I Wish Someone Had "Snatched" This Out Of My Mailbox

Snatched (2017)

Rated R

Starring Amy Schurmer, Goldie Hawn, Ike Barinholtz, Wanda Sykes, Joan Cusack, Bashir Salahuddin, Christopher Meloni

Directed by Jonathan Levine

The Story:

Emily (Schurmer) is dumped by her boyfriend just before she is about to embark on an exotic vacation to Ecuador. So she takes her mom (Hawn) instead. Wouldn't you know it though, they end up getting kidnapped and taken to Colombia. Hilarity and hijinks ensue as they attempt to escape and head to the American embassy.

Minus the part about hilarity.

Wow, was this painful.

Though, lately, that's how I've found most of Schurmer's movies.

Oftentimes amusing with an occasional zinger or two, but otherwise utterly forgettable.

Hollywood insists on trying to make her a star.

With the material I keep seeing, I'll keep resisting.

Hawn gives it her best, as does the woefully wasted Sykes and Cusack as two forgettable characters who really have nothing to do except provide semi-comic exposition foreshadowing.

The best part of the movie is the annoying brother (Barinholtz) and his attempt to free his family by annoying the FBI (Salahuddin). Those bits were funny.

By the time Schurmer is having a tapeworm removed (yes, seriously...) this movie has gone so far off the rails, it's watching a trainwreck at that point.

Final Grade: D-     F

Tis The Season... "The Night Before"

The Night Before (2015)

Rated R

Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogen, Anthony Mackie, Michael Shannon, Tracy Morgan, Jillian Bell, Lizzy Caplan, Miley Cyrus,

Directed by Jonathan Levine

The Story:

Ethan (Gordon-Levitt) lost his parents in a tragic accident at Christmas. 2 friends, Isaac (Rogen) and Chris (Mackie) supported him and spent those Christmas Eves with him trying to make him happy and move past the pain. As the boys grew older, their nightly excursions got wilder as they attempted to find the greatest Christmas party, ever! Always close, but never finding it, the guys are getting ready to call it quits because they're older now and need to move on. So it's one last night on the town, and things are about to get really crazy.

To explain this movie in any greater detail takes away some of the charm, or weirdness, that it has going for it.

There will be sex, drugs and rock and roll.

There's magic drugs.

Angels.

Tracy Morgan as Santa Claus.

Seth Rogen and James Franco sexting one another.

Miley Cyrus even shows up to attempt to save the day!

Yes, this film pretty much has it all, and then some.

They literally throw everything at the wall to see what sticks.

And there are enough genuinely funny moments to make this one worth a viewing.

Especially Rogen's drug-induced visit to a Catholic Midnight Mass where he realizes that the guy in the big Jewish sweater is to blame for the crucifixion. His freak out is worth the rental.

:)

Also, there's just enough heart under all the crudeness as Ethan realizes it's time to grow up, and that sometimes the best families aren't the families you're born into, but the family that you choose to build because you want them in your life and they want to be there with you.

Final Grade: C+