No. Just No. "Wrong Cops"

Wrong Cops (2013)

Not Rated

Written and Directed by Quentin Dupieux

The Story:

Apparently this is the tale of some cops that bend as many laws as they are sworn to protect.

It's also a comedy that wasn't funny.

In the least.

I endured the first 10 minutes hoping for a smile, a giggle, a laugh, a smirk.

Instead it was a head shake, and turn off the television.

Not wasting too much virtual ink and breath on a movie that doesn't deserve it.

If you want a funny cop movie, go find Let's Be Cops. I'm begging you. Or even Police Academy!

Want to be bored to tears?

Now streaming on Netflix.

Final Grade: F

Burning The Candle At Both Ends... "John Wick"

John Wick (2014)

Rated R

Starring Keanu Reeves, Michael Nyqvist, Alfie Allen, Willem Dafoe, Adrianne Palicki,

Directed by Chad Stahelski

The Story:

John Wick (Reeves) is a former mob hit man, who is now happily retired, having settled down with his wife. However, when she dies, she arranges for a little pooch to be delivered to her husband so he wouldn't be alone. When some thugs target Wick for a robbery, they make the mistake of killing his little puppy.

John Wick is now about to come out of retirement for canine vengeance!

Seriously, that's the plot of the film.

I saw this one received a lot of accolades from people as the coolest action flick in ages.

Meh.

I didn't see it quite that way.

It's the best thing I've seen from Keanu since...hmm...The Replacements! So it's been a 14 year dry spell for him, but this one is fine.

Not great, but fine.

Again, while the storyline seems far-fetched, in the logic of this movie, it makes sense.

Wick is a man of honor and is respected by friends and foes alike.

Plus, he's impossible to kill.

:)

And without spoiling too much, since John Wick 2: Even Wickier is in production, it's safe to say you'll figure out how it ends.

Final Grade: B-

An Acting Tour De Force... "Get On Up"

Get On Up (2014)

Rated PG-13

Starring Chadwick Boseman

Directed by Tate Taylor

The Story:

The biography of the Godfather of Soul, James Brown (Boseman) unfolds across the screen.

Brace yourselves!

First, are there other people in this movie besides Boseman? Yes.

Why don't I list them in the starring section of this review?

Because it doesn't matter.

This is Boseman's movie, from start to finish.

He inhabits the skin of James Brown and takes you on a journey from poor, troubled beginnings to superstar, and everywhere in between.

It's a warts and all biography that highlights the passion and drive of James Brown. The same things that made him a success also helped to destroy him.

Coupled with his performance in 42, and Boseman is simply an amazing actor who has graced two fine movies.

However, the pacing and narrative of Get On Up left me a little...troubled...bothered...annoyed...

I'm not sure what it was, but between trying to be an honest portrait, the breaking of the 4th Wall and jumping around to decades as the film saw fit left a bit to be desired.

Still, Boseman keeps you watching, and it's a story worth telling.

Thanks to Mick Jagger for making sure it made it to the screen. 

While it won't be in the running for best of the year, it certainly was worth a viewing.

Final Grade: B-

Quite A Tale In "The Book Of Life"

The Book Of Life (2014)

PG

Starring Diego Luna, Zoe Saldana, Channing Tatum, Ron Perlman, Christina Applegate

Written and Directed by Jorge R. Gutierrez

The Story:

Best friends Manolo (Luna) and Joaquin (Tatum) grow up as rivals for the adorable Maria (Saldana).  As grown men, the rivalry continues. The relationship catches the eyes of some supernatural beings (Perlman & Applegate) who make a wager on which man will win Maria's hand. When trickery comes to play however, not even death can stop true love and Manolo embarks on a journey of a lifetime.

From the company that brought you Free Birds...

I know, that sentence alone had me very worried as well, as I found that movie to be rather on the boring side of things...

But they fixed my complaint from that movie, which was a rather poor storyline, with a much tighter narrative, and now I'm pleased to say that this has been one of the better animated films I've seen this year.

I never had a problem with their animation, most animation studios are really killing it in terms of look and feel of their films.

Reel FX goes the extra mile on this film as many of the characters look wooden and have puppet joints. The care and attention that went into the work is nothing short of amazing to watch.

A voice cast of names, but aside from the always superb Danny Trejo, I think you'll be hard pressed to feel that the "name" overpowers the voice, and you may be wondering who the cast really is during and after the movie has concluded.

I was expecting to be disappointed going into this one as it pretty much bombed in theaters.

Instead, I'm more disappointed that unless it has Disney or Pixar on the banner, families are staying away from most other animated fare unjustly.

Final Grade: B+

I Wish I Had Some "Property Brothers"

Property Brothers (2011)

Reality TV

The Story:

Drew and Johnathan Scott are a realtor and contractor. What they provide to people looking to buy a home or upgrade their current living situation is a dose of reality:

It will cost you an arm and a leg to buy a move-in ready home that has all the bells and whistles that you want.

However, if you're willing to take a chance on a fixer-upper, the brothers can get you the house of your dreams for a significant savings.

Does it work?

Absolutely.

Both as an idea and a show, Property Brothers is a joy to watch.   What they are able to do is many times nothing short of miraculous.

