Back In The Water? "47 Meters Down"

47 Meters Down (2017)

Rated PG-13

Starring Mandy Moore, Claire Holt, Chris Johnson, Yani Gellman, Santiago Segura, Matthew Modine

Written and Directed by Johannes Roberts

The Story:

Two sisters (Moore & Holt) on vacation in Mexico decide to go out on a boat and take a trip in a shark cage to see sharks up close and personal. I sure hope that cage doesn't sink or anything...

I want to like shark movies.

I think everyone that has read these reviews has gathered that about me by this point in time.

Good, bad or mediocre, I often try them all, or at least attempt to.

I'm guessing with the commercial, and critical success of The Shallows, studios are jumping back into the waters of monster movies because we will always be fascinated and a little scared of what lies beneath the surface of the ocean.

In theory, the movie hits most of the right notes.

Lots of jump scares with musical cues, just like Jaws.

But make no mistake, this isn't that good.

It's watchable, yet predictable.

That isn't good, especially given that they use 2 different tension devices in the film:

killer sharks
low air supply

Poor to stupid choices being made by everyone in the film makes you often throw up your hands in disgust that by the time you reach the finale...

And then find out that much of what you have just witnessed may not have even happened.

It's often an effective plot device, but here it was just a final nail in the coffin.

This one won't be joining our annual list of scary films to ring in the holiday season for Halloween.

This makes me want to find out what happened next in the Sharknado series.

:)

Final Grade:  C

'Eleven Hundred Men Went Into The Water'... "U.S.S. Indianapolis: Men of Courage"

U.S.S. Indianapolis: Men of Courage (2016)

Rated R

Starring Nicolas Cage, Tom Sizemore, Thomas Jane, Matt Lanter, James Remar, Brian Presley, Yutaka Takeuchi,

Directed by Mario Van Peebles

The Story:

Captain McVay (Cage) receives orders to deliver a Top Secret cargo which will help end World War II. Because of the secrecy, nobody is tracking the departures and arrivals of the U.S.S. Indianapolis. Once the cargo is delivered, McVay requests their tracking to be announced, but he is told since they "never officially arrived, how can they officially depart?" As they return home, they are torpedoed and sank in the Phillipine Sea. No rescue efforts were mounted, as no ship was presumed missing.

Naturally, this one is based on the true story of the U.S. Navy's single worst disaster in history.

If you've seen the movie Jaws, then you've heard this story encapsulated into one of the best monologues ever delivered in cinematic history, that of Quint's recount of surviving the sinking and the subsequent days of shark attacks on the survivors.

This movie stretches that 5 minute scene into 2 hours, but the film divides the storyline very well.

We get to know the Captain and the crew in the first half, so that when the attack and subsequent sinking occur, we feel sympathy and sadness as each character meets their fate, whether they survive the initial sinking or perish days later due to a shark or exposure.

Of the 1,100 men that went into the water, days later just a little over 300 came out alive when they were finally rescued.

The film ends with the court martial of Captain McVay, the only Naval commander to be court martialed for losing a ship during the war. Even the enemy submarine commander (Takeuchi) testified on whether or not McVay's decision of not to zig zag the ship played any part in the attack.

The attack haunted McVay in the years that followed. Families of those that lost someone called him for years and said hateful things to him until he could take it no longer.

It's a good, but not great account of the tragedy.

If you don't have the time though, spend 5 minutes and look up Quint's speech on YouTube if you've never seen Jaws before, or it's been years, and you'll save a few hours instead.

Final Grade: C

It's Dangerous To Wander "Into The Grizzly Maze"

Into the Grizzly Maze (2015)

Rated R

Starring James Marsden, Thomas Jane, Piper Perabo, Scott Glenn, Michaela McManus, Adam Beach,

Directed by David Hackl

The Story:

Rowan (Marsden) and Beckett (Jane) are two brothers who haven't seen each other in ages. When Rowan returns to town in Alaska, he's on a mission to help a friend. However, those plans are in jeopardy when both brothers need to survive the Alaskan wilderness while they are being stalked by a grizzly bear.

This was a pretty effective little thriller, where the monster is told more than shown, so much like Jaws, the scares are often implied versus explicitly shown.

However, when they do allow the bear to attack, there's buckets of gore aplenty. :)

Billy Bob Thornton is on hand as the Quint character who is there to stop the bear, however, well, as the Quint character, you should already know how that's going to turn out, right?

In addition to the issues with the bear, the group also has to deal with their feelings for each other.

Even in the face of a man-eating beast, some differences don't just go away because you're in danger.

Otherwise, you've got a great cast doing their best to make you feel their fear and it's a pretty good little B movie to pass the time.
Final Grade:  B- / C+ range

Just When You Thought It Was Finally Safe..."The Shallows"

The Shallows (2016)  

Rated PG-13

Starring Blake Lively

Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra

The Story:

Nancy (Lively) goes out surfing at a secluded beach where her mom once tore up the waves. When a few other surfers head to shore, Nancy decides to try for one more wave.

Clearly Nancy has not grown up watching shark movies!

:)

Arguably, this is one of the best shark movies since Jaws, and I've sat through enough of them to know what I'm talking about here.

Collet-Serra breaks from his usual thrillers with Liam Neeson to direct a thriller with a killer shark instead.

Apparently Liam Neeson wasn't available to play the part of the killer shark.

So instead, this is all about Nancy and her fight for survival just a few hundred yards off shore and safety.

Thankfully she went to medical school, so she will be able to tend to her wounds to keep her from simply bleeding to death and making the movie rather boring.

