Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Watch SyFy... "Sharknado"

My Achilles heel...

I love shark movies.

The Story:

A hurricane is bearing down on Los Angeles, and it's bringing killer sharks onto the land as the whole area is flooding.

Chaos ensues!

First, yes, I realized what I was getting into when I added this to the queue.  It was from SyFy, and I've lamented their output on here many times.  Their efforts are often pedestrian, at best, so why would I go through it?

Sharks.

I'm a sucker for a shark movie. 

Yes, even the bad ones.

And this was spectacularly bad, in a car crash way that I couldn't not watch.

Watch as plot holes and ludicrous dialogue or (or?  More like and...) cheesy special effects race across the screen at breakneck speed.

The movie brings Ian Ziering and Tara Reid to the big small screen as a former couple who have two kids that really need a slap upside the head.

Don't worry though, before the end of the film, those two will find their feelings reconciled after surviving dozens of deadly sharks being rained down into Los Angeles by way of tornados generated by hurricanes.

Forget that hurricanes are Atlantic Ocean storms, and typhoons generate in the Pacific, but apparently that logic was thrown out the door at the beginning.

Creative shark killing abounds as these poor critters are served up as fodder to these survivors.

Trust me, by the end, I was hoping a few people would still get eaten.

Thankfully...there's a sequel in the works.  : /

And tell me if you find it creepy that the girl that likes Fin winds up in love with his son by the end of the movie.

Creepy.

Don't get me started on how she survives...

Final Grade: C-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: No, but I'll probably get suckered into Sharknado 2... I know... I'm ashamed too.

Not About Baseball...It's About Aliens... "51"

Okay Netflix, you really need to label some movies as "SyFy Originals"...

The Story:

Faced with mounting pressure from the media, the Air Force relents and allows journalists to come to Area 51 and view what is really going on there.  Col Martin (Bruce Boxleitner) wants no part of it, but he is going to make sure that they only learn half the truth.  Unfortunately, the day of the tour is the day that the secrets the Colonel doesn't want exposed, have decided to make a break for it.

To be fair, this one is actually the most interesting of the movies I've received from SyFy.

That said, you're still encouraged to watch something else! : )



The premise is decent enough with aliens trapped in Area 51 for inspection purposes...and the day of a media circus, they decide they've had enough!  It's up to the Airmen protecting the base to ensure that no aliens escape.

For me, the fact that the tapes read "Air Force" versus "U.S. Air Force" bugged me through the whole movie.  You bought the uniforms... you bought the stripes... how hard would it have been to get the actual name tapes??

Oh, and don't get me started on calling the room to attention when the Chief walked in...

: /

The truth is out there...

Just look for it in a better movie.

Final Grade: C-

Rewatchability/Purchase Factor:  Not going to happen...

Even Danny Trejo is No Match Against The "Rise of the Zombies"!!

Brains... a requirement for zombies and screenwriters...

The Story:  It appears that something rotten has hit the water supply in California.  The movie begins with a group of survivors on Alcatraz, the perfect escape location in the event of a zombie outbreak.  But alas, the zombies take to the surf and arrive on the shores of The Rock.  Natually, the survivors head to the mainland for help.  They split into two groups, one destined for the evacuation point, the other to a university where a cure was being worked on.  Will anyone survive?

When your main selling point on the poster is an image of Danny Trejo, you know you're in trouble.  Because, granted, the man is a genius and people want to see him in movies.  But come on, either be pure grade B camp or try and muster some semblance of a story for the audience.

First, the premise is genius.  Where better to hide from zombies than on Alcatraz?  Nowhere I can think of.

But unlike The Day, where those weren't real zombies, these zombies are apparently fast-ish, and they think.

Those are two of my least favorite things to assign to zombies.

I like my slow, lumbering, brains-wishing zombies.  You say that's not frightful, but when you add numbers to that pack... pretty darn skeevie, really.

In addition to Trejo, your star is Mariel Hemingway, LeVar Burton plays the dumbest scientist you'll ever meet... unless you count French Stewart.

With a cast like that, you've got to have fun and make it entertaining.

Instead, it simply plays by the numbers.  Bitten...change within 30 seconds... become a ravenous monster.

Perhaps I'm jaded in wanting more from zombie flicks, but that's just how it is.


Upon further inspection of this film, it premiered on the SyFy network.  That explains a lot...

This film is available to stream instantly on Netflix as of this writing.

Final Grade: C-
Rewatchability/Purchase Factor: Sorry, I'd have to pass.