Johnathan does the lion's share of the work as the contractor, making sure to deliver what the couple is expecting on time and under budget. Every once in awhile a problem with the house (or a crazy owner!) crops up and he has to deal with it, but he does so with a sense of humor and professionalism that makes you wish this guy was fixing your house.

Again, I cannot believe the price of houses in Canada.

:)

A great show that is streaming on Netflix as of this writing, and well worth the viewing.

Final Grade: A-

Cumbersome Title, A Couple Laughs... "This Is Where I Leave You"

This Is Where I Leave You (2014)

Rated R

Starring Jason Bateman, Tina Fey, Jane Fonda, Adam Driver, Rose Byrne, Dax Shepard, Timothy Olyphant

Directed by Shawn Levy

The Story:

After their father passes away, all of his family reunites at his house and is forced to stay their for a week due to Jewish customs. They naturally all find this very odd, since their dad wasn't Jewish... Naturally, whenever a dysfunctional family is forced to be together under one roof for more than about an hour, chaos and insanity ensues.

For a very funny cast, the laughs are few and far between.  If you're expecting a laugh riot, you will be disappointed.

It's a dramedy in every sense of the word.

Divvying up screen time to allow the stories of each of the children to unfold is naturally rather difficult. Most centers on Judd (Bateman) who starts the movie with a shock to the system, even before he finds out his father passed away.


The cast does a fine job balancing their angst with their humor.

Not a bad movie in any sense of the word, just nothing that memorable that would require another viewing down the road.

Final Grade: C+

Watching This Is One Of "A Million Ways To Die In The West"

A Million Ways To Die In The West (2014)

Rated R

Starring  Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Amanda Seyfried, Neil Patrick Harris, Giovanni Ribisi, Sarah Silverman

Written and Directed by Seth MacFarlane

The Story:

Albert (MacFarlane) is living the dream in the Old West until his girl (Seyfried) dumps him. Alone and sad, he bounces back when he runs into Anna (Theron) and becomes smitten. Ah, but Anna has a secret, and he's about to ride into town and show Albert that death by gunfight is at least one of a million ways to die in the west.

MacFarlane loves unleashing himself in R rated movies where he doesn't have to abide by any rating restrictions.

Which is a shame really.

I've seen a few episodes of Family Guy and I've laughed at parts, but otherwise, not a show I can bear watching repeatedly.

Much the same for his movies.

There are a few parts that are genuinely funny, but they get bogged down in the incessant "hey, let's push the boundaries, we have an R rating!"

Not to get on a soapbox, but I'm already up here...

If the joke has to work within the confines of an R rating, then it's likely not funny.

If you can remove the offending language/prop or whatever, and it's still funny, then the joke is a good one.

Case in point, the giant ice block that kills the guy in the street.

We all saw that scene in the trailer.

It's funny.  Morbid, but funny.

Amping the joke up with a ton of blood almost distracts from the humor of the situation.

A big SQUISH sound, and the horrified reactions are the joke.

And therein lies my main problem with the majority of this movie.

The setup is there, but it gets mangled in the delivery.

Which is a shame, because he's assembled a great cast that pretty much has very little to do.

Unlike Fury, where I gave the film a C and realized I should have put it in the D range, I will not make the same mistake again.

Final Grade: C-   D+

Congratulations, you're in the running for Turkey of the Year.

:)

So Are You Going To "Love It, Or List It" ?

Love It Or List It (2008)

The Story:

Homeowners face the dilemma of moving to something bigger and better, or staying put and remodeling. This HGTV series takes it one step further by enlisting the aid of realtor David Visentin and decorator Hilary Farr. Armed with a series of renovations and what it would take to get them to move, each tackles their part of the job in the hopes of luring the reluctant partner to change their mind and either stay, or go.

But is this show really worth watching?

Yes, yet it is.

Hilary and David are both pleasant to watch, and you can get a lot of tips and ideas on how to decorate or what to look for during your next move.

What does it teach you?

1) Prices in Canada are insane, eh?

Seriously, it seems like every couple lives in a dump.

A dump valued at $650,000 or more!

: /

I'm thinking I need to move to Canada and earn some of their money to buy a dump like that!

2) There is almost some problem in the house that destroys Hilary's budget, and makes her unable to provide all the renovations she planned on.

Seriously, the amount of times she doesn't run into a problem can probably be counted on one hand. So yes homeowners, you aren't alone. Apparently anything that can go wrong will go wrong to the homeowner.

3) Everyone wants to move to a bigger house...in the exact same neighborhood they are in... for about the same price.

Seriously.

The hoops David has to jump through to get people to even entertain leaving their neighborhood (my friends are here... my family is here... my kids like it here...) are astronomical.

Live a little people.

Get out of your comfort zone!

Life is an adventure.

Finally,

4) The homeowners are normally annoying as all get out.

Can't lie about this one, it's amazing the whining and mind-changing these guys do in the course of an episode.

I don't recommend binge watching this show, as those 4 things become repetitive quickly, but taken one or two episodes at a time, it's doable.

I suppose one last thing often happens in each episode as well:

5) The owners make the wrong decision.

Normally they are always offered a better house, not much more than they're spending now, in a newer house with less problems.

Then they get sentimental about how much they love their drafty house... and they stay.

Morons.

:)

Some episodes available to stream instantly on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: B