The film follows very much in Spielberg's shoes by letting a lot of the killer shark go unseen, and just ratchet the tension by knowing he's out there, waiting, and there's nothing our human protagonist can do about it.

So that leaves Lively to carry the film, and she does so quite admirably. Put in a bikini and stuck on a rock for most of the film, she does her best to run the gamut of emotions and keep you enthralled with her desperate plight.

At the end, there's got to be a showdown between human and monster, and while it may be a little over-the-top, this is B-movie thriller/monster movie and the conclusion works perfectly for the film.

Overall, I was very entertained from start to finish, and someday I'll add it to the film library.

Final Grade: B+

"Godzilla" Returns! (And Doesn't Suck)

Godzilla (2014)

Rated PG-13

Starring Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Ken Watanabe, Bryan Cranston, Elizabeth Olsen, Juliette Binoche, and of course, Godzilla

Directed by Gareth Edwards

The Story:

Joe Brody (Cranston) discovers some dangerous seismic activity at a nuclear facility. However, before it can be shut down, an accident kills his wife (Binoche). 15 years later, the activity is starting up again, and Brody is determined to find out what killed his wife. Meanwhile his son, Ford, (Taylor-Johnson) is trying to get his dad out of trouble one more time. However when the two stumble upon giant creatures that feed off radiation, while man may be powerless to stop them, perhaps there is hope in trusting...

Godzilla!

I found two things amusing in this movie, and there may have been more (un)intentional homages as well.

Brody's vs. monster creatures. Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the movies!

A quick shout-out to Lone Pine, California. This is heavy, Doc!

That said, for a movie that featured the title character for maybe, maybe... 15 minutes of the 2 hour running time, it really wasn't boring.

The story kept moving forward at a frenetic pace, and similar to the aforementioned Jaws, much of the monsters are kept under wraps, under water, while the destruction that they leave behind is what is on display.

Sometimes less is more, and I think that may have worked in Godzilla's best interest.

The redesign of the big guy works, for the most part.

Definitely better than the Broderick film, but call me sentimental, I miss the old Toho suit.

I actually want one just so I can wear it and step on toys and chase my kids around.

:)

So now that we've established that Godzilla is a force for good, so what happens in the sequel?

Final Grade: B... B- range.

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: I could watch it again down the road. It wasn't nearly as bad as I feared it could have been. That said, it could have been improved here and there also.

Tom Sizemore is the Star? This Movie Must Be "The Relic"

Scary Tax Week Continues!


A night at the museum...

The Story:

Some crates are sent from South America to the Chicago Natural History Museum.  Well, the crates arrive, on a ship full of dead people, and the mystery begins.  What was in the crates? What's killing everyone? How does it make any sense that stuff arrives by boat in Chicago?

This is a nifty exercise in tension/horror with a low budget.  When your top stars are Penelope Ann Miller and Tom Sizemore, you know you are either on a low budget film, an old film from the 90s... or in this case:

Both.

Miller plays the anthropologist who takes all day trying to figure out what is killing people.
Sizemore plays a gruff but loveable homicide detective who knows that something bad out there is still out there, and if people don't listen to him, there will be more dead bodies.

So basically, you try and take Jaws, and bring it to Chicago.

And really, much of the film works well when paying homage to Jaws.

The monster stays hidden, and that makes for great tension and off-screen kills.  What is it?

Unlike Jaws, or maybe like Jaws, depending on when you saw it in your lifetime, when the real creature is revealed... meh.

It's like a 4 legged Predator.

Yep.

Streaming now on Netflix for your amusement.

Final Grade: C

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Zero

100 Greatest Movies of All Time...That I Own. # 1 ~ Jaws

Welcome to the Greatest Movie Ever Made.

Period.

Jaws.

As I mentioned yesterday, this and Raiders have long battled in my heart and head for the title of the Greatest Movie Ever Made.

I ultimately decided to give the title to Jaws.

Why?

I would have to say that seeing this movie for the first time as a young 6-7 year old on ABC where it was edited for television probably had the most profound effect on me than any other movie I've ever seen.  That single movie did two things for me:

1) It made me fascinated and terrified of Great White Sharks that has lasted my entire life.

2) It made me fascinated and in love with watching movies. 

Which is why I spend 100 consecutive days babbling briefly about my favorites.

And I would like to take a moment to thank everyone who has spent a moment reading along.  I hope it was as fun for you as it was for me.

So, back to Jaws...

The Story...seemingly ripped from the headlines today...

A killer shark is terrorizing the beaches of Amity.  Since it refuses to go away and eat somewhere else, the sheriff, a marine biologist, and a crusty old fisherman head out to sea to kill the fish themselves.

Before there was a Spielberg and John Williams team...there was Jaws.  The theme for Jaws is so universally revered, generations of composers have attempted to use a similar theme to portray an unseen terror.

The performances by the the leads is nothing short of amazing.  Filming the majority of the ocean scenes on the actual ocean was a first for Jaws.  The conditions breaking the shark made for a better movie as the suspense builds for nearly half the movie before you even see the shark.

It spawned 3 sequels, the 2nd being the best (or most watchable) of that franchise.  Each one gets progressively worse.

Naturally, it also spawned generations of movies that ramp up sharks killing people using CGI or animatronics to varying degrees of success.

And yes, I tend to find those in my "Q" and watch them, knowing full well they will never live up to their inspiration, but sometimes a good B-movie can revel in its inferiority and actually make a pretty passable movie.  More on that idea will be coming to the review pile very soon!

Thanks for reading!!